Chapter 14 Leo
Chapter fourteen
Leo
NOW
The first night in Marley and James’s house, I didn’t sleep much. I held Miranda in my arms and let my thoughts run wild.
Nosing her hair, feeling the rhythmic rise and fall of her stomach beneath my palm, I drank in the absolute miracle that was sexual attraction.
I’d given up on the idea of finding someone.
I’d let Ilona’s words condemn me to being alone instead of taking them for what they were—an indicator that she and I were a bad match.
Her hurtful insult had landed like a bomb in my life, landing squarely on my insecure and questioning mid-twenties self.
I understood only now how much power I’d given Ilona’s disgust, that once I’d gotten into the habit of hiding my asexuality, I’d stopped trying to understand myself.
Telling Miranda was the first step in a new direction. And I’d finally opened up to my brother after his wedding in July. Our talk helped me be receptive to other ways of defining myself, options beyond being like everyone else or being alone.
There were loads of articles about ace people who found companionship with other ace people, or with non-ace people who found ways to make it work.
Some couples even opted for non-monogamy.
I couldn’t see myself being okay with an open relationship, but I could be amenable to talking about it, keeping an open mind.
Ilona calling me “a waste” had come at the worst possible moment, at a time in my life when that sentiment did the most damage.
And as much as I’d found fulfillment and a happy life without a romantic partner since then, I was ready to explore alternatives.
Even if Miranda could never be mine, if she and Stone made it work, she’d given me a tremendous gift in showing me that I deserved to be loved. And also that I could love someone else. There were a million ways to be asexual, and I was ready for something different from what I’d been doing.
But discovering my path forward was a goal for post-New Year’s Leo. For now, I was going to enjoy every moment I could with Miranda. She’d asked me to make it look real, and that wouldn’t be an issue.
I pressed my lips to the juncture between her neck and shoulder. It was real to me.
I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, sunlight streamed into the room.
I woke slowly, squinting, to find my leg slung over Miranda with the bedcovers bunched at the bottom of the mattress.
She lay on her back, trapped beneath my bent knee, cupping her arms underneath mine. Our heads shared a pillow.
She peered at me. “Finally up? I’ve been waiting twenty minutes to pee.”
I blinked my eyes open. “You could have rolled me away from you.”
She smirked. “I tried. Believe me. But every time I’d push an inch of you off me, you snapped right back.” Her lips twitched. “I don’t mind. You’re a very cuddly blanket.”
As I awakened further, I realized with horror that my cock was rock hard. More urgently, it was poking into Miranda’s hip. My cheeks went hot as I shuffled back with a grunt of alarm.
“Don’t sweat it, Bear. I know it’s just a biology thing. Morning wood.”
She seemed entirely nonplussed. Still, my face burned. “Uh, yeah.”
Escaping to the bathroom, I gave myself a mirror pep talk as I willed my dick to de-chub. I certainly wasn’t going to rub one out in my little brother’s house with Miranda feet away.
I conjured mental erection deflators. Sitting on a bench with fresh bird poo. The old spaghetti jar full of bacon grease my mom kept in the fridge. Cleaning a hair clog from a shower drain. Using a bench at the gym right after the sweaty guy who didn’t wipe it down.
There. Done. Shaft wilted. I glanced down at my pajama pants to confirm. Just the normal soft bulge with no tent in sight.
Splashing water on my face, I shook my head at Miranda’s reaction to getting a hip massage from my penis.
Totally unfazed. But of course she was. She was completely convinced of my asexuality and would assume nothing different.
Damn. Would I ever tell her? Or would that be selfish since she was with Stone?
Another problem for post-New Year’s Leo.
Miranda had to work, so I kept myself busy doing yard maintenance for James. I knew he hated it, especially during the colder months, so I figured it could be an early Christmas gift. At least it hadn’t snowed yet this year.
For dinner, we chose to make our first public appearance in Coleman Creek by eating at The Landslide, the town’s popular pub.
Icicle lights covered the exterior, and a blow-up Rudolph greeted guests in the parking lot, which was close to full at six p.m. on a Friday.
I’d been here enough times on other visits to know that the bar’s small dance floor and pool tables were Coleman Creek’s major claim to nightlife.
When we arrived, I immediately spotted Katy, a friend of Marley and James’s I’d met before. I knew Katy had worked at The Landslide since high school and was in the process of buying the business from the owners.
“Oh my goodness, Miranda!” Katy exclaimed, hugging her. “I didn’t know you were in town. I saw all the gossip online, and I’ve been thinking about you.” She pulled back, stretching her arms to hold Miranda by the shoulders. “I can’t believe you know Stone Caseman!”
Katy led us to a corner booth, bringing water glasses.
“Mm-hmm,” Miranda said. “We met on the beach in Los Angeles, but all this social media stuff is the reason I never made a big deal about it. This past week has been precisely what I tried to avoid.”
“Did you not even tell your sisters? Marley never said anything.”
“No. I never told them any of it.” Miranda gestured to me. “When they get back into town, they’re going to have a bunch of surprises waiting for them.”
Katy bobbed her head. “I’ll say.” She volleyed her gaze between us. “I can’t believe you guys are dating. Actually, scratch that. I’m not surprised. What I don’t get is why you kept it a secret.”
“It’s complicated,” Miranda said.
I grasped her hand, lacing our fingers. “Our relationship has some weird implications for our families. We were keeping it private while we figured things out, but of course everything with Stone forced our hand.”
“That tracks,” Katy mused. “It sucks having to live out your life when you feel like everyone is watching.” She squared her shoulders.
“Leo, you drink Guinness, right? And Miranda, I have that local hard cider you liked last time if you’re interested?
Or if you’re in the mood for something sweet, we’ve got candy cane shakes for the season. ”
Miranda wrinkled her nose.
“She hates minty flavors,” I told Katy. “Don’t let her get started on her lack of toothpaste options.”
Katie chuckled. “Noted. I’ll remember for next time.”
“The cider sounds great,” Miranda said. “And I don’t need to bother with a menu. I’ve been looking forward to getting a patty melt and fries here since the last time I was in town.”
“Yes on the Guinness, thanks,” I said. “With the French dip and fries.”
“You got it.”
Katy went back into the kitchen as the music switched and “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” came on the vintage jukebox.
From another table, several folks waved at Miranda.
She returned the greetings, but no one bothered us.
Hopefully, Stone’s handlers wouldn’t be too upset that the townsfolk in Coleman Creek had better things to do than try to grab under-the-table shots of us for the internet.
“I danced with Katy at the wedding. Seeing her reminds me that she spent the entire time we were dancing telling me how great you were.” I chuckled. “Not even slightly subtle.”
Miranda waved her wrist in a circle. “For sure. Everyone we know has been shipping us for years. They’ll be thrilled about this development.”
She was right, of course, but I noticed she stopped short of taking the thought to its logical conclusion—that our family and friends would be very disappointed when we told them we were breaking up. Or that we’d been faking the whole time. I still wasn’t sure what our exit plan was.
For the millionth time, I wished Stone wasn’t in the picture. Then I could tell Miranda how I felt, how things had changed for me over the past few months. But even asexuals knew the rules. You didn’t declare yourself to other people’s partners.
Instead, I switched the subject. “Katy sounded like she had something in mind when she mentioned how tough it is to have your life play out in front of people.”
“You know she’s a single mom, right?”
“Sure. I’ve met her kids a few times.” I laughed heartily as a memory surfaced. “Wasn’t it her kid who had a meltdown and tripped you, and you ended up spilling all the champagne at James and Marley’s engagement party?”
Miranda covered her face with her hands.
“Too soon! I’m still traumatized. I know Braxton didn’t mean it, but that is one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life.
” She shuddered, but her words were light.
It was good that she could see some humor in the situation now, a year later.
She’d been so on edge that night, partly because she knew I wasn’t thrilled about her relationship with Stone.
“Alright,” I said. “Point taken. But what does her being a single mom have to do with her airing her shit out in front of people?”
“I don’t want to speak out of turn,” Miranda said.
“But there’re parts everyone in town knows.
She had a pretty shitty divorce. Long story short, her husband turned out to be a cheating bastard.
Besides having to raise tiny children mostly on her own, she also has to deal with some of our less-awesome neighbors giving her smug I told you so faces because Mike was not well-liked, to put it mildly. ”
“Say no more.” I put up my hands. “I’ve talked to Katy enough to know she’s awesome, so whoever this Mike is, he’s the loser in this situation.”