Chapter 1 #2
“Doctors said it was all right, as long as I’m careful. I can’t be thrown off a train again, but I can do deadlifts.”
“Thrown from a train?” Grace asked, clutching the gold cross that hung from her neck. “I have to admit, I’m not sorry to see you switching career paths.”
Walter nodded in obvious agreement.
“As a matter of fact, I bought the gym in town from Wayne Fletcher,” Roan said.
“You did?” Grace asked, sounding horrified.
“When did that happen?” Walter asked.
“Just finalized the deal two days ago, while traveling cross-country,” Roan said.
Grace set down her dish towel carefully. “Roan, you know Reese Monroe owns the dance studio right next door, don’t you?”
Roan kept his voice even, but his grip tightened on his beer bottle. “Yeah. I know.”
Grace and Walter stared at him. Ice shifted in the freezer with a soft crack.
“I saw it when I was researching the property,” Roan said. “Sugarplum Dance Studio. I Googled it. Read reviews. Looked at photos of her teaching classes.” He paused. “That’s actually part of why I made the offer.”
“Oh, Roan,” Grace said.
“It’s not what you think,” he said quickly.
“I’m not some stalker. I just … I’ve kept track of her over the years.
Not obsessively. Once in a blue moon, I’d Google her name.
See how her career was going. When I found out she’d retired from professional ballet and opened a studio in Sugarville Grove, I was surprised.
She once told me that, if she ever escaped this place and her father, she’d never come back. ”
“You know he passed away?” Grace asked. “Ten years now. Heart attack. His wife claimed it was the stress of the bank.”
“Yes, I heard that,” Roan said. “What about her mom?”
“She married someone new and moved to Texas,” Grace said. “Reese talks to her every so often, saying that her mom has a whole new life now.”
“Did you choose that gym specifically because she’d be next door?” Walter asked.
“It was the only available space that made sense.” Heat rose in his cheeks.
“But she factored into the decision.” Roan looked down at his beer.
“I’ve wanted to apologize to her for fifteen years.
I’ve written emails I never sent. Letters I never mailed.
Started driving to Vermont twice but turned around both times.
” His voice roughened. “What I did to her … leaving without saying goodbye, missing prom, just disappearing … has haunted me. Every single day.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Grace said.
“I know it sounds crazy,” Roan continued, “but when I saw her studio was next to that gym, it felt like … I don’t know. A sign, maybe. That this was my chance to finally make it right.”
“And is that all you’re hoping for?” Walter asked. “Just an apology?”
“What else would there be?” Roan’s laugh was bitter. “I destroyed what we had. I’m not stupid enough to think there’s anything left to salvage. She’s probably moved on completely. Probably doesn’t even think about me anymore.”
“But you think about her,” Grace said. It wasn’t a question.
Roan was quiet for a moment. “Every relationship I’ve tried has failed because I keep comparing every woman to her.
Every Christmas song reminds me of driving around here looking at lights with her.
Every time I see someone dance, I think about her.
” He rubbed his face. “I know it’s pathetic.
Fifteen years is a long time to carry a torch for someone who probably hates me. ”
“When you say she factored into your decision, what do you mean exactly?” Walter asked, sounding as if he were choosing his words very carefully.
“I came home because the injury forced my hand,” Roan said. “But, yeah, part of me needed to come back. Needed to face what I did. Even if all I get is her telling me to go jump in Little Bear Lake, at least I’ll have tried. At least I’ll have told her I’m sorry.”
“And if she doesn’t tell you to go to jump in the lake?” Grace asked.
Roan shook his head. “That’s not realistic. I stood her up at prom. I left without a word while she was probably in her dress waiting for me. I bailed on our plan to move to New York City. Why would she forgive that?”
“People change,” Grace said. “Hearts heal. Fifteen years is a long time. You guys were kids.”
Roan took a long drink of his beer. “Look, I’m not expecting anything.
I’m not even hoping for anything beyond the chance to apologize face-to-face.
I just … I need to do this. For my own peace of mind, if nothing else.
I’m sure she’s long since moved on. Does she have a boyfriend? Anyone in her life?”
Grace and Walter exchanged another look.
“She’s not married,” Walter said. “No boyfriend that we know of.”
Roan’s heart kicked stupidly in his chest, but he forced himself to stay calm. “That doesn’t mean anything. She’s probably focused on her business.”
“So there was no communication at all?” Grace asked.
Roan made a scoffing sound. “No. I didn’t leave much room for that.”
“Why did you leave like you did?” Grace asked. “I’ve always wondered. You were so crazy about her. I couldn’t understand it.”
Roan looked down at the countertop, running a finger down the moist beer bottle. “I had my reasons.”
“Because of your mom?” Walter asked.
“Partly,” Roan said.
Roan and Jason’s mother, Walter’s sister, had died just after they’d graduated high school from an undiagnosed heart condition.
No one had seen it coming. She’d been a perfectly healthy forty-year-old woman.
Here one minute. Gone the next. Roan and his brother had been devastated.
Utterly heartbroken and lost. “We were both pretty messed up after Mom died. Unlike Jason, I didn’t have a college scholarship ahead of me.
I wanted to be wherever Reese was. I’d planned on following her to New York City.
Her father made sure that didn’t happen. ”
“What do you mean?” Grace asked sharply.
Roan tugged at a corner of the beer bottle label. “Mr. Monroe thought I was going to ruin Reese’s life. Keep her from achieving her ballet dreams. He said I was an unnecessary distraction. A drain on her resources.”
“Did he tell you that?” Walter asked.
“Sure did.” Roan winced at the memory. “He showed up at my house before prom. Told me I should break up with Reese. He suggested I bail on her for the dance. That way she’d never want anything to do with me again.
He told me what a loser I was and that, if I really loved Reese, I’d let her go.
Threatened me with—” Roan stopped himself before he told Grace and Walter what had truly happened.
“With what?” Grace said, cheeks pink. His aunt might seem like a gentle soul, which she was, but she was also fiercely protective of her family.
Walter gazed at him with narrowed eyes. “What did he threaten you with?”
He wanted to lie, to keep his secret, but somehow it tumbled out anyway. “He was the president of the bank back then, remember?”
“Sure. Everyone feared the man. He made the rules when it came to who got bank loans and who didn’t,” Walter said. “Used to think he ran this town. I hated groveling to him, but it was necessary back then. I had a lot of debt on the farm.”
“Yeah, well, he mentioned how much debt you were carrying and then a bunch of stuff about how banks didn’t like the instability of farms—that it was only because of his generosity that you had a loan with the bank in the first place.
I had no idea what that meant, but I knew he had a lot of power.
I didn’t want anything to happen to you guys. ”
Walter and Grace went very still
“Did he threaten to call in my loan?” Walter’s voice sounded dangerously low and way too steady.
“Not in so many words, but I could read between the lines.” Roan’s voice tightened at the memory. “It was pretty clear what he meant.”
“I can’t believe it,” Grace said. “But it makes more sense why you left.”
“Reese was their only child,” Walter said. “They pushed her really hard. I remember that.”
“Yeah, especially her dad,” Roan said. “He rode her hard about grades and how much discipline it would take to be a professional dancer. After recitals, he’d critique her performance. She used to cry about it sometimes.”
“He must have thought he was doing the right thing,” Walter said. “As misguided as it was.”
“But Roan was a good boy,” Grace said to Walter, before turning to Roan. “Why didn’t he like you?”
“I wasn’t the type of guy he wanted for her,” Roan said. “Too rough. Not academic enough. He said my obsession about her wasn’t healthy for either of us.”
“What an awful man,” Grace said. “No wonder you left.”
“I was young and dumb,” Roan said. “Grieving. Confused. I loved Reese, and only wanted what was best for her. At the time I truly believed he was right. Everyone would be better off without me here.”
“He most certainly was not right,” Grace said. “I hope you know that now.”
“I do. Sure I do. Now.”
But did he? Would he fall back into his false beliefs about himself now that he was home? Was it true what they said? People could never go back home?
“Come on, finish your beer,” Walter said. “Let’s go see your house. Get you unpacked.”
Roan nodded. “Thanks again for everything you’ve done to help me get home.”
“I truly think this is the fresh start you need.” Grace came around the island to ruffle his hair like she had when he was a kid. “And we’re here. Always.”