Twenty-Nine
Annie entered the break room and pulled her lunch bag from the fridge. She sat and stared at her phone. She could do this, of course she could, and she needed to—for Tina. She opened her text app before she lost her nerve.
Annie
I’m so sorry for everything. For doubting you and trusting Roy. I’ve been the worst friend on earth, but I want to make it up to you, Tina.
Annie’s thumbs shook.
I’d love to see you sometime and talk.
Tears dripped down onto her knuckles.
But only if you want that.
She hit Send and grabbed a paper napkin, dabbing her eyes. Maybe she’d hear back, and maybe she wouldn’t. Either way, she’d made an effort at last, and now the ball was in Tina’s court. She’d really let Tina down and would understand if Tina wanted nothing more to do with her. The walls closed in around Annie, making it harder for her to breathe.
She surveyed her peanut butter sandwich, but she’d lost her appetite. She’d eat it in a bit, after she’d hopefully heard back from Tina. The walls closed in further, and Annie thought about losing her parents. While her Grandma Mable had been loving to her, some of the kids at school had been downright hurtful. She’d never really had a friend she could count on until Tina, and now she’d lost Tina. Grandma Mable had now passed too. Because, of course. Anyone who cared for Annie ultimately left her. The room seemed to be shrinking smaller, sucking Annie into a vortex of sadness and regret.
Her life had taken a downward spiral after her breakup with Roy. She’d sunk so low, Annie hadn’t fully realized how closed off from others she’d become. Then this Christmas Eve had come along and changed everything. When she broke out of this time loop, would her life return to its previous depressing state? Or possibly turn out even worse than before? No. She’d still have her job, hopefully, and Leo. Braden was a toss-up. Unless he wanted what she wanted—and just as badly—they might not connect on the other side of today.
Annie sighed and picked up her phone, staring at the text she’d sent Tina. She shut her eyes and thought of her parents, and Lawson’s enigmatic new store Santa, wanting so desperately to believe . She willed—with all her might—for Tina’s reply to materialize on her phone. But sadly, it didn’t.
Annie heard Braden’s voice in the hall and got to her feet, pulling the door open. He stood near the elevators talking on his phone, his back to her.
“Yeah, Ma, I promise. I’ll be there tomorrow, rain or shine.” There was a pause and then he said, “Love you too.” Braden stared at the ceiling, clutching his phone. “I can’t wait to get out of this time loop,” he groused, “and on with my life.”
Annie took a sucker punch to her gut.
He no doubt blamed Annie for him being stuck here, and maybe it was her fault. He hung his head, looking miserable, and Annie wanted to weep. She didn’t know why this was happening to her, but—because she’d enlightened Braden to her dilemma—he was now painfully aware of her twisted circumstances, and all caught up in them too.
He probably thought he would have been better off never having known her, and Annie could see why. She ducked back into the lounge and took her seat at the table, shaken by this new truth. Braden couldn’t wait to escape this time loop, and more than likely get far, far away from the person who’d embroiled him in it in the first place: her.
The door opened, and Annie looked up from her phone.
“Everything all right?” Braden asked, walking toward the refrigerator.
She smiled wanly and met his eyes. “Yeah.” Her peanut butter sandwich was in front of her, but she hadn’t taken a bite.
Braden placed his lunch and his cell phone on the table. “Lots of good things happening today,” he said, sitting across from her. “Veronica Lawson’s visit being a case in point.”
“Yeah, that timing, fortunately, worked out.” She flipped over her phone, staring at the screen. Still nothing from Tina.
“Annie,” he said. “About Tina—”
Annie stared up at him. “What about her?”
“I don’t want you to give up, that’s all.”
“Give up? What, me?” He’d inadvertently hit a nerve, but she knew he hadn’t meant to.
Braden raised his hands. “Hey. If anyone knows about your persistence, it’s this guy.” He thumbed his chest. “I’m just saying that whenever you decide to text her—”
“Braden,” she said flatly. “I already have.” Disappointment coursed through her.
“Ahh,” he acknowledged softly. “But you haven’t heard back?”
Heat prickled the backs of her eyes. “Not yet.”
Braden turned up his hands. “So. Maybe give it time?”
“Time is all I seem to have these days, isn’t it?” She didn’t mean to sound bitter, but she had. “Sorry.” What was wrong with her? She couldn’t blame him for being frustrated about their circumstances. She was too. Hurt bubbled up inside her at the thought they might not last. Might not even really get started to begin with. What if they never made it out of this time loop? Or, what if they did, and he forgot all about her? It had been easy enough for him to do that previously. He’d completely forgotten her day after day.
“I know this day has been rough on you,” he said gently, “but there’ve been bright spots too, right? You’ve shared several of those with me.”
“You’ve been one of the brightest.” She spoke in choking sobs and cupped a hand over her mouth. She wiped her tears. Stop it, Annie. She sniffed and dabbed her eyes with a napkin.
“You’ve been a bright spot for me too,” he said hoarsely. “The brightest.” He smiled and tried to take her hand, but she pulled back. He was stuck in this time loop because of her, and he hated it. No number of bright spots could outweigh that cloud of doom.
“Really?” Her lower lip trembled. “So where will you be tomorrow?” As much it pained her to ask the question, she needed his answer. Did he care about her like she did him? If he did, maybe she could stand this, because they’d stay in it together, both here and afterward—on the other side of Christmas Eve.
“I don’t—know.” He raked a hand through his hair. “Hopefully, not here.” That stung, and she flinched. But what did she expect, really? Nobody wants to stay in a time loop indefinitely. His earlier groan came back to her, Three strikes and I’m out , as well as his recent grumble in the hall… can’t wait to get out of this time loop…get on with my life.
She fiddled with her holly wreath pin, avoiding his eyes. “Not here with me, you mean.”
“Not here on Christmas Eve , Annie.” He exhaled sharply, and she looked up. “You’ve got to know I want to make it to Christmas Day just as much as you do. The future’s on the other side of tonight—on tomorrow’s horizon.”
“Your future,” she said, reading between the lines.
He met her eyes, evidently not understanding. “Yours too.”
“And our future together?” There. She’d said it plainly. Every ounce of her ached as she waited on his response. Until now, she hadn’t seen the deepness of this abyss. How lonely she’d been, and how desperately she wanted to be wanted, but she was asking too much, and she knew it. Still. Her heart wept and bled. She couldn’t have imagined everything. His kindness, his caring. His tender touch.
Braden pushed back from the table. “Time will tell with that too, won’t it?” He shook his head. “Listen, this day isn’t brand new to you , I get it. But—in lots of ways—it still is to me. Do I sense something between us? Yes. Yes, I do. Am I willing to explore it? Absolutely. But, Annie,” he said, “I can’t make promises that I’m not positive I can keep.” His words were raw with emotion, and so were hers.
“I don’t want you to make promises.” Her breath shuddered, and she hugged her arms. Shivers raced through her like her world was falling apart, and the pain in his eyes said it was.
“Then what?” he rasped, and she felt him slipping away, like ocean waves rolling out to sea. Still. She tried to hang on, even knowing he was going.
“I want you to believe ”—her voice cracked on a high note—“in us.”
Patrice knocked on the door and pushed it open. “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting.”
Annie smoothed back her hair, hoping her eyes weren’t as red as they felt. “Did you need something, Patrice?”
“Actually,” Patrice said, peering into the room. “I was looking for Braden.”
He glanced at her. “I’ll, uh—be right there.”
Patrice ducked out of the room, and Braden stood. “I’m sorry, Annie,” he said, and her heart broke in two because she knew he was.
Braden departed, leaving Annie alone with her thoughts. She’d been wrong to put him on the spot, and she knew it. Of course they viewed their time together differently. She’d banked all the memories of their precious times together, whereas his recollections were largely limited to the past few days. Braden probably would have been better off not knowing about this time loop to begin with. Maybe—in his universe—he would have been beyond Christmas Day by now, instead of still stuck here on Christmas Eve with her.
She’d been selfish to share her burdens with him, and he’d been incredibly kind to try to help her clean up her very big messes. He’d fixed her window time after time and lent her moral support—amazingly. He’d also tried to help her break out of this time loop, to no avail. An uncomfortable truth gripped her. She’d weighed him down long enough. If today didn’t end Christmas Eve for Annie, she wanted to find a way to end it for Braden, at least. To let him go, set him free. Wasn’t there some saying about that?
When you love something, let it go…
If it comes back to you, it was yours.
If it doesn’t, it never was.
Hurt seared through her chest. She needed to let Braden go. Give him a fighting chance to get to the other side of this time loop, and maybe his best shot was without her. Braden’s cell phone lay on the table in front of her. He’d taken notes on his phone to remind him of their previous days together, and of all the things she’d told him. She’d been added as one of his contacts as well. But what if those things could be undone? Completely erased?
Annie’s holiday ringtone jazzed up the room, and she grabbed for her phone. “Tina?” she asked, breathless. “Is that you?”
“Annie, hi .”
Annie’s heard pounded.
“I’m sorry for the delay,” Tina said. “My phone was still in airplane mode.”
“It’s, um”—Annie licked her too-dry lips—“really okay.”
“ I’ve missed you. ” Tina sounded so caring, so sincere, like she hadn’t changed one bit.
Annie’s eyes grew hot. “I’ve missed you too.”
“So, yeah!” Tina’s tone brightened. “I think we should talk!”
“That, that would be great.”
“We’re out of town for the holidays,” Tina explained, “but I’ll be back on the second. Will you be around?”
She really hoped so. “Sure.”
“Maybe we can grab a drink one evening after work?”
“I’d like that, Tina. A lot.”
“Great, Annie. I’d like that too.” She paused and then asked, “Doing anything special for Christmas?”
“I’ve—made some plans.”
“Nice. Can’t wait to hear about those when we catch up.” Annie heard Tina’s husband in the background, saying they needed to get going. “Ugh, sorry. Lloyd’s family has roped us into this annual caroling thing.”
Annie laughed, recalling Tina telling her about it before. Apparently, none of Lloyd’s family could carry a tune, but that didn’t rob the joy from their singing. “Hope you have a great time.”
“Thanks, Annie. You too. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas.”
Annie ended her call and stared at Braden’s phone. He probably had it password protected. He was a security guard after all. She glanced at the door and moved quickly, snatching Braden’s phone off the table. She typed on its keypad, but—ugh—it was locked. The door swung open, and she nearly dropped the phone in her haste to set it down.
“Afternoon, Annie.” Santa entered the break room wearing a cheery grin. “How’s your day going so far?”
“It’s, er…going—better, for the most part.”
He nodded and fixed himself a coffee. “You really rocked that new window display.”
Annie sat up straighter in her chair. “Thanks for all your tips.”
Santa lifted his mug and took a sip of coffee. “I’d say it’s just about perfect.”
She blinked, so relieved. “Really?”
“You’ve put your heart into it,” Santa said approvingly. “Anyone can see that.”
“So then…” She braved it. “This time loop will—?”
He tugged on his hat. “What time loop is that?”
“Ha- ha .” She rolled her eyes. “The one that we’re in, Santa.”
“I’m not in any time loop.” He set his mug on the counter. “Heavens! What a catastrophe that would be for all those little kiddos out there.”
Annie thought on this. “Hmm. Yes.”
“Including Dylan and Marcus.” He strode over and picked up Braden’s phone. “Oh dear, looks like someone’s forgotten something.” He tapped on the keypad and chortled, “Oh, ho! This belongs to Braden.” He stared at the screen. “Isn’t that sweet?” Santa flipped around the phone, revealing a photo of Braden with an older woman with his same eyes and smile. “This looks like a pic of him with his mom.”
Annie leaned toward him. “Wait. How did you—?”
“Must be his screensaver.” Santa handed the phone to Annie. “You’ll get this back to him, won’t you?”
Annie took the phone from Santa. “Sure.” She glanced at the screen, seeing Braden’s contact list open. Her name was front and center. Had Santa done that on purpose?
“Here’s the funny thing about faith.” Santa’s light eyes glimmered. “You can’t really force it on others. Everyone has to come to their beliefs of their own accord.” He surveyed Annie carefully. “Don’t you agree?”
Her grasp tightened around Braden’s phone. “Yes, yes. I do.”
“That’s why your new window display is so great,” Santa told her. “Gives folks a nudge in the right direction”—he winked—“without pushing.”
But Annie hadn’t been pushing , had she?
“If you love something, Annie,” Santa said.
Annie blinked. “I don’t lo-love Braden.”
Santa placed his finger beside his chubby nose. “Maybe not yet.”
He shut the door behind him with a click, and Annie inhaled deeply.
Maybe she had been pushing Braden without meaning to. Braden was right. Time would tell about so many things, and if she and he were meant to be together, it couldn’t be on account of any time loop—or magic. It had to be because of the two of them were the ideal fit.
She lifted Braden’s phone and opened her contact icon. This felt a tiny bit stalkerish, but Santa had essentially given her his blessing. So. She stealthily scanned the room, deleting her phone number. Done! Notes, notes, notes… There! She found the app and highlighted Braden’s entries over the past several days, making sure they only had to do with her. She stopped at the bottom of the entry he’d logged yesterday, and her heart caught in her throat.
I think I’m falling for Annie.
Every inch of her ached. She was falling for him too, so, so hard. Which was why she had to do this: give him wings, not clip them by keeping him tethered to her.
She hit Delete.
She scooped up her phone next and deleted Braden’s contact information as well.
The door popped open when Annie was halfway to it. Braden! She held out his phone. “You left this on the table.”
He took it and slipped it in his pocket. “Oh, thanks.”
“Is everything okay with Patrice?”
“Yeah. She, uh…”—he shifted on his feet—“said a ‘little bird’ had told her I helped you with your window, and she wanted to thank me, said she’d mention it to Mike too.”
“Sweet. Was that little bird Santa?”
“Not sure. Maybe Veronica? Hey, Annie.” He met her eyes with a sorrowful frown. “About our talk earlier. I didn’t mean things to end badly.”
“They didn’t,” she said. And they’re not over yet. Don’t give up hope, Annie. Be brave. “I’m sorry if I pressured you.”
His eyes glinted sadly. “I would promise if I could.”
“I know.” He started to turn, but she stopped him. “And Braden?”
He turned back around. “Yeah?”
“I heard from Tina.” She wanted to share some good news and not end on a down note.
He grinned from ear to ear. “Wow, Annie. That’s great.”
She smiled at his fast assumption everything had gone well. “It was great. We’re going to meet up after the holidays.”
“So, you see there,” he said. “Good things do happen at Christmas.”
“Yeah, they do.” She studied him longingly, guessing he wouldn’t remember any of this tomorrow, but that was okay. He’d hopefully be out of this time loop by then, and maybe so would she.
***
“Annie?” Patrice stopped her in the hall. “Do you have time for a little chat?”
“Of course.” Maybe this would finally be the talk she’d waited for.
Annie followed Patrice into the conference room, and Patrice sat at the table, motioning for her to do the same. “Annie,” she said, “I have great news.” She removed her glasses and folded them in her hands. Her stern look morphed into a grin. “You’re getting promoted to Lead Visual Artist!”
“Really?”
Patrice nodded. “At the start of the new year.”
Annie lunged forward and hugged her. “Oh, Patrice, that’s awesome!”
Patrice stiffly patted Annie’s back. “You’ve earned it.”
Annie sat back in her chair. “What about Kira?”
Patrice’s dark eyes shone. “You can have your pick when it comes to your assistant.”
Annie spoke without hesitation. “In that case, I choose Kira.”
“I had a hunch that you might say that,” Patrice said knowingly. “I’ve scheduled a meeting with her next.”
Annie gasped, but it was all in fun. “Patrice! What if I’d named somebody else?”
Patrice playfully shook her folded glasses. “But you wouldn’t have, would you?”
Annie hugged her again. “You’re right.”