Chapter Twenty-Two #2
‘I still haven’t heard an answer,’ Desi said impatiently. ‘Tell us, what’s so special about you that you’re so above one night stands? We’re dying to know.’
‘Unless you’re horribly deformed or something,’ Joel placed comforting hand on Callum’s shoulder. ‘Then we really don’t need to know. Unless you want to whisper to me.’
‘I didn’t say I don’t do them, I said I don’t like them,’ Callum replied as I knocked Joel’s hand away from him.
‘Me and my ex got together when we were kids, I’d never even been single until a year ago.
Being that intimate with someone you don’t know, well, it still feels strange.
’ He caught my eye then looked quickly away.
‘It’s like late night fast food. Seems like a good idea at the time but you usually feel worse for it the morning after. ’
‘You’ve been eating at the wrong places,’ Joel told him. ‘What a waste.’
‘Very noble,’ Desi replied. ‘But it’s a rare man who will turn down a shag unless it comes with a side of feelings.’
Even though it was far from a compliment, Callum still smiled at her turn of phrase. ‘Is it that impossible to believe?’
‘No,’ I said.
‘Yes,’ Desi said.
‘I know, Des, why don’t you enlighten us as to why you don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?’ I suggested. ‘How have the heartsick masses failed to snatch you out of the jaws of singledom?’
‘Not fucking interested,’ she stated as though the very idea were offensive. ‘Being on my own is very much an informed choice.’
‘Same here,’ Callum told her. ‘When my relationship ended, I applied to cooking school in Paris. Not much point investing time in dating when I’m going to be out the country for God knows how long, is there?’
No, I thought sadly, there isn’t.
‘So, you applied to cooking school at the end of your last relationship, interesting.’
Desi wasn’t done. She clucked her tongue against the top of her mouth in time with her footsteps. ‘Would you say you were running away from the heartbreak or trying to distract yourself from regret?’
‘I would say it’s something I’d wanted to do for a long time but my ex and I were in a long-distance relationship already and she didn’t want me to push that distance even further.
’ Callum didn’t even break his stride, taking her inquisition like a champ.
‘Once I’d made my mind up to end things with her, I applied, not thinking I’d get in.
I did. Now I’m going. That’s it. Not a very interesting story. ’
‘I think it’s a very interesting story. Sounds complicated. Like maybe you wouldn’t have broken up if you could’ve come to a compromise on the long-distance thing. And who knows? Now you’ve both had some time to think about things, you might reconsider your situation.’
‘We haven’t discussed it,’ he replied, stiffening slightly. ‘I don’t know what she’s thinking.’
‘And do you think you’ll stay in Paris after you’ve finished your course? Or move back to London? Or maybe back up here to Scotland … ?’
I wanted to tell her to shut up, she was being so rude and so invasive, but I didn’t. Because I wanted to hear his answer even more. Callum’s eyes darted over to me and I mouthed a silent, fake apology.
‘I’m not sure. Right now I’m focused on cooking school.’
‘Leaning more towards one option or the other?’
‘Des,’ I said finally. ‘Leave it alone.’
‘No, I get it, you’re committed to your career,’ she said, her long dark hair whipping around her face as the wind blew in off the loch.
‘Just like our Laura. She’s a genius, you know.
Did she tell you? Aced every exam she’s ever taken, got her first choice of residency, assisting the best surgeon in the country – hey! ’
‘I’m not a genius,’ I interrupted, skipping ahead to step on the back of her shoes and forcing her to let go of Callum’s arm. ‘I’m just focused, that’s all.’
He gave me a thankful smile. ‘I’d imagine you’d have to be, in your line of work. No one wants a brain surgeon who’s thinking about what she’s going to have for her tea.’
‘It’s not that she’s short of offers.’ Desi recovered herself and jumped right back in where she left off. ‘If she felt like it, Laura could be drowning in cock, but no, she’s dedicated to a higher purpose.’
‘If anyone wants me, I’ll be in the loch, looking for Nessie,’ I said, pressing one hand to my forehead. ‘Somewhere on the bottom. At the deep end.’
‘Always drowning in something,’ Joel lamented. ‘Callum, tell me about the loch. Do people swim in it? Can I rent a little jet-ski and zip up and down?’
‘I wouldn’t bother today unless you’re after freezing to death,’ he replied. ‘They do boat tours. You can ride a jet-ski with a permit, I think. I’m not clear on the rules for water sports.’
‘And if you’re going to get involved in water sports, you have to be clear on the rules,’ Desi said sagely.
Joel took our friend by the arm and pulled her away. ‘Desi, will you come with me please? I think I see an orc with a hard-on and it’s waving at you.’
‘The orc or the hard-on?’ she asked as he dragged her off across the pebbles.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said when Callum sat down on the beach to look out over the water. ‘She’s a monster. Who needs Nessie when you’ve got Desi?’
‘She’s Elsie if she had a sense of humour,’ he replied. ‘We have to keep the two of them apart otherwise I think the world might end.’
The wind whipped off the water as he rested his forearms on his knees, the waxy fabric of his jacket rubbing against his jeans.
I pulled my coat closer around my body as I sat down next to him.
Not because I was especially cold, against all odds I was getting used to the weather, but I needed the extra layer of protection against Callum.
The smell of him, the warmth of him. Every time our eyes met, I was afraid I might explode if I didn’t hold myself in.
I felt like I was going crazy, walking around the loch as though everything were perfectly normal, as though I was the exact same person who had walked into that flat on Sunday morning.
But I couldn’t be. That Laura was immune to emotions.
She wouldn’t have to keep stopping every ten steps or so to stare at the man beside her as though she’d discovered a new species.
Could it be that my immunity was wearing off? Love was an illness and I’d avoided it for so long but now I was showing all the symptoms and it was progressing worryingly fast.
‘Thank you for bringing us out here,’ I said, tucking my hair behind my ears and continuing with the facade. ‘I know you didn’t want to come.’
He scrunched up his face, the tiny golden freckle under his eye disappearing.
‘Don’t thank me, I was being an arse. I’d forgotten how beautiful it can be here and the tourists aren’t so bad.
When you spend a long time in one place, you take it for granted but it’s been nice. Seeing it through your eyes.’
The loch and the sky melded together in one endless stretch of blue in front of me and Callum’s left thigh pressed against my right one.
‘Well, still, I appreciate it,’ I told him. ‘I can’t remember the last time I spent this much time outside.’
Leaning forward, he sifted through the pebbles between his feet, picking them up, testing their weight, running his thumb over their surface.
‘What do you usually do on your days off?’
‘Watch telly? Stare at my phone? The usual incredibly healthy hobbies.’
‘Stop me if this is a stupid question but is it true phones can negatively impact on our brains?’
I nodded, happy to be in more comfortable territory. ‘Oh yes. There have been a lot of studies on how they impact behaviour, dopamine hits, attention spans and all that stuff, but yes, there’s evidence that suggests social media can impact our brain anatomy as well, not just the chemical response.’
‘And you still use it?’
‘Obsessively,’ I said with a rueful smile. ‘That’s why it’s an addiction.’
‘Worse things to be addicted to, I guess.’ He picked out a round, flat pebble and bounced it in his hand. ‘At least until the Terminators arrive.’
‘Just a matter of time, might as well enjoy it now,’ I agreed breezily. ‘I’m less worried about Chinese spies stealing all my secrets and more worried about my boss finding out how much time a day I spend watching TikToks about baby hippos. He’d sack me in a heartbeat.’
Callum pushed up off his knees and stood up. I looked up at him, blinking at the sunlight that made his russet hair glow.
‘Ever skip stones?’ he asked.
I shook my head.
‘God no. I have terrible hand to eye coordination.’
‘Aren’t you a brain surgeon?’
‘Neurosurgeon,’ I corrected. ‘What’s your point?’
‘Come on, I’ll show you how.’
He held out a hand and I stared at it for a moment before taking it in mine, the warm, rough skin sending shockwaves down my arm and through my body. I flashed back to his flat, that static shock when we both reached for a receipt.
If Callum felt anything at all, he didn’t show it. Just like before.
‘You hold the stone like this then it’s all in the wrist,’ he said, leading me down to the water’s edge before letting go of my hand.
He leaned slightly to the side then flicked his wrist when he released.
The pebble skipped over the water, three, four, five times before sinking through the surface. ‘You want to try?’
‘Why not?’ I replied, bending down when he did, my fingers brushing the stones as we searched for the best skippers. ‘This one?’
‘Too round. You want flat and smooth.’
Not really knowing what to look for, I picked up a random assortment while he curated a smaller selection for himself, then followed him right to the water’s edge.
‘Bend your knees a wee bit,’ he instructed, squatting slightly, his left shoulder angled towards the loch. ‘Pull your right arm back, keep it level and flick your wrist as you let go.’
He demonstrated again and I watched as the stone sailed across the water. Skip, skip, skip, sink.
‘Your turn.’
‘Show me again,’ I said, delaying the inevitable.
I hated these kinds of things, useless feats of skill designed to make men look all clever and manly while we feeble women watched on, so impressed. A week ago, I was performing a lumbar puncture and now I was about to risk my entire self-worth cobbing a stone across some water.
‘You’re going to nail it.’ Callum moved directly behind me and pressed his chest to my back, his arms curved around mine as though we were in a dance. ‘Here, let me help you.’
I didn’t protest when he rested his chin on my shoulder, the scruff of his unshaven face scratching against my neck where my hair had escaped the collar of my coat.
His hand slid down my right arm to grip my wrist. Could he feel me trembling?
All the sounds of the loch were lost, the rippling water, the wind in the bushes, Joel’s incessant Loch Ness monster mating call.
The only thing I could hear was Callum’s breath in my ear.
‘Left arm is your counterbalance,’ he explained plainly, no reaction to me at all. ‘Hold it out from your body a wee bit.’
When I didn’t move, he covered my hand with his and pulled it a few inches away from my side. The water, the sky, the rest of the world disappeared as I melted into him, covered, protected, by Callum McClay.
‘Are you ready?’ he asked, his words so close to my ear I felt him moisten his lips before he spoke.
‘No,’ I replied truthfully as I bent my knees, turned my body. ‘Manage your expectations accordingly.’
With my eyes on the horizon, I tossed the pebble. To my surprise, it skipped across the loch, bouncing five times before it vanished. Callum pulled away from me and threw his arms up in celebration.
‘You did it!’ he cheered. ‘I thought you said you’d never skipped stones before?’
‘I haven’t,’ I replied, shocked. It was impossible to say what stunned me more, the successful skip or the way my body yearned for his the moment he moved away.
‘Go on,’ Callum encouraged. ‘Let’s see another one.’
Fuelled by beginner’s luck, I tried again. Four skips.
‘You should be showing me how to do it,’ he grinned. ‘You’re a natural.’
Beaming at his encouragement, I stooped down to look for more stones, better, flatter, smoother, and we took turns tossing our pebbles one at a time, pausing to cheer each other on.
‘This is much more fun than watching TikToks about Blake Lively,’ I declared, frowning slightly as my first dud sank on impact, a few feet in front of me. ‘So wholesome.’
‘The phone reception isn’t always very good,’ he deadpanned. ‘We have to make our own fun.’
‘You really don’t think you’d ever move back here?’ I asked, throwing another pebble. Skip, skip, sink.
Callum’s determined gaze was set on the horizon as he tossed his stone. Skip, skip, skip, sink.
‘Last week I’d have said no,’ he replied. ‘Took me long enough to get away, why would I be thinking about coming back?’
‘And now?’
‘And now I’m re-evaluating lots of things I was certain about three days ago.’
With one last stone in his hand he pulled back his arm and threw. It travelled so far, I could only see the ripples on the water when it landed.
‘Your friend had a lot of questions about my love life,’ he said, still staring after his stone. ‘Did you put her up to that?’
‘No!’ I exclaimed. ‘No, I would never. I told you, she’s a monster. Honestly, I wouldn’t pry like that. You and Shiv, that’s none of my business.’
Whether I liked it or not.
He turned to face me, blue eyes squinting against the wind but his expression kind.
‘Because you can ask me anything, you know. I’m an open book to you, Laura.’
‘As is my right as your fake girlfriend,’ I replied with an uncomfortable laugh.
‘As is your right as my friend.’
Friendzoned by my fake date.
I squeezed my last pebble, not noticing its sharp edge until it bit into the flesh of my palm. Silently, I pitched it across the water, my heart sinking with it as it disappeared beneath the surface.
‘If we’re going into Inverness to get you a phone and make it back to Braewick in time for the carol service, we should get going,’ Callum said, dusting off his hands to the tune of Desi and Joel yelling, each trying to shove the other into the water. ‘Do we really have to take them with us?’
‘You’re the one who said they could stay,’ I reminded him, pushing the sting down down down, as far as it could go, and burying it alongside all the other emotions I preferred to ignore. ‘They could be safely over the border, cruising past Newcastle by now.’
He stuck his hands in his pockets, one corner of his mouth quirking up.
‘What can I say? I like to make my life difficult.’
‘You and me both,’ I muttered under my breath as I followed him off the beach and back up the path that led to the car.