Chapter 15
CHAPTER 15
After touching base with her dad she borrows his car to go home and finish her work from there. It’s been a long day and she needs to get cozy.
“You look awfully cheery,” her Mom says as Lizzie comes into the kitchen, setting down her things and peeling off several clothing layers, leaving them on the bench in a big, wooly pile.
“Duh, it’s Christmas time, Mom! We’re supposed to be cheery!”
Her mom glances at her, “Did you, an accomplished journalist, just ‘duh’ me?” she smiles. “Well, I’m glad to see you so happy.” She continues to place the pie crusts she’s working on into quiche dishes. “How was skating? Your Dad said you and Jack were going.”
Lizzie pulls up a stool and is picking at the grated cheese and chopped vegetables her mother has assembled, Gabby playfully slaps her hand.
“Elizabeth Leland Martin, stop eating all my quiche ingredients!”
Lizzie knew she was in big trouble when her full name was used. Leland, her mother’s maiden name, always stopped her in her tracks as a kid. She pulls back and sits up straight. “Yes, ma’am, it won’t happen again,” and as soon as her mother’s back is turned she steals another cherry tomato.
“I saw what you did, there’s going to be nothing left!” Gabby laughs.
“I’m sorry, I’m just hungry, must have been all that fresh air.” She pauses and looks at her mom, “Somehow being back here I have time-traveled to my childhood and it’s been kind of nice.” She gets up, and opens the fridge, looking for something to nibble on.
“You still didn’t tell me how the skating was,” asks Gabby, as she cracks eggs into a bowl, adds milk and begins to whisk them together.
“Oh, it was fine,” she shrugs. “We did get knocked down by an overzealous middle schooler, but only our pride was hurt.” She finds a bowl of some cut up fruit to nibble on and sits down again. “Oh! You’ll never guess who I saw there!”
“Who?”
“Alexis! She was working the food truck for Hope. We’re going to try to get together while I’m here. She’s so incredible. She was teaching in South Korea, and now she’s getting her Master’s in town or community planning or something.”
“I always loved her, she was always so passionate about everything she did, and was so good at everything.” She begins assembling the quiches, spreading cheese on the crusts, then layering in the vegetables. “Did Jack have fun too?”
“I love how you’re trying so hard to not ask me what you want to ask me. Mom, you can ask me anything, you know.”
She pours the egg and milk mixture onto the cheese and vegetables. “I don’t want to be THAT mom,” she says, looking uncomfortable. “You know, the mom who is pressuring you to settle down already, and how’d that date go, and is he the one…”
“You’ve never been that mom and never could be, so don’t worry.” She picks at the fruit in her bowl. “The answer is, I don’t know. It’s very confusing. I’ve spent three years moving on from Jack, and done okay with that, or so I thought.”
“Do you feel like you’ve moved on?”
“Kind of? I mean, I dated other people, like Ed,” she says, a little unsure of if that really means she’s moved on.
Gabby rolls her eyes, not so Lizzie can see, but still, it’s a big roll. “He wasn’t right for you. Even before the big, ‘he doesn’t like dogs,’ revelation, I knew that.”
“Yeah, he wasn’t. I’m not really worried about it. I’ve honestly got enough on my plate right now, week to week wondering if I’ll still have a job the next day. A relationship right now would just add more stress to my life. And actually, Jack and I had a really good talk today. I got to say some things I never had. And he apologized. Very sincerely.”
“Wow, that’s a very big deal. You two hadn’t really talked since he left. Do you feel better? Like you got some closure?” her mom asks.
“There’s that word again,” she eats another piece of cantaloupe. “Yeah, I feel better, less angry and resentful. I don’t think I ever thought about how upset he was, how he felt like he’d failed so many people, including me, and he just wanted to run away from it all.”
“He said that?” Gabby says, sprinkling some more low-fat cheese on the quiches.
“He did. I think enough time has passed that maybe I can see his pain now. I couldn’t before.”
“Oh, and what you said earlier about a relationship adding stress to your life? I kind of think if it’s the right relationship it doesn’t add stress, it actually reduces it, but hey, what do I know, I’ve been married for 800 years.”
Lizzie laughs. “Yeah, at least!”
“Is Jack thinking of moving back to Cranberry Harbor? He sounded like he’d kind of like to the other night when he was here.”
Lizzie is quiet, “I think if the right opportunity came along, he might. He seems to miss it a lot.”
“And you, do you miss it?” Gabby asks after she puts the two quiches in the oven and sets the timer.
“Sometimes yes and sometimes no, I’m not sure.”
“I can understand that.” She’s thoughtfully cleaning up the quiche-making mess. “You’ve built a really great life in Boston. You’ve got a great job, friends, a cute apartment, there’s lots to do, not like here in the winter where the sidewalks roll up at five, and the nearest movie theater is a half hour away.”
“Yeah, there’s a lot to be said for being in the city, but there’s a lot that’s very special about being here. And being near you, Dad, Matt, Shannon and Sophie.”
Her mother isn’t sure how much to push, so she doesn’t. “Well we’re always here, you know that.”
“I do, and believe me, that gets me through a lot of not-so-great times.” She goes to put the now-empty fruit bowl in the sink and Gabby takes it.
“I got it.” She rinses it out and turns to Lizzie, “I’m just glad for this, right now, it’s wonderful having you here for however long that is.”
“Me too,” says Lizzie, gathering up her phone and purse. “Do I have time before dinner to quickly write up a couple of little blurbs about skating at Thacher’s Bog and wreath making at the Marshview to send off to Dad?”
“Yeah, and if you’re not done, they can sit for a bit, no hurry.”
She heads for the stairs, “This won’t take me long, they’re just brief little what, when, where with some color pieces, I’ll be down in a little bit. And I have to go back and get Dad too,” she says reminding herself that she left him stranded at the office.
Back at her desk she looks through the photos she took before she and Jack were taken down by that kid. She’d caught one of him looking at her like she was crazy and it makes her laugh. Before she dares get sentimental she swipes through and finds three to send to her dad to go with the story, and sends those off.
Even though the writing she was doing for the Gazette wasn’t Earth-shattering in its content, she couldn’t help but notice how it just felt better than what she’d been doing for the Sentinel. There was a lot to be said about sharing the small stories of a close-knit community, rather than making sure to write headlines that would get the most clicks. Peter Martin did not give a hoot about clicks, he cared about the people at the coffee shop or the market feeling like their lives and the stories about them and their community mattered.
In short order she had written a 500 word ode to skating on a flooded cranberry bog, quickly followed by locally sourced wreath making. In under an hour they are both sent off to her dad.
She still hadn’t heard from her dad to come get him, but before heading down for dinner she pulls up Alexis’s number from her text, and sends her a quick message.
Hey friend, super last minute, but you want to meet up for some coffee and dessert later at Sea Coast? I understand if being in the truck all day it’s the last thing you want to do…
She puts her phone on the nightstand and lies down on her bed, suddenly feeling very tired. She can feel her eyes getting heavy when her phone dings.
Hi! Yes! I’d love to see you. Especially since you are not a middle school kid who will dump a pile of sticky coins in front of me and ask me if that’s enough for three cocoas and three chocolate covered pretzel rods. Ha ha.
Lizzie checks the time.
Would 7:30 be too late? Mom is making dinner and I don’t want to bail on her.
As she waits to hear back she gets up and starts taking off some of the skating layers and puts on something less North-Pole-explorer looking and more coffee shop hang with a friend. Her phone dings again.
That’s perfect! I’ll see you then! Can’t wait!
Lizzie sends her back a heart emoji, and suddenly feels much less tired. Alexis was her best friend all through middle and high school. Neither were ever the most popular girls, but they managed to be themselves and also kind of under the radar socially. Alexis was always very creative, spent a lot of time in the art room, participated in Mock Trial, and also student government. By junior year Lizzie was editor of the student paper, working part-time for her father, the bookstore and Sea Coast, and was spending a lot of time with Jack, another slightly nerdy kid. They don’t have student teaching assistants in high school generally, but Jack was so good at math and computer science, that by junior year they’d run out of classes for him and he was taking college classes online, and helping other kids who were struggling. He was always a great teacher. Lizzie had sometimes thought if Silicon Valley hadn’t come calling he would have made a fantastic high school teacher, but the pay and perks certainly couldn’t compete.
Once she had put together an outfit that felt comfortable and looked decently pulled together, she went into the bathroom and refreshed her makeup a little. How many times had she looked at herself in this very mirror she wondered? Turning left and right, studying her outfit–a flippy short skirt, leggings and a sweater– she felt like she looked pretty good. She paused for a moment while she was looking at herself and wondered what her teen self would think of her life. Being back in her parents house, writing for her dad, spending time with Jack were all taking her back to another time. For so long a city paper had been the big goal, and now that she had it, it wasn’t really all she thought it would be. Granted, in the fifteen or so years since she’d graduated from high school, the world of newspapers had changed a lot. When she was in graduate school, things weren’t as bad as they were now. As she brushed her hair, twisting it up into a messy bun, she felt a pang of worry in her gut. Would she soon be one of those unemployed millennials moving in with her parents?
She decided to save the lipgloss application until after the quiche, gives herself one final look, turns off the light and heads downstairs.
“Oh my gosh, Mom, that smells amazing!” She arrives in the kitchen to find both quiches and her Dad, who she’d been waiting to pick up, since she had his car.“Dad! This is a nice surprise! How’d you get here? I’ve been waiting for you to let me know I needed to come get you.” She walks over and hugs him.
“Matt came by so I bummed a ride so you wouldn’t have to come back. I still have some editing to do - not your pieces, thank goodness They are clean as can be and don’t need anything, thank you very much. I thought I would do the rest of my work here, and spend some time with my girls.”
Suddenly Lizzie felt terrible. “Oh no,” she says, helping her mom set the table. “I feel awful, I reached out to Alexis and we’re meeting at Sea Coast in an hour. I’m sorry. I can cancel and hang out with you two, it’s no problem.”
“No,” both her parents said at the same time. “You haven’t gotten to spend time with her in years, you go,” says her mom, carrying a quiche to the table with oven mitts. “Your dad can edit and I can do some wrapping, and we can be together by the tree and the fire. It will be lovely.”
“Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind, I really would love to see her.” Lizzie pulls out a chair and sits down. “Mom, you’ve done it again, this smells amazing.” She lifts her plate and Gabby puts a warm slice on it. “You are spoiling me. I am never going to want to go back to grabbing some ramen from down the street, or reheating some mac and cheese from the night before.”
“I worry about you not taking good care of yourself, honey,” Gabby says, serving herself a slice. “You’re not 17 anymore, you need to eat better, get enough sleep, exercise...do you take time for any of that?”
Lizzie is quiet. “Kind of? I go to a yoga class once in a while, but it doesn’t always work with my schedule, and when it’s nice I go running. But it’s not consistent.”
“Listen to your Mom, Lizzie,” Peter interjects between bites of salad and quiche. “I never would have thought she’d get me to go vegetarian, join the gym or start meditating, but after listening to her I have to say I’ve never felt better.”
Lizzie puts her hands up in surrender. “Okay, you two have got me, I promise. It will be my New Year’s goal to start taking better care of myself. You’re right. I look at you two and you are great role models.”
When she’s done, she takes her dishes to the sink.
“Just leave them, honey, I know you need to get going to meet Alexis, it’s fine.”
“I hate leaving you to clean up after having made this amazing dinner.” She gives her mom, still sitting at the table, a hug. “Dinner and dishes are on me tomorrow night, okay? I’ll think of something to make for all of us. Maybe Matt and family can come too. I’ll text him.” She runs upstairs to put on her lip gloss, grab her purse and phone, and she’s down the stairs in a flash.
“Bye, guys! I’m sure I won’t be late!”
“Give Alexis our love,” Gabby calls, as Lizze is quickly out the door and headed to her car.
She beats Alexis there, so she grabs a table, not near the door, it’s really windy, and it’s a very cold spot every time someone comes in, a memory that is forever etched in her brain. She takes off her coat, puts it on the back of her chair, and just as she’s sitting down, Alexis comes blowing in.
“Hey, sorry I’m late!” She rushes over and gives Lizzie a big hug.
“You’re not late at all. I just got here myself.” Lizzie pulls out her card, “What do you want? My treat.”
“No, I can’t let you do that,” she goes to take out her wallet and Lizzie stops her.
“No, my invite, my treat.” She starts walking toward the order counter. “I am going to have a decaf latte, because if I don’t do decaf I will be up all night.”
“Wow, look how you have changed, I’m so disappointed,” Alexis laughs. “You used to drink coffee into the wee hours and never had any trouble sleeping. We’re getting old!”
“No! We’re not old, we’re more...refined,” Lizzie demurs.
“Uh huh, we’re old,” Alexis laughs.
“Fine, but don’t tell anyone! What do you want for dessert? All these pieces of cake and pie look so huge! I shouldn’t have had a second piece of my mom’s quiche. Oh! My parents send their love by the way.”
Alexis is staring into the case like it’s Narnia. “Give mine to them too, I love your folks. Hey, how about we split something? I’m pretty full too.”
“Perfect! Chocolate cake? Or something else?”
“No, that would be wonderful.”
They’re next in line. “And what do you want to drink?”
“How about a decaf green tea?”
“Ha! You can’t do caffeine late anymore either!”
Alexis laughs, “Busted. I haven’t slept great in months, I’m always stressing about something. Caffeine certainly doesn’t help.”
Lizzie places their order, pays, and they step aside to wait.
“I’m sorry, what are you stressing about?” Lizzie asks, concerned.
“Ugh, all the ‘what am I doing with my life’ angst.” She shakes her head. “School is good and everything, but I don’t know what I’ll do with a Master’s in Community Development. Especially if I decide to stay here. I can’t imagine any town here being willing to hire me, the town boards like everything just the way it is.”
They hear Lizzie’s name called, pick up their drinks and the cake and head back to the table.
“It’s funny, you remind me of Jack,” Lizzie says.
They sit down and each pick up a fork and take a bite of cake.
“Hmmm, oh my gosh, this is so good,” Alexis says. “What do you mean? Is he having an early mid-life crisis too?” she says, taking another bite.
Lizzie laughs, “Not exactly, and I concur on the cake by the way,” she takes another bite, waits a minute and continues her thought. “He’s just trying to figure out if there’s a way he could create something here too. It seems we’re all kind of in-between things.”
“Not you, you’ve got the big-city job of your dreams, an apartment in Somerville, the cool place everyone wants to be, you even know the mayor of Boston.”
“Ha, she knows my face and name which happens if you show up to every single press conference, ribbon cutting and hockey game, she can’t help but recognize you,” Lizzie smiles and takes another forkful of cake. “It’s not at all personal, like here. I haven’t been home for more than a day or two in a long time, I had forgotten what it’s like to be seen, be known by people, and to know them. It’s kind of nice.” There’s one bite left of the cake and she gestures for Alexis to take it.
“Okay, if you insist,” she says and happily takes the final piece. She sits back and sighs a contented sigh. “Thank you, that was wonderful.”
“You are so welcome, let’s hope it’s not another five years in between seeing each other.” She sits back too. “I can’t imagine having lived in all the places you have, teaching so many kids, was it hard to adjust to being back here? I mean, this is a bit different than Spain, or South Korea.”
“I was ready, but I’m so glad I did it. Culturally it was incredible to not just visit, but actually live in all these different places, to become a part of a neighborhood in another country. And I loved expanding the world of kids. Like in Korea, for lots of them I was the first Black woman they’d ever known. I think that in the twenty-first century, it's important for kids to be global. But now I want to make where I come from a better place, and I missed the ocean, and my grandparents.”
“I’m sure they missed you too.” Lizzie suddenly gets quiet.
“You okay?” Alexis asks, looking worried.
“Yeah, I’m just thinking.” She swirls her latte in its cup. “Truth be told, I’m a little between things too.”
“Have you been seeing anyone in Boston?”
Lizzie shrugs. “I was, Ed.”
“You don’t look enthused.”
“Eh, we dated for almost a year, but it was just kind of…”
“Boring? Convenient?” Alexis says.
“Yes and yes,” she laughs. “He works in government, and has lots of plans for his future, wants to run for office and all that. He was a perfectly nice guy, but I just never felt–”
“Butterflies?”
“Yeah, no, never.” she says, shaking her head. “It was like he was a good fit from a catalog, you know? But there were no surprises, no excitement. I could see if I didn’t end things we would have had a perfectly serviceable life in a Boston suburb with 2.5 children, a Volvo and a golden retriever. What’s sad is in that scenario the only thing that got me excited was the–”
“Let me guess, the Golden Retriever?” Alexis says laughing.
“Exactly! So, I broke it off. He said how sorry he was, but I saw him at an event I was covering about a week later and he was with someone else. He just wanted somebody, he didn’t necessarily want me.” Lizzie says, swirling her coffee in its cup.
“I hear you. Between school and working when I can for Hope, I don’t have any interest or time.” She shifts in her chair. “Okay, so now I have to ask the obvious question, what about–”
“Nope, we’re just friends now. He broke off our engagement and moved away. No, no way, no how.”
“So that’s a hard no, then?” Alexis asks, smiling at her.
“Yes,” Lizzie laughs. “We had a good talk today, and I think we could be friends. That’s a big step from despising him.”
“Okay, because when I saw you two together, you looked like you were having an awful lot of fun, and things change, people change. You’re not the same people in lots of ways that you were three years ago.”
“It’s been a big step for me to hang out with him again. We’ve had a lot of fun, but I can’t count on him.”
“I get it, but–”
Just as Alexis is about to finish her thought the high school chorus comes pouring in, there must have been thirty of them, all dressed up in long black skirts, white blouses and red capes on the girls, and dress black pants, white shirts, red ties and black blazers on the boys. They fan out around the tables and begin singing, Deck the Halls.
Lizzie leans into Alexis so she can hear her. “I’d forgotten all about this! I remember doing this once, before I quit chorus!”
Alexis laughs, and gestures for Lizzie to lean in. “Yeah, it felt so not cool to do this at 16, but now, I really like it. I would totally be into doing this now!”
“Me too, it’s sweet,” says Lizzie. She actually likes this a lot, she thinks, as she drinks the last of her latte.
The kids sang a half-dozen or so carols, got some cocoa and left. Lizzie managed to get a few photos that she sent to her dad, thinking they could be a nice last minute addition to the paper. Always a journalist, she can’t help herself. This was a quintessential Cranberry Harbor at Christmas moment and she was so glad for the paper, and for herself that she was there.
“Anyway, all I was going to say was, promise me you’ll keep an open mind? We all grow up and learn from what we’ve been through,” Alexis says as they put their coats on and get ready to leave. “I’ve known you for a long, long time. Jack too. I just have a feeling. And my feelings are rarely wrong.” They head to the door and outside.
“Oh, I remember your gut feelings being right a whole lot of the time. Sadly I didn’t ask you what your gut felt before I dyed my hair for prom.” They both laugh. “Okay, I promise to keep an open mind. And I will do that all the way from my apartment in Somerville.” She smiles, and gives Alexis a big hug. “We will have to do this again soon, okay? I’m here for a while longer. And when I’m back in Boston, you know you always have a place to stay, even if it is a lumpy couch.”
“Sounds good, I would love a place to get away to, especially during February and March!” Alexis says as she heads to her car, “I’ll text you soon!”
Lizzie gets in her car and heads back to her parents and wonders if she’ll ever be able to keep an open mind about Jack. Is it really possible to forgive and forget? Or even really let him in again? Of that she was much less sure.