Chapter 19
CHAPTER 19
Lizzie went out and sat in her car for a few minutes to try to figure out what the heck freaked her out so much. There had been so much talk–with everyone she knew it seemed– about wanting to come back to Cranberry Harbor. She didn’t get it. She and all of her friends had wanted nothing more than to get away from this sandbar when they graduated. To go and have adventures, and not live the roller coaster life that comes with living in a summer tourist destination. They all talked about wanting to live someplace that was affordable, and provided diversity, steadier incomes and didn’t get invaded every summer. Was she the odd person out now? Was she not seeing the potential? As a journalist it was hard to make an argument for coming back to a place that had one daily paper owned by a terrible corporation that wasn’t doing well, some weeklies owned by the same huge company, and her dad, god love him, who owned the last independent newspaper standing on Cape Cod. She didn’t like feeling confused. She liked her life, mostly. While it was not always what she thought it would be, it was good. Okay, good-ish. She had her apartment, her favorite coffee spots, multiple coffee spots, thank you very much, not like here. But, yes, there was a but. It was also ridiculously expensive, her rent was over $2500 a month, and her family, whom she adored, is here. “Gah!” she says out loud, putting her head on the steering wheel.
She decides to call Sarah, she needs a reminder of her real life. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and waits for her to pick up.
“Hey, how’s it going in Christmas fantasy land?” Sarah says instead of just hello.
“Oh I’m living the dream,” she laughs. “It’s fine–”
“Uh oh, anytime you say ‘fine’ I know something is up. Come on, out with it, and be quick because I am driving to pick up Wyatt from a birthday party.”
“It’s just, some people I grew up with have come back, or want to come back and it’s like, I don’t know, we all had an unspoken deal to move and declare the Cape unlivable except for visits.”
“Like, how dare they go back on that unspoken deal you had in high school and want to return to the Cape, leaving you to be the odd girl out of their small town club!” Sarah nails it. How does she do that, every single time?
“Maybe?” Lizzie sits back in the car seat and looks around. “I mean, yeah, it’s pretty, the people are really nice, the ocean is beautiful–”
“Wow, you make it sound like a nightmare,” Sarah says laughing. “Does this have anything to do with the ex-fiancee’?”
Sarah doesn’t pull any punches, which most of the time is one of the things Lizzie loves most about her. Unless she’s the target. “No, yes, I don’t know.”
“So that’s a yes,” Sarah says. “I’m pulling into the party, so I can’t talk much longer, but, what I’d say is, maybe it’s time to think about what you want to do, and not what you think you should do.”
“Succinct and to the point. You are always the best in life crisis moments, thank you.”
“Well, you might want to wait on that opinion until you see me when I pick up a kid hopped up on sugar and Christmas before you render your verdict,” she says laughing. “You are many things that are so wonderful, and also, an overthinker and over-analyzer. Just enjoy this time at home, keep an open mind, and see what feels right.”
“Will do. Thank you my friend, I love you, and I hope Wyatt isn’t too out of control!”
“I love you too, go have some fun, damn it. If not for you, do it for me, because I am so not having any fun right now.”
Lizzie laughs. “Okay, I will do as you say. Thanks friend, talk soon!”
She’s still sitting in her car when Jack comes out. He walks over to her car.
“Hey, I thought you were long gone,” he says as she lowers the window. “Everything okay?”
“Yes,” she shakes her head. “Sorry about, before…”
“No apology needed. We’re always cool, no worries.”
She nods and smiles at him. “I appreciate that. So where you headed?”
He pulls out what looks like a handwritten list and unfolds it. “I am going to meet up with Sean and Ben and wander around and do some of the scavenger hunt.They texted me that they’re on their way. Wanna join us?”
“You sure?”
“Yes I'm sure, I was actually hoping you’d join us,” he says.
Lizzie decides to heed Sarah’s advice and just have some fun, something she clearly needs to work on. “Okay, I’m in.” She gets out of her car. “Are we playing as a team, or is this an individual competition?” she says with a glint in her eye.
“Oh, I know better than to go up against you. You won this three years in a row in middle school.”
Lizzie smiles, tosses her hair back and nods. “Oh, yeah. I was totally the queen of the Cranberry Harbor Christmas Festival scavenger hunt. I found things they’d even forgotten to put on the list!” She laughs. “There are times when being a compulsive overachiever comes in very handy.”
“There’s Ben and Sean,” Jack says. “Guys, we’re over here,” he calls to them. Main Street is getting more crowded, but the pair spies Lizzie and Jack, as they cross the street, and join them.
There are hugs all around. “Lizzie, I’m so glad you’re here, Jack wasn’t sure you’d be able to come,” says Ben, giving her a hug. “Thank you by the way, so much for the beautiful piece in the Gazette, thanks to you we are completely at capacity for our classes.”
“Yes, thanks so much,” echoes Sean. “Just about every single person who called to sign up said they’d seen it in the paper.”
“You’re so welcome.I forgot the paper came out this morning. I’m so glad it helped. I loved writing it! I’m probably way too late to sign up myself, damn it!” she laughs.
“No!” they both say at the same time and laugh. “Are you kidding? Of course you can come. You have to, actually,” says Ben.
“Well, if I HAVE to, I’d better then,” Lizzie says.
“And bring this guy,” Sean says, fake-punching Jack in the arm. “You look like someone who could use a nice artisanal, locally sourced wreath.”
“It sounds like something I could eat,” jokes Jack. “An ‘artisanal wreath’ sounds like something made of organic crudité. I’m definitely in!”
“Ha ha, very funny,” Ben says. “Your mom will love it, I promise.”
“I’d love to come. I haven’t made anything with my hands in years. Rebuilding a motherboard probably doesn’t count,” he says.
“Come to think of it, I never do anything crafty either,” says Lizzie. “This will be good for me. Too much of what I do is all in my head, not at all hands-on. So Jack here has the list, should we start looking for some items?”
They all agree it’s time to get started. Jack pulls out the list. “Okay, we are going to need a basket or something to put all these things in,” he says, looking at the long list. “This first group of things looks like items for your wreaths, we need to find ten pinecones, preferably of different sizes, four feathers, a dried hydrangea flower, a sprig of holly, six clam shells and some seaweed.”
“That’s just the first group on the list?” asks Lizzie, taking it from Jack’s hands. “Wow, this one alone could take us a while.”
“That’s why it goes on for the whole week,” says Ben. “People kind of peck away at it.” He looks over Lizzie’s shoulder. “How about Sean and Jack go down to the pier to look for seaweed and clam shells, and Lizzie, you and me can take the path out toward Hanson’s meadow and see what kind of foliage and pine cones we can find?”
“Sounds good to me,” says Lizzie. “Hey, I saw over at Tall Tales they’ve got a bunch of baskets outside for the taking for this, I’ll go grab two.” She runs over and picks up two baskets from the stack. Anika spies her from inside and comes out to say hi.
“Hi!” she says, wrapping her arms around herself to try to stay warm. “Thank you so much for the wonderful article! Jay and I loved it! I don’t know what we’d do without the Gazette to get the word out about events. Social media is good, but we love the old-school method.”
“I loved writing it, it was completely my pleasure.” She picks up two baskets. “Thank you for providing these, a few of us are going to do a bit of the scavenger hunt. I haven’t done it in years.”
“I heard that not long ago they used to give out plastic bags, which is so not a good thing, so we found these great baskets, and the town got them and we put them all over. Every little bit helps.”
“You’re freezing,” Lizzie says, “You go get inside. I’ll come by before Christmas. I need some last minute gifts for my parents.”
“I’ll look forward to that,” Anika says, heading back inside.
“Say hi to Jay,” Lizzie calls, and Anika gives her a thumb’s up.
She hands a basket to Jack, and slings the other over her arm. “Okay, Ben, you ready?”
“So, ready!” he says. “Want to plan to meet up back here in say, an hour?” he says to Jack and Sean. “That should give us all enough time.”
“Sounds good,” Sean says as he and Jack head off.
“Alright Miss Lizzie, you feeling lucky? I’m a little worried about the feathers, how often do you see feathers on the ground this time of year?”
“Yeah, that could be a sticking point,” she says as they start walking. “But, no matter what, at least it’s not too cold, it’s sunny, and I’m getting to spend some time with you,” she says, putting her arm through his.
“Yes! This is a total treat.”
They almost immediately come upon a hydrangea bush with a handful of dried blooms on it, and Lizzie goes to break one off. “Wait,” Ben says, taking a small knife out of his pocket. “This will be better.” He cuts the flower off and puts it in the basket. “One thing down, 500 to go!” he jokes.
“I think there’s a holly bush near my Dad’s office,” Lizzie says, “Why don’t we stop by there and snip a branch.”
It’s a gorgeous December day. One of those rare times when it’s not windy, there’s no clouds and the sky is a blue so deep and bright that it almost doesn’t look real. The weather on the Cape can turn on a dime, so these gorgeous winter days are never to be taken for granted. The climate has changed though, even in Lizzie’s lifetime. The warming of the planet has meant hotter, more humid summers, which has brought more seals coming to enjoy the warmer waters, which in turn has brought sharks. Something Lizzie never thought about when she was a kid boogie boarding at Sea Meadow beach. Now the life guards were always on the lookout, there were drones, boats with spotters, and all the beaches had shark warning flags. Winters were different too. It could be mild, then suddenly a powerful Nor'Easter could come up the coast, and there had even been dangerous microbursts, a weather event that creates damage similar to a tornado. Locals worried a lot about the effects of climate change, rising tides and storms that have been eroding much of the coastline. Cape Cod is a special and precious piece of land, and is also incredibly fragile.
“So you’re happy being back here?” Lizzie asks, sounding almost reporter-like, not meaning to.
Ben looks at her and smiles. “Is this for a story, or is it just you asking?” he queries, watching where he’s walking on the sidewalk that was only slightly shoveled after the last storm.
She laughs, “God, even when I don’t mean to, I come off like I’m interviewing people. I sometimes feel like I’ve forgotten what it’s like to just talk to someone. Sorry about that. No, this is just me asking you. Friend to friend.”
“Okay, friend. Yes. I am happy being back here. No place is perfect, that’s for sure. There are things that need work, housing, jobs, climate change…but I think if there were more of us here, more people our age I mean, we could create a lot of positive change.”
“You sound like Jack, he’s got a lot of ideas.” She stops and points to a holly bush ahead. “Yay, there’s some holly!”
Ben cuts off a sprig and puts it in the basket. “Yay, two items!” They keep walking, and head toward a little park on the outskirts of town. “Yeah, he’s been talking to Sean and me about it a bit. He hasn’t tipped his hand too much, but I’d love it if we could keep the integrity of the environment, and so much of what makes Cranberry Harbor special, but also grow and become an example of how to make it all work.” He’s quiet for a moment. “What about you? Where do you see your future? In Boston? It’s a pretty great city. Do you have a good community there? Now who’s interviewing who?” he jokes.
Lizzie thinks for a minute. Does she? She has familiar faces she sees, but she doesn’t even really know her neighbors in her building. They’re a mix of graduate students, a few families, and other young professionals. Everyone is working hard to make their own thing happen, they’re not chatting in the halls or having pot luck dinners. And for the most part that has felt okay, until everyone here started talking about having more.
“Kind of? Eh, not really. You’ve lived in cities, you know what it’s like. I mean I know the folks at the bodega on my block, and they’re really nice to me at the neighborhood coffee shops, but there’s been so much turnover at the paper I’ve lost a lot of colleagues. It’s different than here.”
“Yeah, it’s really different. When my parents asked if we wanted to take over the inn I wasn’t really sure. Sean was on board right away, but he didn’t grow up here, he’d never spent a dreary winter wondering when the sun was going to shine, or if there was ever going to be people around again.”
Lizzie laughs. “Yeah, a lot of people really romanticize a Cranberry Harbor winter.”
“It may have its romantic moments, but it can be very long and gray.”
“So what finally convinced you to come back?”
They continue to walk in silence for a little bit. “It’s probably going to sound silly, but one day I was home and doing some errands for my parents, and everywhere I went there were people I knew. And they cared about how I was, and asked about my parents. When I was younger I admit I found it annoying, now I think it’s really nice. It feels good to have people who know me and care about my family.” He shakes his head. “That probably sounds really hokey.”
“No it doesn’t. Not in the least. It actually sounds really nice.”
“It is.” Ben stops and points, “Well look at that…”
“What?” Lizzie doesn’t see what he’s pointing at.
“I see two big turkey feathers up ahead.” He quickly walks ahead, and leaning against a felled oak tree are two perfect turkey feathers. “Ta da!” he says, raising them in the air. “Two down and two to go,” he says, placing them in the basket.
“Nicely done!” Lizzie says, “Now we only need two more, the 10 pinecones and we’ve done our part of the first part of the list.”
“Pinecones should be everywhere in here, that will be easy. Oh, look, there’s a bunch right here,” he bends down and picks up five.
“I am definitely not pulling my weight,” Lizzie says as she scans the area for feathers and pinecones. “Oh!” she exclaims, “Here’s another feather, this looks like a blue jay.” Into the basket it goes. “You know, the best thing about this, besides spending time with you of course–”
“Well, yeah, of course!”
She laughs, “No, the other best thing is it makes you look around and notice things. I feel like my face is buried in my phone about 90 percent of the time and I miss so much.”
“That is one very good thing about running the inn, and especially the kitchen. I can’t be looking at my phone all the time. I’ve noticed a big difference since I moved here. Of course I’m not always sure the trade-off of working round the clock in the summer is such a healthy thing, but I have seen a difference from when I lived in Providence and Portland.”
They keep walking. It’s a bit more wooded and the light is streaming through the branches, making the path look magical with the sun-dappled ground.
“Can I ask you a personal question?” Ben asks. “I don’t want to pry.”
“Oh, pry away. I’ve given up on having any secrets in this town!” she laughs.
“Wait, there’s a pinecone,” he scoops it up and tosses it in with the other treasures. “You and Jack, you seem so good together. I know you were going to get married, and then he moved, and...”
“And that was the end of that story.” Lizzie says, kicking the mixture of snow and leaves with her toe as she walks. She shrugs, “He moved to California, and that was that.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t want to bring up anything that’s uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have said anything. But I can’t help but see how he looks at you, and you have this level of comfort with each other that honestly, you don’t see a lot. And we get a lot of honeymooners!” he jokes.
“Jack is a really good guy. That’s why I planned on marrying him,” she says, smiling with a trace of sadness. “I tried not liking him, being mad and staying mad, but it’s hard since he’s not a bad person. Maybe we were just too young?”
“So are you thinking it could work now that you’re both a little older?” Ben asks, looking very hopeful.
“Are you and Sean desperate to have people to hang out with? Do you need people for bridge?” she jokes, they both laugh. “And I’m not so sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend back in California. Penelope? I think she might be a doctor.” She shrugs her shoulders.
“He hasn’t said anything to me, I don’t think he’s seriously involved with anyone. I really don’t. I’m sure by now he would have said something to one of us if he was. And nope, not looking for bridge partners,” he laughs. “And I wouldn’t say we’re desperate for people to hang with, but yeah, we could use some good friends like you two, and honestly, the town could use you both as well. I have a feeling you could both do a lot to help grow the year-round economy and help those of us here to improve things.” He stops walking and looks at Lizzie. “Honestly, I’m worried that if we don’t make some big changes environmentally the Cape won’t be here for our kids to enjoy, and if we don’t find a way to keep younger people here, it’s going to be like a retirement village in Florida, but with snow.”
“I hear you, I know that’s what Jack, Alexis and I have been talking about too. About finding a way to make it viable to live and work here.” They keep walking slowly, keeping their eyes peeled for a few more pinecones and one final feather. Lizzie suddenly stops and puts her hand on Ben’s arm. “Wait, did you say ‘our kids’? Are you and Sean having a baby?”
Ben blushes and looks nervous. “He’s going to kill me, we’re not telling anyone yet-”
Lizzie raises her hand, “My lips are sealed!” she says.
“We’ve started the process to become foster parents. We’re doing the home study, and having interviews, and have started the series of classes they have you take.”
“That is the best thing I’ve heard in… forever. You two will be the best parents!” She hugs Ben. “I am so excited for you! And I won’t say anything to anyone. Not even Jack. I promise.”
“Thanks, yeah, we’re excited, and terrified.”
“That sounds completely right. It’s a big step.”
Ben takes a deep breath. “We told them we’d be open to siblings, and not necessarily a baby. So it could be a lot.”
“You will have your family, friends, and the whole Cranberry Harbor community around to help. You won’t be doing this alone.”
“Exactly. I never could have thought of doing this anywhere else. My parents are over the moon about becoming grandparents, so I’m sure they’ll be wanting to help a lot.”
“Oh look,” she bends down and picks up a cluster of four pinecones on a branch, and next to that one lone gray feather. “It’s a sign! I think this is it, we’re done.” She puts them all in the basket. They turn around and start heading back to town. “I’m really glad we had this time together. It’s been really nice,” she says.
Ben puts his arm around her as they walk. “It really has been fun. Move back!” he whispers in her ear.
She smiles and puts her head on his shoulder, and for the first time, the idea of moving back is feeling a little tempting.