Chapter 12
Jamie
Jamie briefly placed his hand over Alice’s beneath the dinner table, showing her he was doing okay. He’d noticed she kept checking on him with her eyes every five minutes. He knew her inside out and could tell she was fretting about him fitting in with her friends.
The group around him was nothing but friendly, inviting him to join in with their Hub work, asking after his well-being, and Sophie and Matt even inviting him to their wedding.
He had no expectations when he first stepped off the bus to meet Port Berry again. All he had thought about at the time was putting one foot in front of the other, and taking one day at a time. If it hadn’t been for Alice, he probably wouldn’t have returned at all.
Looking around the pub, he could remember being inside as a lad, ready to help his dad walk home. They weren’t the best memories, but inhaling the scent of alcohol brought it all back as though it were yesterday.
His nan would be shouting, his dad slurring curse words, and his sister would be staying put in her room. Shannon never did mix with any of them much after their mum died.
He wondered for a moment if his twin was happy. The last time he saw her was the day he got arrested. Her face was blank, her eyes as empty as ever. She simply stared at him as the police placed him in handcuffs and took him away.
Mabel was in tears, pleading with them to give him another chance, and Alice looked ready to pass out.
Jamie clenched his jaw and raised his chin as he glanced at the woman by his side. She was trying her best to bring joy to his life so the horrible memories had to go. If only they could leave him forever.
One of the bar staff turned the music up a notch, and Ginny and Lottie started singing along to the Christmas tune playing, livening up the group.
Jamie looked over at the Santa’s sleigh ornament on the fireplace, then smiled at the large twinkling tree nearby, lopsided at the top, making the angel look as though she were as drunk as the two men at the far end of the tinsel-adorned bar.
He laughed to himself, then turned back to Alice as a chocolate dessert was brought out.
‘We can leave early if you like,’ she whispered close to his ear, her breath warming his skin.
‘What, and miss out on hot choccy fudge cake and custard?’ He winked, pleased to see her smile.
Making her smile had the ability to raise his spirits.
He only wished he had done it more often, rather than let her down so much.
Things were different now. Now he was a better man; one determined not to waste any more of his life going in the wrong direction, having everyone hate him. Hating himself.
‘Are you coming to the Christmas tree lighting tomorrow night?’ Beth asked Jamie. ‘We’ll all be there.’
‘First Saturday in December as always,’ said Lottie.
‘Will’s supposed to be singing with the Berry Buoys,’ said Ginny. ‘But don’t let that put you off.’
Will chuckled, nudging her arm. ‘Oi!’ He looked over at Jamie.
‘I have a great voice, I’ll have you know.
I’m saving it for the event. Last year we raised money to buy some chickens to add to hampers for the food bank.
Hopefully, we’ll get some more this year, and if my voice isn’t up to scratch, I’ll mime like I had to last time.
’ He shook his head. ‘I always seem to catch something this time of year.’
Ginny grinned. ‘That’s why we’ve stuck you in the corner out of everyone’s way.’
Will touched his neck. ‘It’s just a sore throat.’
Ginny pointed at his bowl. ‘Eat your pudding while it’s warm, that’ll help your pipes.’
Jamie bobbed his head their way. ‘I’m going tomorrow, with Alice and Benny.’ He met Alice’s gaze, looking for confirmation.
Alice nodded. ‘Hmm.’ She had a mouthful of food so couldn’t say more.
‘Do they still put the wishes on the tree?’ he asked the group.
Lottie nodded. ‘Yep, and I’ll be there with a Christmas wreath stall, so feel free to pop over and make one.’
‘Then buy it,’ said Samuel, grinning at Lottie.
Jamie chuckled. ‘Will do.’ He turned to Alice. ‘Want one for the front door?’
‘Yes, that would be lovely.’ She leaned a little closer, her smile as warm as ever.
The conversation went on for another hour, coffee and brandy was offered, then the couples with babies headed home first.
Jamie couldn’t resist spinning Alice into his arms for a short dance to the festive tunes as soon as they got up, making her giggle, but then he held back, chastising himself for acting as though nothing major had happened between them.
What right did he have to be so tactile after the hurt he had caused his best friend?
It was for the best if he just showed gratitude for her kindness, rather than thinking things could ever be the same again.
When it was time to leave, they thanked everyone for the lovely night, then took a slow stroll back to the B&B, Jamie wishing he could hold her hand like they used to, even as friends.
‘Apparently, snow is due tomorrow,’ said Alice, glancing at the dark sky.
‘Let’s hope it holds off for the event.’
They stopped smiling at each other as soon as they entered the foyer and saw Lizzie behind the desk.
‘Benny’s in his room, and your nan went home an hour ago.’ Lizzie got up and grabbed her coat. ‘Right, I’m off.’
‘Thanks for tonight, Mum.’ Alice gave her mother a hug before closing the door behind her, locking it up for the night.
This isn’t right. I need to make amends. Say something. ‘I need to talk to your mum,’ said Jamie.
‘Best to leave her for a few more days. She’ll warm to you soon.’
He had to laugh, not that he found the situation funny. ‘Not sure about that. She hates my guts.’
‘My mum doesn’t have hate in her. She’s just concerned, that’s all.’
‘I know she is, and that’s why I need to talk to her. Let her know I’ve changed.’
Alice touched his arm. ‘Not now, eh, Jamie?’
It was late, and seeing how Lizzie had just ignored the fact he was there, he agreed now wasn’t the best time, but one day he would have to speak with her. He couldn’t let it carry on too long. More so for Alice’s sake.
Alice yawned. ‘Oh, I’m whacked.’
‘Yeah, come on, time for bed.’
A cheeky smile hit her eyes, and he wondered if she was about to hit him with the line, ‘yours or mine?’.
‘Goodnight, Angel,’ he said softly, not giving her the chance to say anything.
She gave a small wave, then went to her quarters.
He waited until she was gone before making his way up the stairs, feeling wide awake and content from his night.
It was still so surreal being home, even more so that people were being nice to him.
It wasn’t anything like he had imagined, but then again, Alice was involved so he should have known she’d try to make things easy for him. It was her way.
Trying to fight off any negative memories lurking, he entered his room and took a deep calming breath.
The boxes in the corner still hadn’t been opened, so he decided to put on his PJs, sit on the floor, and have a nosey at what his grandmother had kept of his belongings.
At least it was something productive to do.
Peeling back the cardboard flaps, he braced himself for photographs of his mother, as he figured his nan would put something like that inside.
He hadn’t seen a photo of his mum in years, feeling it was for the best he didn’t have one in his cell, as it hurt to see her beautiful smile so full of life.
The first thing he saw were some old drawing pads, which brought a quirk to his lips. He used to love sitting on the pier when the weather was nice, sketching the boats and lighthouse.
He smiled at the good memory as he flicked through the pages, stopping at a doodle of Treasure Chest newsagents, drawn by Alice. He couldn’t remember her doing it, but it didn’t surprise him, as she often sat by his side along the harbour.
A few of his old action figures were still unwrapped in their boxes, which came as a surprise. He reckoned they might be worth a few quid now, especially as they were untouched. He put them to one side, then peered inside the box to see what else he would find.
He laughed quietly at spotting a picture of Alice as a girl sitting next to him on the wall outside the B&B.
His childhood seemed like a lifetime ago.
Sighing, he reached for another photo, and his heart paused as he gazed at his mum.
She looked so happy, her hair blowing across her face, laughing, perhaps at that.
Silently, he thanked his nan for the pictures as he carefully placed them to one side of the box.
A few letters were bunched together by an elastic band. Nothing he recognized. They weren’t any he or Alice used in their correspondence.
Filled with curiosity, Jamie opened the one on top, widening his eyes as soon as he saw it was written to him from his nan.
There was no date marked, so he had no idea when she had decided to write to him. His main question was why hadn’t she posted them.
Reading through, it was clear she had things to get off her chest, and an apology for not contacting him in prison was explained in great length.
She didn’t need to say a word, he already knew it was difficult for her, not to mention how disappointed she was. He remembered it all.
But something had triggered her to write the letters, and as he read through each one, it became clear she had regrets, and that she had guessed Alice had been there for him as usual, which she was pleased about.
Jamie raised the paper to his nose, hoping he could smell his grandmother’s scent, but there was no whiff of lavender. Nothing but her words, so he closed his eyes for a moment, absorbing all he had left of the woman who had tried her best to raise him.
‘Oh, Nan,’ he murmured, a lump clogging his throat.
The pain ripping into his heart was made worse by not being able to speak to his grandmother, to say his own apologies. All he wanted was to hold her, tell her how much he loved her, but she was gone.
A light tapping came at his door, taking him from his guilt. He creaked to a stand, knowing it would be Alice, no doubt checking on him once more.
‘Hi, I came up to see . . . What’s happened, Jamie?’
He glanced at her pink dressing gown as he let her in, then pointed at his things on the floor. ‘My nan wrote to me, but she didn’t send the letters.’
Alice knelt to his side as he went back to sitting on the floor. ‘What did she say?’
‘She’s making amends.’ He covered his face with his hands and lowered his head as his emotions got the better of him.
‘I can’t do the same.’ Alice’s arms curled around his shoulders, and her head gently rested upon his.
‘I don’t know what to do.’ He sniffed, rolling back tears, not wanting to fall apart on her. Not wanting to cry at all.
‘Just keep doing what you’re doing, Jamie. She’s watching over you. And I know she’s so proud.’
He raised his weary head to meet her eyes, all walls a pile of rubble. ‘I feel so alone, Alice.’
‘You’re not alone. I won’t leave.’
He stared at her for a while, having one of his moments where he wondered if she was real. He had those moments when he was poorly as a child, when he was depressed in his teens, when he was spinning out of control as a young man. This angel was always somewhere close, offering a ray of light.
‘How about we get you into bed?’ she suggested, reaching for his arm as she stood. ‘Sleep will do you some good right now.’
Not knowing what would be good for him, he let her lead him over to the bed and tuck him in.
‘Stay awhile. Please.’
Alice settled by his side, taking his hand in hers. ‘Close your eyes, Jamie. It’s going to be okay.’
Those were the words she used to say to him when he was unwell as a child. Round about now, she’d pick up a book and start reading, but this time, she lightly stroked her thumb across his hand, and once more his angel soothed his soul.