Chapter 30
Jamie
Making lunch, all Jamie could think about was what Alice was about to say. He already had it in his head she wanted a divorce — and he couldn’t blame her. He’d hurt her and her family. She had every right to wash her hands of him in every way.
He placed ham sandwiches and hot tea on a tray, then took a deep breath before going to see her.
Alice was already on the sofa, a soft blue blanket over her legs, her neck brace still in place. He wished she hadn’t come looking for him.
He put the tray down on the coffee table and handed her a plate. ‘Hope ham’s okay?’
Alice smiled. ‘Thank you, that’s fine.’
‘You warm enough?’
‘I’m okay.’
‘Your legs?’
She nodded briefly. ‘A lot better.’
He sat in the armchair by her side, putting his plate on his lap. He wasn’t feeling that hungry. Too many words whirled in his head, and his stomach wouldn’t settle. ‘Do you want a divorce?’ he blurted, needing the question to be out there.
Alice lowered the sandwich she was about to bite. ‘Is that what you want?’ Her tone was quiet, almost sounding as broken as he felt.
‘Because of the way I told your mum about us, I figured you’d hate me.’
‘I don’t hate you,’ she said softly.
‘I messed up again.’
Alice turned to face him fully. ‘You made a promise.’
He nodded. ‘I know, and I am sorry. I honestly don’t know what else to say or what to do. I am going to talk to your mum though.’
‘Perhaps leave her for now.’
‘I have to speak to her at some point. It’s well overdue.’
Alice shrugged.
‘I want her to know I’ve changed,’ he added. ‘I need her to believe me.’
‘Does it really matter what she thinks?’
‘Yes, it does. She’s your mother. I want her to like me.’
‘Do you care that much?’
He met her eyes and smiled. ‘I love you, Angel. I want us to have a happy life. A happy family.’
‘When you say you love me, do you mean properly, like a lover?’
‘Like your husband.’
Alice just stared at him, looking slightly speechless.
‘Just to clarify,’ he added, ‘I’m in love with you.
I don’t want a divorce. I want forever.’ He gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
‘We’ve always shared so much. I can’t imagine my life without you.
Maybe part of me wanted everyone to know you’re my wife.
I don’t know. But what I do know is how much I love you, Alice. ’
A tear rolled down her cheek and she sniffed.
‘I know I’ve been trouble for you,’ he added quietly, ‘but I won’t be anymore. So if me being here is too much for you and your family, I’ll leave. Whatever is best for you. I just need you to tell me what to do.’
‘Stay,’ she whispered.
He leaned closer. ‘Stay?’
Alice raised his knuckles to her lips. ‘Stay.’
Jamie gave a small nod, not sure what else to say or do.
‘Should we move forward now?’ she asked.
‘Like we have been?’
Alice put her plate on the coffee table and gestured for him to do the same, then tugged him towards her side on the sofa. ‘I was thinking more along the lines of being a proper couple.’
He smiled softly and stroked her cheek. ‘I’d like that.’
‘And we can kiss whenever we want.’
‘I always want to kiss you.’
Alice went to kiss his hand again, but Jamie pulled it back, replacing it with his face.
‘We haven’t done this in a long time,’ he added, inches from her lips.
‘We haven’t done a lot of things in a long time.’
He ran his finger down to her neck brace. ‘We can catch up when you feel better.’
‘I feel better now.’
Jamie grinned. ‘You need to rest.’
‘I can still kiss.’
He lightly nudged her nose with his own. ‘You sure?’
Alice leaned closer, joining their mouths, and just for a moment Jamie stilled, absorbing her touch.
She had no idea how often he had dreamed of being with her.
He mumbled her name, and she raked a hand into his hair, immediately heating the kiss, and Jamie was way more than overwhelmed. He was lost in her.
After a moment, they came up for air and simply smiled at each other.
‘Should we talk some more?’ he asked. ‘I want everything to be perfect.’
‘Is there such a thing?’ Alice pecked his cheek.
‘I don’t know what to say anyway.’ She sat back and sighed.
‘This morning I was still angry with you, then when you didn’t show up, I got scared.
Just thinking of you hurt or alone, destroys me.
Always has.’ She shook her head. ‘People say we’re a strange pair. Maybe we are.’
‘We’re just us. Who knows how other couples are really? No one can be sure what goes on behind closed doors.’
‘Our marriage has been hidden away.’
‘It doesn’t have to be that way now.’ He glanced at the door. ‘Not sure who your mum has told, but Ginny and Will know, and I’m happy to shout from the rooftops that you are my wife, the best wife in the world.’
Alice blushed. ‘Now you’re just being soppy.’
‘No, now I’m just letting you know how I feel about you. How I’ve felt for so long.’
‘Are we strange, Jamie?’
He shrugged. ‘Don’t care if we are. We’ve always worked.
We’ve always had a strong bond. All I know is, life feels better when you’re around.
’ He lowered his head and inhaled deeply.
‘When you used to visit me in prison, it was as though happiness itself had walked in. I can’t begin to describe those moments. ’
Alice lifted his chin. ‘It was so hard saying goodbye. I hated it.’
‘Me too.’
‘I couldn’t go through that again.’
‘You won’t have to.’ He tilted one side of his mouth. ‘Unless you get yourself arrested.’
‘Flipping heck, I never thought of that.’ She placed a hand over his heart. ‘Let’s both agree prison is in our past.’
‘Definitely. So no more trouble from you.’
Alice blew out a small laugh, then smiled softly. ‘I can’t believe we’re here together now.’
‘Yeah, it’s a little surreal at times, isn’t it?’
‘I’m going to talk to my mum again. If we’re going to be together properly, I want her to hear it from me.’
Jamie agreed. ‘But I do want to talk to her as well. Just say my piece. Let her know exactly where I stand. It’ll be better coming from me, then she’ll know it’s not just you sticking up for me.’
‘Meanwhile, will you take me to bed?’
‘You getting worse?’
Alice grinned. ‘No. I meant to snuggle.’
He raised his brow, amused. ‘Oh, did you now. Well, I think you should rest today. Perhaps the next few days. Get you back in shape ready for Sophie and Matt’s wedding.’
‘I can’t believe it’s only a few days away.’
He stroked down her arm. ‘I wish I gave you a better wedding day.’
‘We did what we did. There’s no point going over it now.’
‘But I took away your walk down the aisle moment. Your white dress. Your friends and family. None of that kind of thing matters to me, but I reckon that’s your kind of wedding.’
Alice pressed her head against his. ‘We never exchanged rings.’
Jamie sighed. ‘You deserved better than that.’
‘It didn’t matter. It was your bucket list. I thought you might die.’
‘What were we like, eh?’
Alice straightened. ‘Remember the tandem that was on your bucket list. We never did buy one.’
‘But we will, and we’ll go cycling when the weather’s nice. When your legs get tired, you can put your feet up and I’ll do all the work.’
Alice chuckled. ‘I can just see us riding along in the sun. Me relaxing while you build up a sweat.’
Jamie kissed her cheek. ‘Yeah. Something to look forward to.’
‘We’ve got loads to look forward to. I feel like I’ve just been set free in a way.’
‘You’ve had a lot on your plate over the years. I swear, you’re the strongest person I know.’
Alice shook her head. ‘I’m not strong. I’m the same as everyone else. We just get on with things the best we can.’
‘I guess that’s always been us, and now we’ll continue that way.’
‘But this time we won’t be holding back or fighting off feelings. No more secrets. No more problems, just freedom.’
‘We really are free of everything, aren’t we?’
‘Yep, so now will you take me to bed?’
Jamie laughed. ‘I’ll take you to bed every time you ask, but we’re only snuggling. You’re in pain, and I’ve added to that enough over the years. From now on, I’m only doing things that bring you peace.’
Alice gestured at the bedroom. ‘Like the bed part?’
‘Come on then.’ He stood and scooped her up, making her giggle.
Alice latched on, peppering kisses along his neck, then whipped off her brace as he carefully placed her on the bed.
‘You know we haven’t had our lunch.’ Jamie snuggled down beside her.’
‘It can wait. We might not be able to do much today, what with all my aches and pains — sorry about that — but we can have a few minutes here in bed.’
Resting on one elbow, he looked down at her relaxed on the plump pillow. ‘Firstly, never say sorry for being in pain. It’s not your fault, and secondly, we can spend I reckon twenty minutes tops here before your tummy starts rumbling.’
‘It will definitely rumble soon. I like the way you know my stomach so well.’
Jamie grinned and peeled back the cover, kissing her stomach. ‘I know all of you very well.’
Alice laughed. ‘Oh, this isn’t fair. I don’t want to be in pain today. I want to be with you.’
He rested his head by hers and gently pushed back her hair. ‘Hey, you are with me. And we’re going to spend every night in each other’s arms from now on.’
She pulled his mouth onto hers, smiling on his lips, making him smile back.
‘I love you so much, Angel.’
Alice kissed him hard, wrapping him in her arms, and Jamie wanted to stay there forever. He laughed as her stomach rumbled.
‘You stay snuggled. I’ll bring your food in.’ He gave her a cheeky wink, then went off to fetch lunch, coming to a halt when he saw Benny in the living room staring at the cold cups of tea.
‘You’re back then,’ Benny said, eyes moving to Alice’s bedroom door.
‘We sorted things. After lunch, we’re going to talk to your nan.’
Alice was suddenly in the doorway. ‘Benny, it’s best you know. Jamie and I are staying married and we’re going to be a proper couple.’
Benny’s lips twisted to one side for a moment. ‘And that’s what you’re going to tell Nan?’
She nodded. ‘Yeah, and clear the air. Plus Jamie wants to tell her in his own words that he’s changed.’
Benny sighed. ‘Well, she has calmed down now.’
‘And you?’ asked Alice. ‘What do you think?’
‘I just want you to be happy, Mum.’
Alice rushed forward and hugged him. ‘You’re so lovely, Benny.’
‘I know,’ he said, chuckling on her shoulder.
‘Are you really all right with us being together?’ asked Jamie, knowing kids often hid their true feelings. He always had.
Benny’s head bobbed slightly. ‘You seem nice enough, and Alice has a lot of faith in you. I don’t have a problem if she doesn’t.’
Jamie thought the lad a lot more mature than he was at his age. Stable too. ‘I want you to know I love Alice, and I plan nothing but happiness for our future. It’s all going to be okay around here. There are no more secrets. This is it now.’
‘All right.’ Benny motioned towards his bedroom. ‘I’m going to call Ellie.’
‘I’ll make you some lunch,’ Alice called after him. She smiled at Jamie. ‘He’s such a good kid,’ she added quietly, then headed to the main kitchen.
Jamie followed her, taking their lunch. ‘You eat, I’ll sort Benny’s food.’ He guided her to the table, happy to see her finally eating her sandwich.
It was a nice feeling just doing something simple while feeling part of a normal family. Alice’s smiles shooting his way every minute only made him happier by the second. If only he could make peace with Lizzie, all would be well.