Noel.
I THINK THE UNIVERSE felt sorry for me. All the stars aligned, and I was able to secure a seat on the last flight back to Atlanta. Thanks to weather concerns, I was on the last flight out. They didn’t upgrade me to first class, but that didn’t matter much. Not even premium snacks, a complimentary pillow, and a blanket could satiate the ache pooling around my bruised heart.
No matter how often I told myself things with Kanton and I wouldn’t work because of all the obstacles between us, I secretly hoped they would. Seeing his ex at his place was clearly all the proof I needed to convince myself that he and I weren’t supposed to happen. Even if they weren’t together, she was there. I wasn’t. How could I trust that he wouldn’t continue to see her in my absence if I did give him a chance?
I didn’t want half of a man. I had that with Evan, and frankly, it sucked. I wanted a man who would offer himself to me wholly and completely because that was what I would give. Having a man committed to me and only me was what I deserved. That man wasn’t Kanton, no matter how much I wished it were.
I was exhausted and drained when I sluggishly entered my building, dragging my rolling carry-on behind me. Atlanta got snow instead of sleet, but nowhere near what was expected, so the flights were slowly coming back up, but the chaos at the airport and in the city had already begun. Not even Lewis’s smile helped to turn my mood around.
“Hey, you. That was a quick trip.”
I nodded. “It was.”
“Everything okay?”
Nope.
Not even close.
He knew I was going to New York. I hadn’t told him why, but I was sure he assumed because he also knew that was where Kanton lived.
“Not really, but it will be.” I smiled softly, and Lewis moved closer, granting me a hug. I allowed myself the comfort that wouldn’t cure my broken heart, but it would make it ache a little less. When I pulled away, he peered at me with guarded eyes.
“Want to talk about it? If not with me, then maybe Cleo? She’s always available for you.”
“No, I’ll be okay once I take a hot shower and get some rest. It’s been a long day. It’s also late . . .”
“She’s up. It’s not a bother if you want to give her a call. You know she won’t rest until I’m home.”
I wanted what they had. It was sweet and imperfect, but it was everything I could imagine. Much like my parents, Lewis and Cleo were goals.
“I know, but I promise I’m fine. Just tired.”
He narrowed his stare at me. “You sure that’s all it is?”
There was a silent question.
Did he hurt you?
And yes, he did, but unintentionally. But truthfully, it was my fault for expecting more than I should have.
“I’m sure.”
Lewis nodded, but I could tell he wasn’t satisfied with my answer. He wanted to hurt the person who hurt me.
Kanton.
But Kanton didn’t deserve Lewis’s fury. “I’m going to head up. You have a good night, and hug Cleo for me.”
“Will do. You should come to dinner soon. I’m sure she’d love to see you.”
“Give me a date, and I’ll be there.”
Again, he nodded, and I headed toward the elevators, feeling physically and emotionally drained. When I was showered and in my pajamas, I crawled into my bed, burrowing myself beneath the bedding. After flicking on my TV, I almost chucked the remote at the screen when I realized I was still on the Holiday Movie Channel and up next for my viewing pleasure, Big City Holiday Surprise .
Great!
I certainly got a surprise in the big city, but it wasn’t one fit for a holiday movie or pleasant. No matter how terrible my life felt at this moment, and it truly felt like a bottomless pit of never-ending unhappiness, I still snuggled deeper into my pillow. Then I tugged my comforter tight under my chin to watch the movie.
Even if I didn’t get the guy, maybe this woman would. What was I thinking? Of course, she would, because this was a movie and fictional people got their happily ever after. It was only in the real world where the girl didn’t get the guy . . . where I didn’t get the guy.
Okay, Noel, get yourself together. One night of sulking is all you’re allowed.
Kanton’s not meant to be your guy, but you do have a guy. He’s out there somewhere, just waiting for the perfect meet cute so you can fall hopelessly in love and relish in your happily ever after.
I had to believe this to be true. What else was a hopeless romantic supposed to do?
“Stop watching these stupid movies; that is what you can do,” I mumbled, and then I pressed the power button to shut off my TV.
I wasn’t in the right mindset to watch anything at all, especially not this. It would be best if I just called it a night. I would work on pulling my life together tomorrow. Now that I didn’t have Kanton occupying space in my head and heart, and no viable work opportunities, I needed to get my shit together so that I wasn’t in a different type of Christmas movie . . .
Homeless for the Holidays.
I must have been more exhausted than I imagined because I wasn’t up until just after ten the following day and only then because I heard my front door slam, which had me jumping up in bed in a panic until I heard a familiar voice.
“I can’t believe you didn’t call me . . .”
I closed my eyes at the sound of Simone outside my bedroom door just before she pushed it open.
“Call you for what?” I mumbled as I climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom to hide. Only I wasn’t granted the opportunity to escape without scrutiny. The minute I sighed in release, emptying my bladder, she appeared in the doorway, glaring at me.
“Uh, excuse me. Privacy, please?” I narrowed my eyes, and she rolled hers.
“You don’t get privacy. I’m angry with you.”
Well, join the club. I’m angry with you for making me embarrass myself.
“I’m sure you are, but can you be angry with me out there and let me finish in here.”
“Fine . . .”
She turned to leave, and I finished using the bathroom, flushed, washed my hands, and then proceeded to wash my face and brush my teeth after staring in the mirror at my ruffled appearance. I looked a hot mess—hair all over the place, puffy eyes from lack of restful sleep, and pure disappointment.
I suppose I took too long because she appeared in the doorway again with a frown set in place. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“Because I needed to process everything, and I wasn’t ready for you to tell me all the reasons why I should have handled things differently. I went to sleep instead.”
“I meant, why didn’t you call before you left New York? But you just answered that question. What happened?”
I shoved my toothbrush back into my mouth and continued cleaning my teeth. Simone’s impatience grew with every second that passed. I finished up with mouthwash before I turned to face her again, asking a question instead of answering hers. “How did you even know I was home?”
“I booked the flight. All I had to do was check. When you didn’t answer my text or calls, I searched the booking this morning and found your flight home. Last night . You should have called.”
“I probably should have, but I knew what you would say . . .”
“Noel, I’m your best friend. If you need me, I’m there. Always, and regardless of what you think, I choose you over everything, so I wouldn’t have argued if you had a valid reason for leaving.”
My shoulders deflated. “I know. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for. I need to be a better friend to you . You’re always here, making things work in my life, and I’m—”
“The same. Who let me live with them for almost six months when I broke up with Davis, packed my things, and moved back home without a job or plan?”
“Me.”
“And who created my résumé as I applied for jobs and kept me from drowning in my own sadness because Davis was a dick who totally broke my heart? Not to mention doing all this while covering all the expenses around here because I didn’t have a dime to my name?”
I grinned. “Me.”
“And who—”
“Okay, okay. I get it. I’m not a shitty friend.”
“Do you? Because it feels like you’re keeping score.”
I cringed, and she tilted her head to the side in question, so I explained. “You sound like Kanton. He kept telling me that I was obsessed with keeping score when it comes to doing nice things.”
“Well, he’s right. You are, and I wish you wouldn’t be. That’s not what friendship is about. We don’t keep score. We do what’s necessary for the people we love. You love me, and I love you, so we step up. There’s no running total on either side.”
“I know, but it feels like you’ve been the one holding me together lately—”
“I have, and I don’t mind. Again, I love you and know you would do the same. You have done the same. Can we get past that and talk about the real issue here? What happened with Kanton?”
I sighed and flopped on the foot of my bed. “He’s still with his ex, but based on what I know now, she was probably never his ex to begin with.”
“He told you that?”
“No, she did.”
“ She did?”
“Well, not in so many words, but her actions absolutely said she was with him. She was at his apartment.”
“And what did he say?”
“He wasn’t there. She used the key that he gave her to get in. When she answered the door, she told me he would be home soon, and I could wait if I wanted.”
“Why the hell didn’t you? He owes you an explanation.”
“Does he?” I turned to her, and she opened her mouth to argue her point but then hesitated. We were both well aware that he didn’t. I was the one who blindly hopped on a plane and showed up at his apartment unannounced. “Right, so you see my point. I left.”
“But how do you know she wasn’t just there for—”
“A friendly, platonic visit? Stopping by to catch up, say hello?”
I’d slept with Kanton. Experienced him while he was here. Any woman who truly knew him wouldn’t let go so quickly. No, it wasn’t a “stopping by to offer a friendly hello.”
“It happens, ”
“She was wearing a skimpy dress. She was also barefoot, drinking wine and holding lacy lingerie that she would wear to greet him at the door when he got home. I’m sure I interrupted her selection process. It wasn’t just an ‘I’m dropping by to catch up’ thing. It was more like ‘I’m dropping by so you can drop your dick in me’ thing.”
Simone nodded and removed her phone from her pocket. She didn’t say anything. She kept swiping the device and then tapping the screen before calmly stating, “They have a flight at three today.”
“Are you confused? Did you hear any of what I just said? There’s no way in hell I’m going back to New York. I’m done with this and him. It’s time to move on.”
“Oh, we’re not going to see him . We’re going to see her, and by ‘see her,’ I mean see her face getting acquainted with our fists.”
I laughed hard. “No, we are not. She’s not the problem . . .”
“She is the problem, ”
“She’s not. The problem is that no matter how much fun we had or how perfect it seemed like we would be together, the stars just didn’t align. He’s not my person, and I’m not his. I’m okay with accepting that we’re not meant to be.”
“You’re not just fine.”
No, I’m not.
“I am, or rather, I will be. I need you to let me be whatever I am right now, and I can’t if you keep pushing me toward something that didn’t work.”
Her face softened. “I want you to be happy.”
“I know, and when it’s right, I will be happy.”
Hopefully.
“Okay, then, I’ll let it go.”
“Thank you.”
“I brought gifts,” she said, perking up.
“Please tell me you did not.”
“I did, but it’s not what you think. I have cinnamon rolls, extra cream cheese icing, and Jeni’s Skillet Cinnamon Roll Ice Cream.”
My stomach sang its approval.
“That’s a breakup care package, and this isn’t a breakup.”
“All things considered, I decided this qualified. Now, let’s go. I also have tequila.”
I stood after she did, heading to my bedroom door. “Tequila?”
She shrugged, glancing at me over her shoulder. “I wasn’t sure how bad it would be, but considering you were only in New York for a few hours, I thought things might be tequila kind of bad.”
They were, but I refuse to drown my sorrows in tequila.
“ You’re too good to me ,” I sang, hugging her around the waist, halting her steps in the middle of the hallway.
She clasped her hands over where mine rested at her stomach. “I am, but only because you’ve shown me what being a good friend looks like. Now, let’s go overindulge, and then we’re dismantling that tree. It’s two weeks overdue.”
It was. She wanted to take it down on New Year’s Eve when we stayed in, drinking champagne and dancing around my apartment in a lazy, inebriated bliss, but I refused.
“I’m going to need the tequila for that,” I mumbled, and she smiled, lifting the bottle after we reached the kitchen.
“Then it’s a good thing I got the big bottle.”
I groaned, rolling my eyes at the thought of the two of us taking down a Christmas tree drunk off our asses. Not a pretty picture, but the tequila would surely help me survive the process.
Cheers to moving on with life.