Chapter 21 #3
I shrugged again, not really wanting to talk about this aspect.
Why draw further attention to my stupidity and risk more people knowing how incompetent I was?
That wouldn’t help me get another job. Instead, I replied, ‘You might be right, but my editor didn’t quite see it that way.
He said I’d undermined the magazine’s credibility and that as a journalist I should have been more savvy. ’
‘I disagree. I think the message is that even the most savvy of us have to be on our guard.’
‘Sadly, he doesn’t think like you.’ I sighed. Would they fire me in the end? I was good at my job, I hoped that might count for something. But right now, I didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
‘I love the picture of Santa and Mrs Claus, who do you think the models are?’
I was pleased to see that Noah coped admirably with my tendency to veer off on conversational tangents, something that my work colleagues and flatmates frequently commented upon.
I sometimes wondered if maybe there was something wrong with me, but then I decided that there was no point holding back if I had something to say.
Life was short. Life was messy. Why did people pretend otherwise?
It was better to get things out there when you could.
We spent another hour in the cosy cottage before we reluctantly left the warm cocoon to go over to the ice rink to watch the skaters.
I was saving my powder for the Rockefeller Center because that had always been the dream.
I’d always wanted to skate on the rink in front of the iconic gold statue of Prometheus that had appeared in Elf and Home Alone and countless other Christmas movies.
That would be the culmination of my dream and the ultimate promise to my mum.
She’d said that one day we’d skate together at the rink.
Still dreaming of my moment of triumph, I walked next to Noah out onto the street and around the corner to the imposing New York City library.
With its two regal lions, Patience and Fortitude, flanking the arched entrance – I’d read up in advance – the landmark from so many movies, once again felt almost familiar.
Although today, each lion guarding the building wore an enormous wreath, which didn’t detract from their imposing majesty.
‘We have to see the tree here,’ said Noah. ‘It’s a famous one.’
‘Of course it is,’ I said.
‘No, this one is special,’ he said. ‘It’s quite unique.’
I followed him, fully expecting another gaudy, glitzy extravaganza but when we got inside, I was charmed by the unexpected whimsy of the tree.
It was decorated as if it was a tree in the forest. Towering over us at well over twenty feet tall, the tree’s snow-covered branches bristled with life, tiny robins with beady eyes, snowy white owls in mid-flight, a squirrel peeping out from beneath a fir cone, red cardinals nestled between the boughs, along with bright goldfinches collecting twigs.
Enchanted, I stopped in front of the tree, spotting more and more tiny natural vignettes.
‘This is…’ I turned to Noah. ‘Absolutely lovely and totally unexpected.’ My eyes shone, I couldn’t help it.
Noah’s eyes met my mine, and they softened as he looked at me. ‘I’m glad you like it.’ His voice lowered and I had to strain to hear his words. ‘It’s my favourite tree in the whole world.’
For some reason, my heart lit up inside my chest and I said very quietly back to him, ‘Thank you for sharing it with me.’ To my surprise he took my hand and gave it a quick squeeze.
‘My pleasure. I thought you’d like to see it because it’s original, bursting with life…
’ He paused. ‘It reminds me of you.’ Touched, I interlinked my fingers with his and together we stood and gazed up at the tree in complete accord.
It was a Noah and Evie moment. Not a film moment. Or a Mum moment. But our moment.
‘Hey, would you guys like a picture?’ asked the man behind us, thankfully breaking the moment.
‘We’d love one,’ I said and handed my phone to him.
Noah slung an arm around my shoulder and pulled me in tight. I was happy to tuck into him and just inhale the scent of him.
‘You smell nice,’ I murmured, because I had to share just a little bit. It was like my weakness was leaking out bit by bit.
‘Aim to please.’ He hugged me a little tighter for a second as the man took several different shots, even going down on his knees to capture the whole tree behind us.
‘Thank you,’ I said, feeling a little bereft when Noah dropped his arm. As I looked at the pictures, my smile was bittersweet. You could almost imagine we were a couple. I wasn’t sure I wanted to share this one on Instagram. ‘What next?’ I asked.
‘The Empire State Building, of course.’
‘Really?’ I squealed because, hello, it was second on my list.
‘Yeah.’ He shook his head at my excitement, but he smiled, too.
* * *
‘We need a selfie,’ I said looking out over the view towards Central Park.
The sun was setting and the light fading fast. The sky glowed, a pink sheen tinged with lavender dappling the horizon.
Much as I’d loved the view from the Edge, Noah had been right, this was something else.
The history, the spirit, the story of this building resonated.
The pictures of its construction back in the 1930s were striking, especially the terrifying ones of the workers thousands of feet up sitting on a beam eating their lunch with the city below them.
And then of course there were the films, Sleepless in Seattle, An Affair to Remember …
King Kong. Not quite so romantic, that one.
‘A kiss might be good here,’ I suggested coyly, although inside I was dying to taste him again.
Would it be so bad to give into the undercurrent of want?
It wasn’t as if it would be anything I needed to worry about.
We were both headed in separate directions very soon.
Maybe I could play with fire just for a little bit…
‘Would it?’ teased Noah deadpan.
‘Yes, it’s one of the most romantic, iconic spots in the city. Did you see Sleepless in Seattle?’
‘Is that the Meg Ryan one? I seem to recall the ending was a bit cheesy.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘It’s one of the all-time greats.’
‘If you say so.’
‘You have no soul.’ I gave him an exasperated glare. ‘This would be a really good opportunity to give social-media followers the kiss.’
‘Hmm,’ said Noah enigmatically, not giving anything away, he seemed totally indifferent to the idea. ‘Shouldn’t we string them along a bit longer. I thought you said the will-they-won’t-they build up was what kept people interested.’
I couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed.
In a matter of days, Noah and I might never see each other again.
I was safe from any emotional entanglement, and this would be the icing on the Christmas cake of my once-in-a-lifetime trip.
Plus, we owed it to Alicia to give our followers a good show, I told myself.
‘You only had to ask.’ Noah had caught my expression.
I looked up at him and then the world went still as he looked down at my lips. There was just him silhouetted against the sky and the pink tendrils of clouds behind him, backlit with gold, spread across the horizon.
All the feelings in my heart collided. I was on top of the world with a man who made my heart, body and soul sing.
I’d been trying to protect myself from the feelings, but they were breaching every dam I’d attempted to put in place.
Now, at the top of the Empire State Building, of all places, I wondered why I was fighting so hard to keep him at bay.
What did I have to lose? While these thoughts raced around my head, he’d walked around the corner to the view out over Central Park which spread in a long finger towards the horizon, the snow-covered greens of the trees and parkland bounded by the sharp building blocks of high rises and skyscrapers.
I followed him and stopped to admire what was my favourite view from up here.
‘It doesn’t look real,’ I murmured. ‘More like toytown or Legoland.’
‘I forget how incredible it is,’ agreed Noah.
He was so close I wanted to lean against him as we stood there taking in the view. When had the need for contact suddenly become so vital to me? I’d worked hard not to need human contact or support, to be self-sufficient. This was messing everything up.
‘My mum would have loved this,’ I said with a sigh.
Noah waited a few beats before he said. ‘But what about you?’
The words punched into me, weightier than they should have been.
‘Me?’ I asked, lifting a careless shoulder in one of my usual shrugs.
‘Yes,’ said Noah, the word suddenly sibilant and heavy with meaning. ‘You.’
‘What do you mean?’ Defensive, I knew, but I wasn’t sure where this was going and I wasn’t sure I liked it. Another layer being peeled back before I was ready.
‘What do you want?’ asked Noah, his eyes keen now, his gaze sharp. There was no escaping the sudden spotlight. ‘Why are you here?’
‘I’m here because … we always talked about coming.’ My answer sounded lame and passive.
‘You and your mum.’
‘Yes.’
Noah scrutinised my face and a sense of foreboding scurried down my spine.
‘But when…’ he paused, ‘when, Evie, do you do things for yourself?’ I felt pinned to the spot. ‘When do you do things for yourself, instead of this pilgrimage for your mum? Instead of hiding behind the daydreams and what the two of you might have done together.’
‘I don’t know,’ I admitted in a small voice. I didn’t dare look up at him, in case he saw all the things that were rising to the surface.
‘We need to take some pictures. Sunset at the top of the world,’ I said hurriedly and pulled my phone from my pocket.
‘That’s what we’re here for.’ I suspected that on this occasion my bright smile wasn’t fooling him, but he was making me look too hard at myself all of a sudden, and I really didn’t like it.
I wanted to go back to being the fun, irreverent, never-look-ahead Evie who jumped into things without thought.
Noah was getting too close, and it scared the pants off me.
I was stupid to think I could play with fire, give in to temptation…
If I wasn’t careful I’d get seriously burned.