Chapter 4
FOUR
Darling
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brITNEY WAS BACK IN town, back at Barry Park. As we’d moved the production of Mansfield Park from Moon Manor to Matt’s home, I’d never even considered the possibility of running into her.
Somehow, I’d managed to put all my memories of her aside, far back into some forgotten drawer in my mind. It had taken a while, years even. For so long, I’d felt small and insignificant.
Was it any wonder? Her every waking moment had been spent reinforcing the notion that she was big and important, and I was nothing. I was less than nothing.
After her little spectacle in front of the crew, I headed to my room, disgusted by her attitude and disappointed in myself for allowing it to affect me so.
I closed my bedroom door behind me and closed my eyes.
I felt twelve again. Fourteen again. Sixteen.
All the moments of my life at Barry Park were scarred.
I’d thought I had healed, the scars old and forgotten.
But they weren’t. They’d lie there, just under the surface, waiting for Britney to rip the bandage off and leave me aching once again.
Opening my eyes, I looked around. Matt had been kind enough to set me up in one of the more recently updated rooms. I’d initially feared he’d put me up in my childhood room, a small, unadorned room that had often been cold and lonely.
What would Britney say once she discovered that I had such a pretty room? A tantrum? Would she order Matt to set me up elsewhere?
It was almost impossible to enjoy the prettiness of my room. All I could see was Britney, and that evil gleam in her eye.
A knock at the door startled me.
“Darling? Are you in there?”
It was Matt. I glanced at the clock on the wall. Twenty minutes had passed since I’d returned to my room. For twenty minutes I’d replayed the lowlights of my childhood, thanks to Britney. For twenty minutes, I’d relived her hypocrisy, her cruelty, her jealousy and her pettiness.
“Yes,” I managed to say. “What is it?”
“I was hoping to have a chance to rehearse a few scenes with you. I think it’s important that we build a solid rapport before we start filming.”
I went to the door and opened it. He stood there, a warm. and apologetic smile on his friendly face. “Yes. I think that would be a good idea.” Anything to take my mind off Britney.
“Are you alright? You seemed pretty shaken up by Britney’s unexpected arrival.”
“Let’s work on those scenes,” I said, wanting to put Britney behind me... far, far behind me.
“I was hoping to find a nice quiet place to run our lines,” he said.
“You could always come in here,” I said. “It’s quiet and I doubt anyone will disturb us. And there’s plenty of room.”
He smiled. “I think that’s a perfect idea.”
I let him in, and we quickly went through the script to find the scenes we had together... in other words, almost all of them.
We read several small and easy scenes, then moved on to more serious ones.
“Here is a scene that is pretty emotionally charged,” I said. “When Edmund tells Fanny that he’s in love with Mary Crawford. It’s not strictly as Jane wrote it, but I find it quite powerful.”
“Good idea. I, too, find that scene to be filled with a variety of emotions.”
With our scripts nearby, we sat on the sofa with ample space between us.
“What has you in such a good mood, Edmund?” I said.
“Love, my sweet Fanny. My heart is filled with love.”
“And who might the lucky young lady be?”
“Why, Mary Crawford, of course.”
“Mary?” I said softly, letting Fanny’s dismay come through.
“Do I detect a note of disapproval in your tone?”
“It is not my place to comment on your love life, Edmund. You’re a mature man and I’ve no doubt you have the ability to know what your heart truly desires.”
“Please. I insist. After all, I do hold your opinion in high esteem.”
“Do you?”
“Of course, I do, Fanny dear.”
“All right then.” I turned to face him straight on. “Edmund, you’re like a brother to me, and as any good sister would have it, I would like to see you happy. Truth be told, I don’t believe Mary is the woman who will bring you the happiness you deserve.”
“Happiness? But I am happy, Fanny. I’m elated. I’m on a cloud. Mary is a bright and curious woman. Her interests are varied and her imagination vivid. She’s inquisitive and bold.”
I nodded as he listed off Mary’s qualities.
“For the time being you are infatuated with what you know of her. What will happen when you realize...”
“Realize what?”
I turned away from him.
“Fanny. You can’t stop now. What am I to realize about Mary?”
When I said nothing, he continued.
“Mary comes from a good family, one of the best, in fact. That you should insinuate anything different...”
At this, I turned to him. “And what of her family is good, Edmund? Their standing? Their status? Their financial situation? What exactly is so good that you believe her to be a perfect match for you?”
He shook his head with some disbelief. “Well, all of what I just mentioned, Fanny. All of it.”
The scene came to an end, and we looked at one another for a prolonged moment.
“I think that was pretty good,” I said, my voice unusually raspy.
“Indeed, it was,” a feminine voice called out.
Startled, Matt and I turned to see Abbie at the door.
“Sorry for barging in. I couldn’t help but hear you two from the hall and... well, I just wanted to let you know how good it sounded,” she said. “And watching you together... yeah, the chemistry between you two is incredibly appealing.”
“I guess it helps that we already know one another,” I said.
“Have you come to the kissing scene yet?”
I felt the instant rush of blood to my cheeks.
“Um, no,” I said. “We haven’t reached that scene yet.”
“Well, anyway, Keely was hoping to have a little impromptu lunch with all the members of the Jane Austen Association that are a part of this production.”
“Oh?”
She nodded. “I think she would just like to have a little feedback on her vision of this movie. Nothing formal. Nothing too serious. Just throwing out ideas and the like.”
“I’ll be right down,” I said.
With a final nod, she backed out and closed the door.
Matt looked at me, a sheepish grin on his lips. He seemed slightly taken aback by Abbie’s sudden interruption. “I guess I’ll leave you to your meeting. Besides, I think we’ve gone through a good number of scenes already.”
“Okay.”
He slowly walked to the door and seemed reluctant to open it, his hand simply limp on the doorknob. “I think this is really going to be good,” he said. “Like Abbie said, I think we work well together.”
“So do I.”
He finally opened the door and walked out.
And the room was still and silent as I just stood and stared at the space he’d occupied.
*****
“I LIKE THE IDEA OF delving deeper into Fanny’s trauma,” Ayra said.
“Then again, I don’t think we should get too dark and deep,” Abbie said.
Holly and Susan nodded their agreement.
Seated around the breakfast table, set with all the makings of an afternoon tea, we exchanged ideas and thoughts freely.
On entering the large breakfast room, a flash of Britney dipping my hair in honey had quickly come to mind.
I’d had to have three inches of my hair cut off, amusing Britney even more.
I’d begun to dislike her at that point, but the more I had tried to ignore and avoid her, the more she’d gone out of her way to seek me out and find a novel way to make me miserable.
I shook off the horrible memory, determined to have a good time at Barry Park despite her presence. I had a wonderfully supportive group of women around me and they were the ones I wanted to focus on.
“This is one of Austen’s more difficult novels to bring to the screen,” Penny was saying. “Fanny is so often in her own head, so often passive.”
Keely looked at Holly and Ayra. “The music you two are working on is going to ground the mood of this movie.”
Ayra nodded. “What we have is definitely more somber and moodier than any of the other movies we’ve worked on. But we’ve strayed from being overly melodramatic.”
I watched them, these women who loved Jane Austen and her work so much. It was easy to see how their love for her had brought them together, but it was also clear that they all had a great fondness and respect for one another.
The ease with which they shared ideas, accepted each other’s criticism of those ideas and how they were able to laugh about it all was charming. They’d quickly become the sisters I’d never had.
“And what say you, Darling?” Holly said. “You worked on the script. Should we go dark or keep it all light and lively?”
“There are a few scenes exposing Fanny’s introspection. Not that we should turn this into a heavy drama that dwells on how she was bullied as a child, but the script doesn’t shy away from it. I think those introspective scenes should certainly reflect her difficult childhood.”
Keely stood up and ran her hand over her tiny belly.
“Well, thank you all for indulging me this afternoon. I don’t know if it’s my hormones or what, but this morning I woke up feeling the need to have my vision of this movie reinforced.
I was filled with doubts, something that has never happened before.
Is it because the material is more complicated or is it simply me, I don’t know.
Either way, I appreciate all of your input, and I do believe we have the right tone for this Jane Austen novel. ”
We parted ways and I headed outside to the garden, eager for a breath of fresh air. Small groups of actors worked here and there, including Ricky and Susie Sweets.
They were well cast for the part of Henry and Mary Crawford, the haughty and well-to-do siblings. There was even a slight resemblance if one looked closely enough at the depth of their eyes and the slope of their noses.
I sat by the large fountain, watching their interactions.
They worked well together, their banter amusing and easy. Susie’s Mary was almost comical at times while Ricky’s Henry oozed charm, even when playing against his sister.
“Oh, my God!”