Chapter 13 Darling
THIRTEEN
Darling
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THE SCENE PLAYED OUT in my mind, on a constant loop, over and over again, the loving look in Matthew’s eyes and Susie’s pouting lips.
“Why are you tormenting yourself like this?” I said aloud.
And then the kiss that cemented their relationship. It was soft and sweet for a fraction of a second, then hard and passionate, so passionate that I could hear their ardor from a distance, even as I’d rushed down the hall to escape them.
Ricky, I thought with a flash. I had to find Ricky. I had to move on from whatever it was that I was harboring for Matthew. I had to prove to myself that... that...
What? That Matthew meant nothing to me? He was just an old childhood friend, after all. Of course, he meant nothing more. Or was this simply the remnants of a childish crush? After all, I’d always admired him. Had always looked up to him. He’d been my hero on more than one occasion.
Wasn’t it only natural that I have feelings for him?
Yes. But how deep did those feelings really go? That was the question, and I had no true answer.
And as to why it hurt so much to see him kissing Susie... The thought of it alone was enough to make me sob.
With no answers to my bundle of emotions, I knew the only way to soothe my hurt and confusion was to find myself in Ricky’s embrace.
Wandering through the many halls of Barry Park, I found a small crew shooting the outer scenery through one of the bedroom windows, sans Keely.
The camera seemed to be set up so as to capture the sweeping hillside beyond the grounds of Barry Park.
No doubt it would make for a lovely transitional scene.
A few doors down, the set decorator had her crew repositioning furniture and hanging drapes on the windows. A rolled-up rug lay by the door, ready to be taken out, or laid out anew in a different spot.
I made my way down to the piano room and found Ricky, Keely and a camera operator. Shooting a somber scene, silent and pensive as Ricky’s Mr. Crawford stared out a window, they were unaware of my presence.
The depth of emotion Ricky displayed, and this, without uttering a word, was impressive.
His eyes said so much, as did the bitter press of his lips.
But he was careful not to overplay it. He didn’t fall into the trap so many actors did, frowning too deeply to convey some emotion while the eyes remained dead.
No. Ricky brought nuance to the short scene.
“Cut,” Keely softly said. “We’ve got it. That was perfect, Ricky. You almost had me crying.”
“That’s was the objective,” Rick said with a grin.
A spattering of applause came from the corner of the room that was out of my view. I wanted to lean in to see who it was, but I quickly got my answer.
Wearing a clingy raspberry top over her black yoga shorts, Britney trotted over to Ricky, gushing the whole way.
“You have to teach me how to do that,” she said. “I want to be able to show such a range of emotions just as eloquently as you do.”
He smiled at her and my gut flipped over. Was I already losing him to her? Oh, please, no. Not her.
“I could give you a few pointers,” he said.
He looked up and noticed me then and I was pleased to see his eyes light up with the eagerness to come to me.
“Darling,” he said. “What perfect timing. I was just finishing here and hoping to find you.”
The pouting look of shock and dismay on Britney’s face was worthy of Oscar. She wanted to emote? Well, there she had it. The perfect expression of a woman scorned. For a second I thought she would throw a fit, but she quickly switched gears and slapped on a playful grin.
“I’ll let you get to work,” she told Ricky as she lay a telling hand on his bicep. “Let’s meet up later for that little lesson, all right.”
I saw the restraint, the desperate need to hide from Ricky just how upset she truly was.
But I knew that look in her eyes. I knew the spite that resided behind her bright smile.
She was trying too hard to be nice, to be pleasant, but she wasn’t fooling me, and I had to hope she wasn’t fooling Ricky either.
She sauntered past us and left the room.
“Don’t forget, Ricky,” Keely said as she prepared to also leave. “They’re forecasting rain tomorrow. We’ll take advantage of that and shoot the scene of you galloping back to Mansfield Park, drenched and on horseback. It’s bound to be a sexy scene.”
He pressed a smile. “I can’t wait.”
The moment she and the camera operator left, he looked at me, his eyes wide with fear.
“Ride. In the rain. Galloping.” He fidgeted. “I’m dead. I’ll never be able to pull it off. I’m dead!”
“Calm down. You’re not dead. Before I’m through with you, you’ll be pulling off galloping in the rain with your eyes closed. Come on. Let’s rid you of this fear of horses once and for all.”
*****
BUSTER AND BETSY WERE saddled up and ready to go. He helped me up onto Betsy’s back then, with the help of the small stool, got atop Buster. Riding side by side, we walked out of the stable and settled into a pleasant trot.
“This is too fast,” Ricky shouted. He hooted with excitement for a fearful moment, then found the pleasure of the easy gait.
“Get ready,” I said.
We reached the wide-open field, and I tapped Betsy’s belly with the heel of my foot and slapped the reins against her neck.
“Come on!” I shouted.
Betsy took off and Buster followed close behind. Ricky let out a shout of surprise as he bounced uncontrollably on Buster’s back. Then he let out a screech and finally a hoot of amusement.
“Hold a tight rein,” I called to him. “Control him.”
It took him a few beats, but he found the rhythm, riding Buster as if they were one. His movements weren’t quite fluid, but I had no doubt that after an hour of riding, he’d been convincing enough on screen.
As we reached an abandoned pond at the other end of the property, I slowed Betsy and slid off her back, leaving her to graze freely.
Ricky came up to me.
“Look at you,” I said with a laugh as I shielded my eyes from the sun and looked up at him. “You might not be able to pull off a long and complicated horse chase, but I think you’ll do just fine for a short gallop through the rain. Now, get off your high horse and let Buster cool off a bit.”
He laughed as he swung his leg around and hopped off Buster’s back. Without hesitation, he came to me and pulled me into his arms.
“I can’t remember the last time I felt so alive,” he said.
“Learning something new can do that to you sometimes.”
He pulled me closer. “And I think that being here with you can do that to me, too.”
I looked at him, uncertain what to do. His gaze dipped to my lips, and they responded by parting, waiting. But was I ready to go there?
Maybe.
Then the image of Susie and Matt kissing came to me like a flash, like a punch in the gut. Before Ricky could make the final approach, I leaned into him and pressed my lips to his.
The kiss, a little awkward and lacking authenticity, left me dissatisfied. We pulled away from one another, our gazes uncertain.
“That was a surprise,” he said still holding me.
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately,” I said, hating the half lie. My kiss was brought on by my longing for Matthew and only a curious interest in Ricky.
“I can say wholeheartedly that I’ve thought an awful lot about you. The times we’ve spent together, learning how to get close to a horse, and getting closer still to you... I couldn’t ask for a better way to spend the week.”
I leaned into him again, this time kissing him with the tenderness he deserved. He smelled good, tasted good, and of course, he looked so good. Any girl would kill to be in my shoes. I’d be foolish to pass up the chance at a relationship with him.
“It has, indeed, been a special week.”
Hand in hand, we strolled along the edge of the pond, chatting about the production, about some of the actors, about horses, but skirting topics that hit too close to home.
When he asked about my childhood with Matt, I simply said it was pleasant and ages ago.
And when I brought up his work as a superhero, he was slightly dismissive, unwilling to delve into the topic.
“I want to tell you something,” he said when we headed back to the horses. “Before we go back to the main house, I’d like to make this clear.”
He grabbed my hand and held it up. “This.”
I frowned. “I’m sorry. I don’t follow. What do you mean?”
“This,” he said again showing me our clasped hands. “Us.”
Us?
“People are already talking,” he said.
“Really? Saying what?”
“What a lovely couple we’d make if only we’d give ourselves a chance.”
“Oh.”
I’d heard nothing of the sort.
But when we returned to the main house after leaving the horses in the stable, I noticed the knowing glances, the nods of approval and the occasional thumbs up.
Rather than resist the growing rumors, I played into them. I grabbed Ricky’s hand and unabashedly leaned into him, looking up at him with a loving gaze.
Ricky didn’t hesitate. He released my hand and put his arm around me, pulling me closer still.
*****
THE RUMOR MILL DID its job. Before the day was out everyone knew Ricky and I were an item. To my dismay however, word also circulated that Matthew and Susie were a hot couple as well.
Not only were we all seated together that night at dinner, but also breakfast, lunch the next day, and every cast meeting.
They were sickly sweet together, while Ricky and I portrayed a more level-headed romantic couple, or at least, that was the way I saw it.
The pain and confusion of it all quickly became unbearable.