Chapter 7
A insley had put Darro the third down for a nap and was playing Go Fish with Corey and Delilah, but her mind was on Dal. She hadn’t seen him except at a distance since he’d scolded her and walked away. She almost wished he’d hauled her out to the barn and just spanked her if it would bring his smile back. When he spotted her from afar, he would simply nod and turn away. For some odd reason, it really hurt. It was like he hadn’t accepted her apology. What more could she do though? She told him she was sorry; the next move was on him.
Lucerne told her today that Dal was off until after New Year’s Eve. He wasn’t an actual hand on the station, although he did help out a lot, so his services as veterinarian in training weren’t required through the holidays.
Lucerne’s sympathetic gaze made Ainsley feel even more sorry for herself but she tried to keep a stiff upper lip. Chances were, she wouldn’t see him again before she left for Boston. Classes started the second week in January and she wanted to get back, get prepared, and rest up a bit from the journey. Jet lag was tiring.
Thomas had called this morning but he seemed so vague and far away. He hadn’t really cheered her up much although she tried for his sake. Her mind strolled over her memories of their conversation. They had chatted about inconsequential things and then he’d suddenly pounced on her.
“What’s wrong, honey? You sound different. Aren’t you having a good time with your family this year?”
“Of course I am, Thomas,” she replied, trying to raise her spirits for his sake. “I’ll just be glad when the holiday is over and I can get back to Boston.”
There was silence for a moment. “Is that stalker vet in training still there? The one who you said was staring at you when you were riding Stardust?”
“Who?” she hedged. It was funny that he should unerringly focus on Dal.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know who I’m talking about.”
Ainsley sighed. Thomas was totally the jealous type and she wished she’d never mentioned Dal to him. “Aye, Dal is still here, although he’s off fer the rest of the holidays. I rarely see him.”
Thomas grunted and she could picture his dark hair, hazel eyes, and handsome face watching her suspiciously in her mind’s eye. “Good. I’d hate to have to come to those god-forsaken outlander hills and kick his arse, as you Scots say, for looking at my girl.”
For a second, Ainsley didn’t know how to respond. The physical difference between the two men were like night and day. Thomas was dark and sleek, like a lean and predatory panther, while Dal was blond, muscled, and more like a lion with his broad chest build. Plus, he had three inches in height on Thomas. She was pretty sure Thomas wouldn’t be kicking Dal’s arse anytime soon, even if he was here. Then again, maybe she wasn’t being fair to Thomas. She knew he did some kickboxing with his workouts. Mayhap his reflexes were better than Dals.
“You aren’t talking, Ainsley. Does that mean you don’t think I can?” Thomas growled in her ear.
“Don’t be a jobber, Thomas,” she replied impatiently. “I may not have an interest in Dal but we aren’t engaged or anything, so it’s a moot point.”
“Have it your way...for now,” Thomas replied.
They had spoken for a few more minutes with Thomas sounding sulky so she’d finally rang off.
“It’s your turn Auntie Ainsley,” Corey piped up, his big blue eyes smiling up at her.
Ainsley’s thoughts slammed back to the present and she smiled at her nephew. “Ye have any threes?”
“Nay,” he replied with a giggle.
Her eyebrows went up. “Corey MacCandish, ye had a three a few minutes ago. I saw it when ye left your hand open fer anyone to see.”
“That’s cheating,” he blustered. “Ye aren’t supposed to look at the other player’s cards.”
“Technically it’s not cheating if ye don’t protect your hand, Corey,” Delilah piped up while looking down her nose at her younger brother. “Angus says to play yer cards close to yer vest. Like this.” She held her cards close to her chest where only she could peek at them.
Corey cocked his head sideways. “But I don’t wear a vest. Besides, Angus says only cheaters look.”
“It’s a figure of speech, Corey,” Ainsley inserted. “It just means hold them close to yer body.”
“Then why didn’t Angus just say that?” he huffed. “Besides, Dee just asked me fer the three so that means ye weren’t paying attention.”
Ainsley laughed. Her niece and nephew were always a fun time. Especially Corey with his endless questions and his way of taking things at face value. Nothing subtle about the lad. There was no doubt that the all-knowing Delilah was firmly in charge of the duo, and she didn’t hesitate a moment to correct her brother when necessary. She was nine to Corey’s seven and they were both blond-haired, blue-eyed, and smart as whips. “Ye caught me ye little rascal. Can I ask fer another card then?”
He shook his head. “Nay, ye don’t get two turns, only one at a time.” His little face was dead serious. “Right, Dee?” He’d always called her Dee because he couldn’t quite get Delilah out when he was first learning to talk.
Delilah appeared to be thinking it over before she spoke. “Well...we could give her another chance since it’s Christmas. It would be the nice thing to do.”
“Like an early Christmas present?” Corey asked eagerly.
Delilah agreed. “Sure, like an early Christmas present.”
“It will be our secret and we won’t tell Angus we cheated.” Corey beamed at Ainsley.
Ainsley couldn’t help but laugh. “Aye, there are lots of secrets at Christmas.”
Corey’s eyes turned sly. “I know one of Dal’s secrets,” he boasted.
Ainsley’s heart skipped a beat. “Do ye now? Are ye going to share?” She leaned in close to Corey, her pulse picking up.
Delilah entered the conversation. “We aren’t supposed to give away secrets, Corey.”
His little brows ran down to a frown. “He told us, so it’s only secret fer his friend,” he replied. “Since we don’t know his friend, it’s okay to share it.”
“Mayhap,” Delilah said slowly. “I guess it’s okay, since he isn’t even going to be back until after Christmas. Maybe he took his present with him.”
Ainsley picked up her cards. “If ye aren’t going to share, then let’s finish this game. The baby will be waking up soon.”
“It’s a snow globe,” Corey announced with shining eyes.
“Aye, and it’s really pretty,” Delilah added. “It has a little house that looks like ours inside it. Isn’t that amazing?”
Ainsley nodded. “A miniature Neamh does sound amazing. I wonder where he found it?”
“Special order,” Corey said with a grin. “He said he had it made special.”
“Wow, I wonder who the lucky person is?” Ainsley teased, but her heart drummed in her chest. She loved snow globes, always had. But Dal would never buy her a gift, why would he? Especially since he despised her. She wondered if he was coming to the Christmas party? What if he had bought it for her? Would he still give it to her? Worse yet, why did she even care?
She felt a headache coming on.
***
B en left Thistlewind and went into Inverness to pick up some supplies at the feed store. His thoughts were never far from Dottie and his frustration with her grew by the hour. He thought over their conversation the night they had gone to the Christmas Gardens.
She’d volunteered on the spur of the moment, she said, and then regretted it. How had she felt inferior enough to pull a stunt like this? It seemed so out of proportion with the confident and successful young business woman she was that he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. And she kept it hidden even when she had the chance to confess and get it over with. Why?
When he pulled into Highland Feed, he saw Darro’s Neamh truck parked in front. Lucerne was sitting in the passenger’s side and the truck was running, so he must be picking up something as well. He waved at Lucerne through the glass and tried to form a smile instead of the perpetual frown he knew was on his face since he’d left Heaven’s Gate.
Lucerne smiled and rolled down the window as he turned off his truck and got out.
“Hiya, Ben. What brings ye into town?”
“Just picking up some supplies and whatever else takes my fancy,” he replied. He knew his fake smile didn’t reach his eyes when Lucerne studied his face.
“Is something wrong? Ye don’t seem too happy.”
Ben hesitated. Lucerne was a few years older than Dottie and much younger than Poppy. Poppy had told him Dottie might have reasons he wasn’t aware of and to be patient, but mayhap Lucerne might know her generation better. He hated anyone knowing his business, but perhaps he could make an exception. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck through his gloves where the tense muscles protested.
“Can I ask ye something, Lucerne?” he finally said. “It’s about Dottie, but I don’t want everyone to know about it.”
Concern immediately flooded Lucerne’s pale skin. “Is she okay? What is it, Ben? Here, jump into the truck, it’s freezing out there.” She opened the door and scooted over to the middle.
“Okay, thank ye, it is right cold out here.” Ben climbed in and felt the warmth snuggling up to his body and it felt good. The wind was a bit brisk and his nose and lips were already feeling frozen. Then he explained what he’d found and watched as Lucerne’s eyes grew large and round.
“Right now, I’m so angry I just want to throw her over my lap and spank some sense into her,” he growled. “I just don’t understand it, Lucerne. I know she hates cooking, so why did she even volunteer, let alone spend so much money on those dishes? Do ye have any idea? And why won’t she tell me? Why do I have to force it out of her? I’ve given her plenty of opportunity to tell me. I’ve known something was wrong because she’s been eating up her thumbs like she always does when she’s under a lot of stress.”
“I see yer problem,” Lucerne replied slowly. “If I were ye, I wouldn’t force it out of her though. If I had to guess, I’d say the extreme stress is knowing she’s deceiving ye and hating herself fer it.”
“All she has to do is tell me and we’ll figure it out together.” he protested, feeling exasperated at that answer.
“It’s not always that simple in a woman’s mind. Perhaps to ye, and most men, it’s black and white, but to a woman, there are always colors of gray in every situation. The what ifs .”
Ben stared. “The what ifs ?” He reached up and rubbed his nose. “Ye have lost me,” he confessed.
Lucerne chuckled. “ What if I tell him and he hates me? What if I don’t tell, can I live with that? What if he finds out anyway? What if I’ve hurt him? What if he’s so angry that Christmas is ruined? What if everyone finds out? What if he can’t forgive me? What if he really punishes me hard? What if he doesn’t understand? See? It’s the what if’s that drive us crazy.”
“Good Lord,” Ben muttered helplessly. “No wonder she’s chewing her thumbs off with all that swirling around in her wee head. Seems to me it would be more merciful if I just told her I knew and spanked her fer it right then.”
It was Lucerne’s turn to stare. “Ye don’t want to know her reasons? Just throw her over yer lap like a brute and paddle the daylights out of her? Then pick her up, kiss her, and call it all good?”
“If it would save her all that misery then aye, it sounds like a better deal to me,” he exclaimed. “I think I’d be doing her a favor.”
“Trust me, ye won’t.”
When the driver’s door opened and Darro slid in, they both jumped. “What’s going on in here? Is there something I need to know, honey? Ye two are so cuddled up together that I’m beginning to get suspicious.” His dark brows slid up in question as they both stared at him.
“Why don’t ye ask Darro what he thinks?” Lucerne snapped at Ben. “Mayhap both of ye can’t be that obtuse about women.”
“Cripes,” Ben muttered. “I should never have said anything.”
“Wife troubles, Ben?” Darro asked smoothly, humor lighting up his eyes. “Wouldn’t happen to be something about that lasagna, would it?”
Ben spluttered. “How...how did ye know?”
Darro chuckled deeply. “I didn’t...me and yer dad just guessed that Dottie might not have made it. We don’t have a clue where it came from though. And we weren’t going to complain, it was worth it.”
“It should have been, it cost me 149 pounds,” Ben griped.
Understanding dawned. “Cripes! How can ye afford that?”
“I can’t, that’s the problem. And that’s not even the half of it.” Ben went on to explain how much the bill was and why he was asking Lucerne for advice. “She thinks I should be patient and let Dottie come to me.”
“That’s a lot of money,” Darro admitted with a frown. “I’m afraid I’m no a patient man when it comes to deceit.”
Lucerne pointed her finger at him. “That’s not entirely true. Ye knew I was using a different name when I first came to Neamh and ye didn’t call me out on it. I ended up confessing.”
Darro shot her a pained look. “It’s not because I was being patient, that was desperation. I was afraid ye would leave me stranded when I needed ye the most if I gave ye what ye deserved out of principle. That’s not to say there is something to be said fer being patient when it’s necessary,” he added hastily at the look on Lucerne’s face. “The thing is, ye know yer wife the best, Ben. Everyone might tell ye something different, but the bottom line is, it’s between ye and Dottie.”
“Aye, it is,” Ben replied heavily. “Well, I’d best be picking up my supplies and heading home. Thanks, fer the advice. Please don’t say anything to Dottie. It might embarrass her if everyone at Neamh knows.”
“It will be our secret,” Lucerne promised. “Drive careful, there may be snow again this afternoon. Ye know how the roads get.”
Ben opened the door. “Aye, I do. Ye two be careful as well.”
Ben walked up to the planking in front of the feed store and then turned and waved as Darro backed out and pulled away. At least he didn’t feel as angry, but he still wasn’t sure what to do. His first instinct was still to call her out on it, but mayhap Lucerne had a point. Mayhap he needed to inspect Dottie’s feeling a little more.
The problem was, he had no clue as to why she should feel the need to produce the dishes in the first place. No one expected her to, so what had been going through her brilliant little mind?
***
D inner at Thistlewind was tense in the little cottage. Dottie did her best to pretend there was nothing wrong as she flipped the grilled ham and cheese sandwiches and prepared a nice salad for her and Ben. She was really surprised when he came over and took the pancake turner from her and started helping her.
“I didn’t know ye were such an expert sandwich flipper,” she teased, trying to lighten the atmosphere. “The cheese always wants to slide the two sides apart on me.”
Ben shot her a small smile that left her feeling uneasy. “Toasted cheese is something Dad and I used to make all the time after Mum died. Not much else we could cook, but that was one thing. I like them better with ham in them though. Do ye want another one?” I’m making another one fer me.”
Dottie sliced some tomatoes into the salad. “Nay, but thank ye. I’ll be lucky to finish one. I’m not that hungry.”
After dinner, Ben went to take care of the animals in the barn. There were some snowflakes swirling around, but no heavy storms predicted. She hoped things stayed clear at least until after the party. Only one more day to get through and it would all be over with. All but the guilt that is.
She nibbled on her thumb as she watched Ben through the kitchen window, then she washed the dishes and wiped down the cabinets. He seemed so tense tonight. Mayhap it was just Christmas. Lord knows she was tense herself. She hadn’t even been able to enjoy ferreting out what he might have gotten her for Christmas. All she could think of was those Clootie Dumplings sitting in Neamh’s freezer. And now Ben might be making dumplings too. His would be a very nice surprise, not just for her, but for everyone. Not many men could produce Clootie Dumplings. And it was all for her. She groaned and bit a little too hard on her thumb.
Sighing, she finished up the dishes and drained the sink. Her right thumb was beyond sore. It was looking kind of red and swollen with little skin and nail edges sticking out from around the nail bed. She really needed a new nervous habit.
Ben seemed to be taking a long time in the barn, so she delved into the hall closet and began taking out the gifts for her family tomorrow. Her mum was making lunch and they were gift exchanging. A lot was going on in the next few days; it was overwhelming.
Tomorrow evening, they would go with Poppy and Angus to some of Angus’s family for dinner. Then the party at Neamh on Wednesday. On Christmas Eve Thursday they would attend a holiday program at the Cathedral in Inverness. Angus and Poppy would be flying to Chicago on the 27 th of December to be with Poppy’s daughter and her husband until after New Years Eve. Poppy was really looking forward to seeing her grandchildren.
She picked up the box, carried it into the kitchen, and sat it on the table. She was so incredibly tired. Not to mention feeling like a big fat fraud. She nibbled a sore spot on her thumb and then winced as a painful edge of the skin came off. Tears spurted into her eyes and self-pity suddenly took over. Desperately she tried to stem the tears and brushed the traitors off her cheeks when she heard the front door open.
Ben was back.
Trying to put on a brave smile she turned to face him when he came up behind her after taking off his winter gear. “Are the animals all tucked in?”
His eyes widened in shock when she turned around. “Dottie! Ye are bleeding. Where are ye hurt?” He peered closely into her face and she put her hands up to ward him off. He grabbed her right hand and stared down at it. “Yer thumb is bleeding and ye have smeared blood all over yer face,” he said with a frown. He studied a bit closer. “Have ye been crying?”
Dottie stared at her thumb. It had been bleeding and she hadn’t realized it because it was barely seeping. “I-I didn’t realize it was bleeding,” she confessed. “And nay, I’m not crying,” she added, then promptly burst into choking sobs.
Ben picked her up and sat her on the cabinet. “Stay right there while I get a band-aid,” he instructed tenderly. He turned on the water in the sink. “Put yer thumb under that, honey.”
Dottie nodded and obeyed, sobbing softly at the gentleness in his tone. She didn’t deserve his gentleness; she was lying to him. She just didn’t know how to confess. Throwing her feelings out to be analyzed wasn’t in her make-up. Holding things in was. It was a hard barrier to get past.
When Ben returned, he brought a washcloth and held it under the warm water and washed her face carefully. It didn’t stop the tears still leaking but it did feel good.
“Ye look exhausted, Dottie. There are deep circles under yer eyes. Ye haven’t been sleeping well, have ye?” he asked, taking her hand from under the water and washing her thumb.
“Not really,” she confessed, more tears squeezing from beneath her eyelids.
He dried her thumb with a soft towel. “I can tell, ye never cry. Exhaustion has done this to ye.” He carefully wrapped the band-aid around her thumb. “Tonight, ye are going to bed early. Ye need some rest.”
She immediately protested. “I can’t go to bed early, I have too much to do.”
Ben put both his arms on either side of her body, and looked her directly in the face. “I said ye are going to bed early. With or without a spanked bottom is yer choice.”
She eyed his stern features. Where had this come from? If she defied him now and he followed through, this would be the second time in a week. Her heartrate picked up. Remembering his hard spanks in the truck made the decision for her.
“Okay,” she meekly replied. “I guess there’s nothing that can’t wait until morning.”
He smiled. “Good girl. Now, go get ready fer bed and put on that short little piece of nothing that I can see through.” He lifted her off the cabinet and added a spank to her backside as he pushed her towards the hallway.
Desire flared in her abdomen. Dottie hurried down the hallway and into their bedroom. Quickly she undressed to her panties and then slipped the ‘ barely cover the butt’ negligee over her head, loving the feel of the filmy silk as it caressed her breasts. She didn’t feel the least bit sleepy, but making love with Ben always helped her fall asleep later. At least for a few hours anyway. He was being so sweet; he hadn’t even scolded her about her thumb.
Which made her feel even more like a heel .