Chapter 15
Patricia freezes. She doesn't know whether to move, speak, or just wait for Carlota to say something else. At this point, she had already figured out that her companion didn't have much experience, but knowing she has never been with a woman makes her feel nervous and burdened with a huge responsibility because she thinks the situation is walking a tightrope. Carlota might or might not enjoy intimacy with someone of the same sex. The seconds tick by and the atmosphere thickens, Patricia doesn't want either of them to feel uncomfortable, so she steps forward and approaches the volunteer.
"Okay, but do you want to?" Patricia asks, looking into her eyes, "we don't have to…"
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," Carlota answers with a firmness that impresses the other veterinarian.
Patricia smiles and, although if it were up to her she would devour Carlota to satisfy this crazy desire she feels, she decides to take it slow and show more affection than the lust she feels. The more experienced of the two begins to caress the other, who lets herself be touched, and leads her to the bed so they can be more comfortable.
"If you need to stop, I…"
Carlota interrupts Patricia again, this time with a kiss so charged with sensuality that the cardiologist feels a flash of electricity shoot through her back. Even though Carlota has never been with another girl, she believes that having been with men gives her some experience and knows what's going to happen next. She's wrong, not for a second had the animal shelter volunteer imagined that making love with Patricia would be an experience so full of intense and pleasurable sensations.
"You're beautiful," Patricia tells Carlota, who's completely melting from the kisses her companion is planting on her neck.
Carlota thinks she won't live to tell about this thrilling experience when Patricia leaves a trail of kisses down her chest and to her belly while caressing her legs. The first contact between the cardiologist's hot mouth and her center of pleasure makes Carlota moan—for the first time—so loudly that she immediately blushes with embarrassment and brings a hand to her mouth.
"Don't hold back," Patricia says, looking up to meet Carlota's eyes, "I love hearing you."
The two women enjoy each other for a long while. As it had happened whenever they'd done anything together, they've connected in an exquisite way, making both experience several orgasms that have left them exhausted. Carlota's inexperience hasn't been a major impediment, the shy girl isn't so shy in bed, and she's quickly taken to Patricia's body with amazing ease.
"Are you okay?" Patricia asks while trying to catch her breath.
Carlota turns toward her and smiles with a flushed face.
"I should be asking you that," the volunteer smiles.
Patricia bursts out laughing and covers her face with both hands. Now she's the one dying of embarrassment because in the last few minutes she managed to come twice and couldn't help writhing, screaming, and asking her companion for more. She, who's quite uninhibited in sex, has rarely reacted in such a visceral way the first time she's intimate with someone, it's usually after some time when Patricia gains confidence and drops those filters that are usually put up at the beginning of any relationship.
"Sorry, I had trouble controlling myself," Patricia apologizes.
"I really liked seeing you like that. I don't know, you seem a bit vulnerable, authentic. Nothing like that mean girl you often are," Carlota answers and caresses her face.
Patricia feels a pang of guilt for her behavior toward Carlota all this time.
"I'm so sorry, Carlota, I really don't know why I reacted that way. Or well," Patricia corrects herself, "I do know. I wanted that position and when they gave it to you, all I could think was that your uncle had pulled strings for you. I was petty and it never crossed my mind to think that you're very good at your job and, despite having someone there supporting you, you deserved it as much as I did."
Carlota doesn't answer, just smiles and gives her a soft kiss on the lips. Then she turns and looks at the ceiling as if searching for some answer in the tapestry decorating it. Patricia lets her be for a few minutes, but then starts thinking that Carlota might now regret what happened between them.
"What are you thinking?" the cardiologist asks with uncharacteristic shyness.
Carlota opens her mouth but doesn't turn to look at her.
"I'm a little scared," she confesses. "What I felt was extraordinary and I'm terrified of not knowing how to handle it. I've been confused for a long time, you know? I had started noticing girls and didn't know what it meant. At first, I thought it was just the result of failed relationships with guys, but when I saw you that day with that grumpy face at the shelter door," Carlota smiles and closes her eyes to shake her head, "something finally woke up inside me."
Patricia also smiles and affectionately caresses her arm.
"When we were locked in there," Carlota continues, "that feeling kept growing, but I denied myself those feelings because besides not knowing if you liked women, I was sure that a beautiful girl like you would never notice me."
As if spring-loaded, Patricia suddenly sits up and looks at her questioningly.
"I don't understand why you say that, you're beautiful, Carlota, plus you're fun, smart, and kind. If anything, it should be the other way around and I should be wondering how a girl like you could notice me."
Carlota looks at her sadly, as if thinking those words aren't true.
"I've never been able to control my weight," she answers heavily, "and truthfully, I don't see anything wrong with it, in fact, I go to the gym several times a week, I move around all day and I have good eating habits where I allow myself many treats, but I also eat very healthy. My bloodwork is perfect, but it's been many years of hearing the word fat used as an insult toward me. It started when I was little, when I was in school, and although they don't say it to my face now, I've seen it in the eyes of several guys I've dated."
"They're idiots," Patricia blurts out, making Carlota laugh. "We live in a time where looks seem to be everything and there's nothing more wrong than that. Years ago, I dated a super pretty girl, I was the envy of many because it was like dating a beauty queen, but that was only on the outside because inside she was the most horrible woman I've known. Envious, mean-hearted, toxic... I can tell you hundreds of negative things about her. I saw her a few months ago, completely unrecognizable. What I want to tell you with this is that the beauty or stunning looks that many brag about today end with time, it's unstoppable. We should focus on people who warm our hearts, who make us feel safe and who truly love us."
Carlota is speechless. She's starting to know a side of Patricia she's never seen before and she loves it. Having noticed her and now being together in that bed is more than a gratifying experience. She moves closer to the cardiologist and kisses her tenderly again, letting out a sigh.
Patricia hugs her and suddenly extreme exhaustion hits them both. It's not just the physical activity, it's that they've both opened up so much to each other that they feel their bodies floating and they can't help but close their eyes and fall asleep very close together.