6. Chapter 4
Chapter 4
Michael
W orking day in and day out with Mandy is a dream come true. She's not here at the site all the time because she's started giving dance lessons at the Sharon Day Community Center. I wish I could drive her to and from, but she's stubborn. She's got a battered old car she got at the dealership the next town over. We had our first argument since she returned when she proudly presented that rust bucket to me.
I told her she should have taken me or one of my brothers to make sure they didn't con her. She got all huffy and didn't talk to me all afternoon after that. Today, I come bearing gifts. She loves these red velvet cupcakes they make at Flora's Baked Delights, and I got a box of them for her.
My crew is doing the upstairs rooms of her grandmother’s house while I take care of the kitchen. Mandy is at the dining room table, worrying over a ton of papers. She seems to be trying to figure out the world's problems alone.
"Hey there. You look a little frazzled."
"Oh, hey. I'm…"
She opens her eyes wide when she sees the box I'm carrying.
"Are those for…"
"Shhh. They're for you. I didn't get the crew anything."
Her face lights up joyfully, and she rushes up from the table. The fridge is working, and we have a few things in there for snacks and treats. She brings out the milk and two glasses and sits back down again. There's a weird look in her eyes when she grabs all of the papers, stacks them next to her, and clears off the table so that we can enjoy the cupcakes.
I watch her do a little wiggle with her butt when she fills our glasses with milk. She does that when she's happy, and I'm proud to be who gave her this moment.
"You get one because you brought them to me, but only one."
"Oh, is that how it is, then?"
"Yup." She says with a mouthful of cupcake.
These are some of the moments I've missed. Being able to make her happy, to make her smile and do that butt wiggle. I realize I still want this woman with all of my heart. The thought makes a chill go through me. Mandy has changed during all those years we were apart. I've seen it in how she handles herself and others.
I don't think I would survive being rejected by this woman again.
We eat in amicable silence, but my heart tries to override my brain. I'm not letting that happen anytime soon. I do want to get to know her better once again. It's just something that pulls at me from the inside, and I can't help it.
"Wanna go with me to see the tiles I've chosen for the kitchen?" I ask her.
"Definitely! I trust you, though. I went through the catalog of projects Danny sent me, and I was very impressed by your work. Oh, can we have lunch at that Venezuelan place that opened up near the park?"
"Certainly. I've been dying to try it."
We have fun playing interior decorator at the tile store. I'm secure in my skills, but you never know what a client might want that differs from your own vision. So I share mine with her and she seems intrigued by the choices I give her.
"I really shouldn't get attached. After all, I'm selling the place."
"Right, so you can go back to being an actress."
"I…"
"I know that's your dream. Are you okay with taking this time for renovating or do you have something waiting for you in New York?"
"New York is not as magical as I once thought it was. There's nothing waiting for me back there."
Her sad demeanor makes me want to take her into my arms and wipe all her worries away with a scorching kiss. I keep myself from unleashing all the love I have inside for her. She'll sell, and she'll leave. That’s the bottom line. I can't let my heart get entangled with hers.
"What's it like? The auditions, the callbacks? Were you excited? Scared?"
"Do you really want to know, or are you just making small talk?"
I look at her beautiful face, her blonde locks and shining blue eyes. With Mandy Schmidt, I can only be completely honest.
"A little bit of both. I've missed how easy it always was between us, Mandy. I've missed you."
She lowers her head and I see frown lines appear on her forehead. I want to erase those lines with my fingers, but I'm scared of touching her. That would cross a line I don't think I can come back from. I'd want to keep touching her until I make her mine once again. So I need to be careful.
"At first, it was exciting. So many parts, the endless possibilities. There were so many of us, though, and some of the other girls were mean-spirited. That is to say, they were so hungry for a career in the theater that they could be ruthless. I hated that part most of all. I mean, shouldn't we help each other instead?"
"I'm sorry to hear that. Did you make any friends at all?"
"A couple, but in the end, it was everyone for themselves. I couldn't trust them."
"I wouldn't have lasted six months there, let alone five years. You're so strong. I've always admired that about you."
The frown is back, and I see tears threaten to fall from the corner of her eyes.
"I'm not strong, Michael. Not one bit. I'm a failure and…"
She bursts into tears, and I do the only thing I can do. I gather her in my arms and hold her tight. She lets go and lets out anguished cries. I'm almost scared to know what happened to her in the city. She seems so broken, not at all the woman I knew from before. Finally, she calms down enough to be able to talk.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry. What you must think of me."
I hand her a handkerchief, and she cleans away her tears. Her face is as beautiful as always, and all I want is to console her, but I'm not sure what the right words are at this moment. We walk over to where there's a bench, and we sit down beside each other. It's cold out, but we're both bundled up.
My arm goes behind her and I pull her close to me once more. Mandy sighs and relaxes into my embrace.
"There's so much I want to tell you, Michael, but I can't."
"We used to tell each other our secrets all the time. Don't you trust me anymore?"
"You're probably the only person I trust. Next to my friend Ana Maria."
"How come I didn't know you were friends with her?"
"I used to go to the library to research everything I could about the theater and Broadway. It was close to the time I left. We just kept texting and emailing, and our friendship grew. If it wasn't for her friendship…"
"Then I'm glad you have her as a friend. Is that where you've been staying?"
"Yeah. I thought I could stay at Grandma's, but that would have been a nightmare, and Ana Maria offered."
I'm holding her tight and am worried I might not let her go when it's time to leave. She seems calmer now, and I do my best to distract her.
"What do you say we go have dinner at that place you suggested?"
"Yeah, I'd like that."
We get into my truck and we're lucky to find a parking spot right in front of the restaurant. I get the door for Mandy, and we go inside a nice, homey restaurant with great smells. Someone seats us and hands us some menus. I've got no clue what I'm reading.
"What's good here?"
"The stuffed arepas, for sure. Ana Maria swears by them."
We order and I notice Mandy seems to have composed herself. I'm desperate to know more about her life in New York, but I hate seeing her as upset as she was before. So, I keep my trap shut.
"Mandy, I've been meaning to ask you. Are you happy with the timeline for the repairs? Or do you want me to speed things up? I could put more men on the crew at the house."
"It's fine, Michael. Thank you."
"Are you happy with the way things are turning out?"
"I hired the best, and I'm getting the best. Besides, you know I'd complain if something was not up to my standards. I'm not a pushover."
"No, you are not. Mandy, about New York…"
"Let's not talk about that. Tell me about you, your family, the business. What's been going on since I left?"
I look at her face, an eager look in her eyes. She really wants to know about me and mine. There's one thing I don't want her to know, though. I spent the last five years pining for her. I couldn't go out on a date or even look at another woman in a romantic way because my heart had been torn out by Mandy Schmidt.
"The business has grown exponentially. We're thinking of opening another branch in Green Brooks. We have some cousins that live there and could become part of our team. The thing is, one of us would have to go set up camp over there and get everything up and running, and I don't think any of us is ready to do that just yet—especially Danny, who is close to becoming a father.
"I saw him at the mixer with Merry Kringle!"
"Merry Hoffer now. Well, honestly, I don't know if she's changed it."
"Is that something you would have wanted? For your wife to change her name to yours?"
I hesitate to answer this question. I want to be honest, but I know what my first instinct is. So, I fudge the truth a bit.
"I'm not sure. There are several Mrs. Hoffers now, so it could become confusing."
"You're such a liar, Michael Hoffer."
"What?"
"You may look from the outside like you’re all gentle and sweet, but deep inside, you've got a possessive streak a mile long. You'd be changing that poor woman's name before she knew what was going on."
"Poor woman? Am I that horrible of a prospect?"
Her cheeks turn this pretty shade of pink, and I know I've embarrassed her.
"Sorry. Figure of speech."
"No, tell me the truth. You thought I wouldn't be able to understand or be flexible enough to merge our dreams together."
"I was young and scared."
"You were scared of me?"
My heart cringes at the possibility. Was I such a fuddy-duddy that she didn't trust me to be open to her dreams?
"You made me very happy."
"I'm sorry?"
She shifts uncomfortably in her seat and won't look up at me. I reach over the table and lift her chin up so that she's looking right at me.
"I was happy enough to imagine a simple life with you—a house, some kids, a dog,” she says, “But deep down, I realized I couldn’t let go of my dreams. I needed to fight for them."
"I understand."
"No, I don't think you do. I was this close to letting go and just marrying you and living happily ever after. That scared me."
I reach for her hand and squeeze it gently. "Yeah, the old Michael wouldn't have understood. Hopefully, this new Michael can be more flexible and understanding." I hesitate. I want to spend some more time with her before the day is over. "Let me take you to Over the Roast later so we can get some dessert."
Her eyes shine bright with interest. Mandy has a sweet addiction a mile long, and I've got an in with the coffee shop owner since she's dating my brother Ben. We ride over in companionable silence. She seems perkier than she was earlier and I take that as a win. When we enter, we see some of the old biddies that love to gossip having their afternoon tea.
I usher Mandy to one of the booths at the back of the shop and sit across from her. Sam comes over and takes our order. I just know Mandy is going to love the pain au chocolat they have started making at the shop.
My back is to the wall, and I can see everything happening in the coffee shop from here. My body tenses up when Mrs. Carter and Mrs. Pierce get up from their seats and start to approach our booth.
"Hello, dears, it's so good to see you two together again."
"Ladies," I mumble.
"Oh, hi. Michael is working on renovations for my grandmother's house so I can sell it. If you know of anyone that wants to buy, please let them know to get in touch with me."
"You two seem very chummy here." Mrs. Carter ignores everything Mandy just said.
"You know what they say about rising from the ashes." Mrs. Pierce adds.
"Michael's company is the best in town,” Mandy presses. “He's taking good care of me."
"I'm sure he is, sweetie. I'm sure he is."
The ladies leave us, and Mandy and I burst out laughing.
"Are they always like that?"
"No, they've kept their distance from me these past few years. They're always matchmaking, though. You did good, though. Standing up to them."
"Last thing I want is to be in everyone's mouths in this small town. Besides, I teach young children. I don't want there to be any gossip."
Her face takes on this dreamy appearance when she mentions the dance classes she's giving.
"You're enjoying the classes?"
"So much. The kids have endless energy, and they are like sponges absorbing everything."
"Maybe you can add some sessions for adults. Is that something you'd see yourself doing?"
She tenses up, and her anxious expression returns.
"I'm sorry. Forget I said that. Only you know what you want for the future, and I know you can make it happen. Whatever it is."
"Thanks. I'm not sure what my next steps will be after I sell grandmother's house."
"I didn't mean to pry."
She gives me a sweet smile and I shudder at the impact that such a small gesture has on me.
"You're a planner,” she says. “You've always been a planner. You take every scrap of information you get from the people around you and start figuring out what the future looks like for you and them."
"That makes me sound like I'm a busybody," I frown.
"You care about others."
I'm trying to keep the words from bursting out of my mouth, but I can't help it.
"I care about you."
"Maybe you shouldn't."
"Why? Are you going to break my heart again?" As soon as I say it, I realize what a mistake I’ve made. Whatever progress I saw during the day now evaporates.
"We should go." She says.
As we walk through the shop, the old biddies badger us, but the look on Mandy's face never changes. She's closed off to everything and everyone now.
Back at her grandmother's place, I'm just in time to gather all the crew and close up for the day. Mandy says she's going to stay for a little while.
I can't help but worry about her. She's keeping something from me about her time in New York. I wish she truly trusted me like she did before. Things like this can't be pushed, though. Her trust needs to come organically as we get closer. I hope we get closer, and I wonder what my brother Ben will say when I tell him I want to make her mine again.