Chapter Seven Charlotte
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHARLOTTE
S ome people lost their composure under pressure. I wasn’t one of them. If chaos happened in the classroom, then I’d keep my game face on and stay calm. A kid having a seizure? No big deal. A fight? Cool cucumber over here.
My face might appear neutral, bored even at his words. But inside? It was the Hot Mess Express going off the rails at one hundred miles an hour. No conductor on this train.
I didn’t know which emotion to follow first. Fear? Regret? Anger? Curiosity? Lust? What did he want to talk about? And why just the two of us? Was this about Garrett? I saw him studying us. Or was this about… before? The time we don’t talk about, ever?
Shit. I was hot. Getting hotter by the second too. Was the fire getting bigger? I fanned my sweater over my chest, wondering if it would be weird to ask the bartender to lessen the flames. I was sure that was a thing. Oh, sir, could you turn down the fire over here? Thanks so much. Not weird at all.
“Char?” Hayden said, my name all soft and deep from his lips.
“Hm?” I squeaked. “Yes? A talk between us pals? Sure.”
He studied my face, his intelligent gaze narrowing at whatever he found. Then he sighed and gently took my elbow in his fingers. “Let’s go somewhere private.”
“Private like my bedroom?” I blurted out, giving away my nerves.
He stilled, his entire six-foot-something body turning to cement. He was a living gargoyle. A sexy one, but still, unmoving. It only lasted three seconds, but they felt like a lifetime. “No. Not your bedroom. Just away from everyone.”
“Of course. Bedroom was a silly guess.”
He spun around, his cheek twitching as his grip on my elbow tightened. He stopped walking, and without meaning to, I glanced up and found a gorgeous, perfect little mistletoe hanging above us. Something inside me came to life.
Flustering him, pushing him to the edge, was a pastime of mine. Even before that night at the bar, I’d flirt with him to the point he blushed. Licking my lips, I nodded up. “If you wanted to kiss me again, all you had to do was ask. No need to pretend with mistletoe, Hayden.”
I swore the heat from his fingers moved through my sweater, into my skin, and flowed through my veins, warming me inside out. Christmas music played in the background, with the sounds of people laughing carrying through the air like wind chimes. The fire crackled. I squeezed my toes in my fuzzy boots, waiting, breathing, hoping for Hayden to take the bait. My tummy felt like a firecracker had gone off, exploding inside me as I waited.
And waited.
Time stood still, like we had frozen in a movie. Our gazes met, his dark pupils expanding before cooling. His body leaned toward me, just an inch, his lips parted and wet, like he too couldn’t wait for our mouths to meet again. But then he growled, “Charlotte.”
He said my name like it was ten syllables long and a warning. All the maybes and hope-filled thoughts crashed and burned, just like they did three years ago. His angry eyes bored into me, telling me the things he wouldn’t say.
Gulping my pride, I poked his trim side and flashed a fake smile. “Gotcha. Been there, done that, no repeats. I’d rate you five out of ten stars.”
Something like a grunt or groan left his mouth, but I paid no attention. My adrenaline would get me through this. I was cool as a cloud. My heart wasn’t racing and my skin itching with embarrassment. Nope. Not me.
Liar.
“Char,” he said, the timbre of his voice back to normal, “there’s a bench over there. Let’s sit.”
He jutted his chin to a cozy bench near a different fireplace. There was a small Christmas tree, covered in popcorn and only blue ornaments. I loved the look. It was like a sexy winter tree. Dark and light blues combined with grays, and wow, they were all snowflakes. I touched one shaped like a star. It had the names Maggie and Mark and the year on it.
Our family went bonkers on Christmas, but I’d be lying if I didn’t fantasize about having what my parents had, what Christian and Penny would have. As long as they still have a wedding.
Worry etched its way down my spine, swirling and gripping me. I knew what I had heard, and couldn’t believe it. What could’ve happened to have them consider calling off the wedding? I chewed my nail as I took another sip of my old-fashioned.
Hayden slid into the other side of the booth, his eyes intense as he stared at me. “I can’t drink whiskey and not think of you.”
“I feel like that’s a compliment,” I said, nervously laughing.
“It is. Very much so.” He sipped his Guinness, his attention all on me. He had a way of making me feel like the center of the universe when he looked at me that way. “So about us—”
“Penny and Christian,” I blurted out, refusing to acknowledge whatever he wanted to say. I thought myself bold, and over him, but I was neither bold enough to have this conversation nor over all my feelings for him. I wanted to be friends with him again someday, but these pesky feelings remained. “Can you sense their tension?”
Hayden gripped the back of his neck, wincing. “Yeah. I see it now. I’ve been a little distracted, so I didn’t pick up on it, but Christian has been acting weird the last week or so too.”
“Right? Okay, I thought the same, but with my interview—wait, why are you distracted? Is everything alright?” My thoughts went to Gwen, but he wouldn’t be up here if he was stressed about her.
“Work stuff.” He shifted in his chair, his sweater pulling against his chest in a magnificent way. “I think you were right earlier.”
I blinked. “I mean, I love hearing those words any time of day, but what are you specifically referring to?”
“Doing whatever Penny and Christian want, which are these games. Every time they are involved in a challenge, they bond, or maybe it’s an aphrodisiac. I don’t really know with them, but competition is romantic to them.”
“That’s true.” I tapped my chin, focusing outside the window. A couple kissed next to a candy cane sculpture. “We could remind them of all the times they teamed up and won?”
“Yes, and we do everything in our power to win these stupid games.” He lowered his voice, leaning closer to me. “If we win, they’ll be so thrilled, they’ll forget about whatever they were arguing about.”
I sighed, a deep sadness seeping into my bones. I met his stare and poured my heart out. “That’s our endgame. They have to get married. I can’t fathom…” My voice shook, and I cleared my throat, taking a quick sip to settle. “Okay, we focus on winning these games for them, at all costs.”
“I’ll toast to that.” He held up his glass, his lips quirked up on the side like he had an inside joke. “Win at all costs.”
“For Penny and Christian.” I clinked his glass and relaxed further into my chair.
Hayden sipped his Guinness before placing it on the table, his large fingers tapping on the top. The movement caused the table to shake. He ran a finger over his eyebrow before leaning on his elbows. “I have a question for you.”
I braced myself as my stomach flipped. “What is it?”
His jaw twitched before he asked, “Why didn’t you come to me to talk about this potential coaching job?”
It was my turn to raise my eyebrows. I wasn’t expecting that question. “That’s what you wanted to talk about?”
“Yes.” He pursed his lips and stared out the window, his gorgeous gray eyes reflecting the icy landscape. “You sent your résumé to Garrett. He’s never coached a day in his life.”
“True.” I traced the rim of my glass, studying his micro-expressions. His jaw was tense. His muscles were tight. He squinted his eyes. He wasn’t pleased. “Garrett and I are friends, and he offered. It wasn’t really a question of if I’d have him look it over.”
My sweater stuck to my skin, and I took another long swig. It burned all the way down, but I welcomed it. It was better than this stare down. Hayden had asked to speak with me, not the other way around. I refused to do a thing about this silence.
“You could’ve come to me,” he said, his tone gentle. “I would’ve helped you.”
“And said what, Hayden?” I laughed, but it wasn’t happy. “If you look at the last few years, we barely speak unless it involves Gwen. I love that baby girl more than life itself, and this isn’t about her in the slightest, but when was the last time we spoke of anything besides her?”
His face paled. “You’re right.”
“It became easier to just ignore you, really.” I shrugged, hating the ache in my chest and the prickle in my eyes. “I care about you and Gwen, obviously, but I didn’t feel like going to you for help was an option.”
“Charlotte, I would do anything—”
I waved a hand in the air. “I know, if I was in a dire situation, you’d drop everything. I truly know that. You’d do that for anyone you care about. But advice? Help preparing for an interview? That’s what friends do. Not… whatever we are.”
“You really feel this way, don’t you?” he asked. His face crumpled, and he leaned back in his chair and stared at me.
“Yeah, I do.” I ran a hand over my hair, adjusting the bun at the top, and I winced.
“Are you okay?” He frowned. “Your neck?”
“Whiplash got me.” I rubbed the spot where my neck and shoulder met, closing my eyes as pain radiated throughout my body. “The doc said this would be normal, but wow, didn’t expect that with a little movement.”
“You should be resting.”
“No, I’m fine, Hayden. I didn’t come here to lie in a bed. I could’ve done that at home, in sweats, without crashing my car.” I jumped up. “Wait, did you ever get my car towed? What do I owe you?”
Hayden lifted his hand. “Nothing. All taken care of.”
“Um, no? I’ll pay you back.”
“It’s fine, Char. We can worry about it once we get back home, okay? You need to focus on relaxing your muscles and winning this stupid competition. Not a few hundred bucks.”
I fought the urge to argue with him and bit my tongue. Hayden was a man of actions, not words. He showed he cared by doing things, like the time in high school he drove a very drunk Christian home and hid it from my parents. I’d figure out a way to get him the money back, so I smiled. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He sighed and leaned his forearms onto his knees, a serious look crossing his face. “I’m sorry.”
I desperately wanted him to clarify if it was for breaking my heart or not, but it wasn’t the time. This moment was about the present, about our relationship now. An uncomfortable itch formed behind my chest, the familiar sign of guilt right behind it. “I am too. You can’t bear the weight of everything.”
A beat passed, and he nodded, almost like he wanted the conversation to end and move to the next topic. “We’re here now, together, for Christian and Penny, doing all sorts of weird holiday shit.”
“A perfect time to be friends again,” I blurted.
“Okay then.” He smiled. “Now, talk to me about this job.”
I shrugged. Talking about this would be a great first step in reconnecting as friends. “My athletic director told me I’m too young to apply for the varsity position.”
“That’s bullshit and illegal.” Hayden’s jaw tensed. “He can’t say that to you.”
“I know, but it happened. That’s the small-town world I work in. It’s all a boys’ network, where they have each other’s backs, and it’s all who you know.” I pulled the edges of my sleeves up to cover the tips of my fingers. “The baseball, basketball, and football coaches are all buds with this new guy, Chad Rogers. He’s the front-runner for the position.”
“I don’t give a damn about Chad Rogers.” Hayden placed both of his large hands on top of the table, spreading his fingers out like he was pushing it away from him.
“You talk like I have a shot at this,” I whispered.
“Of course you do.” He frowned. “When have you ever accepted defeat, Char?”
When it came to you , I almost said. Somehow, I found superhero strength and kept my mouth shut against that little comment. Besides my emotional business with him, I never accepted defeat. I went after what I wanted. Always. I lived with moxie and a kind heart.
“Okay, okay, okay,” I said. My pulse raced. “All this talk has me desperate to get this job. I want it so badly, and if I don’t get it, it’ll crush me.”
“What’s your other option then? Giving up before you have a chance?” He shook his head, his voice getting deeper, more passionate. “You can’t control the outcome of a game, or an interview, because there are so many external factors. But what can you control? You. How much you try. How you leave everything on the field and walk away knowing you gave it your all. You play your heart out. You interview with everything you’ve got.”
“You’re being awfully nice.” I laughed nervously. “I’m not used to this.”
“That’s what you get when we’re friends. The truth.” He sighed, leaned back against his bench, and took another long drink. “One thing we have in common that none of our friends have is our experience being D1 athletes. That’s a lifestyle that is hard to compare unless you’ve lived it. And we have. So I know, from that experience alone, you got this.”
“I might need to call you every day until the interview to boost up my confidence.” I smiled, but it was shaky. “I feel bolder now, but when I head into work Monday, the guys will snicker or say something rude.”
“You call me anytime you need, alright? I’m sorry you didn’t know that before.” His face was set in serious lines as his voice hardened. “Now, did you bring your laptop? I want to see what you have.”
“Garrett sent me some feedback that—”
“He doesn’t know shit.” He stared me down, daring me to argue.
Garrett didn’t have as much coaching experience as Hayden. Garrett was a wizard at editing and wordsmithing, not the content though. It was practical to have Hayden help me too. I nodded. “Operation Kick Chad’s Ass is underway, OKCA, if you will.”
Hayden barked out a laugh, the sound like a warm hug to my soul. His eyes sparkled with amusement, and for one final second, I let myself imagine what it’d be like to laugh with him all the time. Then I focused on the fact that he was helping me. I gave him two thumbs-up. “Let me get my laptop and then we can get to work.”