Chapter Fifteen Charlotte
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHARLOTTE
F orget feeling like I was falling through ice. This was like being on a roller coaster when you’ve forgotten to fasten the seat belt, so you were hanging in the air, trying to grip something to save yourself.
Hayden sucked in a breath, his eyes narrowing on my mouth. My knees almost gave out. He was so close. The man of my dreams had just asked if I wanted to be kissed. I gulped for air. I was free-falling into chaos. From the little touches all night, to my crush that never went away… my body was primed.
My stomach bottomed out. My brain left my head.
Hayden lowered his face so our lips were a breath apart. “Can I kiss you, Charlotte?”
Heat exploded between my thighs. His lips had barely touched mine when he asked the question, and yet he waited. Not quite closing the distance but not leaving enough air, so I breathed him in.
“Yes.”
He moved his hand to the back of my head, digging his fingers into my hair as his lips finally met mine. Fireworks exploded at the contact. My skin felt too tight, and my head spun in wonder as Hayden kissed me softly at first. Gentle teases of his lips. Our mouths connected as he released a deep, contented sigh.
He smelled like cinnamon. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders. I let my hands explore his muscles and feel the heat radiating off him. I’d dreamed about running my fingers through his hair for years, and I took my shot. I threaded them through his thick, silky locks.
“Do that again,” he demanded, breaking apart to trail kisses down my neck. “You smell so fucking good, Char. I need to taste your skin.”
“Yes.” I arched my back, allowing him access to my collarbone as he nipped the sensitive area there. He was just everywhere. His lips on my body, his hands on my back, yanking me closer to him. There was no part of our bodies that didn’t touch, and I was heating up with a fierce need. Every time his tongue swiped against my neck, I shuddered.
“More,” he grunted. “I need more of you.”
In one motion, he gripped my chin and guided my mouth to his as he kissed me hard. This one was messy and fast. He peppered my lips with small kisses and then slid his tongue inside. This was unlike any other kiss I had experienced.
He didn’t just kiss me, he devoured me.
He groaned into my mouth, digging his other hand into my hip as I kissed him back. I sucked his lip into my mouth, biting it to give him a little sting. He tightened his grip and nudged my legs apart with his knee. He tilted my head back and took the kiss further.
My world was Hayden. How he kissed me like his life depended on it. How his warm tongue explored my mouth, yet his lips were so soft. The deep, pleasurable sounds he made in the back of his throat as he pressed his body against mine. It was all warmth and hardness.
“Perfect,” he whispered.
It was like we knew we’d only have this one kiss together, so we put everything we had into it. The erratic beat of his heart pounded against my chest with the same crazy tempo as mine. His erection dug into my hip, and I rocked into him, releasing a small moan.
“That,” he said, pulling back and staring down at me with wild eyes, “might be my favorite sound you’ve ever made.”
“Yeah?” I breathed so heavily that my voice came out all huffy and throaty.
“Definitely.” He grinned. His pupils were dilated, his hair stuck up in every direction, and his lips were red and swollen. He looked so damn sexy like that. “I want to see what else I can do to get you to make that sound.”
Oh, sweet baby Jesus. I gulped, my skin absolutely on fire with lust. Nothing made sense anymore except him putting his mouth on me. My body burned with need.
Call me selfish, but I had never been kissed like that in my entire life. It was intoxicating and addicting, and I wanted to explore more than I needed to breathe.
“So do I,” I whispered.
“Fuck yes,” he said, his voice husky. He picked me up with one hand, wrapping my legs around him. “Open the door. Let me in your room so I can show you.”
I shuddered at the desperation in his voice. He sounded like how I felt—like I would die if I didn’t have his hands on me. He sucked my earlobe into his mouth, the sensation so incredible that my head tipped back, and I smacked it against the door. “Shit!”
“Char.” He stilled and set me on the ground. “Hey, your head. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Just in a hurry, and your mouth is distracting me.”
He studied me with so much concern on his face that my stomach swooped. His gray eyes drifted from my forehead to chin, and he ran his fingers gently over the back of my head. “Is there a bump? I shouldn’t have done that. Not with—”
“Are you saying you regret this already?” I blurted out.
He dropped his hand. Something flashed across his face, but it happened so fast I couldn’t decipher it. Yet again, my big, unfiltered mouth spoke without permission, and I ruined the moment. Cold already seeped into my bones at the loss of him touching me. My stomach heaved at the reality facing me. He regretted kissing me, yet again, and I was silly for thinking it was different this time. Maybe he’d leave, and I could just… melt into the floor forever. Becoming a permanent fixture at this hotel.
“Charlotte,” he said, enunciating my name to the point that it was awkward, “I think you misunderstood me, and it’s important we’re on the same page.”
“Oh, is it?” I fired back. We remained outside my hotel room, where anyone could potentially walk down the hall and see us. It was almost midnight, and it felt like my time at the ball had ended. How could I be so foolish? Kissing Hayden led to heartbreak. I freaking knew that, but he had put on those glasses and kissed all the rational thought out of me.
“Can we please go into your room and talk?”
“Just talk?” Why. Why did I say that?
His lips quirked. “To start, yeah.”
Footsteps echoed down the hall, and the sound zapped an iota of common sense into me. “Okay, fine. Come on.”
The lock unclicked, and I shoved the door open. Sitting on the couches near the fire was smart. It was away from the bed that seemed to shout at me to have Hayden sit there. Sure, great idea.
“There. We’re in my room, where we can talk.” I sat on the sofa and crossed one leg over the other in a dramatic fashion. The fireplace was remote-controlled, and I turned it on. Instantly, the mood was more romantic and intimate—not my goal.
I chewed the side of my lip, and my knee bounced up and down with nervous energy. Before, when his mouth was on me, I couldn’t think. Now all the thoughts came back with a vengeance.
What did that kiss mean? Does he like me? What do we do now? Was it a mistake? What if he shuts me out again for three years? What if this makes my crush worse? What if I never get kissed like that again? Will I die alone?
Hayden studied me with a frown. “I wanted to talk, but it’s clear you’re uncomfortable. Do you want me to leave?”
“No. Yes. Wait. Maybe.”
“Yeah, that answer isn’t gonna work for me.” He neared me, bending down onto his knees so his face was level with mine. “What’s going on?”
“I’m scared.” My filter stood no chance.
He reared his head back, like I had hit him. “I scare you?”
“No, not in the way you’re thinking.” I gripped his forearm in an attempt to calm the terrified look in his eyes. “You started saying something about how we shouldn’t have kissed and—”
“No.” He shook his head. “You stopped me before I could finish my sentence. We absolutely should’ve kissed. One hundred percent should’ve.”
“Oh.” A flicker of hope grew deep in my gut.
“Yeah, Charlotte.” His eyes heated as he rested his hand on my knee, stilling it. “What I was trying to say is that we shouldn’t have kissed against a door when you were in a car accident this morning.”
My thighs clenched at the reminder. That flicker of hope grew a little more, but unfortunately my overactive mind took control over my libido. “Last time we kissed…” I cleared my throat, my eyes prickling at the onslaught of emotions. I blamed exhaustion.
Hayden sucked in a breath and took my hand in his. “Please, baby, tell me what you’re thinking.”
“Okay.” I gulped. I nodded to myself and rolled my shoulders back. You can do this. You are brave. Plus I refused to kiss Hayden again without getting this out. I was caught up in the moment before, that was all. “I’m worried that you’ll regret us. I know things have probably changed after that kiss, but we never truly talked about what happened three years ago. You kissed me back, Hayden, and then told me you’d never be into me and cut me out of your life. I am terrified it’ll happen again.”
Hayden’s face paled, and his grip slid from my hand. He ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he looked tortured. “I assure you there was a reason that happened, and I am truly so sorry for how it made you feel. It kills me to know I hurt you.”
I ran a finger over my lips, the sensation of kissing him still evident. They stung a little from his teeth, and while I wanted to do it again, we had to talk this out. “That was one of the most mortifying and worst nights of my life. I confessed I loved you, Hayden. You shoved me away like I was nothing. That’s hard to forget. We just tried to be friends again after three years, and not even a day in, we kiss and mess it all up. I’m conflicted.”
“You weren’t nothing to me. You’ve never been nothing. You don’t think I dream about that night and the sexy red dress you wore? You had your hair down, and the dress dipped low in the front, showing off way too much cleavage for that shitty college bar. You are unforgettable, Charlotte.”
“You remember my outfit.” I swallowed down the ball of emotion. That meant something.
“I told you, Char, I remember everything about you.”
My eyes fluttered, and I swallowed hard.
Hayden continued, his voice softer than normal. “You pulled me into that corner, grabbed my shirt, and my God, your perfume smelled so good. Whenever I smell someone wearing something vanilla, I think of you. I wanted to lick you.”
“I would’ve let you,” I whispered. “But this doesn’t add up. You turned me down. You broke my heart.”
“I know.” He gave me a small smile and caressed my face. His gray eyes swirled with regret and sadness. “You were drunk, Char. I didn’t want to take advantage of you. On top of that, if I had let that kiss continue, it would’ve ruined my entire career. They had just hired me as the assistant baseball coach. Not only that, but I was also the youngest coach on staff, which was its own controversy. The other coaches were at the bar that night. If they saw me kissing a student… I could’ve been fired. There aren’t a lot of rules, but not touching students is one of them.”
“I was of age—”
“I know, Charlotte. I know, trust me. But once my brain caught up to the moment, I freaked out. I had worked my ass off to get that job. My future flashed before my eyes, and I did the only thing that made sense. Please believe me when I say I wanted you. Want you. My reaction had nothing to do with how I felt, or you, and everything to do with my career.”
His reasoning made sense. I understood it, but it didn’t take away the sting or the damage of three years ago. “Thank you for sharing that, but the words you said… they gutted me, Hayden.”
His jaw flexed as he stared at me, not saying anything.
“Do you remember what you said?” I needed to know. For some reason, this mattered a lot to me. When he thought about that night, did he repeat the cruel words? Or did he block them out?
He sighed. “I said whatever I needed to push you away. Something about never falling for you or thinking of you that way.”
Don’t be foolish, Charlotte , you’re like a kid sister to me. “When I told you I loved you, you laughed at me.” My voice shook. I hated showing emotion, and I hated crying even more, but all the pent-up feelings from that night returned as soon as the high of the kiss had disappeared. “This is why I assumed you regretted kissing me again. Old wounds resurfaced.”
“I wish I could take those words back and we could redo the last three years. I wish that more than anything. I’m so fucking sorry, Charlotte.” His voice was firm and steady. He picked up my hand and kissed the back of it. “I knew I should’ve told you the truth, but a few weeks later, Simone told me I had a daughter and that derailed my life. All my focus was on my daughter and surviving being a single parent. I put every ounce of myself into being a good father, and I always told myself I’d find you once I figured my life out. I’d have told you the truth, but news flash, Char, I’m still a mess.”
My eyes prickled at the weight of his words, the depth to them, the slight tremble in his voice. “Oh.”
He slowly released my hand. “It’s midnight. It’s been a long-ass day. You should get some sleep.”
On cue, I yawned.
“Come here.” He hoisted me up into a bear hug. He enveloped me in his arms, his scent and warmth surrounding me. He cradled my head against his chest as he sighed. He felt so good, and I breathed him in. I could live in this cuddle and be content forever.
He kissed my head and gave me one last squeeze. “We’ll talk tomorrow, okay? We have an interview to work on, right?”
I nodded. There was so much to unpack here. I needed a week away just to digest everything that had happened. He let go and walked toward the door, stopping and turning around one last time. It was almost like he didn’t want to leave.
“I don’t know what tonight means, and I stand by what I said: I’m still a mess. But I’m done pretending I’m not into you and don’t want to be with you. We have some things to discuss, but I’m gonna be dreaming about that kiss for a long time. Sleep tight, Charlotte.”