Chapter Twenty Hayden
CHAPTER TWENTY
HAYDEN
W as there an award for being the best version of myself? I wanted a ten-foot-tall trophy for the amount of strength it took to step back from Charlotte. My dream woman. Her body still shook from her orgasm, and her gorgeous, wide eyes were satisfied. Yet her posture straightened at my words, and something like fear flashed across her face.
My cock strained against my jeans, the almost feral need to touch her again about taking over every sense. But we still hadn’t talked about this. “Here, wear my sweatshirt.”
She pressed her lips together as I grabbed my hoodie and gently put it on her. It left her hair in a mess, and I grinned. “I like you in my clothes.”
She flashed a quick smile. “I like you without yours.”
Chuckling, I held out a hand and helped her off the counter. Her long, bare legs were such a tease, and while I was proud of myself for showing such restraint, my libido was not pleased. She paused and stared at me. “Where should we sit since you want to talk instead of letting my tongue explore your body?”
Fuck, that was a hot picture. “That mouth is gonna get you in trouble.”
“Maybe that’s my plan.” She crossed her arms and dug her toes into the carpet. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m turned on and cold and feeling weird about you denying me. It’s bringing me back to… before, even though you’ve made it clear that’s not the case.” She shivered and flipped the switch for the automatic fireplace.
I rubbed her shoulders and pulled her against me. Her familiar and enticing smell assured me that somehow, even with my life being crazy, we could make this work. I kissed the side of her neck, and she molded into me. “We have decades of knowing each other, and with that comes a lot of emotions we’ll have to work through. I want us to be certain and on the same page before we go too far. Trust me on this: all I want to do is explore your body and learn everything about you.”
“Same page then,” she whispered. “What page are you on?”
“I want to explore this with you. I want to see where this goes.” I sighed, pulling her closer. “My life is complicated, messy, and I can’t just think of myself. God, if it was just me, there’d be no question about this, Char.”
She swallowed hard. “What does explore mean to you?”
“That’s a great question.” I laughed, grateful that she hadn’t pulled away or said no yet. She could. She should . It would be painful to let her go, but if she didn’t want me and all that came with my life, she should walk away. “I can’t really do date nights.”
Hearing myself say it out loud caused my chest to ache. I had to get a better balance of my life. Disappointment wedged itself into my ribs, making each breath hurt a little. “We could see what happens?”
“Hm.”
Hm? What the hell did hm mean?
“I need more than that, Char.” I spun her around to read her facial expressions. She was an open book and often narrated her stream of thoughts. She was uncharacteristically quiet. “Baby, I want to be with you. I want to try.”
“Like, exclusively?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely.” I reared my head back. “That’s not even a question.”
She scrunched her nose in a smile. “So we date.”
“Without real dates,” I clarified.
“I happen to enjoy movie nights in, and game nights, or cooking dinner with you.” She exhaled, her shoulder relaxing as she placed a hand on my chest. “If real dates are going out to fancy restaurants or wine tastings or weekends away, sure, they are nice, but I don’t need those. My love language is sharing life together. Grocery shopping dates, watching a movie at home, walks to the park… those sound perfect to me.”
Fuck, she was perfect. I closed my eyes as my mind turned on its axis. How did I stay away from this beautiful, wonderful human all these years? “When you say stuff like that, it makes me think this could really work between us.”
“Why couldn’t it? If we want this, then we make it work.” She tilted her head. “I’m going to use your words against you, Hop. You guided me to focus on all the reasons I would bring value to the coaching position, not all the things I lacked. You need to do the same with us. Think about all the reasons we could work instead of all the reasons it might not.”
She was right. It was my own fear holding me back. I could practically feel the truth wrapped around me, keeping me from admitting it and diving into something I wanted. Could this implode? Sure as shit could. Would it drastically affect my life? Yup. The fear of getting hurt loosened, and the other elephant in the room jumped front and center. Two elephants, actually.
Gwen and Christian.
“Gwen—”
“Nothing changes with her. Even if you crushed my heart into a million pieces, I will always be there for her,” Charlotte said, her bossy teaching voice coming out. “I will follow your lead on what to tell her, but I will not change how I love that little girl. If that is a concern, then you can toss that out the window.”
“But what if—”
“You hurt me three years ago, and I still was a part of her life, right?” She placed both hands on my bare chest now, her nails digging into my skin. “I’m not going to beg for a chance with you, but do not use your daughter as a reason for us not to try.”
“Your attitude is kinda hot,” I mumbled.
She laughed and moved her hands to cup my face. “You’ve mentioned it a few times. Glad you approve.”
My hands easily found her waist. “Okay, since you’ve left no room to discuss my daughter, there is one more thing we need to discuss.”
“I’m on birth control if you don’t have a condom.”
I choked. “Jesus, Charlotte.”
She laughed, and I fucking loved that sound.
“What? I didn’t know if that was the other big topic that you seem to be intent on discussing.”
“No. I have a fucking condom.” I snorted and rested my forehead against hers. “You’re ridiculous, and I love it. We need to talk about Christian.”
“Mood killer.”
“I know. I’m sorry. But what… how… do we tell him?” I asked, hesitant to speak the entire truth. There wasn’t a normal way to say, Oh hey, can we not tell him because, if it doesn’t work out, I still want my best friend? Did that mean I didn’t think we’d make it? Or that I assumed we’d fail?
“Oof, that is a good question.”
I tensed. She agreed with me? I didn’t like that.
She pulled back and played with one of the strings on my sweatshirt and clicked her tongue. “I agree with you though. We shouldn’t tell him or Penny. With the argument we heard, I don’t want anything getting in the way. If we stole their thunder in any way, I’d feel terrible.”
“Right.” I sighed, relief flooding through me. That made more sense than my own inner fears. A part of me felt shitty for thinking such a selfish thought, but I’d have to deal with that on my own. “After the wedding, we can tell them.”
“Deal.” Charlotte grinned and wiggled her eyebrows at me. “Does that mean I get to touch you now?”
I laughed again. I’d laughed more with her the last day and a half than I had in months. It felt good. “We need to meet them.”
“Hayden.” She rolled her eyes. “I don’t enjoy you being the mature one today. It’s annoying, to be honest with you. Fine. Let’s be mature. Get out of my room then.”
She laughed while she said the words, but her comment from earlier had stayed with me, about hurting her three years ago and taking some time to heal that wound. “Hey, you know I’d rather stay in here with you, right? I don’t… I’ve fantasized about you for years, and it’s gonna kill me to go act normal for a few hours.”
“Oh, I understand your reasons.” Her tone was laced with sarcasm that made me pause.
“Sounds like you might be mad about it?” I asked, watching her slide on jeans and toss my hoodie onto the bed. She put on her bra way too fast and faced me with hands on her hips.
“Nope. Not mad in the slightest.”
“There feels like a but in there somewhere.”
She smirked, her entire face full of mischief. “I’m just gonna have fun tormenting you tonight since you’re hell-bent on not getting naked with me.”
“If you flirt with Garrett or that fucking elf…”
She snorted. “Ha, not that kind of torment. We might be a secret for a few weeks, but when I’m with someone, I am with them . Just you. I’ll find other ways, Porter. Now, do you have an ugly sweater?”
I wanted to dive into her comment more, but she seemed playful, so I let it go. I shook my head. “Must’ve missed that memo from Penny.”
“Unacceptable and Grinch-like of you.” She pulled out a booger-green sweater with things taped to it.
“What is that?”
She cackled. “I printed a ton of horrible pictures of Christian before he grew into his looks. My mom obviously helped with this.” She put it on and modeled for me. “Here, we have the time he shoved Lincoln Logs up his nose and got them stuck. This one is him covered in dirt when he made us all treat him like a dog for a week.”
“This is brilliant.” I laughed, admiring all the photos of my best friend. “I’m jealous I didn’t think of it. I only have a boring red sweater that I actually think is nice.”
“Hm, that won’t do. Let me think.” She faced the mirror and braided her hair along her forehead. It went to the side, and then she tied it back into a pony. As a single dad to a daughter, I wanted to learn how to do that, while I also admired how pretty it made her look.
She caught my gaze in the mirror and snapped her fingers. “Oh, I have it. I have the best idea. We’re gonna call it the Suite Spectacle!”
“I’m not tracking, but I admire your enthusiasm.”
“First off, go put a shirt on. It’s not fair for you to be shirtless around me when I can’t touch you. Second, get a sweater you’re alright destroying.”
“You can touch me—”
“Shh. Go.” She pointed at the wall between our rooms.
“Yes, ma’am.”
There was a skip in my step as I went into my room to grab a sweater. I put on a navy-blue one on the off chance I stained another shirt. With living with a toddler, I’d always spill on my white shirts. Chuckling to myself, I left my glasses on the side of my bed and replaced the hoodie with the blue sweater.
My phone buzzed with a text from the same number that had called and left no voicemails. Can we please talk Hayden?
At some point, I’d need to figure out who the hell this was, but not today. Not when I had this time with Charlotte.
Even in the short time of staying at the ski resort, not being around Charlotte had me antsy. It was like we were in our own little bubble here, and the illusion would fade when we were apart. It was insecurity, I knew, but I was already halfway addicted to her. Could I handle not seeing her for days, or weeks, at a time? Or only talking to her on the phone?
It’d be better than the last three years.
That was true. But Charlotte was a forever type of girl. When I pictured us being together, she always ended up as my wife, which was crazy. I needed to slow my roll and not scare her away, because if she didn’t want that, then fuck. Stop.
She told me to focus on all the ways it could work, not all the ways it wouldn’t. I owed her that much.
I returned to her room to find her lips bright red and big-ass Christmas tree earrings hanging from her ears. Christian’s face covered the trees, but her pillow lips looked incredible. What a weird thing to feel while staring at photos of Christian. “You look great.”
“Thank you.” She beamed. “Now, sit here. I have the plan.”
“You’re reminding me of that time you planned a whole scavenger hunt when we were kids. Who ended up with a broken arm in the emergency room? Me. I did.”
She waved her hand in the air. “That was your own damn fault for climbing a tree! The riddle was clearly in our attic. Not the tree. Now, this is nothing like that. We’re going to use all the paper we can find in one of our hotel rooms to make snowflakes. Then we’re cutting them and stapling them to your shirt.”
“That is…” I shook my head. “Ridiculous.”
“Yes, but just think what you could do with that gift card. Twenty-five dollars to the resort store will be epic. It’ll feel so good to bring Gwen back a free gift.”
“She has enough—”
“Winning feels good, no cap. Now stop arguing with me and sit down.”
“Have I told you that I like your mouth?”
“Yes. But I refuse to let your charm distract me from this plan. It’s all formed in my head, and it’s gonna be great.”
She worked fast, cutting out weirdly shaped snowflakes. She stapled them to my sweater, totaling fifteen in all. Some were from the notepad on the desk. Some were from the free holiday magazine they gave us and, of course, two were from toilet paper. “All created from hotel room resources. The creativity! The execution! We nailed it.”
“You are my perfect competitive freak.” I pulled her toward me, our ugly sweaters clashing with pins and staples. “Thank you. I’m not sure I’ll win, but I look damn good.”
“Yes, you do.” She weaved her arms around my neck, and I rested mine just above her ass.
I’d always wanted to hold her like this, and a contented, almost-too-good-to-be-true sigh escaped. I kissed her. I’d never get over the fact that I could kiss her now. She nipped my bottom lip, sliding her tongue against it before she pulled back. I gripped her tighter, wanting to deepen the kiss, but she shook her head. “No, you made it clear: no tomfoolery. You can look, but you can’t touch.”
“But you’re sexy,” I grumbled. “I want to touch you.”
She licked her lips and walked toward the door. “Come on, Hop. We now have to behave for the next four hours and pretend not to like each other. Let the tormenting begin.”