Chapter Twenty-Seven Emma
This can’t be happening. This can’t be what I think it is.
I hurry around the corner, my calves burning from trying not to break an ankle while wearing my heels. If I didn’t love them so much, I would kick them off and sprint to the pharmacy.
Panic pounds in my chest as nervousness churns around in my stomach, yanking me back and forth between feeling like I’m about to have a panic attack and feeling like I’m going to throw up again.
I can’t believe that I threw up in a bush in front of Josh and Stacy.
I would’ve rather done that in front of literally anyone else, but, of course, they were together heading into a fancy hotel.
Bitterness bites at me as I cross the street, bright headlights nearly blinding me from the cars stopped at the red light.
The illuminated sign for the pharmacy beckons me there faster, and by the time I rush inside and grab a pregnancy test off the shelf, my hands are clammy. I almost don’t want to take it To live in ignorance, but I can’t do that.
I have to know. Real consequences could come from this.
The fact that I missed my period without even realizing it is concerning enough. I’m usually on top of my cycle, but I’ve been so wrapped up in my thoughts about the guys and about what to do next that I didn’t even notice.
The young cashier rings me up, dark circles under his eyes as he drags through his night shift. “Have a good night.”
I don’t think that’s going to happen.
I don’t even leave to rush home. It’ll take too long to go on foot or wait for an Uber, so I rush straight to the back of the store where the bathrooms are, locking myself inside. My hands shake as I tear open the box and pull out the pregnancy test, the air feeling hot and thick around me.
I’m already sweating.
In dead silence, I use the test, my heart pounding furiously as I wait for the results. Shaky breaths leave me as I pace around the bathroom, desperation taking hold of me as I check the screen.
Two blue lines.
I’m pregnant.
My heartbeat echoes in my ears as I stare at the lines, making sure they’re real and not a figment of my imagination. How is this happening?
I drag my fingers through my hair as I turn away from the test, trying to collect my thoughts as they race around in my head.
On one hand, there’s a flicker of excitement in my chest at the thought of having a family of my own.
A possible mini me. A smiling child to teach art to when they’re old enough.
But then I remember how this happened.
A heated night in the middle of a snowstorm with three men who are completely off limits. The baby is one of theirs, and I don’t even know which one. How the hell do I explain that to my parents and my brothers?
They’ll be furious. Disappointed.
I’m pretty sure my brothers will kill the guys if they find out.
I release an unstable exhale, holding my stomach as I fight the urge to throw up again. I don’t know what to do. The only way to avoid any confrontation with my family and any possible pain and confusion with the guys is to keep the baby’s father a secret and raise them elsewhere.
Maybe I should take the job in San Francisco and raise the baby there.
Or maybe I should stay and tell the guys the truth. We’ll have to come clean to my family, but we’ll be together. Maybe even in a relationship if that’s something they want.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
None of my scenarios paint me a clear picture of what the hell I should do.
Unable to be trapped in this tiny, brightly lit bathroom any longer, I toss the pregnancy test in the trash and hurry out of the pharmacy, letting the cold night air wash over me. My apartment is streets away, and it’s getting late, but I think a walk in the fresh air might help soothe my nerves.
Hopefully.
I walk in the direction of my apartment, pulling my coat around me tighter as the cold tries to break through to me. It barely fazes me, though. I’m too focused on what is now my unexpected reality.
I have a baby on the way.
My hand gently touches my stomach as I stop on the sidewalk to wait for the walk signal, my heart fluttering in my chest. If they look like any one of the guys, they’ll be gorgeous. They’ll be perfect.
“Emma!”
I nearly jump out of my skin at the sound of Ryan’s voice. My eyes snap to the left where Ryan is sitting in his car at the light, his passenger’s side window rolled down. “Ryan? What are you doing here?”
“I was taking a night drive and spotted you,” Ryan replies before leaning over and opening the passenger’s side door. “Get in. It’s too cold for you to be walking around. Too dark too.”
I eye him suspiciously. “So, you just happened to come across me?”
A sheepish grin tugs at his lips. “Maybe Josh called me and told me that he was worried about you. Now, would you get in?”
The thought of being stuck in a small space with him after what I just found out makes my stomach clench with anxiety. I don’t think it’s the best idea, but my feet also ache and my nose stings from the cold. I’ll be even more exhausted if I walk the rest of the way.
“Fine,” I sigh as I get into his car and shut the door behind me, welcoming the warmth of the heated seat.
“I’ll take you home,” Ryan says as he starts forward. His eyes stray to me for a second. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I reply, keeping my eyes forward. I can’t look at him. It’s torture even smelling his cologne.
“No, you’re not,” Ryan tells me. “Talk to me.”
My throat tightens. I want to. I want to fall into him and forget everything for one night.But I can’t.I’m carrying a secret that could change all our lives.
“I’m just... under the weather,” I say, forcing my tone to stay neutral, casual, distant.Like I’m not quietly falling apart.
“Why did you run off? Josh said you bolted.”
My mind works to come up with an explanation. “Because… I saw him with Stacy.”
Ryan sighs, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel. “I told him to stop seeing her. The damn connections aren’t worth the hassle.”
I chew on my bottom lip as my eyes sink to my lap where my hands rest. I don’t like the thought of him and Stacy together, but he’s not mine. None of them are because I let them go, so I have no say in who they go to next.
I can’t expect them not to move on.
“Why were you at the hotel?” Ryan asks me.
I can already hear the suspicion in his voice. He thinks that I was there with someone, which he isn’t wrong about, but it’s not in the way that he thinks. “I had a meeting with a potential client.”
Ryan lifts his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah? That’s good. Who?”
“Vincent Bradley from Tomorrow Tech,” I tell him with a tiny bubble of pride in my chest. It’s a huge opportunity that I’m grateful to even be considered for, whether I end up taking it or not.
Ryan’s face immediately falls. “Vincent Bradley? Really?”
I frown at him in confusion. “Yes, really. Do you know him or something?”
“You could say that,” Ryan replies with a bitter scoff. “You’re not going to work for him, right? Isn’t his office still in San Fran?”
His reaction catches me off guard so much that I don’t even know what to say at first. Why is he being so weirdly aggressive about Vincent?
“I mean… I was thinking about it,” I say. “It’s a good opportunity, but he does want me to work for him over in San Francisco.”
Ryan immediately shakes his head. “Don’t do that. Don’t work for a prick like him across the country.”
I blink at him as an angry look settles on his face. “Why not? Why are you being like this?”
“Because I know how terrible of a person he is, and I don’t want you working for him,” Ryan says firmly, like it isn’t up for discussion anymore. He parks his car on the side of the street in front of my apartment building before turning to me. “You should tell him no.”
“I’ll make my own business decisions,” I tell him as my eyes narrow. We’re not even supposed to be around each other right now. “Goodnight.”
Ryan reaches out and grabs my hand before I can get out of his car. “I’m serious, Emma. He’ll just take advantage of you.”
I rip my hand out of his grip. “Stop. You can’t act like this… like you’re my boyfriend or something.”
Pain flashes across his face before his expression hardens. “I’m just trying to look out for you.”
He’s making this ten times harder. Part of me wants to collapse in his arms and spill the truth to get it off my chest before it crushes me, but I’m too scared of what his reaction might be. I’m aware of his rocky relationship with his family.
What if that makes him not want to have a family of his own? What if none of them want kids? It’s not like we ever talked about that.
None of us planned for this to happen.
“Go home, Ryan,” I say, my voice threatening to waver as my throat tightens. I throw open my door and get out of his car, shutting the door before he can say anything.
My chest aches as I hurry into my building, putting space between us. It’s better this way for now, but it hurts like hell. I’m ripping myself away from the only people who can probably calm me down, but they’re also part of my stress.
Who can I turn to now?
I certainly can’t go to my family, which means… I’m all alone.
I barely make it through the door before I collapse onto my bed, coat still on, purse still hanging from my shoulder.
The second I curl into myself, the tears come—fast, hot, endless.
I want someone to hold me.I want everyone to leave me the hell alone.
I want a plan. A future. A version of this that makes sense.But all I have is a pounding heart, a baby I wasn’t expecting, and a silence so heavy it swallows me whole.