6. Zach
6
ZACH
T he first few days back in Vernford gave me the illusion that I would get back to feeling more like myself. Despite the loss of my purpose in life and not having the mission of my career to work toward anymore, it seemed like I could start a process of adjusting to civilian life.
It was a lie.
Every night, once I didn’t have anyone to talk to after Grandma Jenny and Amanda were in bed and I was in the apartment over the garage, I would stare up at the ceiling and feel so damn lost.
Alone.
But mostly lost.
Amanda was a senior in high school, so it wasn’t as though I could hang out with her much to preoccupy myself. Grandma Jenny was equally busy and had a full schedule with her catering business. I hadn’t expected them to stop their lives with my return. Coddling wasn’t necessary or wanted, but I wondered if not being idle would help me get out of this gloom.
Being in the comfort of my own place was a reward compared to staying in hotels nearest the orthopedic surgeons. I’d spent money out of my pocket to get the best care I could, not settling for what the VA recommended to me. Moving from one bland and boring hotel room to another didn’t do much for helping me to settle into this life outside the military. Staying here, in this apartment that Grandma Jenny never got around to renting out, helped provide a steady comfort, though.
No wonder Dad wanted to go back.
He had only come home for a break when Amanda was about to be born. There was no way around admitting her conception was a mistake. If not a mistake, since that implied a regrettable happenstance, it was a surprise. Mom and Dad hadn’t planned on Amanda, but after the first few months home after her birth, Dad was convinced he had to go back with his troop. It was, as he put it, his calling. That same vocation had been instilled in me since a young age, but he never had the chance to return. The car accident that took both him and Mom prevented him from going back into the military.
And now look at me.
I shook my head as I headed back to the house. Regret filled me that I was deprived of being on active duty again, and without that drive to succeed in that regard, I was left with… nothing. No energy to explore further than these woods where Kevin and I grew up and played when we were kids, so many acres between his house and mine. No determination to prove anything, even though I was glad my range of motion was improving on the daily with my shoulder. And no willpower to apply myself to… anything.
Brooding was a hell of a crappy way to spend the build-up to Christmas, and it was with a sickening acknowledgment that I bordered too damn close to actual depression.
Going through old picture albums and mementos didn’t deliver any motivation to move forward like I hoped it might. Walking around the vast property Grandma Jenny owned didn’t urge me to find another adventure past the boundary lines.
Only thinking about Blake pulled me out of this ominous and dark mood.
Since seeing her at Coach Parker’s party, I failed to erase her from my mind. She was there, in my thoughts, teasing me to wonder what happened to her dreams. Making me curious what she had been up to in the six years since I’d last seen her. It wasn’t just that I had spoken with her and spent time with her after Kevin’s funeral. It was how. It was the fact that we spent the entire night together, giving me just enough time to have the memory of her soft, smooth skin burned into a phantom yearning. To have the sounds of her pleasure and relief as she came clear in my ears.
I couldn’t shed these thoughts about her. No matter how much I tried not to dwell on her still being in town, I welcomed the distraction and break from being stuck in my own head.
Fresh layers of snow crunched under my boots as I made the return route to the house. I was moping and sulking around her so often that I’d wear a real trail in the earth.
Unless I figure out something better.
I wasn’t sure anything else could be out there for me. No other call to action, no other vocation or need to serve. And if I did find something to fill my days with, it wouldn’t be the legacy my father expected me to fulfill.
Grandma Jenny laughed lightly when I entered the kitchen door. She sat at the table, nursing a cup of hot tea as she peered at me. Steam wafted up in front of her face, and she narrowed her eyes slightly. “You look frozen,” she said as a greeting.
I shrugged.
“You’ve got to acclimate to the climate, Zach.”
That’s not all I need to acclimate to. I felt like I had to find a whole new identity now.
After I hung up my winter gear, I took the seat across from her. Even though I preferred coffee—black—I accepted the tea she poured just to warm my hands.
“Zach?”
“Hmm?” I lifted my face to stare back at her. “Yeah. I need to get used to the harsh Midwest winters again.”
“You’re not adjusting well,” she commented.
“How are you even around to make that observation?”
She smiled, pointing at me as if to say bingo . “You need a job.”
I rolled my eyes. I didn’t want to go through this argument again. Dealing with people seemed like something I’d need more time to warm up to. I’d never been much of an extrovert. In the military, I bonded fine with my fellow servicemen. But since being out of the service, I didn’t want to make the effort and be social. At all. If the fifteen minutes I spent at Coach Parker’s party proved anything, it was that I was still a hermit.
“I do observe how you’re handling this adjustment, Zach. I’m busy with catering, but I see everything.” She snapped her fingers, moving her hand from side to side. “I hear everything.”
I grinned, recalling how she’d insist she was all-knowing like that back when I was young, too.
“You need a job,” she repeated.
“Amanda’s been nagging the same thing. When she’s home.”
Grandma Jenny nodded sagely. “It’s not good for the soul to be here in this big house, all alone with no one to talk to or listen to, nothing to do but stare at the wall. Having a job would help.”
“Sooner or later…” I shrugged again, still not willing to commit to a yes or no on getting a job.
“Volunteer,” she suggested instead. “Go to the animal shelter. Or the library. Hell, you could even offer to pick up roadside trash along the parkway.”
I didn’t bother with another shrug.
“Being idle won’t help whatever you’re figuring out up here,” she said, tapping her temple. “Trust me. I know. It’s the very reason I’ve been so hesitant to retire. Staying busy and watching my little crew go about catering is what keeps me active and sane these days.”
Her crew, which included Blake. “I didn’t realize Blake Myer worked for you.”
She nodded. “I don’t know what I’d do without her,” she replied seriously.
“How long has she worked for you?” I asked. As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized how direct they sounded. How desperate for information it seemed. “It’s just that, uh, I don’t remember you ever mentioning that you’d hired her.”
“Should I have?” She arched one thin, graying brow. “I doubt I would’ve mentioned that Blake works for me. Whenever you’d call or text, the exchanges were slim.”
“But she’s Kevin’s sister.”
“True. More like a family friend than my best employee,” she admitted. “I took her under my wing, and I like her.” She scooted her chair back to get up just as Amanda came in through the front door. “Get a job, Zach. Do something to stop this brooding.”
“Yeah. A job,” Amanda chimed in as she set her backpack on a chair and bee-lined for the fridge.
“I’m not sure where,” I replied honestly. “Or what I’d do.”
“I know!” Amanda came to the table with a cream cheese tub and a bag of pretzels. “The school.”
“The school?” I asked as she shoved pretzels into her mouth.
“Mmm-hmmm.” She bobbed her head up and down as she chewed. “I overheard that they need help with Mr. Benson being sick or hurt or whatever is making him lose so many hours and days there.”
“Mr. Benson is still the janitor there?” Christ, he was working for Vernford’s school district back when I was a kid.
“Yeah, but he’s getting older and they could use the help. Go talk to the principal and see what he thinks. You gotta be careful with your shoulder, but I bet you could sweep and clean windows.”
“Lightweight maintenance sort of stuff,” Grandma Jenny said from the kitchen sink, where she set her tea cup and the kettle. “You wouldn’t have to be too social with something like that.”
“I guess I could go talk to someone about that.”
“Ask for the principal,” Amanda advised. “Mr. Cole.”
I stood and pushed in my chair. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”
Both of them sighed, exasperated. I didn’t want to be pushed, but I knew they had to be worried about me, not just nagging.
At any rate, I couldn’t sit around like a dark cloud for the whole month, a time of the year that was supposed to be so jolly and festive.
That night, I looked up the info for the principal’s number. When I copied the number into my contacts to call in the morning, I accidentally pressed Call . And Mr. Cole Ameena, Principal of Vernford Elementary, seemed to work late hours. He answered on the second ring.
“No, Robert. This close to the holidays, I’m not sure that placing a vacancy through the staffing site is a good idea—oh. Whoops. Sorry.”
I chuckled, surprised that he sounded so young, like my age. “Sorry. Did I catch you at a bad time, Mr. Ameena?”
“I was just speaking with the staffing agency for a custodian position and I thought it was them calling back. My bad. Hello. How can I help you?”
“It sounds like I might be able to help you, Mr. Ameena.”
“Oh, yeah?”
I introduced myself and explained that I was looking for some light-duty work to keep me busy.
“Zach West! That’s right. You graduated a year ahead of me.”
I laughed. “I guess I shouldn’t worry about being too formal and calling you Mr. Ameena, then.”
“Nah. It’s not that formal here. I didn’t realize you’d come back home.”
“It’s… new,” I said, hating the uneasiness of saying that aloud. I was supposed to be a soldier until old age hit me. “And I’m not entirely certain that I’ll remain in Vernford long-term.”
“Cool. I hear ya. But if you’re serious about helping out while you are in town, that would be a Christmas miracle coming true.”
“I’m not sure about that.”
I will never be anyone’s miracle.
“I am. Mr. Benson’s been needing more time off with his hips. And getting over pneumonia. He’s been scared about having to retire, but I think it’s imminent. It’s not in the budget to replace him when he’s still off this much time. I was thinking he’d change his mind after the holidays and retire, but until then, it would be great to have even part-time help to fill the gaps he’s leaving us right now. Can you come in for an interview tomorrow afternoon?”
“Sure.” Not like I have anything else going on—ever.
“If you give me your email, I’ll send you the links about the part-time job. Don’t worry about the benefits part if you can only be here for a short while. I’ll take whatever I can get.”
“All right.” I provided him with my email address, and then he mentioned the requirements like a background check and whatnot.
“But that won’t be an issue for you,” he joked.
“Thanks, Cole,” I said at the end of the call. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
When the time came for my interview with him, I realized that I might need to reschedule it. Cole was clearly a man in demand.
“Have a seat,” the receptionist, Sara, said. She seemed flustered as she gestured at a chair after I told her that I was here to speak with the principal. Tall with a peppy smile, she didn’t seem like one of those easily flustered individuals. I didn’t get the vibe that she was shy or timid. Perhaps she was merely irritated with the other occupants waiting to speak to the principal.
One boy with blond hair glared and cussed under his breath at another, slimmer and shorter boy. He flicked his black hair back and turned to face the other wall in a stubborn refusal of making eye contact with the taller one. Animosity sparked in the air between them. Between their angry expressions and attitudes, it didn’t take me long to deduce that they had likely been called in here for fighting.
“You’re gonna regret this, George,” the blond sneered.
George didn’t react, defiantly not making eye contact.
“Hey, bastard. Look at me when I’m talking to you.”
Sara stood from her receptionist desk. “Brent, watch your language.”
“You can’t tell me what to do,” Brent sassed, giving her the finger.
She pressed her lips together and glanced in the direction of the closed door with the anchored sign that read Principal Ameena. Behind the wooden panel, raised voices reached us out here.
“Ignore him, Sara,” George calmly told the receptionist. “That’s what my mom says. Ignore bullies.”
“She sounds like a smart woman,” I told him.
George turned then, peering at me.
“No, she’s not. His mom’s a dumb bi?—”
Sara slapped her hand to the desk and stood. Narrowing her eyes, she raised one finger at Brent.
“I think it’s in your best interest to shut up,” I warned him.
Brent looked me up and down with a haughtiness that was only learned. “Who are you?”
I slanted closer, already sick of his attitude. I didn’t know a single thing about how to handle children. It was my biggest reservation I struggled with to even call Cole last night. I had no experience with kids. But I had faced my share of bullies.
“I’m someone who doesn’t have time for bullies,” I explained in a level tone while trying not to frighten him.
He swallowed and lowered his head.
“What’s all this about?” I asked, directing the question to George.
He tipped his chin up, unafraid, but in the depths of his blue eyes, I noticed the nervousness. He seemed like one of those naturally flustered individuals, shy and nervous, but he could be tough when he had to be. “Brent was making fun of Savannah because she has a lisp.”
“She sounds like a?—”
I held my hand up at Brent, not in a threatening manner. But the cool gaze I looked upon him with suggested I didn’t care to hear the end of that opinion.
“So I stood up for her.”
I tilted my head to the side. “I thought you said your mom told you to ignore bullies.”
He nodded. “Yeah. Except for when I can stand up for someone else.”
I smiled. “I bet she would want you to stand up for yourself too.”
He almost grinned in reply. “Yeah. Mama does tell me that.”
“Like I said… She sounds like a smart lady.”