31. Blake
31
BLAKE
I sat hunched over on the floor of the bathroom, zoned out. Fear and panic kept me captive. They paralyzed me as a familiar refrain of questions punched me.
How?
When?
What will I do?
What will he do?
Just how?
Why didn’t the pills work?
Why did this have to happen now?
Over and over, they ping-ponged in my mind, nauseating me with more stress I didn’t welcome. The coffee I drank didn’t settle well, and I fought the urge to puke. I struggled with George in that first trimester, and I tried to do the math of when this baby could’ve been conceived.
Zach had only been back in town so long. We’d only had sex so many times. I knew it only took once, but still, the odds seemed so far off.
We’d spent years apart, and the second he was near, it was as though we were pushed together by a magnetic force of attraction.
What will he say?
What will he think?
How will I afford this?
Jenny had been so understanding when I was ill in the pregnancy, and then she was a saint after George was born and then in the NICU. My dreams of opening my own business would crumble to a finer dust now. And getting a new job? That was out of the question.
As I tried to breathe through the stress eating away at me, I focused on seeking some sense of calm. Tuning out all the questions and worries wasn’t easy, but I let myself sink down and just sit to get through this panic and dread churning my stomach.
What if… what if this just pushes him further away? What if he thinks I’m trying to trap him here?
I dismissed those thoughts, stubborn enough to believe in the love that kicked in between us, but I couldn’t know. I was only guessing and speculating.
I lost the urge to puke in the end, turning to heave into the toilet. Heat swept over my skin. I was flushed, burning up, and I worried I could be screwed with the stomach bug and pregnancy symptoms. That would just be my luck.
I groaned, resting my arm on the toilet seat for so long that I ceased to keep track of time. Spent and depleted of energy, I slumped there and willed my stomach and mind to calm down.
“Blake?”
I winced, realizing I’d zoned out and almost dozed to the point I hadn’t heard the front door open. I recalled opening it to check the mail, but I guessed I didn’t lock it.
“Blake?” Footsteps sounded nearer, and I wiped my hand over my face. It was Zach, and boy, would he be in for a rude awakening to see me like a mess like this.
“Oh, sweetheart…” He lowered, dropping to his knee to brush my hair back from my face. “You really are sick.”
I nodded, cringing up at him. Or not…
“I was worried when it looked like you wouldn’t make it to the presentation at school.”
I groaned and hung my head as he squatted next to me, rubbing my back.
“Oh, no…” I closed my eyes as I suffered the guilt of missing George’s school program. Of all things to miss, this was the worst. If it was just an ordinary project, it would be all right. But this one had that family tree. It was all about family, a touchy and sensitive subject for him because as far as he knew, it was just me and him in this world.
“I missed it!”
“Hey, it’s okay. You’re sick.”
“No.” I shook my head as he hugged me. “I’m a horrible mother. I wasn’t there when he needed me, and of all projects and topics, one about family and I wasn’t there!”
“But I was.” He kept me tucked close. He sat on the floor now, wedging me onto his lap where I slumped, grateful and greedy for his secure embrace. I went still at his confident words.
Sure, he was at the school. Cole had hired him to help out there. But…
I sat up, staring at him and not daring to let my mind go there.
“Look.” He seemed calm, lifting his phone. “He asked me to take a selfie of us.”
I gasped at the screen as he turned it around for me to see. My pulse skyrocketed. I couldn’t breathe deep enough. I had been shocked to learn I was pregnant, but this…
Zach and George smiled into the camera. George held his poster proudly. There was my yellow leaf. Amanda was orange and Jenny was brown. And on the same level of branches directly over where George had written his name was another yellow leaf with Sgt. Zachary West written on it in Zach’s strictly neat, all-caps penmanship.
“You…”
“I know, Blake.”
I covered my mouth, scared and bewildered all at once. But he was smiling in that selfie. He wasn’t mad?
“You told George?”
He shook his head. “When I told him that you wouldn’t be there because you were sick, he was so sad. I told him I’d be there. And when he told me I wasn’t his dad, I said that maybe I could be.”
I nodded, letting tears fall freely. I couldn’t hold them back anymore. “You are.”
He sighed, still rubbing my back gently. “I wished I’d heard it from you first.”
I furrowed my brow. “Who…”
“Reagan. I overheard her talking shit while I helped set up the library. She fessed up that Rory wanted—” He closed his mouth tight and looked off to the side, mad.
“Huh?”
He faced me again. “Rory wanted to know who George’s dad was before ‘he’d marry you and pretend to be George’s father.’”
I gasped. “No. No fucking way. I wouldn’t ever consider marrying him!”
A slight smile touched his lips. “I know. But he was so curious that Reagan had Brent steal George’s water bottle for a spit sample so he could run a DNA test.”
Again, I gasped, livid.
“That was my reaction too. Anyway, it matched George to West family info from around here and they figured that meant me.”
I licked my lips. “Zach, I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but?—”
He kissed my brow. “I’m sorry too.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry I’ve missed this much of George’s life. But it’s not my fault or our fault.”
“It’s my fault,” I insisted. “I should’ve told you.”
“No. I understand.” He gave me a replay of his conversation with Amanda. “I get it. And I see how you would’ve hesitated to tell me.” Framing my face, he stared at me. “And I forgive you. I hope you’ll forgive me too.”
I smiled through the tears, hugging him again. “There’s nothing to forgive.”
“Just my short-sightedness in not seeing what really matters. A career doesn’t make me the man I should be. My family does.”
I sniffled, snuggling into his familiar hard, hot body. “I was so nervous you’d be mad. Or resent being expected to come home or stay here.”
“I can see how you’d think that. But I’m not. I’m not mad. Not at you for keeping the truth from me. I see why you would’ve and did so to protect yourself and George. And I’m not mad at myself for being away. I went out and did what I felt I should do, and now that I know I do have another purpose, a more important and lasting purpose, I’m fortunate to be able to welcome it.”
“Then does this mean…?” I sat up.
He smiled. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.”
“You want to be a family?” I asked.
“Yeah. I love you. And George. I want to be a family right here. We already are a family of three.”
I bit my lip, not letting the impact of his sweet words fully hit me until he understood exactly what he was walking into this time. “I love you, too. But…” I took his hand and placed it low on my stomach. “What about a family of four?”
Realization dawned on his face. He blinked quickly, at a loss for words. “You… don’t have the stomach bug?”
I shook my head. “Just a precious surprise that we’ll get to meet in nine months, give or take.”
Slowly but surely, a gorgeous smile lifted his lips. “I can’t wait, sweetheart. I can’t wait for the rest of my life to start.” Laughing lightly, still showing the signs of surprise on his handsome face, he pulled me in for a kiss.