Chapter 10
TEN
When I had finished, I went downstairs to make a quick cup of tea before it was time to wake Marilise. I found Sofia in the kitchen alone, reading.
‘Hi there,’ I said. ‘Are you okay in here on your own? I’ve come to make a drink. Can I get you anything?’
She looked up; her eyes were red. My stomach clenched in sympathy, and I went to sit beside her, putting a hand on the back of her chair.
To me, she looked like a child in need of a hug, but I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable by gathering her up the way I wanted to.
Sofia, however, had no such reservations.
She immediately slid her arms around my waist and pressed her face into my shoulder and, as I wrapped my arms around her and muttered soothing words, I could feel her sobbing.
After a few minutes, she pulled away and drew the back of her hand across her face.
I dug in my pocket for a tissue and handed it to her.
‘Oh, sweetheart,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry you feel so wretched. Are you missing home?’
She nodded and gulped, then said, ‘Sort of, yes, and I miss Mummy, and I’m scared about starting school tomorrow.’
‘I would be, too,’ I said, and she looked surprised.
‘Really? Mummy said it was silly because it was just school, and I’ve been to school before.’
Raising an internal eyebrow at Mummy’s rather harsh take on the matter, I considered my next words carefully.
‘Well, people feel differently about these things. But I felt scared coming here, even though my whole job is about going to new houses and meeting new people. I’d never been to this house, or met these people, so of course I was worried.’
‘But are you happy now?’
‘Very,’ I said firmly, if not a hundred per cent truthfully. ‘I’m much more comfortable now I’m getting used to it, and everyone has been very kind and welcoming. I’m sure school will be the same, and you know that India isn’t far away. Maybe she’ll even be able to check in on you during the day.’
I made a mental note to mention it to India, having no idea of how the school was laid out, or what their rules were about senior girls visiting younger ones.
‘I hope so,’ said Sofia, giving me a wan smile. ‘I like India. And Firefly.’
‘I’m going upstairs now to see Marilise,’ I said. ‘She often likes to play a game around this time. Would you like to join in?’
‘Yes, please!’ said the little girl, a real smile now coming to her face. ‘Do you think Marilise would like some of those ginger snaps we had yesterday?’
‘I think that’s an excellent idea.’
A few minutes later, we were going quietly into the bedroom and, before long, all sitting around the table in the window munching ginger snaps and playing Snakes and Ladders.
‘Do you like the ginger snaps?’ asked Sofia, nibbling what must have been her fifth.
I wondered what her mother would think about this intake, but she seemed to have sent little in the way of instructions for her daughter’s care, so either she assumed we knew what we were doing, or she wasn’t bothered.
Either way, unlimited sweets seemed like the way forward for the time being.
‘I like them very much,’ said Marilise, then groaned as she landed on a long snake and had to go back about thirty spaces.
‘But at this time of year what I used to love to do was bake Linzer cookies with my sister. Of course, the recipe was Austrian, not local to us, but we loved them so much. We would eat almost as much jam as we put in.’
She gazed out of the window, and I thought she looked rather tired. Turning to Sofia, I said, ‘Would you pop over to my room quickly? I left my thermometer on the dressing table.’
When she had left the room, I asked Marilise how she was feeling.
‘Tired,’ she said. ‘I do not like to admit it, but your nurse’s eyes see it, so what is the point in pretending?’
Sofia came back with the thermometer and sat quietly looking out of the window while I did some basic checks.
‘I don’t think it’s anything that an early night won’t solve,’ I said, and Marilise chuckled.
‘You think an early night will solve the fact that I am nearly ninety years old?’
I grinned.
‘Well, maybe not, but I think you’ll feel – ooh – at least eighty-five in the morning.’
‘Eighty-five! I’ll take that.’
‘Good. I think you should have your supper up here; I can join you.’
She hesitated.
‘Yes, yes, you could, but I wonder if you would mind seeing if Angela is able to come up for a little while if I eat now? I know she is so busy, but I miss her.’
‘Of course,’ I said, secretly pleased, because it meant that I would be able to put a plan of my own into action. ‘I’ll go and find her. Come with me, Sofia, I need your help with something.’
A few minutes later, Angela was on her way upstairs with a tray of morsels she thought might tempt Marilise, and I turned to Sofia.
‘Right, miss, we have a job to do!’
‘What is it?’
I took out my phone and tapped away, then turned the screen towards her.
‘This is a recipe for the cookies Marilise said she liked to make as a girl. We need to see if we can find the ingredients and get baking – I think she should get tomorrow’s advent calendar surprise.’
Gleefully, Sofia began hunting through the cupboards for the ingredients, which were mostly pretty simple.
After ten minutes, we had amassed everything we would need and were feeling very pleased with ourselves.
My phone started running out of battery, so I ran out to the hall, where I had left a charger in my bag.
I was heading back with it when Nick came down the stairs.
‘Hello,’ he said. ‘What are you up to?’
I explained quickly and he smiled.
‘Sounds like a good idea.’
‘You could join us, Uncle Nick,’ said an eager little voice, and I turned to see Sofia, who had followed me out to the hall.
‘Oh no, I don’t think so,’ he replied. ‘I’m sure I wouldn’t be any good at it.’
‘Okay,’ said Sofia dully and, taking the charger out of my hand, returned to the kitchen. I frowned.
‘Is there a problem?’ said Nick, arching an eyebrow at me.
I knew I shouldn’t overstep, that it was in no way appropriate for me to challenge him, but maybe it was my irritation at having been unable to stand up to my sister earlier that compelled me to speak. Even so, I spoke more sharply than I had intended.
‘That little girl wants to spend some time with you, and I’m surprised you don’t have more empathy for her.’
‘Empathy?’ he asked, an edge to his voice.
‘Yes. You say that you weren’t wanted here; well, how do you think you’re making Sofia feel? Her mother has already abandoned her over Christmas, and she needs to feel that her uncle is happy to have her here.’
‘Everybody else is doing a good job as far as I can see,’ he replied rather sulkily. ‘Sofia will be leaving again in a couple of weeks, so I don’t see the point of playing happy families.’
‘So, you’re going to let the hired nurse, an old lady and a fifteen-year-old girl do all the heavy lifting?’
‘There’s Astrid, don’t forget, and Angela and Greg. More than enough people.’
‘Well, I would bet that the one person she needs to care about her this Christmas is you, her nearest blood relative. Her mum’s brother.
But I’m sure you know best,’ I added tartly, and turned on my heel to walk back to the kitchen.
By the time I got there, I was mortified.
What on earth had come over me to make me speak to him like that?
‘Are you okay?’ asked Sofia, her face looking worried and drawn again.
‘I’m fine,’ I said. ‘Let’s get on with the baking.’
As we tipped the butter into the scales, the door opened, and Steve came in.
‘Hello,’ I said. ‘Your master’s not here, I’m afraid.’
‘Yes, I am,’ said a voice, and in came Nick. He avoided my eye and looked at Sofia. ‘Sorry, of course I want to help. Now, what can I do?’
The smile that spread over Sofia’s face was like the sun coming out.
‘We have to cream the butter and sugar first – can you do that?’
‘I have no idea,’ said Nick. ‘But I can give it a try.’
A most unexpected scene of domestic harmony then ensued as we combined the ingredients for the dough, giggling as we tried to work out how much an eighth of a teaspoon of ground cloves was, then deciding it probably didn’t matter too much.
When the time came to roll and cut the dough, I picked up my phone.
‘Come on, we need a Christmas playlist, it can only make these cookies taste better.’
I searched for the cheesiest mix I could find, and soon we were stamping the Linzer out in time to ‘Wonderful Christmastime’.
‘What’s your favourite Christmas song?’ asked Sofia. ‘I like “Holly Jolly Christmas” best.’
‘Mine’s easy,’ said Nick. ‘It’s “Little Saint Nick”, of course. I do like having a song that reminds everyone how saintly I am.’
He put his hands under his chin and fluttered his eyelashes, making Sofia squeal with laughter.
‘It’s almost impossible for me to decide,’ I said with an exaggerated sigh. ‘I love them all.’ It was true, I did, and this was the first time in three years that I had voluntarily put on Christmas music.
‘Well, you have to,’ said Nick in a mock stern voice, pretending to threaten me with a wooden spoon. ‘It’s the Christmas law, right, Sofia?’
‘Right,’ she said, and put her hands on her hips. ‘Come on, pick a favourite.’
I paused. My first instinct was to say whatever came into my head, but it didn’t feel right to be untruthful.
Sofia, just eight years old, had been so brave about coming here over Christmas and Nick, I knew, had been brave in a different way to come to the kitchen after my telling-off and join in wholeheartedly. It was my turn to be brave.
‘It’s always been “Sleigh Ride”,’ I said. ‘My husband rigged something up one year so that it played every time I came into the house, and I never got sick of it.’
‘Where is your husband?’ asked Sofia. ‘Aren’t you spending Christmas with him?’
‘No,’ I said, keeping my voice steady. ‘Sadly, he was very ill and died a few years ago. But there are lots of nice things that help me remember him in a happy way, and “Sleigh Ride” is one of them.’
This was, of course, untrue. I had done everything I could to avoid any memories of Paulo, happy or unhappy, but as I touched my necklace, an image of him laughing at my delighted surprise the first time I walked through the door and set that song off appeared in my mind.
Maybe it was time to let the memories, good and bad, surface.
‘Shall we put it on?’ asked Sofia. I glanced at Nick, who had nothing but sympathy in his face, then grinned.
‘Yes, let’s, and then we’d better get these cookies in the oven before Angela comes down and needs the kitchen. I think we’d better do the jam in the morning, when they’re completely cool – if we can all make it down a little early?’
They agreed, and we put the cookies in to bake, then I said, ‘Go on, you two, you’ve done enough for one day. I’ll do this bit of washing up and see you for supper soon.’
Sofia ran out, happily shouting that she was going to go and see Firefly and India, but Nick sat down at the table.
‘You were right,’ he said, running his finger through a scattering of flour. ‘All I could think about was not getting too friendly with Sofia because she’d be going home before too long. I’m glad I joined you.’
‘So am I,’ I said. ‘I guess we all have feelings we’d rather avoid, but maybe facing up to them is better in the long run.’
He stood up then, looked at me for a long time, then gave a brisk nod.
‘That could be true.’
Then, calling to Steve, he left the room, leaving me slightly flustered and wondering what other feelings we both might need to face up to over Christmas.