Chapter 20
TWENTY
After the various upsets, the next few days at Lyonscroft were idyllic.
Nick and I spent every night together and got into the habit of waking early so that we could enjoy a coffee before the day started.
I began to feel closer to him as we shared details of our pasts and hopes for the future.
Astrid seemed not only to have thrown off the broken engagement with Philip, but to be happier than ever.
As a ‘thank you’ to me for returning all the presents she had bought him – a job which had been time-consuming, but not difficult – she invited me to go with her to see a matinée production of ‘The Nutcracker’ ballet in Yeovil.
It was a glorious production, and afterwards we went for an early supper at a nineteenth century pub nearby, which had a distinctly twenty-first century menu.
We both decided on Dover sole, followed by an orange-infused Christmas pudding with brandy ice cream, and found plenty to chat about as we ate.
‘I’m so glad you came to Lyonscroft,’ said Astrid, as the coffee arrived. ‘You’re wonderful with Marilise and we’re all so happy for you and Nick. Oops, sorry,’ she added. ‘I know it’s sort of a secret, but it’s not really – you don’t have to keep being discreet.’
‘I think I’d probably rather, for now,’ I said. ‘It’s a slightly odd situation, living in the same house and me working there. Thank you for being pleased, though.’
‘We are,’ she said, adding sugar to her coffee.
‘Nick was such a troubled little boy. Christoph – his father, that is – wasn’t a kind man.
I’m sure you know.’ I nodded. ‘He never hid the fact that his only interest in Nick was as his heir, and he packed him off to boarding school when he was tiny. I begged him to let Nick live at home, and go to school nearby, like Victoria, but he wouldn’t allow it.
He – he…’ She took a sip of coffee. She was clearly in the mood to unburden herself.
‘He had a vasectomy so that I wouldn’t have a baby.
He didn’t tell me for ages, until I kept pushing for both of us to go and see doctors, then he told me. ’
‘That’s terrible,’ I said. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Thank you. No wonder the minute he died I rushed off and got pregnant with India.’ She smiled.
‘I did love her father, but it was a crazy time and I’m not sure he ever knew how I felt.
Marilise was amazing when she found out about the baby.
Couldn’t have given two hoots about the circumstances, her son’s recent widow getting knocked up by an itinerant photographer; she was glad to see me happy, finally.
How she managed to have a son like Christoph I don’t know.
It was too late, by then, to do much for Nick – he was finishing school.
I tried to make a welcoming home for him at Lyonscroft, but he’s always been a nomad. ’
I was seized with a sudden desire to ask about him, however painful the answer might be.
‘Do you think he always will be? Am I wasting my time?’
Astrid gave me a gentle smile.
‘I don’t know, Laura. All I can say is that I’ve never known him content with someone the way he is with you. But – well – I still wouldn’t be surprised if he goes overseas again. Would you want to go with him, if he did?’
I sighed.
‘We’ve only been together such a short time, too short a time to make decisions like that.
My life is here – my work, my family. I could leave, of course I could, and maybe it would be good, for a while at least. But I don’t want to throw everything up in the air for someone who ultimately doesn’t want to settle down.
That’s not for me, and I wouldn’t force it on Nick – he’d only be unhappy if wandering the world and being free is the most important thing to him. ’
‘It’s not easy, is it?’ said Astrid sympathetically. ‘And I’m in a poor position to give advice. All I can say is that I have finally learnt that you are a million times better off single than with the wrong man.’
If only Nick didn’t feel so right, that would be easier to take on board.
On Wednesday, Marilise and I were having our usual daily swim.
She was sitting under the fountain while I floated, staring up at the ceiling, when I sensed, rather than saw, people coming into the room.
I tipped myself upright lazily, expecting to see one of the family, but instead there was a tall young man, with an improbably sculpted hairstyle, wearing a sharp suit and very shiny shoes.
He tapped away at a tablet, then looked up.
‘Mind if I take a photo?’ he asked, lifting the tablet as he did so.
‘Well, yes, I do,’ I said. ‘Sorry, who are you?’
‘It’s all right, it’s just for reference, it won’t be the one that goes in the brochure.’
He lifted the tablet again and I saw Marilise looking worried.
‘Please don’t take any photos with us in them,’ I said, standing up and looking as ferocious as I could in my polka dot swimming costume. ‘Who are you?’
‘I’m from Lichfield and Baron,’ he replied.
The estate agents?
Before I had a chance to speak, the door was pushed open, and Nick came in. When he saw me and Marilise, he looked very awkward.
‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I didn’t realise you were still in here.’ He turned to the man. ‘We can come back later.’
Mr Shiny Shoes clicked his way out of the room and Nick looked at me.
‘I’ll catch up with you later,’ he said, and was gone.
‘What was all that about?’ asked Marilise. ‘Is Nick selling the house?’
I could hear the anxiety in her voice.
‘He promised he wouldn’t,’ I said reassuringly, although I was far from confident. ‘Should we get out? It’s not long until lunch.’
I made sure Marilise was comfortable in the dining room, then went to the kitchen, where I found Angela and Astrid, talking agitatedly as a pan of potatoes, forgotten on the hob, threatened to boil over. I rushed across and turned it down.
‘Oh dear,’ said Angela, grabbing the handle of the pan and quickly draining it. ‘We were so busy talking that we didn’t notice the potatoes. I do hope the fish hasn’t dried out.’
She opened the door of the Aga to inspect it, and Astrid turned to me, her eyes wide.
‘Did you see that man who came to the house this morning?’
‘The one from the estate agents? Yes, he tried to take photos of Marilise and me having our swim,’ I replied, trying to keep my voice light.
‘Well, what’s going on?’ demanded Angela, shutting the Aga door again, apparently satisfied that her fish was okay. ‘I thought Nick had given up on the idea of selling.’
They both turned to me as if I had the answer but, of course, I knew as little as they did.
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘Maybe Nick will say something at lunch?’
‘It’s no surprise,’ said Astrid, twisting a tea towel between her hands.
‘He’s not made a secret of wanting to sell Lyonscroft, but after everything he said…
Well, I suppose I should know better than anyone that you should believe what people do and not what they say.
’ There was a short silence as we all digested this truth.
‘I’ll be all right,’ she continued, her voice brave.
‘I do have my own money, and I’ve been building up my gardening business.
I can find somewhere for India and me, but I don’t know about Firefly.
’ The tea towel was getting tighter and tighter.
‘I’ll work something out. What will you do, Angela? ’
‘I’m sure Greg and I can find another family nearby,’ she said stoically.
‘Or go to London with Marilise for the time being. It’s disappointing.
I thought that young man was going to come through for the best, I really did.
I suppose this means your new romance will be over before it’s barely started,’ she said, looking at me.
‘Oh, I know we’re not supposed to know, but we all do, and we were so happy.
We thought it meant a new beginning for Nick, that he might be settled at last.’
I shrugged, feeling uncomfortable.
‘I think we should wait and see what Nick says.’
‘But you’ve got your sister, haven’t you?’ said Astrid. ‘The maternity nursing?’
‘Yes, I’m still considering that,’ I replied, and quickly filled Angela in on the plan that was becoming more established all the time, even though I still hadn’t made a decision about it.
‘You’re a sensible girl,’ she said approvingly, checking the fish again, which now seemed to be cooked to her satisfaction. ‘Now, let’s say no more about it all and get this lunch on the table.’
Lunch was a subdued affair. No one mentioned the estate agent, and we ended up with a half-hearted conversation about what flavour stuffing goes best with Christmas dinner, which nobody seemed to care about very much.
When the meal was over and I had taken Marilise up for her nap, I decided to go for a brisk walk to try and blow the cobwebs away.
I was togging up in the hall when Nick came out of the sitting room.
‘Going out?’
‘Yes, it’s beautiful outside now the sun’s come out.’
‘Can Steve and I join you?’
‘Of course.’
A few minutes later, we were striding through the chilly fields, and I was already feeling better for the fresh air. Steve was as comical as ever, chasing after imaginary foes and bounding joyfully over to us whenever he found a stick he wanted to be thrown for him.
‘Look, I’d like to explain about Tyler,’ said Nick.
‘Tyler?’
‘The estate agent from this morning. I know it’s got everyone worried.’
I made a non-committal noise and caught up another stick for Steve.
‘I’d forgotten he was coming,’ said Nick, sounding a little defensive. ‘But when he turned up on the doorstep, it didn’t seem like a bad idea at least to find out what the place was worth.’
‘And take a few photos?’
‘Yeah, sorry about that.’
I smiled.
‘It’s okay, but I don’t think either Marilise or I are ready to be swimsuit cover girls at the moment.’
‘I couldn’t disagree more,’ said Nick. ‘But have it your own way.’
We walked in silence for a minute or two, then I continued addressing the elephant in the room – or in the field, as it was.
‘So, you forgot he was coming?’ I prompted. ‘It got Astrid worried.’
‘And you?’ he said.
I stopped walking and looked at him in surprise.
‘It’s nothing to do with me if you sell the house or not. But I was concerned for the others. They’re not sure where they stand.’
‘And where do I stand, Laura? I can well believe you’re not that bothered for yourself about Lyonscroft being sold and me going off again. Don’t you mind?’
‘I thought we talked about this,’ I said, confused.
‘I overheard you in the kitchen,’ he said, kicking at a stone on the frosty ground.
‘Sounds like the whole retraining idea is pretty much decided. I know you said we could still be together, but I can’t see it working.
Say you stay with Marilise until – until the end?
’ I nodded. That wasn’t going to change.
‘Then you retrain – what’s that, a year? ’
‘Not that long,’ I said. ‘But it will depend on the course. Maybe a few months.’
‘Right. Then what if Steph doesn’t get pregnant straight away?
You’ll have committed to her, and you might find yourself waiting around for months, even years.
And once you’re working for her, or in any live-in job, that’s not going to make seeing each other easy, even if I do stay nearby.
And all of that, all of it, would be okay – I would support you in any dream or ambition – if I thought it’s what you really want.
But then why are you considering it? I can only think that you’re putting up roadblocks that make it easier to say ah well, it was nice, but it couldn’t work out, given the circumstances. ’
‘Why would I do that?’ I asked, feeling a lump in my throat.
‘I don’t know,’ he said in despair. ‘But what I do know is that throughout my entire life people have left me, and it’s happening again.’
‘I’m not leaving you, I’m not,’ I cried. ‘But I’m so confused. I feel like I have to make some plans, and they simply can’t be rushing off to live in LA, not at the moment. It’s all too much, it’s too soon.’
‘Too soon after Paulo?’ asked Nick.
‘Yes – no – oh, I don’t know,’ I said, tears now welling up in my eyes. ‘I do want to be with you, Nick, that’s the only thing I am sure of. But I don’t know…’
I trailed off sadly.
‘You don’t know if we can make it work,’ said Nick in a flat voice.
‘I want to,’ I whispered.
He pulled me into his arms, and I wrapped mine tightly around his waist.
‘We’ll figure it out,’ he said quietly.
I nodded and squeezed him tightly, but right now it was hard to see how that might happen.