Chapter 7 - Blake
It's already dark out. Carly must've figured out by now I'm not coming to the Christmas dinner and wondering where I am. Which means, this precious time with Poppy is ending.
It was the perfect day. A Christmas I'll never forget.
We didn't attempt to escape this gym. Instead, the floor around the gym mattresses — our bed — got a Christmas treatment: there were wreaths made of leftover crepe paper, ornaments out of cardstock that Poppy cut into stars and circles, and she made me draw snowmen and Santas on them. She got a piece of red fabric and is using it as a headband, which suits her just perfectly, and she’s making me wear a reindeer headband too, one she found at the bottom of one of the boxes from the float that makes me look totally ridiculous.
We also saw the parade from afar. It passed briefly and we saw it through one of the windows of the gym.
It felt special somehow, or maybe it's her that makes everything feel more special.
We could've banged the window, trying to get someone’s attention, despite the loud music and how far we were, maybe someone would have seen us trapped in the college gym.
But neither of us did, we just enjoyed the parade as well as we could before getting back to the crafts.
Obviously, I took care of the breaks, which were frequent yet not enough to satiate my need for her. It fueled it instead. Hence why I don't want anyone to find us. We don't have any food left so I guess it'd be selfish of me to starve her to death just because I want her here with me.
Will our relationship make it past these gym walls?
Everything tells me this isn't right, that I should've kept my hands and my mouth to myself.
And yet, I just couldn't. No. I'm loving every minute of it.
I'm ashamed of it of course but not enough to stop.
She's been on my mind all this semester and.
.. to get her all to myself is a privilege I'm not going to let go just yet.
Not until someone opens that door.
Until then, I'll kiss her.
I pull her towards me, like I've done so many times since our first kiss and don't let her go. She giggles, claiming I'm not allowing her to breathe in between but I'm clinging to this woman. Mine. Mine.
It's not long before someone starts banging at the door. Carly. I break from the embrace, running towards the door to yell back that there's a spare key in the teacher's lounge and explain to Carly where she can find it exactly.
I pick up the various decorations we spent the whole day making and put them in a box, piling up the towels we've used too. I wish I could stay a few more minutes with her. A few more seconds.
Even if I ask her out outside of this gym, is it okay for me to want her?
"It's best if you put on your tights," I say, not looking at her, trying not to think of the end and instead on controlling the mess we've made. She’d removed the tights again earlier when we came back to bed. "It's freezing outside."
"Sure." Her tone is chirpy, carefree, no hint of a similar turmoil to the one I feel inside.
When Carly comes back, bringing the cold with her, my mood has turned for the worst.
"Oh dear Poppy, you've been stuck here all day."
She gives her a tight hug, Poppy hugs her back, a faint smile on her face.
"Your brother was here too," I mumble, but she keeps ignoring me.
"I didn't catch you during the parade but I just thought I missed you."
She turns to me.
"At first, I thought you had finally kept your promise on skipping Christmas dinner. But, my husband said you wouldn't. So I've been looking for you for a couple of hours."
"I just say that to mess with you. I wouldn't skip dinner when it's so important to you."
Carly stops for a second, like my words somehow made her think of something else. Her eyes dart from me to Poppy, who’s already blushing, seeming to help Carly connect the dots.
"We're being honest today, are we?" Her right eyebrow lifts as her mouth moves slightly to the side.
My sister is too fucking clever. I'm not going to hear the end of it. It's going to be an insufferable dinner.
"Let's drive you home, sweetie. Or better yet, do you want to have dinner with us? Your parents won't be back until New Year's, right? There's plenty of food. Do you have any plans?"
Poppy shakes her head.
"So it's settled. I'm going to call my husband on the way to ask him to set up one more plate."
She throws me the keys to her car.
"Dear brother, please drive. You know how much I hate driving in the winter."
"I'm surprised you're alone."
"I made him stay. Someone had to keep an eye on the oven. Plus, I figured it'd be more efficient, anyway. Imagine how much time he’d take to find two people when he doesn’t find a single thing in the fridge."
I smile. My sister is something else. Poppy smiles too but there's something about the way she's standing that tells me she's uncomfortable, perhaps she doesn't want to have dinner with us.
"Are you sure you want to go?"
Her eyes dart in my direction and there's pure hatred in them, like I've hurt her. "Yes, Blake, I want to."
Her eyes haunt me all the way to Carly’s house, trying to find the clue I’m missing.
Everything was fine before Carly came in.
Is she mad I didn’t tell Carly right away?
Or perhaps that was just a way to keep up appearances.
I’m not the most beloved teacher with my strict approach.
Yes, that does make sense. But it didn't feel fabricated.
When she doesn't even glance at me when we take off our coats, already at Carly's, I know I did something wrong. And I'll do anything to make it right, fuck my age, her age, my awkwardness, anything that will keep us apart.
I don't care. I want her.