Chapter 3
PHOEBE
Just fun in the sun. That’s all this is. That’s all it’s supposed to be.
I keep telling myself that as I gather the courage to take my first steps onto the resort’s private beach. My suite’s sprawling terrace opens directly onto it. The view is breathtaking—an endless blue divided between the ocean and clear skies, the water lapping gently at the golden shore.
The salty breeze fills my lungs, and I whisper to myself, “Breathe, Phoebe. Just breathe.”
Just fun in the sun. Maybe if I repeat the words over and over, they’ll set in stone and all of my insecurities will just disappear.
I look around and notice other people at the resort. Most of them are young, like me, though slim and pretty. Caramel tans and veneered smiles. Skimpy, brightly colored bikinis and thin legs. Six-packs and slender arms.
Then there’s me.
“If you could drop twenty pounds, you'd be perfect,” Matthew used to say to me.
My mom thought thirty was the magic number. And Crystal figured forty would make me even prettier than her. Not that she ever supported me in any of my endeavors to drop those pounds.
“You’re never going to look like me, so give it a rest,” she’d say. “Enjoy that coconut cake, honey. It’s what makes you happy.”
Not really. All it ever did was fill the void our father left behind when he died.
“What are you doing?” Dominic’s voice startles me. I was so deep in thought I didn’t even hear him coming.
“Nothing. Just admiring the view,” I reply, huddled under my shawl.
As I turn my head to look at him, I fear no amount of scruples will keep me from being swept off my feet.
He’s shirtless, revealing his perfectly sculpted torso, broad shoulders, rippling pecs, and strong arms. Dark blue swimming trunks hang from his narrow hips, long linebacker legs kicking in the sand.
“How’s your suite?” I ask with a faint smile, struggling to meet his eyes.
Dominic seems to be aware of the impact he has on me, judging by the devilish smirk that stretches across his lips. “It’s nice and comfy,” he says. “Right next to yours.”
“Yes, I noticed.”
“Did you also notice the adjoining terraces?”
I turn to look. Indeed, our suites share the sprawling terrace. All it takes is a few steps from one set of French-style doors to another for my wildest dreams to come true, should I want that.
My heart skips a few beats.
“Nice, right?”
“Yes, very nice,” I mumble.
August and Theo come out of their suites, just as devastatingly handsome, chiseled, and simply irresistible.
“Not hating this, not one bit,” Theo declares.
“That says a lot. Among the three of us, Theo is the hardest to please when it comes to accommodations,” August says, grinning.
“So, you’re the pretentious one,” I reply with a chuckle, desperate to take some of the edge off. Yet every time one of them looks at me, the edge gets sharper. I’m in absolute paradise, and I don’t know how the hell I’m going to get through the next two weeks.
“I prefer the term discerning,” Theo says. “We worked hard to get to where we are. And while August and Dominic might settle for less, I think we deserve the cream of the crop wherever we go. We’ve earned it.”
“I don’t know. I would’ve been fine with just a nice, small hotel somewhere further down the coast,” I reply with a casual shrug. “Matthew wanted us to book this place. It was out of my price range, but I made it happen.”
“Didn’t your mother pitch in?” Dominic asks.
I shake my head. “My wedding, my responsibility. Matthew thought I was proud and stubborn, but he never understood the dynamic in my family. The last thing I want is to be in my mother’s debt.”
“A Baldwin, yet not too much of a Baldwin,” August says with a grin. “Fascinating.”
“At least you don’t think it’s sad like everybody else,” I chuckle.
“Sad? No. Not at all. I appreciate your desire to stand on your own despite having near-limitless financial resources available, should you agree to sell your soul.”
I give August a curious look. “I’m surprised you understand.”
“We did the same thing,” Dominic explains. “We stepped away from our father’s empire. Sure, we carry the name, but our fortune and success, that’s all ours.”
“I had no idea. Matthew never mentioned—”
“Matthew is a name we should no longer speak while on this trip,” Theo says. “The next couple of weeks are for relaxing, frolicking in the water, eating and drinking well, and getting to know one another. We were always his friends in relation to you. We’re hoping that changes, as of now.”
“Oh?”
“He never deserved you,” Dominic says. His hand comes up to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear.
Again, his touch renders me defenseless.
Unable to think or say anything. “By the time we’re packing up to head back to New York, you’ll see that, too.
But in the meantime, I spot an umbrella with four chaise lounges waiting for us right over there,” he adds, pointing to the beach.
The umbrella is one of those large Tiki types, made with layers of straw, casting a generous shadow beneath it.
Towels sit on each of the chaise lounges, rolled and neatly tied with satin bows.
On the small wooden table between them, a bamboo tray awaits, complete with a lemonade pitcher and four highball glasses.
“Come on, let’s hit the water first,” Theo says.
He runs ahead and the rest of us follow. I find myself getting more and more nervous with every step through the warm, soft sand. I set my bag down and fiddle with the fringes on my shawl, trying to figure out what I should do next.
The guys are all but ready to jump into the ocean, but they’re waiting for me.
“Phoebe?”
“Huh?”
“What are you waiting for?” Dominic asks.
“Nothing. You should go ahead. I’ll join you in a minute,” I nervously reply and proceed to pour some lemonade into one of the glasses. “I’m a bit thirsty.”
“Phoebe,” August says sternly. It’s not a question. They know what I’m doing.
I glance down at myself, then look around again. All those beach bodies, and then there’s me. As if he’s somehow able to read my mind, Dominic comes closer. I hold my breath as our eyes meet.
“I’ll say it until you get it through your head,” he says, fingers reaching for the knot on my shoulder holding the shawl covering my figure. “Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.”
“I’m just not comfortable on display,” I mutter.
“Do you think anybody will care what you look like?” he replies. “They’re all busy having fun, catching some rays, laughing, swimming, eating what smells like fantastic churros.”
“Oh, yeah, I see the bistro just up the beach,” Theo says. “We have a source now.”
I can’t help but laugh. “You’re incorrigible.”
“It’s churros, Phoebe. Live a little,” Dominic insists, a playful spark dancing in his dark eyes. “You’ve been under your family and Matthew’s influence for far too long. It’s time for some serious reprogramming.”
“Reprogramming?”
“Until you see yourself for who you really are again,” Dominic replies. “First, however…”
I gasp, not registering that his fingers were working on the knot until it’s too late. The shawl falls off, revealing my full figure and the turquoise one-piece bathing suit I picked for today’s beach outing.
“Damn, Phoebe, you’re a work of art,” August says, his gaze lustful as he measures me from head to toe.
“Art?” I chuckle dryly. “Thank you, August. You’re too kind, but I don’t know that I would go so far as to say I’m a ‘work of art.’”
“Come on,” Theo says as he takes my hand. “Let’s find out what the water’s like.”
“Wait—”
There’s no waiting with them. In the blink of an eye, my resistance vanishes, and I’m laughing and running down the beach with three Greek gods. Before long, we’re splashing in the ocean, letting the warm, salty water wash over our bodies while the breeze picks up.
I forget who I am and remember what it’s like to just enjoy the moment.
“This is the life,” I say, lounging comfortably under the shade, glass of ice-cold lemonade in my hand while the ocean water dries my body.
My limbs are tired. I’m pretty sure my muscles will feel sore tomorrow, but it’s to be expected with all that swimming. I feel great, though. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way, and I intend to make the most of every second.
Beside me, the men seem to be just as relaxed, always watching me out of the corner of their eyes.
“It takes a while to shake it all off,” Dominic says. He sits closest to me, and I feel tiny compared to his large, muscular frame.
“Shake what off?”
“The confines of your old life. The ideas other people put into your head about yourself. It won’t all go away at once, but it starts with you deciding to live in the moment and recognizing that none of it will matter down the road.
Your weight, your looks… they’re a reflection of how you treat yourself. ”
“I suppose some personal responsibility is in order.” I sigh deeply.
“That’s not what I meant,” Dominic replies. “Big, small, medium-sized, it doesn’t matter. What matters is how you carry yourself, how you see yourself, and how you treat yourself. Self-love transcends all of that.”
“And the first act of self-love you can do is to stop caring about what other people think,” August adds, then takes a sip of his lemonade.
A waiter buzzes around, always aware of our needs, ready to refill our lemonade pitcher or our basket of churros with a variety of dipping sauces. I catch a glimpse of the guy as he moves between umbrellas, taking the same good care of other resort patrons.
“Easier said than done,” I reply with a bitter smile. “My whole life, my mother kept telling me, ‘Phoebe, what will people think?’”
Dominic scoffs and sits up, then turns around so he can face me. He was already close, but now the distance between us feels even shorter. “Let’s try this exercise,” he says, motioning for me to sit up and face him, as well.
Slowly, I meet him halfway, my pulse racing as only a few inches are left between his lips and mine, while Theo and August watch closely, quietly.
“Okay,” I mumble. “Pretty sure I’m going to regret this.”
“Maybe not. Give me a chance,” Dominic says. “Close your eyes for a moment.”
“Now that’s just asking for trouble,” I laugh.
“Do it.”
His commanding tone flips a switch in me. I close my eyes, damn near holding my breath as I try to focus on something to keep me anchored in reality.
“Toss all of those intrusive thoughts out of your mind. Picture them literally falling off of a cliff, down, down, until you can no longer see them,” Dominic says, his voice soft and helping me to feel calm. “Deep breaths. Listen to the world around you.”
“I’m listening.”
“What do you hear?”
“People laughing, talking, splashing. Far enough away, but I can still hear them.”
A girl named Stacy thinks her bikini gives her a muffin top, but her boyfriend Mark thinks she looks pretty. He likes her because she feels real to him.
Somewhere nearby, two besties are gossiping about school. A handful of Ivy League brats started drinking early, and they’ll probably be down before noon. One of them is already slurring his words, determined to text his ex. His friends are trying to stop him.
“Don’t be stupid, Liam, she’s in Costa Rica with her new guy,” one of them says.
I chuckle despite myself.
“What do you hear now?” Dominic asks. I feel his hands slowly enveloping mine. My skin tingles all over, but I keep my eyes closed, reveling in the sensation.
“Just… people. Life happening.”
“Do you think any of them care about what you’re doing right now?”
I know they don’t. I shake my head slowly, a strange kind of relief washing over me.
I’ve spent so much of my life worrying about people noticing me, judging me, when in reality most are too busy with their own lives to pay any attention.
The ones who do, the ones who judge, are focused on me because they can’t deal with their own shortcomings.
Mom. Crystal. Georgina.
Matthew.
Off the top of my head, these are the people who have consistently tried to put me down, one way or another.
A jab here, a snide remark there… I overlooked it for so long, but now I see them as people with ugly, dark sides, their characters so foul I would never want to be around them, much less be like them.
“In the grand scheme of things, how other people see you really doesn’t matter,” Dominic says. “The only opinion that does is the one in the mirror.”
He inches closer, and I’m tempted to respond, my body completely ignoring my brain. Instincts kick in, and our lips almost touch. I feel his breath, warm and enticing. One more inch and we’ll melt into each other. My heart stops beating altogether.
“Sally, not that far!” a woman screams somewhere nearby.
The moment passes.
Dominic looks out, concern pulling his brows into a frown as August and Theo quickly get up, equally worried. I follow their gaze to see a young woman struggling to swim back to shore as the waves rise higher.
“Shit,” Dominic curses and bolts.
I watch, astonished and unable to move, as the three men run toward the water long before the lifeguard realizes what’s happening.
“Oh, my God, Sally!” the woman on the beach screams. She’s terrified, but her fear quickly fades as Dominic reaches Sally.
A few lunges and strokes was all it took for him to go against the waves and to fetch the girl back to safety before the currents swept her under. That’s the danger of going into the ocean if you’re not an experienced swimmer. You could drown.
I can’t help but wonder what will happen to me if I go all in with Dominic, August, and Theo. Will I drown?