Chapter 8 #2
He wanted to infuse her with so much love that she felt as if she was drowning in it. The vile words her mother had said to him were drumming viciously in his head.
How could a mother, someone who had carried a baby in her womb for nine months be so cold and unfeeling? He wondered in despair.
He couldn't possibly fathom such a thing. And he had naively believed that all parents or most of them were like his own. He was dead wrong.
But he was going to make it up to her, he vowed.
Pouring another glass of water, he wandered over to the window.
He would love her until she had no choice but to return the depth of love he was giving her.
And he knew his family. He didn't have to ask them to embrace her. They were already doing so.
He turned his head and was not surprised when he saw his mother coming in.
"I just wanted to see how you were doing." Her eyes searched his face and saw her answer.
Keeping her considerable temper and need to jump into protective mode at bay, she came and stood next to him, staring out at the ice forming on the trees laid bare by the icy fingers of winter.
He continued to stare out the window. "She said some pretty nasty things. I suppose I expected it, but I wanted to try one last time. For her, you know?" he lifted his shoulders helplessly.
"I love her so much mother. I used to be a little amused and envious when I look at my brothers and how they were so besotted. That's what I called it. And when I look at you and dad, I realized that I wouldn't settle for anything else, but what you guys have."
"I found it with her. I never dreamed I could feel so much. It's like a tornado taking along everything in its path. I want to hold her close and erase everything bad that happened in her past. I would kill for her."
He put down the glass when he realized that it was digging into his palm. "She cried in my arms. Bitter tears, she could not control. Leanne is strong, one of the strongest women I know, except you." He glanced at her briefly.
"She's self-reliant, independent, and fierce. To see her crying like that, broken and vulnerable, broke me in pieces. I wanted to smash something, hurt someone." He sucked in a harsh breath.
"But I'm helpless. Christ Almighty, I don't know what to do for her. I don't know how to fix things for her. I know the way she thinks and standing at that ceremony with me, she will be acutely conscious that it would only be my family that's standing there."
"The one person, the only member of her family, her goddamned mother! Will not be there. How the hell am I supposed to fix it?"
Mary-Ann turned him to face her and tried to quiet the alarm in her own heart at the abject despair on her son's handsome face. He was her baby, will always be her baby, even though very soon he would have babies of his own.
"You can show her what it is to be loved thoroughly." She said gently. "That's the only thing you can do."
His face was shadowed and haunted. "The first time I touched her, she jolted because she's not used to it. When I tried holding her hand, she fought me as if I was trying to assault her. She's used to it now and doesn't try to get away."
He swallowed the lump in his throat. "For one tiny moment, I found myself wondering if she's eventually going to be like her mother, if she will turn away from our children." He shook his head when his mother opened her mouth.
"I know better. She's not like that woman. I'm going to have to tell her that I reached out. Yes." He correctly interpreted his mother's expression. "I have to. I decided several months ago never to hide anything from her. Complete transparency."
"She has trust issues and I have no intention of adding to it." His hands came up to clasp her shoulders. "I will send Lori in to talk to her and then I want to be with her. If it takes the rest of my life, I'm going to show her what it is to be completely and irrevocably loved."
Leaning down, he brushed his lips on her cheeks. "If I haven't said it enough, thank you for loving us the way you and dad do. It's a privilege."
Tears burned her eyes. "How can we do anything else?" She laid a palm on his cheek. "We will love her because she belongs to you, but we're starting to love her for herself. We will also show her what it means to belong to a family."
"I know." He said softly.
*****
Leanne's eyes flickered open and she stared in surprise at the woman seated at her bedside.
"Hi."
"Hi. You look a lot better."
Leanne laughed wryly and eased herself up on the pillows. "You're a lousy liar. I look like hell."
"A little bit. I brought you a bar of chocolate.
I don't know if I told you the horrible craving I had for it.
I used to wake Andreas up in the middle of the night to forage in the kitchen.
" Lori laughed as she handed it to Leanne.
"Poor thing. His eyes would struggle to open, but he was very careful not to complain. "
"Mine ranges from grapes to pickles and the oddest thing, peanuts. Honey, I never liked peanuts normally. Now I'm over all of that. Now I want ice cream. Double chocolate chip, which is bad, because I already look like an elephant." She bit into the bar and closed her eyes in delight. "Thanks."
"So, where is Christos and why did he send you?"
"I came of my own volition. I wanted to see how you were doing." She smiled at Leanne. "And to tell you a story."
The pleasure in the chocolate bar waned. "He told you about my crying jag."
Lori nodded. Stretching her legs out, she rearranged the chic cashmere sweater dress over highly polished boots.
"I was like you when I started going out with Andreas. There I was trying to ignore the fact that I was wildly attracted to my boss, my very rich boss. I was from a very dysfunctional home. Mother died when I was three and father a habitual drunk and a very unpleasant one."
"I left home when I turned eighteen and scraped and lived in my car for a few months. The job at Kostas meant a lot to me because of the compensation package and I wasn't going to do anything to spoil it. I was finally independent, finally digging myself from that hole."
She smiled whimsically. "But the attraction became stronger and it wasn't one-sided. Oh, he fought valiantly too, but it was more than us. When we realized it was inevitable, he took me to meet his family and I panicked." She chuckled wryly.
"My father was a drunk and had started to come around asking for money. I finally told Andreas, expecting him to end things with me, but he didn't. And he told his family everything. I expected them to encourage him to leave me, but they rallied around me."
She leaned forward. "My dad was a pretty nasty piece of work, and he embarrassed me over and over again. But the Kostas stood by me. He came to my wedding and caused a scene, but they took it in stride and took him into a room to cool off and get sober."
"When he was diagnosed with liver cancer, they foot the bill and paid for the nursing home. They did all of that for me." Tears glistened in her beautiful eyes. "If I never loved them before that day, it would have been hard not to love them then."
She took Leanne's hand in hers. "They will fight for you my dear. As long as they know their sons love you, they will fight with their very last breath. Family is not only blood and sometimes the ones we marry into are better than our biological ones."
"He loves you. I've seen the way he looks at you. Christos has never looked at another woman that way." She squeezed Leanne's hand. "It's a gift, one you should embrace."
Leanne turned her head away, the tears burning the back of her eyes.
"I never used to cry. It was never allowed in my household. I was expected to suck it up and soldier on. Not even when I broke my arm climbing a tree in the back yard. I had to bite back the tears."
She turned to look at Lori, her smile tremulous. "Since meeting him, I've cried more than I ever did growing up. I'm not used to all of this. The support from family, the obvious unfettered love. I was never hugged; they never ever told me they loved me."
She bit her lip. "I convinced myself that it didn't matter, but it did." She pressed her free hand over her stomach. "I was afraid that I would make a lousy mom, but I won't." She shook her head. "Not with a man like Christos."
"I know he hurts for me; I can see it on his face. But I don't want him to bear that burden on my behalf."
"He will because that's what they do." Lori squeezed her hand again. "Just put him out of his misery and marry the poor sod."
Leanne grinned, feeling lighter than she had in days. "I already decided to."