CHAPTER FIFTEEN Danny
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Danny
I stood there with my lips puffy and wet from being thoroughly kissed by Killjoy—only now realizing that I didn’t know his real name. Then again, did it matter? After my little problem was sorted out, I’d be moving on, and he’d be right back to his anti-social holiday celebrations.
As I stood there—thinking of how I was going to walk away from this man, who was gruff and gentle at the same time—I couldn’t help but see something in his scowl I didn’t think I’d seen before.
It almost felt forced. Like, for once, he had to focus to keep that brow in the furrowed position and pin the down-turned lips in place.
Which dug at me a tiny bit. If anyone had the right to be scowling and grumpy, it was me.
I’d just been turned down. Hello! What the hell?
! I mean, yeah, the man had the right to say no.
I wished he would open up a little as to why he did when he clearly wants it so badly.
And yes, I was totally staring at his package while he adjusted it a minute ago.
I wouldn’t have said I was drooling over what I already knew was a lovely-sized cock, but it was close.
This kind of rejection wasn’t something I was used to. I was okay with it, maybe somewhat relieved by it, but I was also confused and a little hurt. If I could just understand what it was about me that made him think twice, maybe it would help settle the anxiety swirling in my gut.
“Danny,” he said, causing me to snap back into reality. I blinked, finally focusing on him after a few seconds.
“Yeah?” I wouldn’t have said I plastered a smile on my face, but part of it was definitely strained.
“Let’s take a break and drink our hot chocolate, yeah?”
“Yes! I like that idea,” I said. I pushed back the shaky feeling that was threatening to send me into a spiral as I walked to the couch.
I was utterly surprised when he sat right beside me, then reached over to grab both the mugs.
The marshmallows were melted, creating a sticky film on the top. I took a sip, finding it room temperature. Yet, it was perfect.
“I don’t think I’ve ever had hot chocolate, now that I think about it,” Killjoy said, and all I could do was blink at him.
My utter shock got a small, deep chuckle out of him.
“My childhood was rough.” He offered up the little peek into his life without any emotion.
“Birthday gifts were whatever we could scrounge up or make for each other. Dad never did nothing. Christmas? Well, that wasn’t really a thing.
The closest we got to celebrating was huddling in the living room together, watching Christmas movies on one of the four stations we could get with the antennas and foil, but even that was hard to stomach.
Though dad was a so-called God-fearing man, he never took much stock in takin’ us to church.
So, it was kind of a slap in the face, y’know.
Here was this thing that we were supposed to be celebrating and enjoying, yet there was none of it around.
Not even in a ‘Happy Birthday, Jesus’ way. ”
“Did you ever have a tree?” I asked, feeling bad for little Killjoy and all his siblings. It seemed like they wanted to be a part of the festivities, and my heart went out to them for not being able to have any kind of magical moment.
“Nah.” He paused, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
“Well, one year, we kinda did. I found a live tree that someone had thrown out. Thing was half dead, which was no surprise since it was after Christmas. I dragged it home and we propped it up in the corner. It was so sad, but the youngest ones were so damn happy. They pulled out all the extra toilet paper rolls and practically wrapped the whole thing in it. Looked like a mummy tree more than anything.”
“Aww,” I said, melting at the image in my head.
“Yeah, but then Pa came home and saw it, he made us take it off and roll it back up. We were pickin’ dried pine needles out of that shit for days. Sure as hell didn’t want to wipe my ass and get one of them stuck in it.”
We both laughed softly.
“They have good lives now,” he said, like he was assuring me. “They get their trees every year. Hell, two of them have rugrats of their own. It’s nice to see how hard they are trying to give those kids everything despite the shit we went through. Wasn’t like we had any good role models.”
“But they did,” I said with a small smile and a little lift of my shoulder.
“Huh?” he came back with, brow dipped in confusion.
“You,” I supplied for him. My free hand landed on his knee as I took another sip of hot chocolate.
“They had you. It sounds like you did everything you could to take care of them. And if they have good lives now, as you said, and they are giving their kids everything they never had, well, it seems that… you know, maybe you’re the reason they all have that.
I mean, that’s just from an outsider’s perspective.
Obviously, I wasn’t there and I don’t know any of you… so…”
“Y’know,” he said as his hand stroked over his beard thoughtfully. “You might be right. Maybe I didn’t fuck up as bad as I thought.”
We sat there in silence for a moment. I let him ponder what I said without pushing.
“What happened with the ex-boyfriend?” he asked.
I glared at him. Really? This was where he wanted to go with the conversation. I didn’t want my ex anywhere near this nice moment.
“Okay, never mind then.” There was a pause. He seemed to be thinking hard before he finally asked, “Do you like what you do?”
I really wanted this to go well, but usually, this conversation was a wild card.
Most of the time, I could tell people’s intentions when asking it, whether it be genuine curiosity or a deeper look into porn work.
And quite a few asked because they wanted to know how much I liked sex.
Straight to the point, yeah, but also, it was hard to get away from that spotlight and just be me.
There was more to me than my enjoyment of getting my hole stretched open and pounded.
Hey, it was better than talking about my ex, so there was that.
“I do,” I answered genuinely. “I like the freedom of being my own boss. And, you know, the other stuff. I like connecting with people in a different way than what some would consider normal.”
“Never looked at it that way,” he said with a nod. “I like the sound of that. How does that work? Do you do live stuff or do you shoot stuff then upload it?”
“I do both, actually,” I supplied with a smile, happy that he was asking questions like that.
“Live sessions offer a chance to hang out with a bunch of people at once, but it does get overwhelming sometimes. Trying to keep up with everyone watching and what they are typing can be a lot. Especially when I’m trying to get off for them. ”
“Yeah, I imagine that is a lot at once.”
“I’m good at multitasking, but even all of that is a lot to juggle,” I half-joked with a laugh. I was rewarded with a small, crooked grin. I was about ready to bust out of my skin. So, maybe I wasn’t really thinking when I blurted out, “Do you want to see?”
“Uh, no,” he nearly grunted. He shifted and cleared his throat.
I used the excuse of setting down my empty mug on the coffee table to hide my disappointment.
I had a feeling I knew what would be coming next.
‘Because… I like porn and all, but never really wanted to know someone who did it.’
“Don’t think that would be a good idea,” he went on. I stayed silent, waiting until it was all over and I could try to move on.
‘Because… I like you, but I don’t like that part of you.’
“I think that you should be proud of your work, and it’s good to see that you are. Anyone with you should be proud of it too, and you.”
‘But… I’m definitely not that person. And I could never be.’
“And don’t get me wrong, I know we don’t know each other that well, but I am glad you found something that makes you happy, and you seem to go at it… into it…” He cleared his throat. I held my breath. “You work hard.”
He grumbled a curse under his breath. I would have chuckled if I hadn’t been dying to hear where this was going.
“I just don’t think I could handle seeing it right now.”
“Oh, okay,” I said, voice on the verge of cracking. How else was I supposed to respond to that?
‘It’s just a little bit too much for me to handle’ wasn’t as bad as it could have been. It still stung, but at least he was being honest.
“Fuckin’ hell, elf,” he said almost sweetly.
He cupped my jaw and forced my head up until I met his tranquil blue eyes.
“Make no mistake, I am proud of you. And I do want to see your work. I want to see your face when you share it with me. But I am tryin’ real hard here to be chill.
I want to get to know you. I want you to have the holiday you’ve been dreamin’ of having.
And I know if I watch you make that face I got a brief glimpse of on your screen, I might lose it, and I won’t be able to hold off the next time you come at me with those seductive eyes. ”
“Oooh.” I brightened as his words sank in.
“No. No. Don’t do that. Don’t you get all sexy and tempting. I can damn near read the thoughts going through that head of yours. I meant what I said, Danny.”
“Okay,” I said, settling into the couch. “I’ll be good.”
“Thank you,” he said with a relieved breath.
“For now,” I tacked on, smiling slyly when I saw his shoulders tense again.
I tossed my head back and laughed. I darted to my feet, feeling like I should give him a break from my silly flirting and my tempting body.
“Let’s get this tree sparkling!” I called out like a war cry. Complete with a thrust of my fist in the air.
The next hour was spent with me making a mess when I opened the remainder of the string lights I had.
All warm white, which made it kind of feel sweet and romantic, if I was being honest. I loved it!
Not so sure Killjoy did, but he was right there the whole time, untangling the strands that I somehow managed to turn into a giant ball of WTF.
I situated some figurines on the branches, praying they wouldn’t fall. We did have to use duct tape on a few to keep them in place. I didn’t have any actual ornaments, but that was okay.
Or so I thought.
Suddenly, a big hand was in my view, the cute-but-ugly elf ornament I’d seen at the bookstore dangling from one of the calloused fingers.
My eyes tracked it with amazement as it swung back and forth.
“I got this for you,” Killjoy said. His tone was flat and emotionless. That didn’t fool me, though. I could hear the hint of anticipation in his voice. The way he was trying to hide that he actually cared.
Aww, my big softie.
Wait! No! He’s not mine. He can’t be mine.
“I got the cabin, too,” he said, as I finally slid the ornament from his finger. “Figured you can take ’em when you leave and…”
But what if I didn’t have to leave…
That was a silly thought.
“I’ll hang this one, and you can hang the cabin,” I told him.
It was one of the sweetest things that someone had done for me in a long time. My heart fluttered with warmth, and I didn’t know what to do with it.
“There,” I said as we stepped back in unison after we hung the elf and the cabin. They were so close to each other that they were nearly touching, which was ridiculous since there really wasn’t a lot on the tree. We could have spaced them out some more, but deep down, I liked that we hadn’t
The tree was leaning slightly to the left, and the branches were sad. The lights were heavier on the right as if I was trying to compensate for the tilt when I was decorating.
But, somehow, it was…
“Perfect,” I said, beaming at our Christmas masterpiece.
“If you say so,” was his response. I laughed and shook my head at him.
Then my jaw cracked with a wide yawn.
It was getting late, and we’d done a lot. To top it off, I hadn’t slept that well the last two nights.
“You wanna, uh…” I turned to face him, hesitant to take my eyes off the tree. I shifted my eyes just in time to see his Adam’s apple dip with a hard swallow. “I got a big bed up there. Figured we could share. I’ll, uh, keep my hands to myself.”
“And what if I don’t want you to…”
He pressed his lips to mine. It was quick, but it left me breathless.
“I’ll keep my hands to myself,” he repeated in a stern voice that did things to me. If he wanted me to be good, he couldn’t do those kinds of things.
“What about a little cuddling if I promise to keep my hands above the waist?” I blinked up at him, feigning innocence.
I took his scowl and grunt for a maybe.