Chapter Thirty-Seven
KHALIL
Alone in my bedroom, I stare at the old and worn photo of my parents. I never allow myself to pull it out too often and only ever give myself a second to look at it—to reaffirm the memory of their faces—before I tuck it away under my mattress again.
It’s been ten years since I’ve seen or spoken to them. I know they’re alive, but they can’t say the same for me, which makes the possibility of facing them again that much harder.
Will they forgive me? Will I ever forgive me?
The four of us spent the night coming up with a plan to draw Isaac to us and making it as airtight as possible.
The plan is to lure Isaac to our hometown in Six Forks, Nevada, since he’ll be less likely to suspect the trap if he thinks Zeke is just coming home after all these years in hiding.
It’s only when I’m alone in my bedroom that I realize what it would mean if we succeed.
We wouldn’t just be free, my parents would be too.
Free from the pain I’ve caused them all these years.
I’m still staring at the photo when the door creaks open, and I know it’s her without looking up. She pads softly over to the bed and sits next to me. I can smell the sweet scent of her soap from her shower and feel her arm brushing mine as she peers down at the photo in my hand.
“Are those your parents?”
“Yeah,” I answer, my voice hoarse.
“You look just like your mom,” she says to no surprise. Everyone’s always said how I’m her twin. “I see a little of your dad too. You have his ears.”
I cackle at that. “He’ll be happy to hear that. He’s always saying how his genes could have fought back a little.”
Neither of us speak as we stare at the photo of my parents together on their anniversary.
“Have you thought about what you’ll say to them?” Aurelia asks.
I laugh, but the last thing I feel is real mirth. “Many times. Nothing I come up with to apologize for being the world’s worst son seems good enough though. How do I give them back the last ten years? How do I take away that pain?”
“You can’t. All you can do is everything in your power to make sure they don’t spend the next ten years believing the worst. It’ll be hard, but they’ve endured worse not knowing your fate, and so have you.
You can’t live with this guilt forever, Khal.
It’s drowning you. You try to hide it, but I can see. ”
“I don’t regret choosing my brothers,” I say as I tuck the photo back in its hiding place. “Zeke needed me, and Thorin couldn’t have done this alone. They would have killed each other, and they don’t have anyone else. They only have me. I don’t regret being here for them.”
“I don’t think anyone is asking you to,” she assures me gently.
“Then you don’t know my parents,” I say with amusement.
“Well…” She stares at her toes as she swipes them back and forth across the floor. “They raised you, Khalil. Would they really be all that surprised at how much you love your friends or how loving and loyal you are? Don’t you think in some way they might be proud?”
I stare down at her while she blinks up at me, waiting for my answer. “Maybe.”
I want to tell her how lonely it’s been, how lonely I’ve felt sometimes, keeping Thorin and Zeke from falling apart on my own.
And how I’m glad she stayed because I haven’t felt that way since she arrived, but Aurelia then leans her weight against me and I let the urge fade away because I don’t want her to stop.
I don’t ever want the day to come when she no longer thinks I can be strong for her.
She won’t. Tell her.
“And at any rate,” she says in a light tone, “you’ll always have us, and I’ll be right there with you if you want. I’ll even let you hold my hand while your mom and dad cuss us both out.”
“Yeah?” I feel a smile slowly splitting my face. “You want to meet my parents, pretty girl?”
In classic Aurelia fashion, she gives me a dry look. “You planning on taking some other bitch to meet them?”
Leaning down, I take her lips and kiss her nice and slow before pulling back to stare into her eyes. “Only my future wife.”
“I’ll tell Seth to pick out his dress.”
Standing, I scoop her smartass up and carry her to the head of the bed while she squeals. I toss her down and then rip off my shirt before diving on top of her. Aurelia is still trying to untangle herself from the sheets when I begin tickling her sides. “What was that shit you was talking?”
“I’m sorry!” she screams as she twists and turns and contorts her body while laughing uncontrollably.
“What?”
“I said I’m sorry!”
“Nah, I can’t hear you. You’re what?”
“I’m sorry!”
“Not good enough. Say you’ll marry me and maybe I’ll stop.”
“Are you crazy?” I tickle her ribs a little harder, and she damn near breaks her back trying to get away from me. “Okay, okay! I’ll marry you! I’ll marry you!”
Lifting my hands from her body, I lean over and kiss her forehead while she shyly peeks up at me from underneath the twisted sheets covering her nose and lower face. “Glad to hear it,” I say as I join her on the bed. “It’s a date, Goldilocks.”
I stare at the table full of weapons and wonder if it will be enough. Normally, this time of year, we’d be prepping for the winter by canning, stocking up on nonperishables, resealing any drafts, insulating the pipes, emptying the septic tank, and filling the water tank…among other things.
Instead, we’re counting bullets and arrows and making bombs.
We even let Seth near the flamethrower we hid.
He’s fiddling with it now, and Thorin keeps casting nervous glances at him. We still don’t know which of us he tried to set on fire that day. He claims it was an accident, which we know is a goddamn lie.
I don’t point out the fact that this is all pointless.
It’s not as if we can bring any of this with us back to the States, not without a whole lot of red tape and paperwork when the key to succeeding is to stay under the radar.
Besides, most of the shit here is illegal as fuck.
I don’t point it out for the same reason none of the others do.
Preparation makes us feel better. It makes us believe we actually stand a chance.
“We’ve got enough bullets here to start our own army,” Aurelia says as she sits back with her feet propped up and pretends to help.
She’s already restrung her bow and counted and organized all of the ammunition twice.
“I’ve even got a few ideas for a name. Aurelia’s Awesome Army. The Triple As. The Aurelites.”
“You never miss an opportunity to toot your own horn, do you?” I ask as I wipe down the barrel of a shotgun. Thinking about it, I pause my cleaning to stand from my seat next to Thorin and move to the opposite end of the table.
Aurelia’s gaze shifts to my face once I’m seated and then becomes unfocused as she stares at me for a few seconds like she’s thinking. “The Aurelians.”
“The answer,” Thorin says with a chuckle, “is no. She doesn’t. And she doesn’t give a damn.”
A plume of fire suddenly shoots out over the table, and I quickly drag Aurelia down with me who shrieks as Thorin and I duck under the table.
“Shit, shit. Sorry, sorry,” Seth says as he releases the trigger and the flame winks out.
“Goddamn it, Seth!” Thorin shouts as he stands and storms over to the fire extinguisher to put out the curtains hanging over the back door’s window.
“All right. That time it was definitely aimed at you,” I say to Thor as I reclaim my seat. When he looks at me, I point to his shirtsleeve that’s on fire.
Seeing it, he curses as he rips off his shirt and throws it in the sink before running water over it. Aurelia giggles and then throws a hand over her mouth when Thorin sends her a dirty look.
“That’s your own fault,” I tell him. “You should know better than to insult her in front of Seth.”
Thorin’s eyes widen. “It wasn’t an insult, and you’re the one who brought it up!”
I lift a brow. “Why do you think I switched seats?”
Seth winks at Aurelia, Thorin scoffs, and I shake my head as I go back to cleaning the weapons.
Thorin shoves the back of Seth’s head as he passes to return to his charred seat, and Seth pops the top on a cool beer before sliding it down the table toward him.
Thor accepts without hesitation and then tips his beer to Aurelia who blushes prettily.
I spend a minute searching for a word to define our group’s unique dynamic until I finally arrive on the perfect one: dysfunctional.
My gaze travels around the table as everyone goes back to their contented silence and individual tasks.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.