Chapter Thirty-Four

“Trust is a fickle word with many meanings, you can trust a wolf because you see a sheep, and you can trust a sheep because you know the wolf.” —King Campisi

Ivan

I wasn’t sure who was more traumatized, Bella or me, but it was the only way to protect her if things actually went horribly wrong with our meeting. It would keep her safe and it would keep her far, far away.

In the end, I guess being a De Lange wouldn’t get a person killed, it would get a person saved, and keep a bloodline alive, even if I died in the process.

There was no chance in hell this person would step down, they’d take the crown from me once they got what they wanted and while I’d like to think I’m strong, the last thing I needed was to put my men in danger.

I could still survive today, tomorrow, but what about the next day, or the day after that? Eventually, they would come for me.

It was just a matter of when, unless my trick card worked out.

No matter how I looked at it, I would always be a target until eliminated.

Bella looked up at me, her green eyes held unspilled tears in them. “You did this to protect me, but not from my dad, even though it does both. You did this so that, so that if things go badly—”

“You’re safe,” I whispered. “That’s all that matters.”

I shook my head. “You’re not.”

“I don’t think I’ve been safe since the minute I was born, Bella, and that’s the truth. Just being a De Lange means bad things, let alone taking over the Family and pissing everyone off oh and betraying the other Families in order to draw out a rat, there’s that too.”

I grabbed her hand and pulled her inside the small cabin. It had a queen bed in the corner that doubled as a couch, a fireplace that was void of any firewood. A small kitchen with a brand-new stainless-steel sink, and a fully stocked fridge. “King wanted to make sure we had food.”

“For what?” Bella followed me through the house.

Damn, she was so pretty. “For our honeymoon. It’s only going to last a few hours, but when I was thinking about what I really wanted before my impending possible death, it was you.”

“Me,” she repeated. “And you aren’t dying.”

“The odds of me dying are extremely high, but I knew that coming into this. There’s a bathroom and a change of clothes if you want, I’ll get started on some food and wine, I figured we really could have that picnic.”

“With dead bodies out front?” Bella pointed at the door. “Seriously?”

I checked my watch. “They’re probably already gone.”

“What?”

“See for yourself, I told King it wouldn’t take long, and I was right, he offered some clean up.”

“You guys are diabolical.” Bella stomped toward the door and opened it, sure enough, both bodies were gone, and bleach had been poured all over the cement leading up to the house.

I peeked my head over her shoulder. “Yup, they’re good at what they do.”

“So, they know what’s going on.” She kept staring at the empty spaces. “And they’re okay with you just possibly dying?”

“Sacrifices must always be made.” I repeated what Junior had told me. “You asked why I wanted this, why I wanted to be boss, I lied that time.” I turned around and walked back into the house. “I said it was for money, for power, for revenge…” I stared out the window facing the back of the property, more trees, and a small porch with a black swing seemed to stare right back. “Do you want to know why I took the role of boss?”

Bella was quiet, so I figured I’d answer her anyway.

She hadn’t moved from the door, maybe she would run, I wouldn’t chase her, my job was done already in keeping her safe.

“Why?” Her voice filled the room, even though she said it in a near whisper.

“Because, I wanted to change my fate, change the fate of the De Langes and when I was offered that chance, to actually do something worthwhile knowing it could kill me, I couldn’t say no, especially when it was Junior who asked me to do it. He said we’re all faced with impossible choices, it’s what you do in those moments that define you, I chose my path knowing what the future risks could be, and I never regretted it once, because you told me you trusted me and I believed you.”

“Because.” Bella’s voice was closer, her footsteps neared. “At the end of the day, no matter how many times I wanted to set you on fire—I did. I knew you would always save me when I couldn’t save myself, and you knew I’d take a bullet for you while yelling at you for being stupid.”

I hung my head and smiled. “It’s always at the end of your life that you find your meaning, or is that too depressing?”

A smack landed against my back, then my head. I ducked and turned around. Bella had her hand lifted again.

The red wine stain was still on her white skirt, her matching white blouse had blood on it, her eyes were fierce, angry. “Keep talking and I’m going to keep hitting.”

“I’m used to your violence.”

Her eyebrow arched. “Oh?”

I rolled my eyes. “Christmas 2019, you waited outside my room for two hours in an elf costume, and didn’t hand me a bag of coal, more like swatted me with it then put three more bags under the tree, naming each of my sins, whore, being one of them. It was lovely, thank you.”

“You slept around.”

“I never slept,” I teased.

“SEE!” She raised her hands into the air. “Whore!’

“You’re too easy. Do you really think I was sleeping around that much? Come on, I wasn’t that bad, everyone goes through a stage in life.”

She rolled her eyes. “Multiple times?”

“You’re cute when you’re jealous.”

“I’m not.”

“Are.” I reached for her. “Come here.”

She stepped away. “Nope.”

“Come on, give a dying man a hug.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “Don’t say that.”

“Sorry.” And I meant it. “Let’s just have the honeymoon we never got and enjoy each other until hell comes raining down on our Families and I make myself an even bigger target.”

“Ciao.” She crossed her arms and took a step toward me.

“What?”

“The first thing you said to me was Ciao Bella, followed by numerous insults and stupid boy things, but I could never understand if you were saying hello or goodbye.”

“Open ended,” I admitted. “Because I wanted to say hi, but I was afraid that the minute I did, I’d be saying goodbye, so I figured it covered my bases. That if something happened to me, I wouldn’t be sad because I said goodbye first.”

A tear spilled onto her cheek. “My first goodbye, my first kiss, my first marriage, my first honeymoon, how many firsts are you willing to give me Ivan De Lange?”

Blood pounded in my ears. “How many do you have left?”

I knew the answer.

I wanted to hear her say it.

“I think I have one you might want.” She wrapped her arms around herself. Was she being shy? She took another step toward me then pulled her shirt off, her nude bra barely covered her breasts. I gulped hard when she slid out of her skirt and kept walking toward me.

Was this really happening?

I should tell her to stop, I should explain that my self-control was next to nothing after holding her every night and that I never fell asleep fast but tortured myself with thoughts of kissing her, stripping her down, making her truly mine.

She stopped in front of me, her breasts grazing my chest. The cloth was so thin I could feel her heat through my shirt. “I mean, I’ve never taken a shower on my honeymoon in a cabin, I guess that’s a first.”

“Y-yes,” I agreed. What the hell? “It is.”

What went on beyond that for the next hour, I could only describe as hell. She took her shower, loudly, and asked me to find the soap after getting too much in her eyes and needing help to rinse off.

She was naked, I nearly ran into a wall.

“Another first!” she’d yelled after showering. “Romantic dinner by ourselves without any security.”

“Yay.” I started grabbing some of the meat and cheeses in the fridge and nearly choked when she walked out of the bathroom naked. “Let me guess, another first.”

“I’ve never just walked naked in a cabin in front of my husband.”

“Great.”

“Oh look, a book. I’ve never read a book naked.”

“Do it all the time.” I lied. “There should be something over there. I think.” She was slowly killing me.

“Also…” She grabbed some old book and opened it. “I’ve never done one more thing.”

Please let it stop, I couldn’t even focus on what was cheese and what was meat anymore on the wood board, it looked like a toddler got into the fridge and was trying to build a shrine.

She hummed happily to herself while I checked my phone and read through the messages again.

Me

It’s done.

I’d texted King first, then Bella.

King

What will you do?

Me

Stick to the plan, my guy’s following the old bodyguard just in case the new boss double crosses us or doesn’t want to meet, at least we’ll have a location.

King

And Bella?

Me

I’ll make sure she’s protected—made—into the De Lange line and pray I don’t get killed later.

King

The cabins stocked, use your time wisely. You won’t have much of it, but I’ll cover for you before we break the news to everyone that you’ve betrayed the Five Families and have her as a hostage.

Me

She’ll come willingly.

King

Try not to get killed.

Me

I thought that was the plan all along… besides, if I don’t end this, then Junior’s choices will have been in vain.

King

There’s always a way to pull out poison—he chose the right one, we can’t begrudge him that.

Me

And yet I’m still pissed at him.

King

Text Bella, Serena just left the bathroom.

We had all grown up amid violence and anger. Rage was all too often the first response to every situation. Danger was the norm. Even now, danger stalked us, sought to end us. Was there not something poetic in striving to claim a small bit of paradise within the chaotic hell that was our everyday life?

Don’t think… feel.

I was so lost in my thoughts and that text conversation I almost didn’t hear Bella sneak up on me, completely naked. The knife slipped from my hand, clattering onto the counter. “Sorry, what was that one last thing?”

Please say chess, play chess, and put on a blanket and stay completely covered in a corner.

“Play naked with my husband in the kitchen.”

I braced my hands against the counter. “Sounds dangerous, lots of pointy things.”

She shoved the knife across the counter and dipped herself under my arms so that they were pinned on either side of her. “Take off your shirt.”

I almost snapped you take off your shirt, then realized duh, her shirt was already off I was just losing my mind.

I slowly peeled my shirt over my head and dropped it to the ground. “Happy?”

She shook her head no. “Now your pants.”

“Should we put on music?”

“Are you offering me a show?”

“It might cost you.” I leaned in and captured her mouth. “Sorry, I slipped, I’m a clumsy dancer.”

“I see that.”

I kissed her again. “I have a condition where everything has to be done in even numbers.”

I kissed her again. “Shit, I slipped again, that’s three, so that means I need to go for four and—”

She wrapped her arms around my neck, fusing her mouth to mine. A possessiveness I’d never felt in my life took complete control of my body, it wasn’t that I was running out of time; it was that I had her, I fully had her, and I didn’t have to feel guilty about my word to Nixon.

Because she was mine.

And I’d done what I promised.

“Ciao, Bella,” I whispered in my mind.

Hello.

Goodbye.

Hello.

Goodbye.

I loved both words, because they meant I’d met her in both scenarios and had no regrets leaving.

I pulled away from her. “I’ll get the rest of the food ready.”

“No.” Bella grabbed my hand.

When I tried to pull away, she held on even tighter. “What? You aren’t hungry?”

She placed my hand on her naked hip. “Are you?”

For so many things. “Bella, why don’t we sit down for a bit?”

I had no qualms kissing her, pleasuring her, I would do everything to her—but the one thing I wanted the most, because in the end it felt selfish and wrong. Like the people who sleep together, then leave the next morning without a note. I couldn’t promise her everything was going to be okay, or that she wouldn’t be planning a funeral, so I couldn’t take something that was important to her.

She shook her head. “My choice, dumbass.”

“But shouldn’t—”

She kissed me into silence, then grabbed both of my hands and put them on her breasts like I didn’t know what to do, so plump, soft, I angled my head and kissed her deeper, pressing her up against the counter while she slid a hand into my briefs and tugged them down.

I cursed against her mouth, pulling free long enough to kick them away and devour her until I tasted all of her.

She kissed me the way she liked to fight me, with every ounce of energy she had, fighting for dominance while I picked her up and walked us back toward the bed.

I set her down on the blankets, refusing to break away from her mouth as she lay back and took me with her. Our hands tangled and our tongues matched like we wanted to be wrapped up in one another.

Heart pounding, I reached between us, swallowing her moan with my lips, keeping each sound with me like a stolen gift.

Panting, she pulled back from me, sliding her hand between us, batting mine away and gripping me, then guiding me to her entrance. “Ciao, Ivan.”

“Is this hello or goodbye?” I was afraid to ask.

“Hello.” A tear ran down her cheek. “Goodbye isn’t in that definition of ciao, I looked it up.”

“Did you now?”

“Yup, they updated it.”

“And you noticed that in that book you were reading upside down earlier, hmmm?”

“It may look old, but it has a lot of secrets.” She kissed me and held me so close that it was impossible not to move.

“Mmm…” I kissed down her jaw. “This is going to hurt at first.”

“I’m not worried.”

“Why?”

“Because”–she cupped my face with both hands—“I trust you—I trust you with me.”

I shoved forward, she let out a pained gasp. I went completely still. “Are you okay?”

She kissed me instead of answering; I moved as slow as I could, with each thrust I felt her relaxing more and more until she pulsed around me. I could feel it like my own release. I leaned down and tugged her ear with my teeth and whispered, “Ciao, Bella.”

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