Chapter Seven #3
‘I know nothing of the finer ways of Society,’ she continued.
‘Travelling here was the first time I have been in anything other than a cramped stagecoach. Before my employment here, I had never seen the inside of a fancy estate outside of what my imagination had allowed me to create from the books I have read. Those in your world would root out our deception before it even started. No one would believe I was a lady of any means or import despite all the finery you wrap me in.’ She released a shaky breath and her shoulders relaxed as if she had finally confessed to a horrible crime: that of her birth.
The uncertainty and vulnerability of her words shifted something deep inside him. How long had it been since anyone had been so honest with him and exposed such to him? Far too long.
It made him more determined than ever to believe in her more than she believed in herself. He wanted to be her champion and for her to know how grateful he was that she was willing to embark on this with him for the sake of his daughter.
‘I do not know you well, Miss Potts, but from what I have seen of you, I think you underestimate yourself. You came to Blithe Manor alone, to a place you did not know and to work for a family you also did not know. You dared stretch yourself to a place of discomfort to change your life. You can do this, too. It is for a fortnight starting from today. One week to prepare and one week to stay on here in case there are questions the ton needs answers to, then it will be done and you can be simply Miss Potts, governess, once again.’ The more he talked, the more he believed in his own success, and hers, which could change his daughter’s life as well as his.
‘I want desperately to have something more, Your Grace.’ She met his gaze and continued.
‘For myself and my friends. I just do not know if this…this dishonesty is the way to achieve that.’ Her fingers worked nervously in her lap and she shifted in her chair.
Her struggle was palpable and it moved him.
Most ladies in her situation would have cast aside any moral discomfort with dishonesty and agreed readily, but not her.
And he was beyond intrigued to know why. This would change her life.
‘What is it you are most worried about, Miss Potts? Do you have want for more money? I can offer you a handsome lump sum outside your salary as governess. I know this is a risk you take. What amount would properly compensate you?’ Perhaps it was the money, but she didn’t seem driven by material things based on her simple wardrobe.
‘No, not at all, Your Grace,’ she stumbled out. ‘Whatever you wish to offer is more than enough. I just do not wish to stain what little reputation I have or bring shame upon those around me when the truth comes out. My reputation is the only thing I truly possess that has worth.’
‘And how do you know the truth would be exposed?’ he asked. ‘I would tell no one.’
She tilted her head at him. ‘The truth always comes out. There is no way to prevent it,’ she replied as if this was the most obvious known fact in the world.
It was his turn to shift uncomfortably in his chair.
She did not know the ton as he did. She believed the truth was the truth and lies were lies.
‘The ton operates on a certain level of grey and untruths, Miss Potts. I am somewhat pleased that you have no understanding of the way in which it and the people within it operate.’
‘I am unsure as to what you mean.’ She narrowed her brow.
‘You speak of lies and truth as if they were black and white with nothing in between. What I suggest to you is that the wealthiest of society and those within it choose to often ignore the truth and embrace the grey in between what is truth and fiction for their own gain.’
She sat quietly. ‘You mean to say that people might guess as to your lies, but not say them?’
‘Exactly.’
She shook her head. ‘Why would they be willing to do that?’
‘Because it suits them…and in my case because they do not wish to lose favour with a duke like me.’ He shrugged. It sounded deplorable when he said it aloud.
He hoped he was right. There were several truths he hoped never came out and this ruse was one of them.
‘It is a confusing world you live in,’ she replied.
‘You are not wrong.’
She continued to contemplate in silence. ‘And what about Lady Millie? Will it not confuse her to have me as her governess and this Lady Penelope?’
He smiled. ‘I have given this some thought. Before she fell into silence…’ he paused ‘…she loved to play dress up and make believe she was a princess.’
‘I often did the same, your Grace, when I was her age and lived in the orphanage. Not a princess, perhaps, but I pretended I had another life. I venture she loved playing dress up with your wife and all her finery. I know I would have.’
The joy on her face and belief in the goodness of Cecily was not something he dared dispute.
Cecily had never had time for such trivialities as playing dress up with her daughter, but Miss Potts didn’t need to know that.
He swallowed back the truth. ‘Yes, exactly. Millie loved it. I believe she would enjoy our scheme. We can tell her you will be playing pretend on the night of the ball.’
She nodded, but her smile faded and she shifted in her chair.
‘What can I do to sway you?’ he asked. His pulse quickened. He had to secure her in this. He was determined she say yes, now more than ever. For himself, for his daughter and for her, now. He wanted to help her to build belief and confidence and somehow this seemed the way to do it.
She thought quietly for a moment. ‘If you can promise me some starting money and a recommendation letter for my future employment and one for my two friends, so that we can begin a new life outside Stow if this plan does not work out or you no longer wish for me to be your governess if it fails. I cannot be blamed if it does not fool everyone. I have doubts about how believable I will be in such a role and I do not wish to risk losing everything. My success is too important to me. But another chance such as this may never come along for someone…like me, Your Grace.’
‘Will you promise to dedicate yourself to its success and not sabotage our plan?’ he asked.
She baulked, pressing a hand to her collarbone.
‘I would never sabotage anything, Your Grace. I always put forth my best,’ she stated, sitting up straight and pulling back her shoulders, wincing when her sore shoulder touched the chair back.
‘I just doubt that I can learn to look like or act like a lady of such breeding, especially with only a few days to prepare.’
The woman had pride and a strong will. He sat back, studied her once more, then cast caution aside by telling her the words on his heart. ‘Perhaps not yet, but you could, Miss Potts. I believe in you.’
‘I am honoured by your belief in me,’ she said quietly, colour flushing her throat and cheeks. It was apparent she was not used to kindness or compliments. He would have to tread carefully.
‘I will agree to those terms, Miss Potts. Take the night to think upon what we have discussed before you make your final decision. You have had a horrible day and I have overwhelmed you with my request. My apologies for my poor timing. I can only say that Dr Kemplar has thrust me into urgency on the matter.’ He rose and brought her the Brothers Grimm book he had been reading that had inspired his offer.
‘Take this book and have a think about it. Come and see me in the morning to let me know what you have decided.’
‘Thank you, Your Grace. I will.’ She accepted the book. He didn’t let go, but took their proximity to say what was now in his heart.
‘And, Miss Potts, I believe you could do anything you set your mind upon based on what I have seen today. Thank you again for what you did for Millie. It was…extraordinary.’
Her eyes widened and she flushed a beautiful, deep-rose pink before she gifted him a timid smile and nodded.
‘Of course, Your Grace.’ He let go of the book and she clutched it to her chest before turning to leave.
He smiled. Who would have thought this little brown mouse of a woman from Stow might be his saving grace?
He returned to his study and gazed upon his father’s portrait. He knew his father would find humour in what that little book had brought about. Perhaps his library was a lovely place of respite and where solutions to all of his problems resided after all.