Chapter Twenty-One
Hattie woke, feeling warm and sated until she remembered where she was and what had happened between her and William.
Heat flushed her body and her pulse increased.
Rain dripped down from the eves of the shed, the storm having passed.
Streams of sun shone through the slats of the wood, and she could sense it was late afternoon.
A handful of hours had passed and they had some time before they needed to return for the evening meal.
She turned in William’s arms, unwilling to leave him just yet.
Would he be angry with her? Disappointed in her?
While their time together had been blissful, she had been unable to make love to him, calling a halt to his advances at consummating their attachment at the last possible moment.
The guilt over him not knowing who she really was, not actually being his betrothed and the deep-seated fear of him one day finding out the truth and feeling she had entrapped him in some way overcame her desire to join with him.
To her surprise, he was not angry, but said he could wait for as long as she needed him to and brought pleasure to her in other ways she had never known possible.
Goose pimples covered her skin as her body remembered.
She never knew a man’s lips could create such feelings in her or that they could travel other places than over her lips and breasts with such care and tenderness.
Her body flushed and hummed to awareness of him as she remembered his touch and his kiss.
She only hoped he woke with the same feelings.
Either way, she knew she had done the right thing.
She could not have lived with herself if she’d made love to him as anyone other than herself, especially if she ended up with child.
She would have become everything she feared: her mother.
She shivered. Hattie traced a fingertip along the fine strong curve of William’s upper back and shoulder blade.
Part of her now understood her mother in a way Hattie never had before and a shift of empathy grew in her.
Being with William and almost making love to him was intoxicating and pleasurable, far more than she had expected.
She had been but moments away from casting aside everything to lie with him.
Had her mother just succumbed to her desires while Hattie had halted it but a moment prior?
Heaven knew if she hadn’t had such guilt and such an alarming conscience, the ending of their liaison could have been vastly different. And if he regained his memory, discovered her with child and proved unsympathetic to her plight, she might very well have repeated the life of her mother.
William murmured and turned to her. She held her breath, uncertain of what she would find.
But the affection in his gaze put her at ease.
He was not angry, but gorgeous in the shadowy shades of grey of the darkness between them.
He reached for her, tugging her closer to him, and she gave no resistance.
She settled into the crook of his arm and wrapped a leg around his own.
She wanted to savour this moment between them as her gut told her it might be her last. For she was strong enough to resist him this time, but what about the next?
Even she might lose her fortitude. She dared not place herself in such a compromising and precarious position again.
‘Well, that was a storm I don’t regret going out in,’ he teased, kissing the top of her head as his fingers trailed up and down her arm, eliciting a warm hum beneath her skin.
She couldn’t help but laugh. ‘Me either, Your Grace.’
‘Your Grace, is it?’ He tickled her and she laughed.
‘Yes,’ she continued, holding his gaze. He kissed her and she leaned into him savouring the heat and pleasure it brought her once more. As they melted into each other, he finally ended their kiss.
‘You remind me that I am not being a gentleman for almost making love to you in a shed on a blanket in the middle of a storm. I blame my weakness and your beauty.’
She dropped her gaze. ‘I hope you are not angry. That you understand,’ she said quietly, tugging the blanket over her breasts, feeling suddenly awkward despite her words.
He lifted her chin to face him. ‘Not at all, my dear. I respect you and your decision. We are not wed, not yet. As I said, I will wait until you are ready. You are my treasure and I will always honour and respect your wishes.’
Her eyes welled. His kindness was almost too much.
And for a moment, her lips parted, and she thought to tell him everything.
About pretending, about truly caring for him, and about wanting to have a real relationship with him as Hattie, not Lady Penelope, but her throat tightened, and she swallowed back all her words.
She was too frightened to tell him. She didn’t want to lose him. Not yet.
‘What is wrong? Did you fear I would be angry?’ He kissed her cheek and then leaned back to smile at her. ‘Never, my lady.’
She chuckled and hiccupped.
‘But we do have one immediate challenge,’ he said, looking at her.
‘Now we must sneak back to the Manor and I must pretend that I did not ravish you and do not wish to do so every time I lock eyes upon you.’ He smiled and bent to nip at the lobe of her ear, sending a tremble through her entire body.
She laughed and he tickled her, sending a burst of joy that overshadowed her budding fear and uncertainty. While she might very well lose him when he remembered their relationship was a ruse, that would not be today.