Chapter 8
8
A ustin pushed open the door to the cabin. “Cinnamon? Are you home?”
“In the kitchen.”
He tossed his Stetson on the sofa and kicked off his boots. “Are you cooking? It smells like… I don’t know… is that pasta or something?”
“Fettuccine Alfredo. At least it’s what I’m trying to make. I have no idea if it will be any good or not. I’ve never been the best cook.”
“I’m sure it will be great.” He took the beer she offered and leaned against the counter.
She’d pulled her hair into some bun thing on the top of her head. She wore jeans, a white tank top, with an apron, and bare feet. The sexiest thing he’d ever seen. “Did you have a good day with the babies?”
“It was the best. I can’t wait to go back tomorrow. Oh, and you’ll be happy to know that I sent in my college application today. But…” She waved a spatula in his face.
He leaned back and arched a brow.
“…it’s incomplete because of the financial aspect. I’m still married to dickface so I can’t apply for financial aid.”
“I told you that I’d pay for it.”
“I don’t want your money.”
“Then you can pay me back when you get your divorce and go from there,” he said. “Consider it a loan.”
“You have an answer for everything.”
“I’m a smart man.”
She set the spatula on the counter and shoved two plates in his gut. “You’re a wiseass is what you are and while I appreciate the gesture, I need to be on my own two feet.”
“Babe. Right now, you have no credit cards, no money, and everything is wrapped up with your soon-to-be ex.” He set his beer on the counter, moved to the other side of the kitchen, and did as he was told. Not just because she asked, but he knew her well enough that getting out of her way while he had this conversation was for his own safety. “I understand you want to do this on your own terms. I respect that. But Pete is in jail. Even if this case doesn’t go to trial and he plea-bargains it out, we both know he will fight you in this divorce.”
“Not to mention he won’t give me a dime.”
“All the more reason to let me give you a loan.” He made sure he chose the words she would want to hear, even if that meant he’d have to let her pay him back. He didn’t want that because eventually he wanted a life with her, and to him, that meant they shared everything fifty-fifty. But until they reached that point, he’d agree with her borrowing the money.
“I could get a loan from a bank.”
“Interest rates are high and don’t shoot the messenger, but you haven’t had a job long enough for a bank to take that risk. I, on the other hand, wouldn’t charge you interest and I know you’re good for it.”
“You’re going to argue with me until I say yes, aren’t you?” She carried a large plate of pasta and set it on the table. She smoothed down the front of her apron and sighed.
“I’m not arguing. I’m pointing out facts. And hopefully being a good boyfriend.”
“Oh, is that what you think you are?”
“I’m not?” He raced to the other side of the counter, grabbed his beer, and chugged.
“You are.” She laughed, although it was a nervous one. “But you might not be after this dinner.”
“Why? Are you really expecting that it will taste that bad?”
“No.” She turned and lifted a bottle of wine and poured a glass. “But the dinner conversation is going to be tough.”
“Uh-oh. Let me fill my belly first.” He sat down and stuffed his face with a big forkful. “Holy shit. This is actually really good.”
“I’m glad you like it.” She let out a long breath. “I need to tell you something and it’s going to upset you.”
He wiped his mouth with his napkin and leaned back. “I’m listening.”
“It’s about Pete.”
“He will be in jail until his hearing and hopefully, the judge will keep him there.” His appetite disappeared. He had a good idea where this conversation was headed. He had suspicions about some of the underlying issues Cinnamon had been having regarding intimacy. He didn’t need to be a counselor or a doctor to figure that one out. He’d opted not to pry or pressure her into talking about it, much less doing anything other than snuggling or kissing. When she was ready, they’d deal with it.
He had his own set of problems that he would have to share, which would also have to be tonight, making this evening even harder. The only reason he knew anything about what was going on with the investigation into Charity’s disappearance was that his brother-in-law had heard about it through his buddy at the FBI.
“I know and I feel better knowing he’s there. I just wish he’d sign the divorce papers. I called the lawyer today and nothing has been done regarding that. I don’t want it to go on forever.”
“It won’t. Eventually, whether it be because he signs them or because it goes before a judge, it will happen.”
She twirled her pasta around her fork, but never brought it to her mouth. She stared at her food as if it were going to speak for her, so Austin decided to make it easier.
He reached across the table and took her hand. “Cinnamon, look at me.”
She lifted her gaze.
“I shouldn’t assume anything about what happened in your marriage, but a lot has gone on inside my head. Since you’ve been home, I’ve had nightmares about it.”
“What do you mean?”
He touched the side of her face. “Your bruises are disappearing. The scars are healing, but I know there is more to this story you haven’t told me. I haven’t asked because I know it’s painful. Shameful. Embarrassing and a whole list of other emotions for you. However, you need to know that I don’t see you as the sum of what he did to you. I’m angry as hell. I hate knowing he hurt you emotionally, physically, sexually. I blame myself for it, even though I know there was nothing I could have done. I hope that asshole rots in prison for the rest of his life. But what he did has nothing to do with you or how I feel about you. It doesn’t change the fact that I love you.”
Tears fell from her eyes. “Why do you have to be so kind and know all the right things to say and at precisely the perfect moment?”
He pulled her from her chair to his lap. Wrapping his arms around her, he kissed her neck. “I don’t know. I know you were struggling to tell me something, and I took a stab in the dark at what it could be based on how you pull away.”
“I don’t want to be like this.”
“Babe, I know that. And you won’t be forever. Did you call any of those therapists and schedule an appointment?”
“I have one on Friday.”
“Would you like me to come?”
She cupped his face. “You have to work.”
“Come on. You know how this ranch operates. It will be okay if I let JW know I need to sneak off for a few hours for something.”
“All right. I’d like that.”
“Good. Now, I have something I need to discuss with you,” he said.
“That sounds ominous.”
“It kind of is,” Austin admitted. “Brad called me about an hour ago. It seems tomorrow morning I will be getting a visit from Agent Belmont.”
“Who’s that?”
“The FBI agent who has been investigating Charity’s disappearance.”
“Why would Brad know about that?” Cinnamon asked.
“He has a buddy at the local FBI office who gave him the heads-up.”
“Why is he coming?”
“That’s the scary part. I don’t know. He usually comes out here once a month or when one of Charity’s family members tells a crazy false story about my relationship with Charity. But this time, there’s been nothing in the press. No chatter about someone who thought they saw Charity or a tip that came over the hotline. Nothing. That makes me nervous. However, Brad told me there has been a lot of activity and he won’t tell me what that is. He says he can’t this time, but he said it’s potentially bad.”
“Does this agent act as if he thinks you did something to her?”
“He did in the beginning. Now he goes back and forth between it either being me or Tom. It’s like he plays us off each other. One day he’s all friendly with me, telling me he believes it’s Tom and not me, the next it’s the opposite. He has a job to do, and I get he has to follow all the leads. Brad keeps telling me that if he honestly believed I had anything to do with her disappearance, he’d be coming around more often.”
“Do you think Tom did something to her?” Cinnamon asked.
“I used to, but not anymore. He’s just as distraught over her disappearance as I am. Actually, even more. I think the man loved her. I just wanted you to know that this agent will be showing up tomorrow to have a little chat with me.”
“I’m glad you told me. It would have totally freaked me out if he randomly knocked on the door and I didn’t know.”
He took her chin with his thumb and forefinger, giving her little kiss. “Let’s finish this amazing dinner. Then I’ll do the dishes while you take a nice hot bath. After that, we can watch a movie and go to bed.”
“I like that sound of that.”
So did Austin.
Now matter how much Cinnamon tried, she couldn’t settle her mind. Granted, it had only been twenty minutes since they had climbed into bed. Every night she slept with her back to Austin’s chest and his arms around her body. He would whisper good night in her ear and kiss her shoulder. But when she woke in the morning, she’d be alone. He’d always managed to slip from the bed without waking her and jump in the shower. She had no idea why it bothered her so much, but it did.
She rolled to face him, resting her knee on his legs.
He blinked. “Is something wrong?”
“I can’t sleep.”
Palming her cheek, he leaned in and brushed his lips over her mouth. His kisses were always tender and loving, his embrace protective and warm. She could feel his love with every touch.
But not his passion.
“I know you’re worried about things with Pete and the FBI agent coming. I am too. But close your eyes and think about?—”
“It’s not that.” She ran her hand down his chest, letting her fingers graze across his nipples. She moved over his taut stomach and fingered the elastic of his underwear. She didn’t dare reach inside. That would be too bold. Too forward. She would allow him to move things along. He had to want it too.
He grabbed her wrist. “What are you doing?”
“I feel like another weight was lifted tonight by you knowing everything that happened and that it allows us to take the next step in our relationship.”
He smoothed her hair from her face and stared intently into her eyes. “There’s no rush.”
“Don’t you want me?” She resented the quiver in her voice. She hated how Pete had stolen all her confidence. She’d never had the chance to grow as a woman. She’d been stuck in a cycle of constant fear and denigration.
But not anymore. It wasn’t just being back with Austin that gave her strength. She would admit that he helped her pave the way and showed her exactly who she wanted to be. But so did everyone else on Whiskey Ranch. The supportive environment made it easier for her to heal quickly both physically and emotionally. There was no judgment. No one responded negatively. Everyone was happy to have her home.
However, in her heart of hearts, she knew Austin was her soulmate. He was her everything. Not a day had passed that she hadn’t thought about him and what he might be doing. Had he married? Did he have children? She had missed him terribly. Now that she could start over, she didn’t want to let another night pass.
“Of course I do.” He pulled her tight, running his hand up and down her back, gently squeezing her ass. “Don’t ever question my desire for you. It takes a lot of restraint and many cold showers to stay here each night and keep my hands to myself. I don’t want you to rush into this. You’ve been through so much and you’ve barely even left him. You have a lot to work through. I don’t want you to regret being with me.”
She cupped his face, running a finger over his lower lip. Never in a million years would she have thought he would be concerned about something like that. “I would never. I love you.”
“I know you do. But?—”
She hushed him with a kiss. She slipped her tongue between his lips, twirling it frantically around his, desperate to show him how ready she was. Feeling empowered, she rolled him to his back, straddling him. She pressed her hands on his chest and sat up taller.
His chest heaved up and down.
She ripped her shirt over her head and tossed it across the room. Taking his hand, she placed it over her breast. Pressure grew between her legs. Her muscles ignited with joy.
His thumb fanned across her nipple. It tightened and tingled.
She arched her back, letting the sensations take over.
“Cinnamon,” Austin said with a raspy voice. “Before we continue, I need something from you.”
She lowered her gaze. “What?” Her lungs burned. She couldn’t fill them.
“I need you to be in control. We do this your way. Whatever you want. How you want it. If you don’t like something, we stop. If you’re uncomfortable, you tell me and we stop. I need you to promise me that you won’t continue just because you think it’s what I want.”
She couldn’t love this man more if she tried. “I promise.”
Lifting his head, he took her nipple into his mouth, keeping his eyes locked with hers. He swirled his tongue over the sensitive nub and then sucked.
Running her fingers through his hair, she watched him go from one breast to the other. He teased her relentlessly and she loved every second.
He glided his fingers down the center of her chest, across her stomach, and into her panties. “I want to touch you.”
“Oh, God. Yes, please.”
He chuckled, lifting her off his lap and gently laying her on the bed. He tugged her underwear down and kissed her ankles. “You’re so beautiful.” He licked two fingers before gliding them up her inner thighs. Gently, he rubbed them across her, teasing her, toying with her until she jerked her hips upward, demanding he give her what she desired.
“Please don’t hold back.” She could barely manage a full breath. “I need you.”
He nestled his head between her legs. His tongue darted from his mouth, licking her hard, throbbing nub.
Immediately her body exploded like fireworks going off on the Fourth of July. She dug her heels into the mattress and stared at Austin in awe. She’d never felt more loved in her life.
He reached his hands up and fondled her breasts, tugging and twisting at her nipples.
“Oh my God. Austin,” she cried out. An unexpected orgasm tore through her body. She jerked and quivered uncontrollably. She clutched at his head, squeezing her legs together.
Austin continued to lap at her slowly. He inserted two fingers, stroking her tenderly.
The sensation repeated itself two more times, although not as intensely as the first.
He lifted his head, kissing his way up her stomach, stopping at her breasts to suck on her nipples before landing on her lips.
Wrapping her arms around his strong shoulders, she drew him close.
“Are you okay?” he whispered.
“I can’t believe you just asked me that question. Isn’t it obvious?”
He chuckled. “Yeah. It is. But I’m trying to be a nice guy.”
“You can do that by seeing if we can make that happen again.” She reached down, slipping her hands into his boxers and pulling them over his ass. “But first I have to see if you’re ready.”
His brows shot up. “Trust me. I’m more than ready.”
“I’ll be the judge of that.” She pushed him to his back and his boxers to his ankles. It had been a long time since she had enjoyed sex. She ran her hands up his legs, cupping him, stroking him, enjoying how he tensed and relaxed.
“You don’t need to do this.”
“I want to.” She smiled before taking the tip into her mouth.
He groaned, taking her hair and piling it up on top of her head. “You’ve got two minutes. That’s all I can handle.”
“Sucks to be a man and not have the ability to have multiples.”
“I’m a giver, not a taker.”
She stared into his soulful eyes as she licked his shaft.
“Now you only have a minute,” he said behind a tight jaw.
Wanting to put that time to good use, she took as much of him into her mouth as she could. Austin had been the first man she’d ever touched. He taught her about his body and showed her things about herself she had no idea about. They had learned to love together. The thrill of being back in his arms filled her heart. There was no other man for her.
Only Austin.
He tugged at her hair. “That’s enough.”
“I thought you said I was in control.”
“You are, except for that.” He cupped the back of her neck and kissed her hard. It was filled with passion and made her come alive.
She felt desirable for the first time in years.
Straddling him, she eased his length inside, taking him glorious inch at a time. He filled her like no one else.
He gripped her hips. A groan escaped his mouth.
She rocked back and forth, letting the pressure build. Her muscles twitched and tightened as her climax approached. She curled her toes, hoping to ward it off, but the pleasure exploded like a volcano.
“Austin. Yes.” She pressed her hands on his chest, arching her back, grinding against him with fury. Every nerve ending tingled. Her orgasm rolled into a second as he thrust himself deep inside her, releasing his own.
“Sweet Cinnamon,” he whispered, pulling her to his chest and kissing her neck. He ran his hands up and down her back, massaging gently.
It took a good five minutes for either of them to catch their breath.
She rolled off him and snuggled into his side. Tickling her fingers through the few strands of chest hair he had, she sighed. “You’re so wonderful.”
“So are you.” He pressed his lips against her temple. “I love you so much.”
She lifted her head. “I love you too. Thank you.”
He chuckled. “You never have to thank me for loving you.”
“It’s not that.” She rested her chin on her hands. “You’re always so patient and kind.” A tear burned her cheek.
“Don’t cry, babe.”
“These are happy tears.” She smiled. “I was so lost when I came here and now I have direction. I truly feel like the world is at my fingertips and everything will be all right.”
“It will be.” He rubbed his thumb over her lip. “But we might have a problem.”
“What’s that?”
“Are you on birth control? We didn’t discuss that.”
Her eyes went wide. “I was, but I left all my pills back in Idaho Falls. I haven’t taken them since I arrived and I just didn’t think about it.”
“I should have been the one who did. Not you.” He brushed her hair back. “I’m sorry.” His eye twitched. “Would you ever want to have another child?”
“Wow. I don’t know. I mean, obviously not in my past situation, but I’d always thought it would be you and me having a family.” She dropped her head to his stomach. Her cheeks heated. “I used to fantasize about it late at night or when writing in my journal.”
“You wrote about that?” He lifted her chin. “And Pete read it? That couldn’t have gone over well.”
“Let’s not talk about him or what he did with that information.” A flash of one of the worst beatings, outside of the last one, she’d ever taken filled her mind.
“Fair enough.” Austin nodded.
“Do you want to have kids?”
“I never wanted to have them with anyone but you.”
“What about Charity? Did she want them?” Cinnamon asked.
“She did and we talked about it, but it wasn’t something that I was fully on board with. I used coming back to Whiskey Ranch as one of the conditions in having a family, which looking back was a mean thing to do.”
“You didn’t love her.”
“No, I didn’t.” He brushed his warm lips over hers in a tender kiss. “I’ve always loved you and if I’m being honest, while I don’t think this is the right time for us to be reckless about birth control, I want a future with you, including having a family.”
“There’s still so much that is hanging over my head.”
“I know. That’s why from now on, I’ll reach for a condom.”
“You have some?”
“I bought them the other day.” He laughed. “I like to be prepared. I’ve been hoping that someday soon you’d be ready to be open about everything that happened and we could move things along.”
“I’m a lucky girl to have such a sweet man in my life.”
“No, I’m the lucky one. Now let’s get some sleep.” He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes.
There were only three things that worried Cinnamon.
How long her divorce would take.
How long Pete would end up in prison for.
And what this FBI agent wanted to discuss with Austin.
She sucked in a long shallow breath, letting it out slowly. As if all those worries weren’t enough.