Morgan
They ate in silence, and he would have given his left kidney to know what was going on in her mind. Or at least to have been able to read her expression. When she stood to clear the table, he refused to have her do it and sent her to warm up the bed for him.
Judging by the tippy taps on the tile, Blue was right on her heels. After a few moments her gorgeous laugh filtered back down the hall. “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot—up.”
In the bedroom, he went straight for the closet, swapping his jeans for sweats. When he emerged again, Ruby asked, “How long did your tattoo take?”
“Far too long,” he chuckled, rounding the bed.
“I was a total pansy,” she giggled and in the same breath she added, “I’m sitting in the middle.”
“I thought you would be all curled up by now.” He sat beside her, leaned back and, unable to hide his smile when she took his hand, entwined their fingers. “So no more tattoos for you?”
“Maybe, but nothing as big as yours. What made you go with a floral mandala?”
His smile brightened. “Now that you say it like that, I’m wondering if I got what I asked for.”
There was a pause as Ruby took his hand into her lap. “What about: A geometric based mandala that happens to look like a very manly lotus flower.”
“Much better.” With his free hand, he rubbed over his sternum where the ink was centred. “I didn’t really have a picture in mind, but I knew that I didn’t want anything tribal.”
“So, you just let him work his magic?”
“That’s right. How did you come up with yours? Did you draw it?”
“I did. It took me far too long because every time I came up with a concept I truly enjoyed, I couldn’t bring myself to have it permanently on my skin.”
“But you did it eventually.”
“Only because I chose a spot where I didn’t have to see it constantly.”
“So in case you hated it, you could ignore its existence.”
“Basically.” He could sense that Ruby had more on her chest and maybe even asking about his tattoos was just a way for her to break the ice, so he stayed silent while she drew shapes over his arm. “I enjoyed today.”
“I did too.” Feeling daring, he lifted their hands and kissed each of her fingers. “Especially when you fell apart for me.”
Her breath hitched oh so slightly, and she finally admitted, “I’ve never managed to do that.”
“What made this time different?”
“A lot of things.” She reclaimed their hands in her lap and smoothed her thumbs over the back of his knuckles. “I think it was mostly the realisation that you weren’t getting frustrated with me. Rick always got annoyed when I took too long.”
“Did you pretend to finish with him?”
“Often. By the end he sensed that I wasn’t enjoying myself as much. So, I would just finish him off and let it be.”
He cocked his brow, unable to help the snarky tone that came out of his mouth. “And he thought that was acceptable.”
“I guess.” Then her tone became darker, the sadness in it clenching at his heart. “When I broke up with him, we hadn’t had sex in a while. It wasn’t even twenty-four hours later that he asked if we could still do it.”
“Prick.”
Ruby sighed, kneading her thumbs into his palm. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m thankful you feel safe enough around me to talk openly.”
“With him I always had to think about… well, what he would want from me. But when you said you’d take care of me, it took all of that away. I just needed a moment to internalise it.”
“It will take time, but I’m a very patient man.”
“You are and once I wrapped my head around that, I stopped worrying.”
“You’re only feeding my ego,” he teased.
“I didn’t think that was a bad thing.”
“It was rather soul soothing.” Since Ruby was being honest, he decided to do the same.
“It took me a while to figure myself out too. My first experiences with women weren’t the best. I was never the confident one out of the three of us, but my brothers’ popularity made it to where I wasn’t an outcast. Even though they still won’t admit it I’m pretty sure they are the reason I lost my virginity not long after they did.
We were at a friend’s house party when a girl pulled me aside. ”
He shrugged and enjoyed her massaging his hand. It seemed to soothe her, and it definitely made his insides all mushy as well.
“It took me a while to see that I just wasn’t comfortable because I didn’t know my surroundings. It’s much easier to feel confident if you don’t bump into things.”
“I can see how that might ruin the mood. So if you ever come to my place, you won’t be tossing me around like you did earlier?”
“Not right away, no.”
“What a shame.”
“You liked that, huh?”
“Quite a bit actually.” Then she giggled. “And now my cheeks are as red as a tomato.”
“Oh, the things I would love to do with you.”
“Ropes?”
“Yes, I would like it very much if you tried that.”
“Why do you enjoy it so much?”
He smiled, delighted that Ruby didn’t dismiss it right away. “The idea of you submitting and trusting me to look out for you. With you in particular, it’s the switch from you no longer having to take care of me. In the bedroom, I get to make sure your needs are met.”
“Like today when we went on the ice.”
“Exactly.”
“Was it hard for you to trust me today?”
“Yes and no. Yes, because I hate giving up even a little bit of control or independence and at the same time, it was easy because well, you’ve made it that way from day one.”
“Giving up control,” Ruby muttered, seemingly to herself. “I guess that felt good. I didn’t have to think for you or worry whether or not what I’m doing is good enough for you.” A pause built as she continued to knead his palms. “Can we try it now?”
He shifted, taking her jaw in his free hand and leaning in enough for her features to become clear.
Once he was satisfied that she was ready, he kissed her forehead and rose from the bed, opening the drawer that hid his supplies.
He withdrew a thin rope, then rejoined her on the bed.
He felt it tug in his hands as she reached for it.
“It’s much smoother than I thought.”
“That’s so it won’t irritate your skin. Would you like to start with just your wrists? We don’t have to do anything more than that.”
“That should be okay.”
“I have three rules. You have to be honest, not just to me but yourself. If something doesn’t feel right, you have to let me know even if you are not sure what exactly it is.”
“I will.”
“You have to be vocal. I know that may seem obvious, but sometimes in the moment, you can forget.”
“I’m working on that.”
“I know and I think you are doing wonderfully. My third is that we need a safeword. We often tend to say ‘stop’ or ‘no’ in the moment without truly meaning it. A safeword ensures that there isn’t any miscommunication.”
“What do you usually use?”
“Cinnamon.”
“Did you just make that up?”
He laughed and shook his head. “No, I’ve actually always used that. We both can use it and once it is said anything that is happening ends, and we check on each other.”
“Cinnamon,” Ruby repeated to herself. “I can remember that.”
Laying the rope across his lap he softly demanded, “Give me your hands.” Without hesitation, Ruby laid her hands into his.
His thumbs gently ran over the soft skin of her bottom wrist, pausing over where her pulse throbbed.
He rotated her hands to be palm up, then spaced them out to where he needed them in order to work his magic.
“I need you to hold them like this, can you do that for me, darlin’? ”
“I can.” Leaning in to kiss her cheek, he picked up the length of rope. The heat permeating from her cheeks to his lips melted his whole being.
He wrapped the rope around Ruby’s wrists and pulled the two ends through the loop he’d created, repeating it a couple of times before running his fingers over it to make sure everything laid flat.
Then he split the two ropes and wrapped them around the middle.
Leaving a two-finger width space to each of her wrists, he tied the final knot.
He double checked everything, then took her hands in his lap and caressed her palms.
“How does that feel?”
“Good.” He let everything sink in, only sharing soft touches to ease her into the restraints. “A little odd, exciting and terrifying at the same time.”
“What are you excited about?”
He counted each of her breaths, calm with deep inhales. “Trying something new. It actually makes me a little proud to jump over my shadow.”
“You can be very proud of yourself. Getting out of your comfort zone is never easy and you are doing so well.”
“Why does it make me all giddy when you say things like that?”
“Because you enjoy being praised, and I’m more than happy to shower you in praises, darlin’.
” He heard her shuffling around on the sheets before her rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes came into view, planting a kiss to his cheek.
Leaving his nerve endings on fire, she disappeared once more. “What about this terrifies you?”
“Not knowing what to do and not being good enough. The thought of giving up control is hard to wrap my head around as well. I’ve learned that I’m often on my own—even with Rick I had to fend for myself and speak up even when I had wished that he’d do it.
” She sighed, seemingly annoyed. “I’m sorry for bringing him up again. ”
“It’s alright. I want to hear about these things. It helps me know what you need from me. Would it help you to think of it as not giving up control, only handing it over for a limited amount of time?”
“I didn’t even think of it that way but yes, it does.”
“Sometimes it’s nice to not have to think or make decisions for yourself, and that’s what this is all about. I need to hold the reins for a while, and you need to be able to take the weight off your shoulders and have someone else worry about it.”
“It sounds so much easier than it probably will be.”
“This,” his hands smoothed over the ropes binding hers together, “is a process. It takes time and you are allowed to take everything that you need.”