Chapter 11 #2
“That’s fucked up because I don’t really see her potential. If it comes down to me fucking her or her having a career, she getting this dick. She’d do good on OnlyFans though.”
“Ain’t no way I raised you.” Onyx hooted.
“I’m only a reflection of you, big brother. I knew you before you met Troi baby, remember that.”
“I’m a different man now. Speaking of Baby though, let’s gone and get out of here. I know Kian probably driving her up the wall by now.”
“Hell yea, lil’ bad ass muh’fucka. Y’all ain’t never think about sending his ass to obedience school or something?”
“My son not no fucking puppy, nigga. Come on before I beat yo ass.”
Onyx threw his brother a few air punches before they packed up and exited the studio being sure to lock up behind themselves.
Yanna pulled her car onto 5th Avenue and parked in front of her mother’s home before hopping out.
Hope that the visit with her mother would be a good one fled as she approached the door and heard her mother yelling.
Quickening her pace, Yanna sped to her mother’s door, using her key for entrance.
Stress mounted when she entered the home and found Janis throwing cleaning products at the cleaning lady she’d hired to keep her home in tact.
“Ma! Ma, what are you doing?!”
“Ohhh, well look who it is. My daughter finally remembered the person who gave birth to her!”
“Please. What is going on here?”
“I came here to clean like I was hired to do. This house was scheduled for today. She let me in, but as soon as I started touching things, she flipped.”
“Fucking right I did! Who the hell are you to come into my house, touching shit? Jaiyanna, who the hell is she, because they said you hired them.”
“I did, Ma, remember I called and told you the cleaning service would be coming by to make sure your house stayed clean.”
“I can keep my own damn house clean. I for damn sure don’t need no Mexican bitch in my house touching shit, probably stealing!”
“Oh my goodness, do you know how freaking racist you sound? You know what, I’m sorry. What’s your name?”
“Um, Jessenia.”
“Jessenia, I’m so sorry you had to deal with her. I’ll make sure the agency knows this wasn’t your fault, but you can go.”
Jessenia nodded and quickly ran out of the house.
“Don’t be apologizing for me like I’m some kind of invalid.”
“That’s exactly what you’re acting like right now, Ma.”
“Oh, kiss my ass, Jaiyanna. You always trying to cut corners or find a loophole, so you don’t have to deal with me. Sending a damn cleaning service instead of coming yourself, like you’re so busy or something.”
“I thought sending a cleaning service would be nice.”
“No, the hell you didn’t, because the last time you tried to send a cleaning lady, I sent them out of here too. You knew I didn’t want no damn body all in my house, but you tried it anyway. Like I said, just so you didn’t have to deal with me. Swear, you’re just like your damn daddy.”
Yanna’s shoulders dropped, feelings hurt from her mother’s words.
“Now, why would you say something like that? I’m nothing like him, Ma.
I wouldn’t dare abandon you.” Now Yanna felt bad.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be around her mother; she loved Janis with every piece of her being, but sometimes she needed a break.
Needed an interruption from the constant reminder that her mother was only a shell of the woman she once was.
Janis didn’t understand that each time her daughter had to witness her in such a state, it chipped little pieces away from her heart.
“Well, I can’t tell! Every time I turn around, I’m begging for some of your time, and you’re delegating time with me to someone else!
I have feelings too, you know? Just because I’m sick doesn’t mean I should be treated like shit!
” Janis bellowed, grabbing a bottle of her favorite Gin from the coffee table.
“Unh uh, hell nah! Give me this damn bottle! Your ass is not sick. There’s nothing wrong with you except for the fact that you’re a drunk!”
“And you just like me, so judge yourself!” Before Janis could tip the bottle to her lips, Yanna snatched it, holding it behind her back. “Oh? You want to play this game with me? If you think you can beat my ass, you about to be in for a rude awakening!”
“That would be more threatening if you could say it without slurring and swaying. I could push you with my pinky and you’d fall over. And you stink too!”
“Fuck you, give me my fucking bottle back.”
“No! Did you not hear me say you smell like a damn dumpster?! You don’t need a drink, you need a bath! Take a fucking shower!”
“Who the hell do you think you cursing at like that? Get the fuck out of my house with your disrespectful ass! Hell, you should’ve just left the Mexican bitch in here—”
Tiring of her mother’s shit, Yanna slammed the bottle of liquor onto the coffee table and grabbed Janis by the arm.
She pulled her through the house en route to her bathroom.
“Talking about beating somebody ass and you’re as light as Kian.
You gone need more than an all gin diet if you want to tussle with me.
I take breaks from you because it breaks my damn heart to see you like this.
All over a fucking nigga… I wish like hell I would.
” Yanna muttered that last part under her breath.
“What the hell you say?”
“Nothing, Ma, just come on, let me help you in the shower, please.” Yanna turned on the water in the shower and adjusted the knobs so it could warm up. “Here, let me help you get this shirt off.”
“I got it, I’m not as low functioning as you think I am. Can you just get me something to put on when I get out.” Janis was drunk as hell, but she’d heard the break in her daughter’s voice when she said she was heartbroken.
“Are you sure you can stand on your own?”
“Girl gone, I got it.”
Yanna went into her mother’s room and took out some fresh clothes for her.
She then went ahead and finished what Janis didn’t allow the cleaning lady to do.
Luckily, Janis’ house wasn’t as nauseating as it was the last time Yanna was there.
After nearly two hours, both the house and Janis were clean.
Yanna forced her mother to take a walk around the block to a popular chicken spot for food, and they were now seated at the table while Janis ate.
“Thinking about what I said earlier… have you talked to---”
“Hell no, I haven’t.”
“Jaiyanna. There’s really no real reason for you not to. If you think you’re doing it for me, I promise you don’t have to. Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about the whole situation. You’ve been---”
“Ma, you know what? I wasn’t even prepared to be here so long, and I had something I was supposed to do a while ago. I’m going, but I’ll be back, okay?” Yanna could’ve stayed longer, but she was too mentally drained for the conversation her mother was trying to have.
“Oh, okay.”
“And please don’t drink anymore today. I threw away both bottles of gin you had in there, so don’t try to send none of them lil’ niggas on the block to the liquor store.”
“You’re a pain in my damn ass.”
“Yea, yea, I love you too.” Walking over to her mother, Yanna gave her a quick hug and placed a kiss on her cheek.
“You know I love you, baby. No matter how crazy I get, don’t you ever doubt that.”
“I know, Ma. I know.”
Yanna gave her mom one last reassuring pat before exiting the house and climbing into her car. It wasn’t until she was in her car with the doors locked did she allow the sob she’d been holding to burst through.
All Yanna wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed, but knew she’d have to hear Kas’ mouth if she didn’t go back to Dinwiddie like he’d requested.
If she were being honest, she’d admit that she’d rather be with Kas than alone.
Once she arrived, she released a sigh, noticing both Quan and Kalil’s cars in the driveway.
She wasn’t in the mood to be social. At the moment, she just wanted to go to Kas’ house and lay up with him.
Still, she hopped from her car and padded to Troi and Onyx’s house.
They still hadn’t granted her the door code, and she resented the fact that she had to knock as if she were a stranger.
Moments later, Kalil answered the door, and Yanna couldn’t deny he was fine as hell.
The sight of his smooth fair skin, jet black silk hair he’d pulled into a man bun and dazzling smile instantly cheered her up.
“Yanna boo, what up?”
“Unh uh, Kalil, don’t you start calling me that too.”
“That’s yo name, ain’t it?”
“Hell no, it’s not,” Yanna insisted, walking ahead of Kalil into the living room.
Onyx was laid on one side of their oversized sectional while Troi nestled between his legs with Kian sleeping in her arms. Quan was seated on another couch which Kalil took residence next to him on.
Kas took up space on the opposite end of the sectional, his eyes lighting up when they landed on Yanna.
“There go my boo boo. You looked stressed out. Was it that bad?”
“Yes.” Yanna stated with a nod.
“Aww stinka, come here.” Kas held his arms out, and Yanna didn’t hesitate to walk into them, straddling his lap.
He tightened his hold on her, appreciating the way her body melted into his.
The only thing Kas studied more than music was Yanna.
He could tell the visit with her mother had taken a lot out of her, and he wanted nothing more than to give her some sort of reprieve from that. “Jaiyanna, what you need?”
“Quiet,” she responded.
“Don’t want to be around everybody else right now, huh?”
“Not at all.”
Not needing her to say anything more, Kas stood with her still in his arms. “Aight y’all, we up.”
Kas could hear his cousins talking shit about how his and Yanna’s relationship was so confusing because one minute they couldn’t stand each other and the next they were lovey-dovey. Kas ignored them, making it to the door and leaving out just as he heard Onyx yell…
“Aye, don’t leave these niggas here with me!”
Yanna and Kas laughed at Onyx’s antics because they both knew he was rarely beat to deal with Quan and Kalil. Inside Kas’ house, Yanna removed her shoes and plopped onto the modular sofa, grabbing the remote control to turn on the TV.
“Ice cream?” Kas questioned, knowing Yanna loved to indulge in sweet treats when she was feeling despondent.
“You know it. Cookie dough, please.”
Kas made sure to keep Yanna’s favorite brand of cookie-dough ice cream stocked, so he grabbed one of the small cartons for her along with a spoon.
He kicked off his slides and slipped onto the couch behind her, resting her back against his chest. He didn’t press, allowing Yanna to start talking when she was ready.
“I hate to see her like that,” Yanna stated barely above a whisper.
“What did she have going on?”
“Kicking out the cleaning lady, being racist as hell. Then she…”
“She what?”
“She told me I try to abandon her. That I’m just like my wack ass dad… like, how could she say some shit like that to me? I do---”
“All you can for her. You show up for her until it becomes mentally too much. She knows just as well as you know that you’re nothing like yo daddy.
She knows you’ll never abandon her too. You take good care of yo mumma, Yanna, and if I see the shit, she sees it too.
Full of gin or not, she know she lucky as fuck to have you as a daughter. ”
Yanna reached back, grabbing onto Kas’ hand and giving it a squeeze. It was her subtle way of thanking him for always being there for her, even though she was so difficult with him.
“What if she doesn’t though… like, what if I think I’m doing right by her and it’s not enough? Should I be forcing her to rehab? Me showing up and cleaning, taking the liquor she has on hand is only a temporary fix. She always gets more, and I just leave her there.”
“I know enough to know that you can’t help somebody that don’t want to be helped. Right now, she like that shit. Being drunk off her ass is her way to wallow in her feelings… I know you want her to get help, but she has to want that shit more.”
“How fucking long does it take though? I mean, the nigga left you, girl, get over it. A man can drag you so low until you can’t go any lower. That shit is wack as fuck.”
“Nah, yo daddy drug yo mumma low. Every man ain’t him and every female ain’t her. You ain’t her. You hear me, Jaiyanna?”
“I hear you… but…”
“But what?”
Yanna wanted to express to Kas how much she feared being like her mother.
How on most days she had anxiety from the feeling that she needed to cut ties with him.
It was like a compulsion, her brain coercing her to completely part ways with Kas before she got in even deeper.
Before her feelings for him grew to the point of no return.
Because she knew he’d inevitably hurt her.
She knew the aftermath of that would be calamitous.
The deeper she felt for Kas, the more she would spiral when he decided he was done…
when he finally abandoned her. She did everything in her power to be the opposite of Janis, but her mother’s voice saying, you’re just like me replayed in her cognizance.
Nah, she couldn’t go out like that, so even though she wanted to open up with Kas, she couldn’t.
“You can talk to me, Yanna boo. Please, so I can know how to handle things with you. I pay attention to you so I know how to accommodate you on most things, but it’s still a wall I can’t penetrate.
I just feel like it leaves room for misunderstandings between us.
Communication from you can go a long way. ”
“Not right now. I kind of don’t feel like talking about the whole situation anymore. Can we just chill here and watch TV until I fall asleep? That’s all I want.”
“Then I got you. No matter what, no matter how you feeling, always know that I got you.”