Chapter 13 #2
Ivara and I reached my room, and I sank onto the bed. Finally daring to look at Ivara, her face was grim, but there was sympathy shining in her eyes as she stared at me. My chest tightened, the ache taking my breath away.
“I can’t do what you do,” I hissed quietly, my face twisting in anger. “I can’t just pretend that I’m on his side or that I agree with him and what he is doing.”
“Sybil,” Ivara murmured, kneeling before me and taking my hand in hers. “I know it's hard to do, but that’s how you stay safe.”
“I don’t give a fuck about that,” I bellowed.
Jerking my hand away from her, I stood, distancing myself from her.
“He is just going to hurt me anyway! He can feel my emotions; he knows how I truly feel about this. I have nowhere to hide! I wasn’t born into this world; I wasn’t taught how to pretend like none of this bothers me or how to use my magic to shield me.
It makes me sick, Ivara. I can’t do this.
I can’t stand there and act bored and uncaring, or act like I can go along with his disgusting plans.
Those are innocent people. How do you not care about that? ”
“Be careful with what you say, child,” Ivara warned, her face tinged with a red glow.
“I have done more for these people than you could ever know. I pretend because my people will die if I do not. I know you are upset, but do not take that out on me. Use it. Use that anger to fight for those who need it most.”
Closing my eyes, I brought my hands to my face, my breathing heavy.
My shoulders dipped, and a sob broke free.
My heart felt like it was being torn in two.
Warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me in close.
Ivara held me tight while I wept. It was all too much.
This world felt like too much. I came here to learn who I was, to learn how to control my magic, and now I was supposed to watch while Ambrose tore this world apart with me by his side, forcing me to follow his every command.
Not only that, I was supposed to die for a world that has done nothing but break me down.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, finally settling down. She was right. It wasn’t her fault. I couldn’t put that on her or even Samian and Daelan. They were doing what they thought was right. But this wasn’t right for me. This wasn’t how I would be able to live with myself, to follow—
I took a sharp breath, stepping out of Ivara’s arms.
Ivara sighed, giving me a small smile, and led me to the bed, sitting beside me. “Viv whispered something to you last night. Will you tell me what she said?”
I felt my face blanch, and I looked at her with wide eyes.
My heart raced within my chest, and I swallowed hard.
I considered not telling her, to keep Vivi’s whispered words hidden from her and the others.
But when Ivara wiped away my tears, the weight on my shoulders doubled down on me, and I knew I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer.
“She told me I needed to heed the destiny spoken to me and to follow the path my heart leads me to.”
Ivara’s brows pinched, her face twisting in confusion. “What does that mean?”
I took a shuddering breath, swallowing back my sob, and looked away. I couldn’t take looking her in the eyes, couldn’t bear seeing how she would react. “It means that I’m supposed to die.”
“What?” Ivara stammered. Her hands left mine, but found my face, forcing me to look at her. “Tell me what you’ve been hiding.”
“I-I met with Queen Cassia,” I said, my voice breaking. “I talked to her before we left for the forest. She told me that to stop Ambrose, to save my mates and others, I would have to die.”
“Your mates—so you know?” Ivara whispered, her hands falling from my face. “You know about Kieran and Samian?”
“I do. I also know that there’s a third one too, though she didn’t tell me who, just that I haven’t met them yet.”
Ivara’s eyes widened, and she exhaled. “That’s…” she paused, trying to find the words to say, “a lot.”
I scoffed and fell back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. “Tell me about it. I’m too old for this shit.”
“Old?” Ivara barked a laugh. “If you were born here, you would still be considered a child.”
“Well, where I come from, this sort of thing only happens in fairy tales where the girls are barely even legal and far younger than me.”
“Good thing your fae blood makes you stronger,” Ivara joked, giving me a devilish grin. “Age aside, that’s why you have been acting so distant with Samian and Kieran, isn’t it?”
I nodded, hugging myself. “I don’t think it would be fair to allow them to get close before I—you know.”
Ivara hummed, considering my words. “I don’t think it would be fair for you not to experience that love, nor do I think it would be fair to them to be kept in the dark about this.”
“You think I should tell them?” I didn’t really mean to ask a question; I was just repeating what my heart and mind were already thinking.”
“I do, but only when you’re ready to tell them. Keeping this from them—males are incredibly protective of their mates, even toward their own mate. If they know that you’re hiding something, may the gods protect you because that would be a road even I’d dare not take.”
I groaned and turned to my side, away from Ivara.
I brought my knees to my chest and sighed.
I knew it wasn’t fair to them to keep this secret to myself.
It was eating away at me, and I knew there would soon come a time when I would have to tell them.
I’d just hoped that I could change it before I had to.
“Fine,” I whispered. “I’ll tell them when we get back.”