Chapter Five Tristan #2
Lennon frowned. “So Cormac’s not stepping in.”
“It doesn’t look like it.”
“Fuck.” Lennon scrubbed a hand down his face. “Kee told me he gave her a load of cash before he was nicked. But that it was for her only.” He heaved out a resigned sigh. “He must have known this was coming.”
I said nothing.
Lennon dropped his voice. “Did he walk away? Try to get out?”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “He wanted to. Told me he would try, but that it was difficult. Said he was putting things in motion, then…then he left my bed and walked straight into a raid. Intelligence-led. Planned. They were waiting for him.”
“Jesus.” Lennon dragged a hand over his head. “If that’s true, that puts Kee right in the line of fire. Especially if someone wanted him taken.”
I hated how accurate that was. “Which is why I wanted to talk to you.”
“For what? I ain’t got the cash to pay a brief for him. I’m barely keeping afloat as it is. I’ve got twin babies. Amara’s on maternity. Labouring work dries up in winter. And it ain’t like I can pass a hat round the community.”
“That’s not what I’m asking.” I drew a breath, forcing myself to slow down. To explain what I needed without giving myself away. “There’s a chance I could step in.”
He blinked. “You?”
“It’s not a certainty. I’m not talking about charging in and taking over.
I can’t do that.” I scrubbed a hand over my mouth as if trying to keep the words contained.
To stop the inevitable fallout from what I was doing.
“But if I can get the case reviewed properly, put it in front of my senior, then she can decide whether it’s something chambers should touch.
If she agrees, she’d bring in a solicitor to take conduct, and we’d put ourselves forward to act in court.
It’s structured. Supervised. Above board. Or it doesn’t happen at all.”
“Ain’t there laws about that?” He cocked his head. “Defending the bloke you’ve been fucking while he’s committing crimes?”
“Yes. There are. Which is why this would only work if everything’s declared and signed off.
If it can’t be done cleanly, it won’t be done.
” I sighed. Recalibrated. “I’m not trying to save him by cutting corners.
I’m trying to make sure he actually has a defence.
One that doesn’t collapse under scrutiny.
But before any of that…” I took a beat to compose myself. “I need a second opinion.”
“On what? If you can do this?”
“Not whether I can. I know I can. It’s whether I should.”
Lennon stared at me for a long moment. “You asking cause you wanna know how he feels about you?” He cocked his head.
“Cause if you’re asking whether you meant anything to him or were just one in a long line of fucks he didn’t talk about, you’re asking the wrong bloke. He kept those cards close. Always did.”
“Yeah. I know.” I closed my eyes for a beat. “And no, that’s not…”
The words tangled. Lennon’s bluntness hit harder than I’d expected.
It shouldn’t have. I knew Razor hadn’t told anyone about us; that silence was half the reason I could do this.
But hearing myself reduced so cleanly — a long line of fucks he didn’t care about — still cut deep.
Even if that was all I’d ever been allowed to be and had to convince myself I was.
Regardless of how I felt about him.
“Look.” I forced myself back on track. “Despite the moral and ethical landmines working against me here, I can’t take his case if it’s all true.”
“Of course it’s fucking true.” Lennon snorted. “Man’s been peddling gear since he was fifteen. Buried his hands in poison and got paid well for it. He’s a drug dealer. You know that. Whether he was set up for this arrest doesn’t change that. He lined Cormac’s pockets.”
“I’m not talking about that charge. And in the interest of being transparent with you, there isn’t actually any clear evidence against him. Certainly not the kind you’d expect. He wasn’t arrested with anything on him. If he had been, the charge would look very different.”
Lennon frowned. “What?”
“Exactly. And that’s the point.” I rubbed my neck. “But there’s another charge being prepared. The reason he’s still inside.”
“What other charge?”
“Murder.”
He staggered back, colour draining from his face, and if thirteen-year-old Billy Amos had swung at him then, he’d have gone down. “You fucking what?”
I glanced over my shoulder on instinct, heart kicking hard, then turned back to him. “There’s an active investigation. The CPS is pushing for it. Homicide.”
Even thinking the word felt absurd. It sat badly alongside the memory of his hands. Warm. Tender. But I also knew how little of him I’d ever truly known. That was why I was here.
“No charge yet. I don’t know the details, and I won’t unless I’m formally instructed.
And I’m—” I broke off, swallowed. “I’m all over the place with it.
I have to tread carefully. For more reasons than just professional ethics.
I can’t go into everything with you, but this isn’t just an unevidenced intent charge.
There are moving parts. Pressure. Things I know and shouldn’t know and can’t say and…
fuck.” I scrubbed a hand over my face. “The fact that I’m in love with the defendant leaves me quite compromised.
” I closed my eyes, aware of what I’d just admitted, but unwilling to walk it back.
“So I need some kind of reassurance that he might not have done this. That he isn’t capable of killing someone with his bare hands.
And I don’t know where else to go for that kind of truth but you. ”
A tear slipped free before I could stop it. I swiped it away viciously, hating myself for breaking right then.
“Fuck.” Lennon worried on his bottom lip. “In love with him, eh?”
“Strike that from the record, please.”
“Too late.” He huffed. “Already stamped and filed.” Then he sobered, drawing a breath. “Jesus. I honestly thought you and he were just… fucking.”
I blinked, fixing my gaze somewhere past his shoulder, as if distance alone might steady me. “We were.” I dipped my head. “Mostly. Then it changed. For me, at least. I can’t really speak for him.”
“No?” He tilted his head. “Thought you wanted to be his mouthpiece.”
I let out a thin laugh. “Technically, in slang terms, that’s the solicitor. I’m the brief.”
“Same difference.” He shook his head. “Still…fuck. No man like you falls for Razor.”
I didn’t argue.
“Oh.” He waggled his finger at me. “You didn’t fall for Razor.”
I dropped my gaze to my hands. “I’m fairly sure Razor doesn’t exist when he’s… letting that side of himself out with me.”
“Yeah. I’ll bet.” Lennon shook his head. “Razor ain’t really a nice man to take home, eh?”
“Maybe not. Though I got hooked on Razor, but honestly…I fell for Richie. He’s…quite different.”
“Ain’t he just?” Lennon chuckled. “Big fuck off softie, is Richie Slade.”
“That’s not quite the word I’d use for him.”
Lennon clucked his tongue. “No? He’s a sappy git when he loves someone, though.”
My heart betrayed me with a small, treacherous leap. As if it thought that meant he might have love me. As if that sappy git was mine.
I knew better though.
“I can’t claim… he didn’t…” I stopped, shook my head, as though I could physically dislodge the thought.
“We had sex. Good sex. Comfort sex, maybe. But that’s all it really was.
We had weekends that felt like the potential of something else, but…
” I exhaled, sharp. “As far as I know, it was just sex to him. Can we leave it there?”
Lennon snorted. “Sure.” He worried on his bottom lip. “So what you’re actually asking is whether I think Razor’s guilty. Because you don’t really know Razor.”
“No.” I kept my voice steady even if nothing else was. “Guilt is for a court to decide. I’m asking whether you think he’s capable. Whether he would do it.” I held his gaze. “On demand. If he could flip a switch inside him and not be the man I thought he was.”
Lennon turned away, glancing over to the ring where Billy Amos sparred.
The same boy Razor had once begged me not to let turn out like him.
I waited, heart hammering, aware this could be the easiest exit I’d ever be offered.
Because I knew the law. I would defend murderers one day.
Rapists. Monsters. That was the job. Everyone was entitled to a defence.
But loving one of them would fracture that certainty beyond repair.
Lennon finally turned back. “No.”
The air left my lungs in a shaking exhale.
“Could he?” Lennon widened his eyes. “Physically? Sure. He’s capable. Would he?” He shook his head with firm finality. “No.”
My chest loosened.
“He left too many bad men walking to be that man. If he were, he’d have dealt with them.
He never went too far. Not even with the man who tried to rape and kill his mum.
Not with the blokes who touched up his sister.
” He shook his head. “Threats, though? Yeah. He can deliver a fucking good one. Knows exactly how to pitch it so you believe he’ll follow through.
Most of the time, that’s enough. And if you want proof of who he is when he gets close to that line, and how he pulls himself back, go see Tyler. ”
“Who’s Tyler?”
“Razor’s second. Never left his side when things got heavy.” Lennon sucked in a breath through his teeth. “There’ll be a reason he’s not inside with him. Or been around much.”
“And what reason would that be?”
“You’d have to ask him.”
I nodded. “And where would I find him?”
“Probably wherever Razor used to hang out.”
I pretended not to know. “Okay. Thank you.”
Lennon nodded back, distracted, as if considering whether to say more.
I wasn’t sure I wanted him to. I’d come for an answer, and I had it.
There was a real possibility Razor hadn’t done the thing keeping him in a cell with the door locked.
No charge. No evidence laid. Just gravity and fear and names.
I could work with that. Could build an argument around it, and it might let me see him again.
In the flesh. Let him know I was still there.
If I could get it granted.
“I’ll let you get back to it.” I adjusted my coat, fastening the buttons, then went to turn away.
Lennon’s voice stopped me. “I never knew the right way to handle him.”
I turned back. He wasn’t looking at me anymore. He fixed his gaze somewhere past the ring, past the boys, past the room. Caught in old days and worse nights.
He turned back to me. “You know about Levi?”
I nodded.
“Him and Levi.”
I swallowed. Nodded again.
Lennon let out a long breath through his nose, shook his head.
A wry, broken smile tugged at his mouth, as if something had finally clicked into place.
I knew that wouldn’t win me any favours when Razor found out I’d let another thing slip to Lennon, but how could I stand there and deny it when I’d asked too much of Lennon to start with.
“He changed after that.” Lennon sniffed.
“And I was so fucked up with grief, I blamed him for a long time. Thought if he’d just left Levi alone, he’d still be here.
Levi fucking worshipped him. Idolised him.
I did too. For a bit.” He snorted. “Still do sometimes. The shit he’s dealt with.
The things he’s lived through. It’s hard not to admire it.
Hard man, carrying all that and still trying to keep the streets clean, his gear clean, in East London? That’s not nothing. That’s work.”
He looked at me. “But he’s so fucking vulnerable.
And stupid. Bone-headed. He doesn’t know how to walk away.
From a fight. A challenge. Threats. He squares his shoulders and goes straight in, just to prove he’s not someone you can fuck with.
And that’s what caught Levi. Hook, line, and sinker.
I would’ve been fine with it. Honestly. I would.
But they didn’t tell me. And I let them keep that secret.
” He dropped his gaze. “Then Levi died and, God, Rich took all that guilt. All of it. Painted himself with it. And I thought the only way to get through to him was to… leave him to it. Tough love, right? That’s what people say.
” He shook his head, tears falling, but he wiped them away angrily.
“Turns out I just taught him what he already believed.”
I stepped in closer, needing to ask. “What’s that?”
“That he’s worth fuck all.” Lennon’s voice broke.
“That the only thing he’s good for is this.
The only praise he’s ever had came from Cormac.
From people fearing him.” He looked at me properly, taking all of me in.
“I don’t know if he deserves you. Or if he even understands what you mean to him.
But I do know that right now, he’s sitting in that cell telling himself you’re better off without him.
That we all are. That this was always where he was headed. ”
Lennon dipped lower to soften his voice.
“So you’ve got a big fucking job on your hands, mate. And it ain’t standing up in court or getting him off some charge. It’s making him believe he’s not someone people are better off losing. And if you can do that…” He took a deep breath. “…he might just come out of this alive.”