Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Tabitha
Dark dreams of screaming, destruction, and death shatter my sleep. Trying to shake off the visions, I sit up in an unfamiliar bed, panting and disoriented, with pale dawn light streaming through the windows. Terror rising, I twist around, scanning the room to figure out where I am.
Beside me, Raiden stirs and wraps his arms around me. His hauntingly blue eyes search mine, intent, concerned. “Tabby?”
Suddenly, everything crashes in on me. My worst torment isn’t a terrible dream. My family truly is gone.
Guilt and grief craters in on me. I turn my face away, not wanting to show the wizard who broke my heart the tears I can’t seem to stop.
As I silently sob, he caresses my long, loose hair gently. “Cry if you need to. Let it out.”
I shove my tresses back self-consciously.
My mother, raised in another time, always preached that wearing my hair down was a sign of wantonness.
In the past, I let my hair down for Raiden, showing him every facet of my inner temptress.
He didn’t want me for more than energy and pleasure, so I shouldn’t read too much into his current concern, beyond compassion or care for the vessel carrying his youngling.
“I’ll be fine.” I try to pull away.
Raiden holds firm. “I should have a healer check you and the youngling. You’ve been distraught, and such emotions aren’t good for an expectant mother.”
I drag in shuddering breaths and will myself to calm down. “Don’t bother. There’s nothing wrong.”
His thumb caresses my cheek before his fingers curl around my nape. His touch makes me shiver. Suddenly, I’m bombarded by thousands of intimate memories—and foolishly wanting a thousand more.
“Have you been feeling well? Is the pregnancy normal? Any problems?”
I’ve never heard Raiden’s voice so gentle, and I hate acknowledging how deeply it tugs at my heart. “No problems.”
That isn’t totally true, but he doesn’t need details.
“Tabby, until—”
“Don’t call me that anymore.” He whispered that name when he held me, kissed me, made love to me. He called me Tabitha when he walked away from me. Once he did that, he lost the right to speak any sort of endearment to me.
He sidesteps my anger. “I heard that you experienced sickness early on. That you nearly miscarried.”
I gasp. How could he possibly know that?
“You never told me.” He actually looks hurt by that fact.
I toss off the covers and leap to my feet, horrified to discover that he’s stripped me down to my bra and knickers.
Spearing him with an accusing stare, I grab the top blanket, wrap it around me, and shove my hair behind me again.
“You no longer have the right to look at me this way, to touch me so familiarly, to pretend you care about the baby. You made yourself very clear when you said you wanted nothing to do with mating and fatherhood.”
“Because I’m no good for you.” He withdraws. “I’m not cut out for mating. My association with the Doomsday Brethren is too dangerous. And I’m not capable of the devotion you sought. I’d rather see you happily settled and safe.”
“And allowing my parents to pawn me off on Sean Blackbourne made your life much easier, didn’t it? In days, he and I were to exchange the words that allowed you to go, guilt free, back to your warring and whoring.”
Something cold hardens his face. “Exactly.”
“I shouldn’t be here.” I shake my head. “I shouldn’t have come.”
Safety was my first concern. I knew Raiden would protect me from Mathias, but perhaps I underestimated Sean. His family is powerful. Maybe he could keep me and my youngling equally shielded.
“You did the right thing.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t. I’m going to Sean. Now.”
“The hell you are!” He’s on his feet in an instant, blocking my path to the door.
“You can’t teleport in or out of this house without my permission.
” It’s a common safety measure. “As far as I’m concerned, you’ll stay here.
I’ll keep you safe, even if it takes my last breath, and you know that. What do you know about Sean?”
That he’s going to shoulder the responsibility Raiden rejected.
Anger boils in me, morphing to a new and sharper fury. I slap Raiden across the face. He recoils from the blow, a tic working in his jaw, but says nothing. A red mark blooms across his cheek, but he doesn’t raise a hand to it. Doesn’t say a word.
“I gave you everything,” I shout. “Everything! I revealed myself to you in a way I’ve never done with another lover.
I opened my heart and body to you. Yes, I knew your reputation, but when you came back to me again and again, I allowed myself to hope that you cared.
That I meant something to you. And you knew that.
You knew how badly I wanted you for a mate, how totally I gave myself over and over.
I think I willed your seed to take root, praying that you would… ”
God, I sound so stupid. So foolish and naive. I bedded down with one of the most notoriously carnal wizards ever, and I got exactly what I deserved. Still, the debilitating pain of his desertion staggers me.
Something flickers in his eyes—pain? Regret?
—before he erases all expression from his face.
“You’re right. I took advantage. I…the way you revealed yourself slowly to me, unfurling each time, shedding your ladylike inhibitions to embrace the sizzle between us, how could I refuse when you kept tempting me?
” He shrugs. “Sorry. Next time, don’t offer yourself. ”
Despite the magical sleep Raiden forced on me, exhaustion weighs on my bones. Worse, as the sun rose, he left me.
How like him.
After dressing and fixing my hair, I wander from room to room in the big house until I encounter a cozy library—and find another wizard inside.
“Hello, Tabitha.” A mirror image of Raiden rises, except his hair is dark as night.
This must be Raiden’s twin.
“Ronan, correct?”
He nods, approaching me slowly. “I’m sorry we haven’t met before.”
That’s hardly Ronan’s fault. Raiden avoided incorporating me into his life at every possible turn. That hurt, and I largely blame myself. I saw his behavior; I felt his distance. And still…I couldn’t refuse him.
I’m shocked he hasn’t dropped me in Sean Blackbourne’s lap and washed his hands of me, particularly after I demanded he do exactly that.
Why is he suddenly reluctant to let me go?
When Ronan sticks out his hand, I approach cautiously. His eyes reveal only concern. His signature proclaims him mated. Nervously, I shake his hand.
He smiles. “It’s good to finally meet you.”
“Lovely to meet you,” I say automatically. But it’s true. I knew Raiden had a twin, but not how identical they are. In fact, I know very little about Raiden’s life beyond his bedroom skills.
“I’m sorry we’re meeting under such terrible circumstances, rather than one more auspicious, like the coming youngling.” He nods toward my rounding belly.
“Indeed.” I appreciate his sentiment…but if Mathias didn’t find what he sought when he killed my family and ransacked my home, he’s unlikely to give up. “Forgive me, but could you tell me where to find Raiden?”
Ronan pauses. Because he’s deciding what lie to tell me? “He had an errand and asked me to keep you company.”
More like Raiden left to avoid emotional intimacy, as usual. Or perhaps he’s doing something he’s determined is “for my own good” without first consulting me. Both possibilities chafe. “Is any male in your family capable of open and honest discourse?”
He laughs, his smile self-effacing. “That’s a work in progress. My mate has tried to teach me…”
“You shouldn’t disappoint her, then. Let’s try this again. Where is Raiden?”
Ronan sighs. “My brother said you’re beautiful, but he neglected to mention that you’re a cunning little thing.”
I cut him a killing glare. “Don’t flatter me. I’m a woman who lost her entire family barely twelve hours ago. I’m aware that as his encinta I have no claim on him, and he may very well be with another woman. I understand your reluctance to admit that to me, but—“
“He’s not. Nothing of the sort. Raiden would kill me for telling you this.” He sighs. “But he’s searching for clues, trying to find the secret tree your father mentioned, as well as arranging your family’s burial details. He didn’t want to trouble you.”
I freeze. Does he think me weak or incapable? “They are my responsibility. I’ll care for them.”
“We both feel that taxing yourself after such tragic loss might be too much for you and the youngling.” He sends me a probing stare. “And Raiden suspected you would balk.”
So he did whatever the bloody hell he wanted anyway.
He’s worried about the coming child, and he pities me. All I’ve ever wanted was for that wizard to love me. But I fear I’m asking for too much. “I’m pregnant, not hysterical.”
Ronan’s expression wobbles, as if he’s swallowing a smile. “He will come to you for decisions regarding clothing, location, time, and such. He merely wanted to spare you the preparation of the bodies.”
A physically arduous, emotionally trying task—one usually reserved for family.
Perhaps I should be grateful Raiden is trying to protect me.
Instead, I only feel more guilt. My father couldn’t save my mother, my brothers, or himself.
But he saved me to safeguard something I can’t find, and I’m not even useful enough to help bury them properly.
I swallow back useless tears, feeling defeated and hollow—a far cry from the witch who once laughed and sang and had optimism flowing through her veins.
But such foolish hopes landed me alone and pregnant. I have to stop wishing for a ridiculous fairy-tale ending and face reality.
“Why is your brother so secretive? So closed off?”
Ronan peers at me with amused disbelief. “I’d sooner wrestle a pit of angry cobras without my wand than answer that.”
Brilliant. “I should have known you’d take his side.”
He shrugs. “Any good brother keeps his twin’s secrets. Though if he’s half as much like me as I believe, there will come a point—likely soon—he won’t be able to keep anything from you.”
That doesn’t sound like Raiden at all. “What point would that be, when I’m threatening his life or his manhood?”
Ronan chokes back laughter, then shakes his head and cups my shoulder gently. “When he stops denying what’s in his heart.”