Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Raiden
The following morning, I wake feeling low and exhausted. Reality hits me—it’s New Year’s Eve. Of all the mornings to lose Tabby, it has to be today. The symbolic turning of a page. The death of the old, the birth of the new. The whole bloody world gets a fresh start tonight…and so do I.
Just not the kind I want.
I’ll never wake with Tabitha in my arms again, her legs tangled in mine. The thought is a searing pain as I bury my face in her neck and inhale. Her natural perfume, like cinnamon and fresh spring rain, makes me ache instantly. I’d know it anywhere. And I’ll miss that scent forever.
For one reckless moment, I think about staying here, spending the rest of my days memorizing her. If I could bottle the feeling of Tabitha—her warmth, her weight, her scent—I’d live on that and nothing else.
But that’s impossible.
Though the sun hasn’t yet risen, my fantasy night is over.
I awakened her several times to make love.
Still, it wasn’t enough. It never will be.
Wanting her is easy. Walking away from her while she’s soft and sleeping in my bed?
That feels like treason against my own soul.
But I’ll commit it because keeping Tabby and the baby safe is my first priority, regardless of the fact that means cutting out my own heart.
After pressing a kiss to her forehead, I untangle myself from her and rise.
Stomping down my regret, I shower and dress.
I find Bram in the kitchen, drinking coffee.
I pour myself a mug and sip, wincing. The brew he makes is usually so strong, it can take the paint off walls. Today, I fear I’ll need it.
The Doomsday Brethren leader wears an edgy, watchful expression that doesn’t bode well.
His fingers flex once around the mug, knuckles whitening, before he forces himself to still.
A telltale crackle of unchecked anger stirs behind his eyes before he shutters it.
The Devouring Shadow spell Mathias cast on him weeks ago hasn’t eased.
How long does Bram have before the darkness swallows whatever light is left in his soul?
“Do you have a minute?” I ask. “I have a problem.”
Bram sips coffee with a hiss. “A minute, literally. I’m off to meet Duke. Long story.”
Not one with a happy ending, clearly.
Quickly, I tell him nearly everything that’s transpired since I last saw him, including the parchment outlining the Untouchable family tree Tabitha and I retrieved.
“Bloody hell.” Bram shakes his head. “Well, the good news for you is, there’s no need to worry about Tabitha’s or your youngling’s safety now. Mathias’s attention has…veered. He’s closing in on the Untouchable’s identity.”
That’s the last thing I expected him to say. “What? How?”
“Long story I don’t have time to tell now. Unless we can get her into hiding fast, he’s going to figure it out. And she won’t come willingly,” Bram adds darkly. “Today is supposed to be her wedding day.”
Fuck. Of all the shitty timing.
“Does she have any idea?” That she’s the Untouchable? That her life will never be safe or anonymous again?
“Not a clue.” He snorts. “As soon as we bring her here, I’ll fill everyone in. But now, I’ve got to go.”
As sorry as I feel for this woman, a relief I’m afraid to believe, sharp and dizzying, fills me. If he’s right, Tabby is safe from Mathias.
I grab Bram by the shirt. “You’re saying that Mathias no longer needs the information Tabitha’s father begged her to protect with his dying breath? And you’re sure?”
He gives me a curt nod. “Tabitha can’t tell Mathias anything he doesn’t already know, so once you deliver her to Blackbourne, he should never bother her again.”
She’ll be safe, just like that? My eyes narrow. “What are you not telling me?”
A twitch ripples through Bram’s jaw. For a heartbeat, I glimpse the dark part of him surge—hot and volatile.
Then he drags in a breath, visibly leashing himself.
“The Untouchable’s identity creates complications I don’t have time to detail now.
But trust me, this puts her in far more danger than Tabitha ever was.
And Duke… Let’s just say his life is going to be hell. ”
As Bram disappears, dread slices through me—for this mystery woman, for Duke, and all the Doomsday Brethren.
But Tabby being off Mathias’s hit list is a big mercy in all this madness.
I melt into the wall with staggering relief.
She and my son will be safe. All I have to do to ensure they won’t be caught in the crossfire of this bloody ugly war is to get them far from me and settled with Blackbourne.
Except that means saying good-bye—for good.
That reality claws my composure as I amble back to my room in a daze.
My legs move as if they’ve become leaden.
Tightness bands my chest, and sharp pains tear through me.
Breathing fucking hurts. I can face Mathias, exile, and even death.
But I don’t know if I can survive the betrayal on her face when I give her to another man.
Either way, I’ll lose Tabitha forever today. I’ll never know her kiss or her love again. I’ll never hold our youngling. I’ll spend years—maybe decades—fighting for a world she’s happy in and never once be the man she comes home to.
I never imagined this moment would bring me to my knees, like an army of dull knives gouging my soul. But better that than Tabby widowed or dead. Knowing she’s safe has to satisfy me for the rest of my life.
Tabitha
I pace the little bedroom, my hair twisted up at my nape, my skirts I cleaned with a spell swishing around me. Worry jabs my stomach.
When I woke, Raiden was gone. Isn’t that a metaphor for our relationship?
Only now, I’m not worrying that he doesn’t love me.
After the way he touched me last night, I’m convinced he does.
What concerns me now is his safety. Has he left me to fight?
Will today be the day Mathias bests Raiden, kills him?
Seven against an army. Staggering odds, to be sure. For the youngling’s sake, I should be happy that Raiden will soon deliver me to another man who will make the baby and me his responsibility.
I’m not.
Instead, I pace the little room and consider my options. I don’t have to be Sean’s mate. My father left me wealthy. I could rebuild the estate and live comfortably, wait for the end of the war…and hope Raiden makes it out alive.
But my parents wanted this match for me, wanted a father for my youngling. Raiden can’t—or won’t—fill the role. I understand, really. If Mathias attacks them here and I have to escape, smuggling a youngling to safety...
Odds are high that Mathias will kill us all.
And Sean is a kind man. He makes me feel secure.
As matches go, it’s not a bad one. He’ll never demand my heart and soul, yet he will always put me first. It’s better than many of magickind’s arranged matings.
But now that I’ve known love and dizzying pleasure in Raiden’s arms, mere comfort will never be enough for my wayward heart.
Still, how can I naysay my parents’ final wish, especially when Raiden seems determined to fight for this suicidally noble cause and keep me safe.
I can’t. And arguing will only hurt us both more.
A moment later, Raiden enters, resignation all over his face. Dread crashes into the endless pit of my stomach.
I try not to think about the fact that he will never touch me again. From today on, that will be a virtual stranger’s right.
“Bram says Mathias has honed in on the identity of the Untouchable. Bram and Duke are trying to get her into hiding before he succeeds. Either way, the danger to you is past.”
And so is my reason to stay. Raiden is clearly eager to send me on my way.
“I’m sorry for her, then.”
“Indeed. Would you like coffee? Breakfast?”
Before he drops me off and leaves me forever? “No, thank you.”
He nods. “I’ve already talked to Blackbourne’s household staff about taking over the rest of your family’s burial. They will work with you. The bodies are being transferred now, so you needn’t trouble yourself.”
I swallow down my rage and guilt and endless sadness. My parents and my brothers are being carted off and buried by strangers while I stand here, pretending to be practical. The emotions swirl together, making my stomach pitch and roll.
Biting back tears, I place my hand over my belly, where the life Raiden and I created together rests. My parents will never know this child. My brothers will never be uncles. And Raiden will never know his son. I can never share the joy of parenthood with him. Desperate tears burn my eyes.
“Thank you,” I choke out, then look around, realizing I have no reason to delay the inevitable. “I have nothing to pack or take to Sean.”
Raiden shakes his head, clenching his jaw as if he holds back pain. “The lucky bastard needs nothing more than you.”
More tears sting my eyes, and I stare up at the ceiling, willing them away.
But nothing can stop them.
“Can’t we...” What? Find some way to be together, yes. But how? I have no idea.
“No,” he bites out. Then he kicks the bed with a roar of frustration.
The mattress lurches across the floor before sliding to a shuddering stop. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him lose control. And the sight guts me because it means he’s breaking, too.
“Raiden—”