GABRIEL #11
"I don’t need anyone’s sympathy. This is the life I chose, Gabriel," he says, his tone distant and cold again. "And I’ll live with it. I would appreciate it if you made it easier, but understand that this is my path, and I take responsibility for it."
I turn my head and look out the window. Why do I feel like what he’s saying doesn’t paint the full picture? It’s a mask, an armor.
Then he suddenly speaks again, predictably changing the subject.
"Can you explain what it’s like for you? Seeing five seconds ahead? Those scenarios? You knew the paint would hit us?"
I look back at him. His light sapphire eyes are fixed on me.
"I saw it as a short vision. It hit all the panelists, including you. It’s kind of like a split screen, an extra version of reality pushed five seconds ahead.
I can prevent it. When I decide to act, the vision adjusts to what I’m about to do.
I can sort of pause it for a second, look at different versions, and pick one.
Then everything starts moving again once I follow through. "
"You're fascinating." This time there’s genuine interest in his voice.
Wait. Did he really say that?
He looks at me like I’m… special. I blink and blush.
No one has ever looked at me like that before except my dad. I think heat rises to my face. And hardly anyone ever says anything nice to me. Marcel sometimes did, but usually to manipulate me. I doubt Blue has the same reasons, so was it genuine?
"It’s a very useful and powerful ability. It worked exceptionally well today. Good job."
There’s that feeling again. I earned that praise.
It gives me the same kind of rush I used to receive from Marcel’s approval, but this time it doesn’t come with anything else attached to it.
Actually, wait.
I do get something.
Money.
At least there’s that. Finally, I won’t be anyone’s personal ATM. I have a salary now, money for my work. That alone feels like a step up.
Unfortunately, that’s it. Blue lowers his gaze back to the tablet.
Our conversation is over.
I stare out the window, a little dazed. What now? What comes next? I need to find some kind of footing in all of this, something stable. I’ve been drifting for too long. Now I have a job, a purpose.
And it anchors me.
Maybe… it won’t be so bad?
◆◆◆
It’s not exactly great either.
It turns out Blue’s schedule is packed, and most of it is painfully boring, at least for me.
His day is an endless series of meetings with contractors, investors, scientists he collaborates with, members of the executive board, the CFO, the COO, the CSO, a never-ending stream of people coming in, presenting their cases, and giving reports.
On top of that, there’s a visit to the lab, where Blue takes time to supervise experiments and even runs some himself.
Usually, I just stand in the corner like an idiot, not knowing what to do with myself.
Moreover, Blue eats very little and only at specific times. His lunch takes twenty minutes, and then he goes straight back to work.
Which means I’m stuck following the same eating schedule. And I’m a twenty-one-year-old alpha, for fuck’s sake. I’m constantly hungry.
But there’s no time to relax.
I’m not always allowed into the conference rooms where the meetings take place, especially when the discussions involve sensitive company matters.
Blue gives me a special wristband linked to his, though, so if anything happens, he can press it and I’ll know I’m needed inside.
For that reason, I spend a lot of time standing outside different rooms, and it’s mentally draining, but at the same time, it’s not so bad in some ways.
I use the login details my dad texted me for my classes. On my phone, I can connect to the lecture room and attend remotely with my earbuds in, so whenever I get the chance, I try to join the sessions.
Of course, when Blue’s meeting ends, I have to leave class and log out of the online session, but thankfully there are enough meetings that this doesn’t happen too often.
Evening comes soon enough, but my mood keeps slipping as the reality of the next few years settles in. Especially the part about having any kind of private life or relationship. It feels almost impossible.
Blue wraps up his work around nine, and that’s when he meets Simon one last time to go over what happened during the day, what still needs follow-up, and to plan out the next one. Only after that do we head back together to his penthouse apartment in the tower.
It’s basically the first moment I get to talk to him again since the limo ride.
What’s interesting is that Blue doesn’t seem tired at all. Maybe that rejuvenation therapy of his really does give him the energy of a twenty-five-year-old?
I, on the other hand, can definitely feel it in my back and legs. I’m not used to standing in one position for that long.
When we walk into the apartment, a short, stocky omega comes out to meet us. Blue introduces him as his butler, James. He takes care of the penthouse, cleaning, laundry, and delivering Blue’s meals from the Lowens’ private kitchen.
As Blue explains, there were attempts to poison him in the past. Once, he barely survived, only because he’d eaten a very small portion. After that, his father personally made sure all of Blue’s meals came from his own private kitchen.
When I step into my room, I realize James has already unpacked everything and put it neatly into the closets. I guess that’s one of the perks of having a butler.
Blue and I sit down at the table in the living room for a late dinner. He keeps glancing at his tablet, not really saying much to me. Oh well.
After we finish, he gets up and leads me down the hallway. My room is on one side, and directly across from it there’s a door with a videophone installed.
"This is my bedroom," he says. "You’ll get the code in case something happens to me, or if there’s any kind of threat. The videophone lets me talk to whoever’s in the hallway without opening the door."
He pauses, enters the code, and the door slides open.
The room inside is large, with a big canopy bed set right in the center.
To my surprise, there are no windows, just a large screen displaying the outside view.
On the opposite wall, there’s a massive mirror reflecting the entire room and both of us.
I catch his brief glance in the reflection.
"As you can see, I’ve taken precautions. The penthouse was once shot at by a drone, so I moved into a room without windows. There’s a trapdoor under the bed that lets me drop down, and a metal plate that seals it from above in case someone breaks in."
I stare at all of it, realizing what his life actually looks like. Constant tension, constant danger, locked down like in a fortress.
"The videophone was installed recently after I found out my head of security had been compromised. That’s how the last attempt on my life happened.
Unfortunately, I can’t fully trust my detail.
None of the people you met today are one hundred percent reliable.
That’s just not possible. The people who want me dead can get to anyone.
They’ll say, ‘I’ll kill your family if you don’t do this,’ and that’s it. "
I stay quiet, not sure what to say. In a way, I was part of his problem too.
"That’s why I asked you to wear a mask. I don’t want anyone knowing your identity, so they can’t force you into an impossible situation," he explains.
For a few seconds, I just stare at him, blinking a little, more like a nervous tic than anything else.
"This is all really…" I trail off, unsure how to put it, then finally say, "sad. This kind of life."
Silence creeps in between us.
"You really live like this?"
Blue’s expression doesn’t change much, but his body seems slightly stiffer. I’m slowly starting to understand why he seems so… robotic to people.
"As I said before, this is the path I chose. Period."
"You say that so calmly, but… I don’t think you’re actually happy about it."
He lets out an irritated sound.
"Stop feeling pity for me, Gabriel. I don’t need that. I find satisfaction in my work, in what I do, and that’s my reward."
"Satisfaction. But is that the same as happiness?" I mutter very quietly.
He doesn’t respond.
I lower my gaze to the bed. The silk sheets are perfectly smooth, and for a second I think about his skin against them, a strange thought that just slips in…
And then it slips right out.
"I know our relationship isn’t like that, we’re not even destined to be friends, but can I ask if you have anyone in your life who’s important to you, someone you can actually talk to about all this?"
This time Blue’s tone becomes slightly impatient, as if it irritates him that he even has to explain any of this at all.
"I have my parents. I’m close with my nephews, like Sariel or Axel, who you’ll probably meet soon. I get along well with my brothers. We see each other regularly. I’m not lacking family connections, if that’s what you’re asking."
No, actually, that’s not the point of my question…
"What about love?" I blurt out.
"What about it?" he repeats in the same, annoyed tone, raising an eyebrow slightly.
"Do you have someone… like that?" I gesture vaguely, feeling my face heat up a little. Why am I going down this path again? He told me not to cross professional boundaries, but temptation is winning over reason.
He studies me for a moment, then says, "For now, I’m ignoring the fact that your questions are crossing the line of what an employee can say to an employer.
And I already made it clear to you at Fate’s Choice that I’m not interested in having an intimate relationship.
" Then he adds in an even colder voice, "Love is overrated anyway, and I don’t believe in the concept of it.
These are all chemical cascades in your brain, endorphins. "