Chapter 23
Maybe Pamela will let me in, even just a crack.
Camelia sat in the morning room. The sunlight filtered through the tall windows and illuminated the polished mahogany table, where Pamela hunched over a manual on etiquette. Her expression was as guarded as ever.
Camelia’s heart ached at the girl’s distance, but the memory of their adventure in the kitchen and Raph’s searing lesson afterward steeled her resolve. She still planned to reach her, no matter how much the girl shut her out.
She adjusted her pale green gown, forcing a bright smile. “Pamela, shall we review the proper forms of address again?”
Pamela’s eyes flicked up, cool and distant like Raph’s. “I know them already, Your Grace. We’ve gone over them three times this week.” Her voice was flat, and her fingers tightened around the book’s edge.
She’s trying to push me away again.
Camelia leaned forward and spoke gently. “I know you’re quick, Pamela, but practice makes perfect. Or perhaps we could do something else? What do you enjoy when you’re not studying?”
Pamela’s lips pressed into a thin line. “The schedule says etiquette until noon. That’s what we’re doing. No more… surprises.”
Camelia’s smile faltered, but she pressed on with determination despite her racing heart. She refused to be caged by the strict schedules of Brentmere.
“How about we take a walk in the park? The air’s fresh, and it might clear our heads. We’ve been cooped up all morning.”
Pamela’s brow furrowed. “A walk? Today’s schedule doesn’t include exercise. The Duke would disapprove.” Her voice was edged with suspicion.
“You sound just like him.” Camelia laughed softly. “You know, my mother always used to tell me that some rules are meant to be broken, so a little fresh air won’t mess with our schedule. Come, grab your bonnet, and let’s escape for a bit.”
Her body tingled as she remembered Raph’s warnings about defying him again, but she decided to continue with her plan.
Pamela hesitated, then nodded. Her movements were stiff as she fetched her bonnet and stepped into the crisp air of the garden, with Camelia right beside her.
The gravel path crunched under their boots, and the scent of blooming roses mingled with the breeze. Camelia’s mind felt less of a mess when she was outdoors, but Pamela’s silence still hung heavy between them.
How do I reach her?
“Pamela,” Camelia said softly, “I wanted to let you know that I don’t want to replace your mother. I know I can never be her. But I’d like to be your friend and teach you a few things, if you’ll let me.”
Pamela stopped, her eyes narrowing on Camelia. “My friend? Before you married the Duke, you were unheard of in the ton, Your Grace. Why should I listen to a woman like you? What could you possibly teach me?”
Her words stung, but Camelia’s smile didn’t waver, and she continued to speak with conviction.
“The ton’s opinions never got under my skin, Pamela.
On the contrary, by embracing who I truly am and refusing to bow to Society’s tyrants, I’ve learned to live happily.
So, the ton can whisper all they want, but I know who I am, and my heart is my own. ”
Pamela’s eyes filled with intrigue and curiosity. “Happily? Even when they called you a defiant spinster. How did you… not care?”
Camelia laughed softly, fighting the tears that threatened to fall.
“Oh, I cared, at first. Those whispers hurt, but I learned that some rules should be obeyed, some should be treated as guidelines, and some, as my mother taught me, should be broken altogether. So, I chose to break the ones that tried to cage me.”
Pamela’s gaze dropped to the path.
“What about you, Pamela? What rules do you want to break?” Camelia probed.
“I don’t know who I want to be. I don’t even know what I like. The Duke’s schedules tell me what to do, but not… who I am,” Pamela mumbled.
Camelia’s heart ached for her. “That’s a start, Pamela. Let’s find out together. What else do you love to do, even if it’s not on the schedule? Something that gets your heart pumping and makes you feel alive… apart from sketching?”
Pamela’s eyes lit up when Camelia mentioned her love for sketching. “You remember?”
“Of course I do. And I always will!”
Her fingers twisted in the ribbon of her bonnet as she tried to hide her blush. “I… I have to admit that I truly hate embroidery. It’s tedious, and my stitches are awful.”
“Oh! I agree with you on that. I always loathed embroidery classes!”
Pamela’s lips quirked up in response.
“Now, what is it that you love?” Camelia prompted
“I love horses and art. I watch the horses from the stables, but riding lessons have never been an option for me.”
“Horses?” Camelia stopped behind a blooming rose bush.
“Yes, why? Is it not ladylike?”
“Oh, no, Pamela. Horse riding is wonderful! And you’d look splendid riding across the fields. I can work with this.”
“Do you truly mean that, Your Grace?” Pamela was practically beaming, and Camelia soaked in her happiness.
“I do! Why not ask the Duke for lessons? He’s reasonable, and he’ll listen if you tell him that it’s important to you.”
Pamela’s face fell at the mention of the Duke. “He barely looks at me, Your Grace. He’d say it’s frivolous, a waste of time. But…”
“Yes?”
“If you believe that Father will change his mind, then perhaps you could help me speak to him about it?” Pamela asked nervously.
Camelia’s heart swelled as she grabbed her hands. The heavy fragrance of the roses enveloped them and sweetened the moment.
“Of course I’ll help you, Pamela. How about we talk to him together? That way, he’ll see how much this means to you.”
A tentative smile broke through Pamela’s usual glumness. “You’d do that for me? Even after… what I said in the kitchen?”
Camelia squeezed her hand gently. “Yes, Pamela. I meant what I said. I really do want to be your friend. We’ll get you those riding lessons, and we’ll find more things that make you shine.”
They smiled at each other, and Camelia felt their relationship begin to blossom like the flowers in the magnificent garden. The moment made her think about her sisters. Pamela became a priority to her, as they did.
She set her thoughts aside as they continued strolling through the garden.
“Your Grace… I was wondering. Would you still… look at my sketches sometime?”
“Of course I will! I’d love to see your sketches, Pamela. I promised that we’d draw together, remember? And maybe we can even sneak some charcoal into the schedule. What do you say?”
Pamela beamed. “I’d like that, Your Grace. I hope he’d say yes to horse riding! Father is so strict about his schedules and rules.”
“He’s strict, I know, but it’s only because he loves you so fiercely.
I see it in the way he watches you—always protective, always caring.
So, I’m certain he’d let you chase what makes your heart soar!
We just need to find the right way to ask him and show him how much it means to you. Let’s plan it together, shall we?”
“Yes.” Pamela nodded her head enthusiastically. “Thank you, Your Grace. I’m glad you’re here.”
“I’m glad too, Pamela.” Camelia felt a weight lift off her shoulders. “Now, tell me more about these horses. What kind do you love most? The sleek black ones or the spirited chestnuts?”
The greenery and crisp air wrapped them in possibility as Pamela’s voice grew stronger with each step.
“Enter,” Raph called firmly from his desk as he folded the invitation he was reading and placed it in his top drawer.
The door to his study creaked open, and to his surprise, Pamela stepped in. Her ebony curls were framed by her bonnet, and a shadow hid her face.
She had been outdoors. Raph noticed the slight sunburn on her cheeks.
Where did Camelia take her this time?
“Pamela, did something happen? And where is Camelia?” he asked roughly but with genuine concern.
Camelia followed shortly after her in a pale green gown that made him suck in a breath.
She wore a look that he was getting used to. It was a look of pure determination.
“What are you two planning now?”
“Husband,” Camelia said too warmly, “Pamela has something she’d like to discuss.”
Raph exhaled heavily.
“Now, before you scowl and brood in that signature way of yours, at least hear us out.”
The little vixen.
“Go on then, I don’t have all day,” he snapped.
Camelia cleared her throat. “As you are aware, we are drawing closer to Pamela’s birthday, but it has been truly difficult, since we have not attended any events on her behalf, and… we need to discuss her schedule.”
Raph gritted his teeth and shot her a dark look, which she returned just as haughtily. Pamela shifted nervously between them, catching his attention.
“I will listen, but only if it comes straight from Pamela herself.” He crossed his arms over his chest and waited.
Pamela turned towards Camelia, who gave her an encouraging nod. She looked at Raph then. A quiet courage overtook her youthful features, and he was instantly reminded of her mother.
“Father, I… I want to learn to ride.”
“Ride?”
“Yes… horses. I want to learn horse riding. I’ve always loved the creatures, but…”
“Horse riding? I never knew. You’ve never spoken of this until now. Please continue, Pamela.”
Pamela gulped audibly. “But my schedule doesn’t allow it.”
Raph noticed how Camelia smiled at Pamela with pride, and he felt a sudden warmth spreading through him.
He leaned back in his chair. “Why now?”
“There isn’t any time in my schedule for horse riding.”
“But many ladies ride. It’s a fine skill to acquire, too. And she loves horses! I think you’d agree that it’s worth exploring. Don’t you?” Camelia interjected.
Raph’s eyes narrowed as his gaze shifted between them.
“Riding’s not for the frivolous,” he addressed Pamela.
“Yes, Father, I understand.”
“But—”