Chapter 36
The apartment is quieter than usual, Nikolai and Cillian having ventured out to grab something to eat and probably have a few drinks.
Rain patters against the windows, a steady rhythm that hums in the background.
Enzo and I are draped across the couch, tangled in each other, like we have nowhere else to be. Because right now, we don’t.
His arm is tucked beneath my head—his fingers combing slowly through my hair, twirling strands between them as if the motion soothes him as much as it does me. I lie half on my side, my chin resting just above his chest where I can feel the calm, even rise and fall of his chest .
His thumb brushes against my scalp. “Still with me?” he asks softly.
“Barely,” I mumble, smiling into him. “You’re too good at this.”
“At what? Lying around like a lazy bastard? Or lulling you to sleep?”
“No, Enz…” I laugh quietly. “At making me feel safe.” Even when I didn’t know him like I do now, I felt protected when I was with him. He was willing to go the distance and do deplorable things in my name before I even laid eyes on his face—like the world sent him to take care of me.
“Did you mean it?” I wonder hesitantly. I’ve been trying to find a way to have this conversation for days.
He doesn’t say anything, his fingers just keep running through my hair. When I peek up at him, he’s watching me with an adoring gaze. Using his hand, he tips my face all the way up to his. “Mean what, princess?”
“The other day… At the store… When you said you loved me.”
His eyes warm, and he lets out a soft, reluctant sigh as his thumb lightly dusts over the swell of my cheek.
“Yes,” he answers the lone word with absolute certainty.
He lowers his face and places a gentle kiss in the middle of my forehead.
“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what my life looks like with you. ”
I shift a little, repositioning to comfortably hold his gaze. “Yeah?” I ask curiously .
“Yeah.” His thumb catches behind my ear. “About the beautiful life I want to give you.”
“And what have you decided?”
He doesn’t smile. Not really. But there’s a glimmer of light in his eyes that wasn’t there before. “I want a place. For just us. No Nik. No Cian. Just us,” he shares. He drops another kiss against the bridge of my nose and half-teases, “So I can have my way with you anywhere I want.”
“Enz.” I laugh, shaking my head.
“I’m serious. I should be able to kiss the woman I love without two grown men grumbling about our public displays of affection.”
I’m unable to hold back the anticipative smile. “That sounds… perfect.”
“I think about it a lot more than I probably should,” he admits.
I brush my fingers across the fabric of his Henley, tracing along the seam at the collar as I nuzzle back into his chest. “Does that scare you?”
“What?”
“Wanting to have something normal in your dark world?”
“No,” he exhales. “You may have come into my world like a tornado, but you’re the calm among my chaos, princess. I’m not scared of having a life with you.” His lips press to the top of my head, and he pulls me tighter to him. “I’m fucking terrified of not having one.”
I press my palm to his chest. “You’re sure? It’s not just because I’m locked in here with you… and happen to make excellent muffins?”
“That’s 80 percent of it. The muffins.” He laughs lightly at his clarification. “That and wanting to pump you full of babies.”
“Do you actually want kids?” The words blurt from my lips uncontrollably—needing to know if his desire to impregnate me goes beyond the bedroom.
He tenses slightly and replies, “That’s… a big question.”
“I know.” I immediately regret having asked. “You don’t have to answer.”
“I love the idea of filling you with babies and watching that beautiful body of yours grow round with our children,” he admits sincerely.
“I just… I don’t know if I’d be good at it.
The closest I had to a caring father was Uncle Vito…
and I don’t think you’d want me to teach our kids how to load a magazine before they go to preschool.
But I’d try like hell, princess. I’d learn.
I’d probably fuck it up and have to get better. But I’d try. Because they’d be ours.”
“You’d be amazing.” I sigh, tears pricking at my eyes, picturing the life he’s been planning for us.
“You think?”
“I know .” I run my hand over the perfectly groomed beard covering his jaw. “The way you care for me… I can only imagine how lucky a child would be to have even a fraction of that. ”
“Is that something you could picture? Something you might want?” He slips his hand over mine, lifts our laced fingers to his lips, and kisses the back of mine. It’s such a small gesture, but it breaks something open in my chest.
“If it’s with you… Yeah. I want all of it,” I answer, trying to keep my emotions steady.
He leans in until our foreheads touch, and he vows, “I love you.”
The words fill me with comfort. Knowing what he sees for us, this time they feel bigger, deeper—like a promise for the rest of our lives.
My throat tightens, and I feel the familiar rush of everything I’ve been holding back.
“I love you too, Daddy,” I whisper without thinking. Because I do. I really do.
He exhales slowly, as if he’s been holding his breath, waiting to hear them. With the gentlest shift, he moves, easing his weight above me and leaning down until his lips meet mine.
Our kiss is slow and intentional. His hand cups my face, and I wrap my arms around his shoulders, pulling him deeper. His tongue wrestling tenderly with mine, the two of us slowly grow breathless together.
His kisses trail from my lips to the edge of my cheek and down my neck. Barely lifting his head, his warm breath blows over my skin when he murmurs, “You have no idea how much I want this life with you.”