Chapter 26
TWENTY-SIX
Jack
“Jack!”
“Keep it down, kid,” I said to a grinning Miles, who flung himself at me but then pulled back and cleared his throat.
Instead, he lifted his hand for a much more appropriate fist bump. I pulled the kid in for a hug as he chuckled.
“I only made it to the tree line before you spotted me. Not bad,” I said.
“I knew you’d be back!”
“That makes one of us, kid,” I said.
His smile dropped.
“Hey, I’m fine. We’ll talk inside.”
Miles smiled all the way to the house and bounded up the porch stairs.
Asia met us at the door.
Her eyes locked with mine, and time seemed to fall away. I missed her so fucking much I didn’t allow myself to think about it. Seeing her now brought it all back.
The fear that those men would find her, the resolve to make sure that didn’t happen. The last glance at her as she ran away, how she didn’t look back. How proud I was of her. How it would feel to see her again.
Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, the shock giving way to relief, giving way to something darker that I couldn’t name. And then nothing.
“I smell you from here. Take a shower. I’ll make food. Miles, you’re on guard duty, aren’t you?”
“Yes, Miss Newman. Talk to you later, Jack.” The kid waved and ran back towards his post.
Asia didn’t see it because she’d gone back into the house.
I did as she instructed and showered, my gaze lingering on the neatly folded black T-shirt and cargo pants at the foot of her unmade bed when I got out.
A plate with country ham, spoon bread, and canned peas sat on the table when I got back into the kitchen.
Asia leaned against the sink, arms crossed under her breasts as she watched me.
I watched her, too, as I ate, cataloging the changes. It had only been a few days. There shouldn’t have been any. But I saw it, a little puffiness in her cheeks, the glow on her skin, the faint bulge at her abdomen that you could write off as a slightly too big shirt but that I knew was our baby.
“You’re starting to show,” I said as I pushed the plate away.
She didn’t even blink. “What did you do, and how will it blow back on us?”
“Killed three more of Christopher’s guys. Took my time to get rid of the bodies. Stripped the trucks for anything useful and got rid of them. Waited a few days to see if there would be any heat.”
She chuckled. “Really trying to pad your kill count, huh, Jack?”
“You know me. I play to win.”
“Don’t you ever.” Her eyes went flat. “Christopher knows.”
“Of course he knows. But he can’t prove it.”
“You think that matters?”
“No, but that bitch has to save face. Can’t let it be known that he’s out of control and losing people. I’ll bet he cooked up some bullshit about those men taking off. It’ll hold.”
She nodded curtly. “Good. Please rinse your dish if you’re done. I’ll be on the fences.”
Asia
It was quiet, dead, appropriate for what the day was, and I was glad. Other than Jack crashing in like a meteor, it was an uneventful day.
I had time to think.
Funny how thinking used to be one of my favorite pastimes, but I hated it more than almost anything now. There was no escape. No way out.
I’d done a good job so far pretending that this hadn’t happened, pretending that I didn’t have a baby on the way, pretending that I wasn’t completely alone.
But something about the memory of seeing Caitlin lowered into that hole cracked that lie.
And Jack…Jack being gone shattered it.
Left no doubt that it was all lies. I was a willing participant in my own deception.
And now he was back, and I was so happy, so relieved, that it disgusted me.
Jack waited on me in my room, looking unbothered.
No surprise there.
His dark hair was wet, the tips dripping ever so slightly, and other than the deeper golden hue to his skin, there was nothing to indicate that he’d spent three, almost four days, burying bodies, stripping and hiding cars, fighting fucking zombies.
I would be wise to follow his lead. “Elliot took watch.”
Jack nodded. “I know. He told me he was going to. I made sure he got a couple of hours of sleep this afternoon. You didn’t need to stay out there that long.”
I didn’t respond and undressed, wrapping the fluffy terry cloth robe he brought back in the eighteen-wheeler around me, and went to the shower.
I stayed far longer than I should have, far longer than was smart. When I got back into the room, Jack was still there.
“You were hiding from me,” he said.
I didn’t look at him. “You would think that. I just wanted to clean up.”
“I was talking about today. I was worried about you.”
I looked at him. He stared at me, the lantern dim, but bright enough that I saw his worry.
It broke something inside me. “You were worried about me?”
He nodded faintly, though I was sure he didn’t miss the shrillness at the end of my voice.
“Worried about me.”
He nodded again. I stared at him, so many thoughts coursing through my head, one paramount among them. “Never mind. I’ll let myself get a few hours of sleep, then take over for Elliot. We might need to increase patrols. We don’t know what Christopher’s going to do, and we can’t be unprepared.”
“Asia.” His voice was firm, demanding. The Jack I recognized. The Jack who broke me.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to go to bed.”
“Asia,” he said again. This time he whispered.
“What!” I screamed, but I didn’t care. I stared at him, and he stared back, his eyes unreadable. “Don’t look at me!”
He didn’t look away, and I stepped closer to him.
“Don’t fucking look at me!”
He still didn’t look away, and I reacted, pushing him with all my might. He went back a step, but recovered quickly, standing on his two feet like a statue, a tower I couldn’t topple.
“Don’t fucking look at me, Jack!”
I was the one who looked away, and I couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of my throat. “Of course,” I said, swiping the tears that seemed to come from nowhere.
“Of course what?” he said, his voice even, nonchalant. So reasonable, I wanted to rip his arms out of the sockets and beat him to death with them.
“Don’t look at me.”
He still said nothing, and I was so enraged, I was lightheaded. He went to reach for me, his brow contorted with concern.
“And definitely don’t fucking touch me. That’s how I got into trouble in the first place.”
“Asia, I—”
“Left! You left! I needed you, and you left.”
He didn’t say anything, but his eyes widened, and for the first time since I’d known him, he looked truly stunned. Not even when we saw a dead man stand up did he look shocked. He did now.
“And because I said that, I fucking hate you,” I sobbed. The tears fell furiously now, and I didn’t bother to wipe them. “I hate you,” I repeated.
I screamed the words again and again. “You did this to me. You did this. You left me.”
He didn’t do anything. I wished he would. Say he was sorry, that he didn’t have another choice, that he’d never do it again. Something.
He didn’t.
I laughed again and looked away from him. I couldn’t handle it, seeing him, which meant seeing myself.
He paused for a moment. Looked like he wanted to reach out. Then shook his head. Clearly reconsidering.
“Good fucking idea. I would not touch me if I were you.”
His eyes flared. Jack, who was always ready for a challenge, had arrived.
“I hate you,” I whispered.
He glanced at me. “You trying to convince me or yourself?”
His words were like a dart, deflating me. My knees buckled, I swayed, but somehow I managed to stay on my feet. I kept my eyes on Jack, a grotesque smile stretching my lips.
“Getting right to the heart of the matter. But what can I say? It’s true.
I should hate you. It’d be easier that way.
But you were just keeping your word. You never promised me anything.
You didn’t owe me anything. I knew that.
You know the fucked up part? I needed you, Jack.
And you weren’t there. It happened. It wasn’t the first time in my life.
Assuming I can continue to live, it won’t be the last time.
So no, you left me. I needed you. It sucked.
“But you know what kills me? What makes it—makes me so angry I can barely breathe? I wanted you. Bad enough to need you. Bad to want you. To let you in knowing that I knew better. That’s unforgivable. Because you know what? I chose this. I did it to myself.
“And now I’m here, a baby that I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to take care of on the way. An uncle who’s dying. A maniac who wants to kill me. And I still want you. How fucking pathetic is that?”
I let myself fall to the floor on that last word.
Let the tears fall. Braced myself for Jack to come to me.
He didn’t. Just watched me as I sat there, a pathetic mess, crying tears that I couldn’t stop and didn’t try to.
Cried until my head hurt, until I was dizzy, until I wanted to puke.
And then cried some more. I don’t know how long it was.
Didn’t actually fucking care. Jack must have sensed something. I heard him move. He took a step towards the door.
“Stay,” I whispered, my voice broken, quiet.
He was there in an instant, pulling me into his arms. “Always,” he whispered into my ear.