Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
Asia
“Are you still smiling?” I said as I stared down at my son.
He was on his back, his elephant at his side. He never even looked at the thing, but I teared up every time I did. Barely three weeks old and still stubbornly trying to lift his head—his father’s son from the beginning.
“I hope you keep smiling, ’cause it’s time for tummy time.”
I knew he couldn’t understand me. He babbled, though I knew those would soon become cries. Tummy time was not a favorite, but the book said it was important. I tickled the bottom of his foot, then glanced at the door at the soft knock.
I scooped him up and walked over. “Come in.”
I knew who was on the other side. Lourdes looked at me, her eyes solemn and glassy.
“It won’t be long now,” she whispered.
I lifted the baby towards her. “Would you mind?”
She took Levi without a word, and I left the room, walking down the stairs like I’d done countless times before.
But this was different.
I told myself to be strong.
I would be strong, because that was who he taught me to be.
The front door was open. We liked to keep it that way now—opened the curtains and doors to let air, light—life—into the house whenever we could. I spotted Jack in the front yard. He must have sensed me. He looked up, catching my eye.
I held Jack’s gaze for a moment, then turned, focusing on the door, the inevitability that lay behind it.
This room was dark, stifling.
The window was tiny, but I pulled the curtain open anyway. Looked at Uncle Levi where he lay, even smaller now than he was before, fading away bit by bit.
He wore a pair of too-big flannel pajamas and fur-lined slippers, a teacup on the side table untouched. Now and forever.
Every slow exhale lingered. My vision was blurred as I went to him. I grabbed his hand—warm, but just barely—and squeezed it as hard as I dared. He shifted his head a fraction.
Enough.
And when I saw him, I couldn’t hold back the tears.
“I love you,” I whispered, not bothering to wipe the tears away.
He didn’t blink. Just lifted his mouth in a smile, his eyes saying everything his body no longer could.
I held his hand.
Watched his eyes drift closed.
Saw the final rise and collapse of his chest.
Heard Miles outside tending the animals. Levi screaming through his tummy time. Heard heavy steps that I knew were only heavy for my benefit.
Sensed Jack’s presence behind me.
Looked at Uncle Levi one more time, then stood. Found myself in Jack’s arms. And even through the pain, I knew that somehow, it would all be okay.