Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
“EYE OF THE STORM” BY IVY & GOLD
IRIS
T here’s a lightness in my chest as I rush upstairs to my room to get ready. As usual, I find an outfit laid on the bed. High-waisted, wide-legged trousers in a soft navy fabric, a cream silk blouse with pearl buttons, and a boxy style navy cardigan with cream detailing at the pockets. My gaze stutters on the blood red lace bra and knickers, a shiver travelling across my nerves at the thought of wearing it. It’ll be visible underneath the blouse, and the thought that Nik will see the underwear his father chose for me leaves my stomach clenching and bile stinging my throat.
Taking a deep inhale, I head to the bathroom and rush through a shower and brushing my teeth, not wanting to waste a minute of my time with Nik. Before too long, I’m dressed, the red lace burning every part of my skin it touches, but I ignore the phantom pain as I pull the door open to find Dima standing there.
“Hello, Maya ,” he greets softly in that deep, gruff voice of his, and it almost undoes me. His ocean blue eyes soften as mine mist over, the scar across his cheek pulling as his lips tip up in a small smile. “Let’s get you outside.”
I take a shuddering inhale, forcing the tears that sting my eyes down for just a few moments more. He places a large hand at my lower back, guiding me along the hallway and stairs, and then we’re going through another of the rooms downstairs, Nik and Andrei waiting on the stone patio for us. The sun is shining once more—it seems we’re having a beautiful spring this year—and I almost forget myself and run into Nik’s arms, which are by his sides, his fists clenched. Instead, I stop a couple of feet away from him, my body practically vibrating with the need to let him wrap his arms around me.
“Shall we head into the woods? I hear that’s your favourite walk,” Nik suggests, holding out his arm and indicating the woodland behind us.
I nod, unable to utter a word for fear that I will free the sob trapped in my throat, and there are still so many eyes on us. Andrei gives me a nod as he and Dima fall behind us, Nik walking alongside me as we head towards the trees.
We don’t speak, not until the forest surrounds us.
“What happened, Malyshka ?” Nik’s low voice rings out like a shot, and my careful control fractures the sob ripping free from me. No sooner is the sound free than I’m in his arms, his scent surrounding me in a comforting embrace as he whispers soothing words I can’t hear over my anguish.
“I–I’m s–sorry,” I stutter, gripping his soft cashmere jumper tightly in my fingers, my teardrops sitting on the plush material and glistening in the dappled sunlight.
“What are you sorry for, Solnishko ?” His voice is rough, like the words pain him, his grip tight around me. My stomach swirls with nausea, knowing that I have to tell him what his father has been doing to me, but dreading that it will make him release me in disgust.
“S–Sergi— He—” My body trembles as I try to force the words past my lips, but it feels like the moment I say them, it will all become real and not just a nightmare that I can pretend is happening to someone else.
Nik’s body goes rigid. “I know, Solnishko .” I freeze, my breaths shallow as I wait for his judgement, but he just pulls me closer. “And I’m so fucking sorry. I—” His words cut off, but I can hear the pain in their roughness, the blame that I know he lays at his feet for his father’s actions.
I look up at him, his chocolate brown eyes full of torment, tears making them glitter and shine like the most precious jewels. I release his jumper and with a trembling hand, I reach out to cup his smooth cheek.
“It’s not your fault, my love,” I whisper, my voice thick with the lump in my throat that won’t go away, and a single tear glides down his cheek, disappearing underneath my palm.
“I wasn’t here to stop him, to protect you,” he confesses in a small voice, so rough the words are barely audible. “And I don’t know how to protect you now.”
I knew that he’d be stuck between a rock and a hard place, knew that he couldn’t just whisk me away, but his words still cut like a blade to my soul.
“It’s okay, my love,” I tell him softly, staring deep into his eyes and letting myself fall for just a moment. “Doing this is protecting you, and them.”
His thick lashes kiss his cheeks as his eyelids close, another tear sliding down his skin on the other side. My anguish copies his, my hot tears flowing down my cheeks as I bring his lips to mine, tasting the salt of our sadness as our flesh touches and my eyes close.
“ Moy Solntse .” He falters, his words a breath against my lips before his seal over mine.
I sob into his kiss, the relief almost leaving me dizzy. He doesn’t hate me, isn’t repulsed by me, even though he knows about his father’s nightly visits.
One of his hands comes up to pull my hair from the low bun I’d put it in, letting the tresses fall around my shoulders before he buries his fingers in them, using his grip to angle my head so he can kiss me deeper.
A moan floats between us, and I’m unsure whether it’s mine or his as his tongue caresses mine, trying to take all the darkness of the past few weeks away with each swipe. The world around us ceases to exist, the birdsong and sounds of the forest fading into nothing as we embrace. My soul keens, begs for this to be our future.
In some ways, having him here is more painful because I know I’ll have to endure Sergi’s touch again before the day is finished. Refusing to get lost in that darkness though, I focus on the taste of Nik, coffee mixed with something that is all him, his black pepper and vetiver scent surrounding me as he holds me close.
He gently breaks the kiss, pressing our foreheads together, and I keep my eyelids shut, needing to live in this moment for a while longer.
“He’s got too much power still, Dorogaia . If I make a move now, I’d be signing my death warrant and risking your life if they discovered our connection.” His words flow past my lips, tasting bitter and making my jaw ache. “But I’m putting things into place so that one day soon I can eliminate him and we’ll be free. You just need to hold on, and you’re so strong, Iris.”
Another sob falls from my lips, fresh tears tracing down my cheeks as I pull away slightly, opening my eyes so I can look into his.
“I don’t feel strong, Nik. I feel so lost, so broken,” I whisper, voicing the worry that I won’t be able to come back from this. That I’ll be this shadow for the rest of my life, whatever that looks like.
His hand detangles from my hair, cupping my cheek. “I will always help you find your way, Dorogaia ,” he vows, his brows deeply furrowed. “And I will fix all your broken parts with my own until together we are whole again.”
“BITTER HEART” BY MEMI
NIKOLAI
I watch her eyes sparkle with her sadness and hate myself as much as my father for not being able to prevent the horrors that he put inside them. I hate that she’s just as broken as I am now, by the same hand that made me suffer for my entire life, and even though I’m back, her suffering will continue because I’m helpless to stop it.
He’s put her in my wing, just next door to my room so I will hear every scream, every whimper that he forces from her, and I swear Dima will have to knock me out or Alexei drug me up because I’m not sure how I’ll stop myself from storming in there and putting a bullet between his eyes, consequences be damned.
I wonder if he put her there on purpose? If he suspects our deep connection and wants to show his power over me too?
I still don’t know what his obsession with her is. Is it just as simple as she was a part of a deal and he sees her as his property? Or is there something more that I’m missing? Something that makes her mean so much more to him than a simple power trip?
Heaving a sigh, I brush my lips against hers once more before pulling back and taking her hand in mine. I need to move, otherwise I’ll explode or try to claim her from him, and she doesn’t need that right now, not after what he’s put her through.
“In a couple of weeks, there’s a poker game and Sergi will take you alongside some other girls,” I tell her, watching her still misty eyes widen.
“Why?” she questions, her brows furrowed in the cutest way.
“Because it shows what he does if you can’t pay your debts, shows the power he has, and he wants to impress the people holding the game,” I reply, and my jaw tightens.
“Because my dad couldn’t pay his debts, you mean?” I watch as her hazel gaze hardens at the mention of her father. Good. He doesn’t deserve her love or affection anymore.
“Yes, and will demonstrate the benefits of being our friends and allies.” My upper lip curls.
“How so?”
“Sergi’s primary source of income is in the skin trade, Dorogaia ,” I grit out, hating this element of my family’s business more than any other.
I’ve seen more scared and helpless women in my life than one soul should have to bear, watched them be abused and sold like chattel, all the while unable to do a single thing to help. More recently, I’ve helped them in small ways, getting them medical help and contraception so they don’t bring another generation into this horrific situation. I’m also making sure they’re well-fed and even vetting some buyers so the worst are refused entry.
It’s not enough, and I know that my soul is a blackened thing that doesn’t deserve to be in the same room as Iris, let alone holding her hand and kissing her plush lips. One day, I will have to confess all my sins and be judged by her. She is the only authority I acknowledge and will bow down to.
“The skin trade?” she asks, her eyes narrowed as if in confusion and her head cocked to the side, and my heart sinks at having to explain this part of the world to her.
“He sells women at auction to the highest bidder, Dorogaia .”
She freezes, her mouth parting as her eyes widen until the whites show.
“W–will h–he s–sell m–me?” she stutters, barely able to get the words past her chattering teeth, and I pull her into me, wrapping her trembling body with my own as if that will stop anything terrible happening to her.
“I don’t think so, Solnishko ,” I murmur against her head, rubbing my palms up and down her spine as she clings to me. “His…” I swallow. “Obsession with you will keep you from them.” It’s the only silver lining about this, about his fixation with her. He won’t sell her to a monster far worse as long as she holds his interest, but then she has to suffer his attention.
After several moments, she stops shaking, pulling back just enough to look at my face.
“So he’s taking the girls to the poker game to show off the fact that what? If people become his friends, he can gift them a human fucking woman like they’re a bottle of fucking wine?” Her cheeks flush, her lips pull back in a snarl, and she looks magnificent in her rage.
“It’s fucked, I know, Dorogaia ,” I say, my jaw aching with how fucking helpless I am to right all these wrongs my father is committing. “And it’s the first thing I will abolish when I take over. I have all the names and locations of every woman ever sold and I will make it right, I swear.” I plead with my eyes for her to believe my intention. No, my promise. I will not let those women suffer a moment more than they have to, and I will atone for my father’s crimes, even if it takes my lifetime.
Her gaze softens, her hand coming up between us to stroke my cheek.
“You’re always trying to save us, Nik, those of us who haven’t been able to save ourselves. You’re a good man,” she whispers, her eyes shining with adoration that I don’t deserve.
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “I need to be better,” I confess quietly, all my failures weighing me down enough to drown me.
“You are enough, my love,” she whispers back, and tears sting my eyes.
“I hope so.” Taking a deep inhale, I place a light kiss on her lips, wanting to believe her words, wishing they were true with every fibre of my being.
Deep down though, I know that I’m not enough. Not enough to save her from my father and not enough to take him down so that she doesn’t have to suffer a moment more at his hands.