Chapter 11
ELEVEN
Faye
The moon glitters over the waves in a way that paints everything like a beautiful picture, and Addilyn squeals next to me, her hand tight around my arm. She’s happy because, even though alphas didn’t “catch us,” we have another shot at romance. Of course, for someone trying to find mates, this is the perfect romantic setup. But for me, it’s a nightmare.
How had I been foolish enough this morning to think I could get out of the games for tonight? I should’ve known that the damn ultimas would never let such a thing happen. Not when there are lives to ruin. So instead of spending my night happily in the silence of my room, I’d been assigned a different game. A game that still could lead to me being trapped with Kurt.
The omegas and alphas out here now are the ones who didn’t pair up during the hunt. The others are inside having dinner, and I desperately wish I had just let Cayson say he’d caught me. Having dinner with the handsome, if not a bit forward, alpha would have been far better than this.
Kurt stands with the alphas on the other side of the dock, his dark eyes following me intently, cloaked in a silent threat that makes my blood run cold. It’s clear that while one of his goals might be to attract an omega, one who doesn’t see him for what he is, his other goal is to hurt me. To make me pay for insulting him.
I wish he would find a fated mate, or several, and be done with The Selection. Not that I’d want to wish that fate on an omega. It’s just that I would do just about anything to be free of him.
Yet, I can’t run away and hide. Instead, I stand under his intense glare as Brock, one of the ultimas from earlier, explains that one alpha and one omega will be placed on each boat. It’s a chance to chat in a romantic atmosphere and see if a bond, fated or otherwise, can form.
Because being trapped on a boat with a stranger sounds like so much fun.
I’m tapping my foot nervously against the dock when Brock calls my name. For a second, the image of me being paired with Kurt flashes in my mind, and my stomach turns… but then Brock calls Ezra’s name. Relief flows through me. Ezra? What are the chances?
Ezra is the first alpha I don’t feel afraid of, but he also seems to want to stay as far from me, and the other omegas, as he can possibly get. Us being on a boat together makes me wonder which of us will be more miserable.
Brock’s eyes dart to me, staring for a second too long, before he gestures for me to head to the boat. I wonder if he knows all the omegas and alphas, or if he remembers me from when I was crying and pleading for justice for my brother. I’m not sure which I prefer.
I head to the boat, bowing my head low, embarrassed the ultima had to tell me directly. A servant helps me step down into a little rowboat, followed by Ezra, whose face is a mask of indifference. I take a deep breath, smelling his clean, fresh rain scent. It’s kind of nice, in an unexpected way.
Do most alphas smell so nice? I think of Kurt, my alpha, and the alphas in the ballroom, and my nose wrinkles. I hadn’t thought any of them, except Cayson, smelled nice. If anything, they’d smelled a bit gross.
Seated in the boat, feeling uncomfortable, I watch Ezra grip the oars firmly, like he’s done this a million times before. I wonder if he has. He seems so at peace on the water, and quickly paddles our boat out onto the lake. He steers us so we drift onto the other quieter side of the lake, shielded from the others by a weeping willow tree that drapes into the water.
At least out here I get a break from Kurt’s gaze. Maybe I can even pretend he doesn’t have something awful planned for me. I think of him, and an image of him crushing my brother’s neck flashes in my mind. I shiver and wrap my arms around myself. I hope I’m never alone with Kurt again.
“Your heart is beating really fast,” Ezra murmurs, glancing at me with those bright blue eyes, as if he’s trying to analyze me. “Is something bothering you? It was particularly loud back at the dock.”
“You can hear my heartbeat?”
He raises an eyebrow at me, and I remember that alphas have heightened senses. The omega on the bus was the only other pack member I ever remember asking about my heartbeat. It’s weird to think about being aware of what the inside of my body is doing.
“Sorry,” I say, not sure what else to say.
“Don’t say sorry, just explain it, because I don’t understand,” he tells me patiently.
I open my mouth to answer, but the words die on my lips. There’s no possible way for me to explain anything to him. If I were to tell him about Kurt, one of two things would happen. In his alpha cockiness, he’d tell the ultimas, which would end in nowhere again, because no one believes an omega. Or he wouldn’t believe me because alphas stick together, and I’d be crushed. Either way, nothing good could come from telling him.
When the silence stretches between us for two long, he fidgets with the oars, still eyeing me. “What are you afraid of? That you’ll have a fated mate? Or the man who wants to hurt you?”
How can I explain myself? “No—well, yes—I mean, I don’t want a mate. But you’re right that it’s more than that. There’s—the person who hurt me the other day. I think he wants to hurt me again.”
“Why?” Ezra asks, and though he’s still reclining causally, looking out into the water, I sense a change in him, a slight tensing of his muscles. He’s angry.
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“Try me,” he says, not blinking an eye.
“Alphas defend alphas,” I tell him, my voice wavering.
“Not when they’re wrong.”
I nibble my lip. “The thing is–”
“Faye, just tell me. Nothing bad will happen. I promise.”
What’s weird is, I believe him. I don’t know why I believe him, but I do. There’s just something different about this alpha. Something I can’t quite put my finger on.
I take a deep breath. “He…killed my brother.”
He looks confused. “And so he wants to hurt you?” He shakes his head. “And why did he kill your brother? A duel?”
A duel? If only. That would be simple. That my broken heart could make sense of.
“No,” I say and laugh brokenly, before looking down at my lap. “My brother was just a beta who never bothered anyone. It was more like he crossed paths with the asshole at the wrong place and the wrong time. He seemed to want to show off to his cronies, but I don’t really know what was going on in his head.”
Ezra’s eyes have narrowed. “Why didn’t you go to the authorities?”
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Tears start to well in my eyes, and Ezra reaches over, placing a gentle hand on my knee. How can I possibly explain this? As an alpha, he could never understand what it means to be an omega. To have your word mean nothing. To have important things dismissed as the result of your fragile mind or weak emotions.
“Why don’t I talk to the ultimas–”
My eyes go wide, and I brush tears away saying, “No, you’ll only make things worse.”
His mouth pulls into a thin line. “Then I’ll talk to the alpha of your pack, and I–”
“Ezra, please, I know you’re trying to help, but this situation can’t be fixed. I tried already and failed.” Wiping my hands across my face, I do my best to wipe away the tears that keep falling.
After a minute, he sighs. “I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about it. But you should know, once you meet your alpha, or alphas, you’ll be safe. You won’t have to worry about this guy anymore. So maybe instead of running away from an alpha, you should run toward one.” He says it all really gently, but there’s ignorance in his words. He might be a nice alpha, as impossible as that still seems to me, but that’s not how alphas typically are. At least the few that I met while trying to get justice for my brother.
An alpha’s decision is the reason I’m orphaned in the first place, but I don’t share that sentiment with Ezra. He probably wouldn’t think badly of the alpha who got his panties in a twist and attacked my people, resulting in the death of my parents. He might even understand our alpha making nice with that alpha and “forgiving” all the deaths from the attack. I don’t though. I don’t understand or forgive anything they did.
“I don’t want an alpha,” I say firmly.
He looks frustrated. “Why not? You’ll go into heat eventually. You’ll need one, or you’ll attract every beta and alpha in the area… and you really don’t want that. I mean, the whole idea of you doing all of this alone… building your own nesting area. Faye, it’s crazy! There’s no escaping this thing.”
I can’t think of an answer, so I go on the defensive. “Why don’t you want a mate? Wouldn’t it be nice to have an omega for your pack? Don’t you want a bunch of babies running around?”
My words strike true as his entire body goes rigid and all gentleness leaves his expression. It’s strange, as much as I don’t want an alpha, he seems in equal agreement that he doesn’t want an omega, yet he can’t understand where I’m coming from.
“There’s no room in my heart for romantic love,” Ezra says somewhat stiffly, as though this is a line he’s practiced before. Beneath the rigid delivery is a note of truth, something steeped in grief that I sense right away.
“Losing someone does that to you,” I murmur, reaching down and trailing the tips of my fingers through the water.
Ezra watches me closely. “What have you heard?”
I snap my gaze up to his. He doesn’t sound mad, but he’s shifted his body away, less relaxed now, his eyes intense on mine.
Swallowing hard, I say, “Nothing. I just know what it feels like to lose someone. To be hardened. After Miles died, it felt like a brick wall went up around me, and it’s been there ever since.”
Ezra nods tersely, then puts the paddles back in the water, moving us further away when we hear other boats approaching. It seems to me that whoever he lost, he doesn’t want to talk about. I don’t exactly want to be stuck on a boat feeling intensely awkward, so I try to think about something else to talk about.
“So,” I say. “What pack are you from?”
“Pack Azure,” he answers, sounding proud.
“They’re a pretty powerful pack, aren’t they?” I already know the answer, but for some reason I’d rather talk than sit silently together.
Ezra’s eyes light up immediately. “Yes,” he says. “We’re one of the largest packs in North America. We’ve been fortunate enough to have many females, who bear strong and healthy children. Taking care of our young is our greatest privilege and challenge. Our lands are also in an amazing area, right along Dragonfly Creek in Blue Valley. Although we face some issues, our territory is fertile and lovely.”
“You sound really proud of your home and your people,” I say, a warmth radiating through my chest as I listen to the pride he has in his pack and the deep sense I get that he cares about his people.
It’s been a long time since that was the case for me. I wonder if he’s a good alpha to them .
“I am.” A smile lights his face that’s absolutely dazzling. “And let me guess your pack…”
I decide to give him a couple hints. “We’re a small pack located in the mountains with very few females.” I don’t say we have the least power and pull among the packs, but it’s implied.
He grins. “You’re from Pack Ivory, right?”
“Yes, I am.” Something I think I might have been proud of once upon a time.
“I should’ve expected as much. Your females tend to be smaller and–” He stops himself from saying, “weaker,” but I knew what he meant. It’s not exactly a secret.
“Oh.” I clear my throat, thinking of the pack mates I haven’t really spoken to since my brother died. “Yes. We’re in the mountains by the White Peaks, so everyone is kind of spread out. I’m further away from our pack town, high up in the mountains, a good fifty miles from the closest shifter.”
He seems surprised. “Do you travel to town often?”
Often? No. When I absolutely have to, yes. “No, not really. I have everything I need at the cabin.”
His expression twists into one of disbelief. “Isn’t it hard to maintain a connection with your pack if you’re all the way out there? Don’t you get lonely?”
Lonely. Just the word makes my whole chest ache. But there’s no amount of loneliness that can make me want to reconnect with my pack, because that part of me is permanently broken. Destroyed.
“I like the space. I like the freedom. And, if I’m being honest, it’s kind of hard to feel connected to the people in my pack when they looked the other way after Miles’ death. When it didn’t affect them directly, nobody seemed to care.”
Ezra clears his throat, rubbing a hand under his chin.
I change the topic before it can get too deep. “What is your relationship like with your pack?”
“My pack is very close. I love them all, but I have to admit that having some space every once in a while would be nice.”
I can’t even imagine what that’d be like.
“Well, I?—”
I’m cut off when we hear the slap of a paddle moving quickly through the water, and a boat comes around the tree, entering our space. The girl sitting on the end is gripping on tightly, looking green. Her pretty pink dress spread around her like flower petals, and her sleek black hair looking messy from the wind.
“Slow down!” Ezra says, as the boat comes hurtling toward us, only to swerve at the last minute. The boat rotates, and Cayson comes into view, a huge, goofy grin on his face as he glances between the two of us.
“Thought you two could use a chaperone,” he says, just as his date coughs and throws up over the side of the boat.