Chapter 9 Hawthorn
NINE
HAWTHORN
Three days into Christmas week and I was drowning in sugar cookies, gingerbread, fruitcakes, specialty breads and custom orders that kept piling up. The phone rang constantly, and customers streamed through the door from opening until close. I was running on four hours of sleep and too much coffee.
Through it all, Zale was here, doing what he always did and trying to take the load off my shoulders. But his helpfulness was grating on me and I was irritated and grumbling under my breath.
It wasn’t fair because he was good at what he did and he didn’t get in my way but whenever I looked at him, his scent washed over me and I remembered having him in my bed. But we’d agreed to keep our relationship ’no-strings’ because that was what he wanted.
So I kept my distance and stayed professional. I acted as if my wolf wasn’t howling whether Zack was in the room or not. Pretending my chest wasn’t aching when I started into those blue eyes took all my strength.
It was easier to fall back into the old patterns. Working alone was what I was used to and putting up an emotional barrier protected my heart.
"Hawthorn." Zale's voice cut through my thoughts. "The cookies are burning."
I cursed and grabbed the oven mitts, yanking out the tray. Two dozen cookies were ruined and I'd have to start again.
"I've got it," I snapped. "I don't need you to watch over my shoulder."
He didn’t reply. When I glanced at him, he was clenching his teeth, and I wanted to trail my finger over his jaw and tell him to stop.
"Right. Sorry."
He turned back to the dough he was rolling. The silence was heavy and oppressive and I was having trouble breathing.
My wolf paced restlessly inside me, telling me I was being an ass. He expected me to apologize to Zale and to fix whatever had broken between us. But I didn't know how to do that without admitting I was wrong about us. And that effort was destroying me.
An hour later, Zale brought me coffee. He set it down next to me without a word and turned away.
"You don't have to do that." It was my attempt at being nice but it came out wrong in a gruff voice.
"Do what?"
"Take care of me, and worry about whether I'm eating or sleeping." I wanted to take back the words but I kept on talking. "That's not part of the job."
He straightened his spine and I caught tears glistening in his eyes before he turned away.
"Noted."
He went back to work. I stared at the coffee he'd made me. My beast was right because I was a giant ass.
But this was better, wasn't it? Pushing him away now before we got in any deeper and my wolf convinced me we could have something real.
By mid-afternoon, I was ready to snap. Mrs. Channing needed fifty dinner rolls by five and the Arnold family wanted their Christmas cake early. And on top of that, someone had called about a last-minute wedding cake for New Year's Eve and I'd been foolish enough to say yes.
I was mixing royal icing when I realized I'd forgotten to add the vanilla. I swore and dumped the whole bowl in the garbage.
"Hey." Zale appeared at my elbow. "Why don't you take a break? I can handle that."
"I don't need a break."
"Hawthorn, you've been at this for twelve hours straight."
"I said I don't need a break." I absolutely did but I wasn’t admitting it to anyone, especially Zale. "I need to get these orders done."
"Let me help."
"You can't." The words exploded out of me.
"You can't help because this is my bakery." Fury curled inside me and I fisted my hands. Deep inside, I knew I shouldn’t be shouting at him and instead I should have cradled him in my arms and said I was wrong and would he ever forgive me. The words in my head were infused with pain and anger and I couldn’t stop.
"This is my bakery, and it’s my reputation on the line if something goes wrong. "
Zale jerked away from me.
“I’ve been doing fine this whole time." His voice trembled. "You trusted me yesterday and last week. What changed?"
Everything and nothing. I didn't know anymore.
"This is exactly why I work alone." The words tasted bitter. "It’s why I stopped trying to make this work with anyone, because it’s the bakery that matters, not whatever this is between us."
Color blanched from his cheeks. "Right. Of course." There was no emotion in his voice. "We didn’t want to overcomplicate things. I remember."
He grabbed his coat from the hook.
"Where are you going?"
"Out!" His hands were shaking as he shoved his arms through the sleeves. "Since I can't help and apparently I'm just in the way, I'll get out of your space."
"Zale, no!"
His eyes were bright, either with anger or tears, I couldn't tell. "You want to work alone? Fine. You've made it very clear what your priorities are. I was an idiot to think..." He cut himself off. "It doesn't matter. You were right from the start. This was temporary and just a job. Nothing more."
He was out the back door before I could form a response. The door slammed and the sound echoed through the suddenly too-quiet bakery.
What had I just done?
I stared at the closed door. My chest hurt as I tried to get air in and out of my lungs. My wolf was snarling at me, asking how I could have pushed away the one person who'd made me feel less alone? He told me I was a coward.
We’d disagreed many times but not like this. My wolf was disgusted, saying he didn’t want to know me, which was kinda hard as he was integral part of me
"Well that was spectacularly foolish. I’d call it asshat behavior."
Mrs. Trent stood in the doorway sporting a sour expression.
"How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough to hear you being an absolute fool.” She walked behind the counter.
"That boy has been here every day at two-thirty in the morning without complaint.
He works harder than anyone I've ever seen. He looks at you like you’re the sun, the moon and the stars.
And you just told him he doesn't matter. "
"That's not what I said."
"That's exactly what he heard." Mrs. Trent shook her head. "You need to go after him, Hawthorn. Right now."
"I have orders to fulfill." A bunch of school kids pushed open the door, traipsing snow into the bakery. "And customers."
"And we have hands." She gestured toward the street where Benjamin and Marg were peering in. "We'll handle things here. You go fix what you just broke."
I looked between her and the door. My wolf was already pushing at me, demanding I follow Zale's scent.
"Go," Mrs. Trent said firmly. "Before you lose him for good."
I grabbed my coat and ran.
Outside, the cold air hit me hard. Snow was falling in thick flakes, already covering Zale's footprints. But I didn't need to see them. His scent was strong and sharp with distress and anger. I’d caused that and I had to make it right, even if he never wanted to speak to me again.
The scent pulled me forward, and I followed it toward the edge of town and the woods. But what was I going to say when I caught up to him? How could I explain that I'd pushed him away because I was terrified of how much I wanted him to stay?
The footprints in the snow led into the tree line and revealed where he had stumbled. His clothes were tossed in a heap and the prints changed. Human footprints became pawprints. He'd shifted.
My wolf surged forward, howling. Our mate was running away and in pain. We had to follow him and fix this.
I looked around. The woods were empty. Most of the townspeople were human and I didn’t want their world to collapse if I shifted in front of them. The cold bit at my skin as I stripped off but I barely felt it. My wolf was close to the surface, demanding to be let out.
I shifted and in seconds I was covered in fur and on four legs. We had to find him because I’d hurt him and he was the last person on earth that I wanted to wound.
My wolf put his nose to the ground and followed his trail deeper into the woods. Zale’s beast’s pawprints were erratic, like he was running blind and not paying attention to where he was going because he was running away from me.
The snow crunched under my wolf’s paws. Branches whipped past. And my beast launched himself over a log as Zale’s scent became fresher. We were closing in on his wolf.
A long mournful howl broke the silence and my wolf responded with a plea before bounding through the trees after Zale’s beast.