Chapter 12
TWELVE
ZALE
But my mind wasn’t on bread or croissants or danish pastry, but cookies, specifically teddy bear cookies.
I had to make a batch or twenty. And I had to slather them with frosting and give them cute round faces with button noses and sweet smiles, and maybe a hat.
And it wasn’t as though I wanted to bake them. I needed to.
Huh? They weren’t part of our regular routine but Hawthorn had made them for parties when customers requested them. But this wasn't for an order. We didn't have any children's birthday parties coming up.
Still in my PJs, I padded downstairs and flipped on the lights. I gathered flour, butter, sugar and eggs. My hands moved quickly as I formed the dough. I wasn’t following any recipe but my hands seemed to know what to do.
By the time Hawthorn came down, I had three dozen teddy bear cookies cooling on racks.
"Morning." He stopped in the doorway, taking in the scene. "What are you making?"
"Teddy bears." I was already mixing another batch. "Aren't they cute?"
"They're great." He moved closer.
Scenting him first thing in the morning framed how the day would be and since we’d mated, each twenty-four hours had been blissful. But today I was focused on teddy bears and not my mate.
"Do we have an order for these?"
"No."
“Okay, so why are you making them?"
"I just wanted to." My tone was defensive but I didn’t want my mate to think I was bulldozing him into accepting what I was doing. "Is that okay?"
He held up his hands and backed away. "Of course. You’re a partner in the business so make whatever you want."
He began his usual morning routine prepping the sourdough starter and measuring the flour for the morning's bread. I could sense his confusion and concern but I wasn’t dancing naked in the streets or quaffing bottles of whisky so whatever the reason for my compulsion, it was harmless.
Unless the cookies came alive at night and took over the town.
My wolf, like Hawthorn, couldn’t understand why I insisted on making bears. He thought wolves were more appropriate for a wolf shifter.
Okay that was my mind leaping ahead and cutting corners. Maybe I’d been reading too much romantasy, so I ignored my mate because I had more cookies to bake.
By six a.m., I had over a hundred teddy bear cookies. They covered cooling racks, baking sheets, and the bakery counter, and I’d carried some batches up to our apartment to cool. I studied their rounded tummies and stroked them while sniffing away tears. They were so adorable.
But they weren't decorated. They needed faces and sweet expressions that would make people smile.
"Zale." Hawthorn appeared at my elbow as I was mixing royal icing. "Maybe you should take a break."
"I can't. They need to be decorated."
"They can wait."
"No, they can't." My voice cracked. Why didn't he understand? These cookies were important and they had to be just right. "They need noses, eyes and smiles."
Hawthorn cupped my face with both hands, making me look at him. "Hey. It's okay. We'll decorate them together."
His touch grounded me and some of the urgency eased.
"Sorry," I whispered. "I don't know why this is so important to me."
"It's fine." He pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Let me handle the morning rush and I'll help you. Okay?"
I nodded. Hawthorn unlocked the front door and I started on the icing. I had white for the muzzles, and black for the eyes and noses. I made yellow icing and some red as well for little hats or maybe bowties. I considered a kerchief but would make that decision later.
The morning rush came and went and through it all, I decorated cookies. Each one had to be perfect with the eyes exactly the same size, the smile symmetrical and the little paws positioned properly. If one wasn't how I wanted it, I set it aside and started over.
My beast was exhausted just watching me and declared he’d need a nap when I was done.
"Those are adorable." Mrs. Trent had come in for her sourdough. She peered through the doorway to where I was working. "Are they for a party?"
"Just making them," I called back.
"Well, they're precious. You should sell them."
Maybe I should. But the thought of selling them made me teary and I grabbed a tissue and dabbed at my eyes. These weren't for sale. They were mine.
By noon, I'd decorated five dozen teddy bears. My back ached from standing so long and my hands were cramping. But I couldn't stop. There were more cookies that needed decorating.
"Zale." Hawthorn's gentle voice penetrated the need to complete my task. "Come here for a minute."
"I'm almost done with this batch."
"Now, please."
The firmness in his tone made me look up. He was standing by the doorway and his expression was serious. His furrowed brow suggested he was concerned. Maybe fearful too.
I set down the piping bag and walked over to him. He pulled me close and buried his nose in my neck. He inhaled deeply and his body went very still.
"What?" I asked.
He pulled back and looked at me. His eyes were wide and that worried me. Could he sense the onset of a cold or flu? "Your scent. It's different."
Oh, so I was about to get sick? That was cool he could predict it. "Different how?"
"Sweeter. Warmer." He scented me again, this time near my temple, then lower by my shoulder. "When's the last time you shifted?"
I tried to remember. "Christmas Eve? No, wait. The day before that. Why?"
"Have you been tired lately?"
"A little. But we worked a lot leading up to Christmas." My cheeks warmed and I imagined them dotted with pink. "And we haven’t gotten much sleep since we mated."
My mate returned my smile.
"What about your emotions? Has anything changed recently?"
"Nothing unusual." Though I had cried yesterday when a customer's kid showed me a pic he’d drawn of his family. And the day before, I’d gotten teary when I looked at a picture of puppies. "Hawthorn, what's going on? Is there something wrong with me?"
He studied the cookies spread across every surface in the bakery. I followed his gaze and noted the dozens of teddy bears with smiles and rounded tummies.
"You're nesting," he said quietly.
"I'm what?"
"Nesting." He counted off on his fingers. "There’s the compulsion to make baby-related things. Your scent has changed and you’ve been crying more frequently.” His hands moved to my hips. "Zale, I think you're pregnant."
The word hit me like a physical blow and I bent over, unable to take in what he was saying. Pregnant. I put a hand to my stomach.
"That's not possible. We only mated a few weeks ago."
"Shifters can conceive immediately after mating, much like humans can whenever they have sex." Hawthorn's eyes searched my face. "How do you feel about possibly being pregnant?"
My gaze roamed over the teddy bear cookies. I’d taken such care with each one, making sure they came out how I wanted them to. The sensation in my chest when I looked at their little faces reminded me of when Mrs. Trent suggested selling them and I’d become possessive.
"I don't know." That was my honest answer. "I didn't think about having a baby so soon after mating. We never talked about pups."
"True. Perhaps we should have." He tucked his arm in mine. "But we should probably get a test so we know for sure."
"A test. Right." My mind was spinning. I might be pregnant with Hawthorn’s pup. But if I was, the little one was our pup.
My emotions were tangled with fear and excitement mixed with worry. Hawthorn’s cheeks paled. Maybe he was worried I didn't want a baby.
"I'm not upset," I assured him. "I’m just surprised."
He kissed me and the color returned to his face. "We can go to the pharmacy now or I can."
"No." He frowned, probably because he’d misunderstood my one-word reply. I wasn’t insisting we not find out but I hadn’t made it clear. "What I’m trying to say is that’s not necessary."
"You want to wait?"
I tugged at his apron and drew him close. Putting my lips to his ear, I whispered, "That’s not needed. I have an in-built pregnancy detector."
My mate chortled. "Maybe I’m the one with early pregnancy amnesia. Of course, your wolf."
My beast was clamoring for quiet so he could concentrate and discover whether I was carrying a little one.
My mate hugged me. We stood in the middle of the bakery, surrounded by teddy bear cookies and holding each other. My wolf breathed in my scent. He also asked if there was anyone else with him but I told him any baby was too small to reply.
The seconds ticked by and turned to minutes. I’d never considered getting pregnant until Hawthorn brought up the subject and now if my beast said I wasn’t, I was going to be disappointed.
You are!
I squeed and jumped up and down and Hawthorn held my hands and we danced around the bakery.
A pup. We were going to have a pup.
"You’re happy?"
"Oh yeah."
Hawthorn's relief was obvious as the tension left his shoulders. "Yeah?"
"Yeah." I pulled back to look at him. "Are you?"
"Terrified," he admitted. "But also really, really happy."