Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
The hearth crackled, the logs settling as the fire burned low. It was nearly time to move toward the solar, and Darragh was anxious to see Amelia once more. He needed to gauge how she’d responded to Flora.
I need to see to it that she hasnae decided to run off.
“Seems living at Castle McGowan has done Flora a world of good,” he said, shifting in his seat. He put his glass on the side table between them, the dregs of his liquor now too warm to be enjoyable. “Marriage as well. She’s glowin’.”
“Ach, she’s much happier now,” Lucas confirmed. A silent contentment seemed to settle over him. “Spends most of her days helpin’ me with the ledgers. Unless me niece is demandin’ her attention. She writes to the other women we rescued. Has friends now. A life now.”
I’d like to see Amelia at peace like that. I imagine the lass would enjoy spendin’ her days scribblin’ away to friends in that window seat she’s so fond of.
“Ye ken,” Darragh said, clearing his throat of the emotion gathering there, “if it werenae for ye, I wouldnae have found Amelia. I’ve been meanin’ to thank ye.”
The guilt had been sitting heavily on him since he saw the girl chained to the wall. Ultimately, it had been Lucas who pushed him into checking the area one last time. Now that Laird McGowan was here, it needed to be acknowledged out loud.
I hate admittin’ I’m wrong, but what kind of man would I be if I cannae admit me ally kent better than I.
“There’s nay need for yer thanks,” Lucas said after a pause that seemed to stretch for far too long. He met Darragh’s eyes, unnervingly open. He didn’t need to say that he understood the things that were unsaid. “We’re both fightin’ the same fight.”
Darragh grunted. It was the only response he could give. Words would never be adequate to express the complex mix of gratitude and anger that bound them.
The quiet stretched between them once more. It was heavier this time, almost suffocating the same way a hot summer’s day was. All the things neither of them was voicing sat in the space.
“Ye seem tired, Laird Fraser,” Lucas said finally, leaning forward in his seat. He pressed his palms together, his elbows resting on his knees. “Are ye sure ye have the energy to go to the solar?”
“Ach, I’m fine,” Darragh said, looking at the two glasses on the table next to them. He could feel the way Lucas was watching him from the corner of his eye. “Are ye sure ye’re nae tired?”
I cannae tell if we’ve had too many drinks or nae enough.
Lucas said nothing for a while, examining Darragh openly now. He was annoyingly perceptive, and he proved it when he finally, quietly, asserted, “Ye havenae been sleepin’.”
“I’ve been a wee bit busy, Laird McGowan.
” Darragh faced him fully, his shoulders squared, and his eyes narrowed.
Lucas’s expression was unreadable, though there was a knowing glint beneath it all.
“Ye ken I’ve got matters that are still unfinished on top of me regular duties.
There arenae enough daylight hours to get everythin’ taken care of. ”
Ye really think that ye ken what I’m dealin’ with here?
The tension descended upon them again, more charged this time.
Darragh wouldn’t be offering any more information, even if the suffocating pressure snapped.
He’d shared everything related to their mission.
Lucas didn’t need to know that sleep had evaded him since Amelia arrived at the keep.
He didn’t need to dig into Darragh’s mind.
“This isnae only about unfinished business,” Lucas said, his gaze unwavering. He held himself casually, but it was the same way a predator would sit as it goaded its prey closer.
He’s sayin’ things to get a rise out of me. He doesnae truly ken a thing.
Frowning as he crossed his arms over his chest, Darragh said, “Amelia’s identity could destabilize alliances if it’s mishandled.”
Even though he spoke with conviction, the reasoning felt flimsy.
When it came to protecting the people under his care, his concerns for the political structure were secondary.
It was something to be sorted out after he assured his charges were safe.
Regardless, any alliances or trade routes that fell apart because he was protecting his people weren’t meant to stand.
“Ach, I ken ye better than that. I’ve never kent ye to care about destabilizin’ alliances if someone was bein’ hurt,” Lucas scoffed with a shake of his head. Then, his voice grew quieter, taking on a more thoughtful inflection. “Perhaps… ye’re afraid of losin’ her.”
Darragh straightened in his seat, his hands balling into fists on the arms of his chair. Across from him, Lucas remained completely still. His posture was still casual, but he was no longer hiding the sharp edge of his consideration.
There was no way that Lucas had observed enough to understand the storm that was swirling in Darragh’s mind. He couldn’t know that when Darragh looked at Amelia, he saw both the feral, trembling girl he found in the tower and the warm, pliant woman he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing—
This has gone on long enough.
“We should head to the solar,” he said, his voice clipped and final. Lucas had pried enough. “Surely the girls are nearly back to the castle.”
He stood up then, walking over to the door without giving Lucas any more of his attention. When his hand landed on the latch, he stopped. Lucas stood, seeming to accept that the conversation was over, his chair creaking as he removed his weight.
“Our situations are nae the same, Laird McGowan,” Darragh said, making it clear that this was not to be discussed again, at the very least not this evening. Not when they were on their way to meet the women. “I appreciate yer insight, but that doesnae change what I must do.”
* * *
“Amelia,” Flora said, stopping her with a hand on her elbow. Her touch was light, undemanding, but it was like a breeze in the air, unable to be ignored for longer than a moment. “Before we go inside, there is one more thing that I’d like to speak with ye about.”
Amelia’s feet stopped moving, and the forest with all of its nocturnal sounds to their backs seemed to grow a little louder.
The walk had been unexpectedly refreshing, healing more of her than her weeks of rest had.
Flora’s tone was a shift away from that peace, almost enough to raise her walls once more, but the kinship Amelia felt with the other woman settled her.
“What is it?” Amelia asked carefully, glancing down at where she was being held. She didn’t pull away.
She’s nae doin’ it to make me uncomfortable.
“I just think ye should ken,” Flora said as she let her hand drop to her side, the comforting warmth lingering through Amelia’s gown.
Amelia found that she missed it the second it was gone.
“Darragh’s been lookin’ for yer family. When he sent for Lucas and me, he was out searchin’.
I daenae ken what he’s found, but I assume he hasnae told ye what he’s been doin’.
He seems quite determined nae to bother ye with it. ”
When she processed what Flora had said, Amelia found she wasn’t surprised. She hadn’t given much thought to Darragh’s absences; she was aware of how many responsibilities came with the title of laird. She was now one of those responsibilities.
It’s nae wonder he doesnae ask me opinion. He simply sees me as an item on his task list.
“Nay,” Amelia said, a shiver running through her entire body. It wasn’t a particularly chilly evening. “He dinnae tell me that he was out searchin’. He dinnae tell me anythin’.”
Fear gripped her, an icy hand that squeezed her stomach and lungs. The fingers dug in deep, and no amount of squirming would lessen their pressure. So, she leaned into it, deciding to try something different.
She felt sick, but the world wasn’t closing in on her as it had before. Instead of being choked, starved of air, she was able to force breaths in. The pinpricks of terror receded further each time she pressed upon them. When she exhaled, her breaths were steady when they came out.
“I think he dinnae tell ye to keep ye from bein’ upset and workin’ yerself up about it,” Flora mused, her voice still soft and gentle.
There was no hint of pity, nor was she downplaying the severity of Amelia’s reaction.
“I’ve found that men are a wee bit foolish. He’s nae doin’ anything out of malice.”
I cannae keep gettin’ so upset. There’s nae reason to waste me energy. He’s nae tried to give me away. He’s told me he willnae. Why am I fightin’ this so hard?
Amelia tried to internalize Flora’s words. The other girl had no reason to lie. She believed that he meant well. Surely, that had to count for something.
“When Darragh told me that he wanted to invite the two of ye…” Amelia started after she got ahold of herself, unable to meet Flora’s gaze as she forced her pulse to remain steady.
She focused on the orchard leaves rustling in the gentle breeze, the coolness of the evening.
“… I dinnae want ye to come. I was sure that he was goin’ to use ye to get me family name and then send me away. ”
“He’s nae sendin’ ye away,” Flora murmured, taking a few steps forward to begin their trip back to the castle, going slowly to make sure she was being followed.
“He did ask if I could reach ye, but that’s nae the entire reason he wanted me to meet ye.
He wants ye to have people ye can speak with, even if they arenae him. ”
Seems he’s finally realized he’s nae me preferred conversation partner.
Amelia hummed, unsure of what to make of that.
It was too big a revelation to have just now.
Instead of trying to puzzle it out, she just felt.
The sensation was warm in her chest, melting some of the iciness that came with the initial suspicion.
Toeing a rock out of her way, she finally looked at Flora.