Chapter 28
28
BENNY
S he says she wants this more than anything. I can see she’s torn up about keeping Liam from me, that she can feel how much time we’ve lost and what it has cost me. What it has cost her. What it cost our son, not having his father in his life. I want to get to know him—the urgency I feel is foreign to me. I didn’t know he existed. Now that I know, I want to rush to him, watch him play, listen to him talk, learn everything I can about him. But I won’t push him or force a relationship. To him, I’m a stranger. It guts me, but I’ll wait.
My dad said it was action that makes you a man. From what I’ve learned on my own, it’s patience, and that there is a strength and integrity in waiting, keeping faith. I’ve kept faith with Daisy all these years. Not that I’ve been a monk or anything, but I’ve never loved anyone else, never even considered it.
I love Daisy. Forever and always. If she was afraid all these years, then it’s my job to make sure she knows she can trust me. That I’ll move heaven and hell to keep her and Liam safe and by my side. To help her bring this baby into the world without the stress she experienced doing it alone last time. I might as well call it my mission. To show Daisy that together is better and create a life where Liam thrives, happy and safe.
“Daze,” I say to her. “I have somebody I want to introduce you to this week if you’ll go.”
“Sure, who is it?”
“I went to a counselor for a while after you left. She taught me a lot about why I did some of the things I did. She can help you see when your thoughts aren’t true. That was a big thing for me.”
“You want me to go to a shrink?” she says.
“Yeah, I do. I’m going to talk to her about what happened with my dad and about—all of this. I don’t want to get back in a bad pattern and screw this up. It’s too important. We have to do this right.”
“You would go to counseling with me? For real? Benny Falconari, the toughest thug on the block?”
“Absolutely.”
She throws her arms around me. “I want to do that. I know I need to see somebody. I have a lot of regrets and I’m so sorry—I want to do better. Be a family.”
I hold her and it feels so right, like everything shifts back into place the way it should be. We’ve talked so long it’s getting light, the dark sky fading to gray and purple.
“I’d better get you home,” I say. “We don’t want Liam waking up and wondering where you are.”
“Yes. Take me home. But—I want our home to be together soon. I don’t want to rush Liam, and I’m going to ask his pediatrician if there’s a child psychologist that can help us transition. I know —” her voice breaks, “I know that my anxiety affects him and I don’t want that for him. I want him to be really confident and not afraid of everything.”
I hold her close, kiss her hair. “We’re going to take good care of him, make sure everybody has the help they need.”
“Thank you,” she says, looking up at me with tears in her eyes. “Thank you for making all of this okay. You’re the one who sees me, and you think I can get better. That we can have a life together as a family.”
“I know we can. We will .” I tell her with my whole heart.
I drive her home, one arm around her just like I used to when we were kids. The swell of happiness pushes against my rib cage, fills me. On the way through the dim streets as dawn breaks, it feels dangerously like heaven.
I park outside her mom’s house. We walk up onto the porch hand in hand. I bend to kiss her but she shakes her head.
“Come inside with me. Let’s have breakfast,” she says.
She bites her lip, and I can feel her trembling. She’s so nervous, but she’s not telling me to wait till the time is right and she’s prepared her mom and Liam or until she feels ready. She’s being so brave it breaks my heart a little.
I nod and follow her inside. The house is quiet when we go into the kitchen. I wash my hands, get out eggs and milk. Daisy moves around silently, heats a skillet, measures flour. I mix pancake batter while she washes berries at the sink. It reminds me of the night she came to make dinner with me at my house, how perfect it felt seeing her there, doing normal, everyday things together.
The tester pancake falls apart and I steal a bite of it while she tries again. We laugh softly, just happy to be together. I hear the floor creak behind us and turn.
There he is. Dark hair rumpled and sticking up on one side, his face flushed from sleep. I catch my breath. Daisy goes to him and I watch them together, my heart pounding. I’m the nervous one now.
“Morning, kiddo,” she says, “you up for pancakes?”
“Yeah. Why is he here, Mommy?”
“You remember Benny. He talked to you on the phone. He’s the one that made the bad man bring you home,” she says. He watches her with wide, serious eyes and nods in agreement.
“He was nice to me. He said he’s your friend.”
“He’s definitely my friend. In fact, you should know him. Liam, this is Benny Falconari. When I was a kid growing up here in this house, we were friends.”
“Ok. What happened to that man that took me? Did he go to jail?” Liam asks her.
“Yes. A big jail,” she says without hesitating.
“And he never gets out?”
“Never,” she says decisively. “Benny made sure he won’t ever hurt anyone again. I know it was super scary. Mommy was really scared too. That’s why Gram called Benny to help us. And he did. You’re gonna like him. He’s having breakfast with us.”
“Can I wake Gram?”
“Let’s give her a few more minutes to sleep,” she says. “Go to the bathroom and wash up. I’ll finish breakfast.”
Liam walks over to me and looks up, appraising me from head to toe.
“Hi,” he says a little shyly, then squares his shoulders. “Thank you for saving me and making the bad guy go to jail.”
“You’re welcome,” I say, not sure how to go on.
Liam turns and darts off to the bathroom, leaving me staring after him. Daisy clears her throat. When our eyes meet, her face is full of emotion. She presses a hand to her chest. I nod.
“He’s awesome,” I say.
“Thanks. I know.”
“What if we take the day off today?” I say.
“I wasn’t going to send him to school today after what happened yesterday. I want to make sure he’s okay and I’m not ready to be away from him yet. I already let my boss know last night.”
“Good. After we eat, I’ve got to make some calls. But I was thinking, Luna Park opens at eleven this time of year.”
“We take him to Coney Island?” she says, her eyes lighting up. I nod.
“I think he’ll love the Magic Bikes. Want me to bring that camera?”
“You kept it?”
“I knew you’d need it.”
“Yes, please. Bring the camera. I can’t believe this, Benny. Yesterday was the worst day of my life. Someone took my son. I didn’t know if I would ever see him again. And now, today, I have everything I ever wanted and we’re taking Liam to Coney Island.”
“Yeah, believe it or not, sometimes things turn out right, Daze. Stick with me.”
“I plan to,” she says and flips a pancake.
As for me, there’s nothing I want more than this day with my family. The first day of our life together.