Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Over the next few weeks, Grace and Trahern settled into a routine.
Whenever Trahern was home, he helped out with the twins, ensured she had enough to eat or took a nap to rest, and was always courteous to her.
And yet, whenever Grace tried to ask silly questions or convince Trahern to watch a movie with her, he always found a way to be nice enough but decline.
He explained that he needed to follow as much of his normal routine as possible or his mind wouldn’t settle, and then he wouldn’t be able to focus on his work.
Since she’d read a few of the articles Dr. Scarlett Turner had sent her about others like Trahern, she knew he wasn’t making it up—he truly needed structure. While Trahern could adapt more easily than some, he couldn’t just rearrange his life because he’d mated Grace in name only.
So she’d done her best to let Trahern keep as much of his former life as possible, even if she yearned to have more days like the one with the ice cream and the walk home.
The only good thing was that Dawn’s friend had mostly healed—physically—and was still secretly staying on Stonefire.
Marianna didn’t say a lot, but she’d allowed Dawn to share more with Grace about her ex and her children and how loads of dragon Protectors, from various clans, were still trying to track them down.
Marianna’s circumstances had also made Grace realize she had a lot of things to be thankful for, even when factoring in her ex and the prison.
Despite all his faults, she couldn’t imagine Trahern ever hurting her deliberately.
Although she still had nightmares every once in a while, she’d been able to hide them from Trahern. Once, when she’d woken up screaming, she’d lied to him, and it still made her uneasy, given her promise to be honest.
However, she didn’t want to burden him with her past. Instead, she’d merely said she’d remembered the pain of childbirth, when she’d nearly died.
And the bloody nice dragonman had ensured Dawn came over with biscuits before leaving for work.
Between her growing friendships with the humans on Stonefire, plus her boys being healthy and showing more of their personalities every day, she should be happy. Or at least content.
And yet, as she watched Trahern make her breakfast like he always did, loneliness washed over her. She had no right to ask more of him, and yet she missed how he used to talk with her every morning about the clan or his work or, on rare occasions, about his past.
That had stopped abruptly the day after the ice cream incident.
Every day she wanted to scream, “Why?”
And yet, she’d held back, always smiling at him before he left for work.
This morning, however, she was tired after a rough night with the boys—they’d fussed and she’d barely slept at all—and her restraint faded. Once he set the plate of eggs and toast in front of her, she reached out and took his hand.
Trahern froze, staring down at where her fingers wrapped around his. Before he could bolt, she whispered, “Why did you pull away and stop talking with me in the mornings?”
He frowned, but avoided her gaze.
She persisted, though, too exhausted to worry about making him uncomfortable. “Did I do something to upset you? Or did I say something wrong? I’ve tried to figure it out, but I can’t think of anything. Especially since you said you weren’t upset about the ice cream surprise, all those weeks ago.”
For a few beats, he remained silent. Despite how silly and ridiculous it was, her eyes heated with tears.
No doubt, he was trying to think of a way to be polite and not hurt her feelings.
Releasing him, she murmured, “Don’t worry about it. You’ll be late for work. You should go.”
“Grace.”
At the tortured sound of his voice, she glanced up and noticed his flashing dragon eyes. The pupils changed between round and slitted, faster than she’d ever seen before.
What was his dragon saying?
She must’ve spoken out loud because Trahern closed his eyes and put his head in his hands. “I can’t.”
“Can’t what, Trahern?”
His fingers threaded through his hair, and he remained silent. Grace was torn between reaching out to comfort him and crying out in frustration.
With a groan, he said, “You.”
Grace stiffened. “What about me?”
He shook his head. “I can’t. Not fair.”
And then it all made sense—he felt trapped, but didn’t want to hurt her by telling her so.
It shouldn’t sting, and yet her throat tightened.
Not wanting to break down and make Trahern uncomfortable, she stood and turned to flee. However, before she could, Trahern’s hand gripped her wrist gently. “Grace.”
“Let me go, Trahern. Please.”
“No. Not until you understand.”
She swallowed. “I understand. I’ll talk to Bram and see what can be done.”
Confusion tinged his voice. “About what?”
“About freeing you from the burdens you don’t want.”
With a growl, he tugged and turned her to face him.
At the flashing eyes, filled with something dangerous, her voice died in her throat.
He quickly stated, “What I want is not good for you, Grace.”
Frowning, she blurted, “What are you talking about?”
He stepped closer, to the point she could feel the heat of his body. His grip gentled before he strummed his thumb against her inner wrist. Back and forth, slowly, making her skin heat and her heart pound.
And she waited, hoping for the impossible but trying her best to tamp down her expectations.
Trahern had tried to enforce distance and walls, he really had.
No matter how much harder it’d become to leave her each day, he’d tried to protect Grace. From him. From his possible obsession.
From his dragon’s yearnings and cravings.
It had seemed the only rational option, to spend as little time as possible with her. And yet, this morning, when she’d thought he didn’t want her as his mate, something had snapped.
And now his dragon growled and paced as he said, Don’t you bloody dare let her leave us. She’s ours. Stop fighting it. Stop fighting me.
Over the past weeks, he’d managed to convince his beast to drop the matter. To let him focus on work and research and anything but Grace and the boys.
It’d grown a little harder each day, but Trahern had remained in control.
Now, however, he sensed his dragon’s uneasiness, as if he might snap and go rogue.
He said to his beast, Don’t do this.
She is our mate. Whilst I can wait to claim her completely, I need her. She must remain ours. Don’t push her away again.
What can I do? I’m not like other people. If I allow her too close and she decides to leave, I will not survive it.
His dragon’s voice gentled a little, but was still gruff as he said, If you don’t let her in and push her away, I won’t survive it.
Trahern’s dragon had never been dramatic or said things he didn’t mean, which made the words all the more serious.
Despite their fractious relationship over the years, Trahern had taken secret comfort in the second presence inside his head. Even if they hadn’t spoken much since the incident years ago, it’d helped him feel a little less alone.
He couldn’t fail his beast.
And yet, he didn’t want to hurt Grace, either.
His dragon spoke up again. You won’t. I’ve noticed how she looks at us with longing, and even rare glimpses of desire. She is already our mate by law. Why won’t you try to woo her in truth?
Trahern’s brain focused on the desire part of his dragon’s words.
Normally, the thought of his skin touching another’s, being dirtied by sweat and other bodily fluids, made him shudder and want to take a shower.
However, as Grace stared up at him with her dark brown eyes, her pulse beating under his thumb on her inner wrist, all he could think about was getting closer to her. Feeling more of her skin. Breathing in her scent. His eyes dropped to her mouth, wondering what she tasted like.
Alarm bells sounded in his head, but Grace’s voice snapped him back to the present. “Trahern? Are you all right?”
His gaze met hers again. Her eyes were beautiful, framed by dark lashes and full of concern—one of the emotions he’d learned about her—for him.
A rush of wanting coursed through Trahern, and his voice sounded husky to his own ears as he said, “Do you want the truth, even if it makes you uncomfortable?”
Frowning, she nodded. “The truth, always. Brutally honest is what you mentioned, right?”
Unable to resist, he raised his free hand and traced her cheek. Grace’s lips parted a fraction, and she sucked in a breath. Her pupils dilated, most likely from desire and lust. He didn’t think she was afraid of him.
“I stayed away to protect you, Grace. Because if I let myself spend time with you, talk with you, get to know you, then I would want to talk with you every day. To make you part of my routine. One that I would struggle to break or recover from.”
She searched his gaze. “I don’t understand.”
He continued tracing her cheek, her jaw, and even her lips. “You are beautiful, Grace.” He traced her bottom lip and then the top one. “I’ve never been drawn to another female before. To want and even touch her. And then you showed up, confusing me.”
“Confused you how?”
He studied her lips instead of her eyes, needing a second to gather his courage.
His dragon spoke up. Just tell her.
Returning his eyes to hers, he replied, “I want to be your mate in truth, Grace. But doing that means you may not like how much I will focus on you, how much and often I’ll want you.”
Her gaze softened, and she gingerly placed a hand on his chest. Her touch sent a rush of warmth through him, easing both man and beast a little.
He was still terrified that she’d reject him. However, he did his best to be patient and wait for her answer.